Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the TrollThe moment the animated display featuring the Unsolved Mysteries logo was aired, the change is swift and the Troll finishes turning the cheap video equipment on with a closeup shot of his upper body and neck before he sits back comfortably in his chair, curiously enough with the flag of Ireland prominently featured in the background.
The Troll: Yo yo yo! It’s your boy, the Troll!
Both thumbs point at his shoulders as he continues.
The Troll: THE social justice warrior here in Sin City Wrestling! And much more importantly as the world saw last week?
He proudly sits back and pinches at his shirt, prominently displaying the Saviors logo right front and center.
The Troll: Yes sirree! The Troll - the newest Savior! The world saw the invitation just this past week and what else could a humble lad such as myself do but accept? The Saviors are the mst dominant force in SCW but they needed fresh blood! They needed a new face that could do things for them. Bring them ratings and the attention of the world once again! They CERTAINLY aren’t going to get that from … you-know-who… so Mac Bane knew where to go! And that is why I am so excited this week to be competing in Ireland! I’m so excited that I don’t even care about the fact that I am on this sham of a tour! I mean… Unsolved Mysteries!?
He makes a face.
The Troll: There isn’t a single so-called **air quotes** Unsolved Mystery featured on this tour that yours truly can’t explain! Ogopogo? So they showed video footage of something in that lake? Newsflash people! It’s a
BEAVER SHOT!!!He glances down at the comments coming on his page and he frowns and looks back into the camera.
The Troll: I know what I said! And this week? Ireland and some missing lighthouse keepers? Um, hello! Lighthouse keepers haven’t had keepers since lighthouses became automatic and ships use sonar! Did anyone stop to think they just went home? Or more likely, just left the country entirely because…
He makes a face and scoffs.
The Troll: Who wants to live in Ireland for god’s sake???
He again checks out the comments and rolls his eyes.
The Troll: Um, hello! I’M the wrestler people, not you! I think I would know where I’m supposed to be! And of course, the biggest Unsolved Mystery has to be the poor unfortunate soul that I’m up against this week! My first victim as a Savior. You know the guy - Austin James Mercer. A living example that people just hate it when you’re…
He holds up his fingers as he counts off.
The Troll: One, when you’re right. And two, when you’re doing nothing else but trying to help them. And that’ all I - the Troll - Social Justice Warrior - was doing! Trying to help Austn come to terms with his fees of jealousy and inadequacy! Anyone with any common sense can see what is going on! They can see EXACTLY why Austin keeps going after Miles Kasey by going through Carter! Or at least, they can now that I actually pointed it out! And all Austin says in response is the usual threats. Oh, sorry. Let me correct that. The usual EMPTY threats! Because the world knows that Austin James Mercer is all bark and no bite, and I am going to savor my first win as a member of the Saviors with Kat Jones in my corner! I also want to personally thank Mac Bane for flying my loving and beautiful mother into Ireland so she can see first hand her baby boy…
A phone goes off and the Troll huffs before holding a finger up for the camera and he picks up the flip phone and answers.
The Troll: Hello? … Ma!? Where are you? …. The hotel? You can’t be! … Because I’M at the hotel right now! … No, I’ve been waiting for the limo to bring you from the airport to the hotel. …. Me? I’m filming my promo for my peeps. … Yeah, yeah. I know you’re proud of your baby boy. I’m going to make you proud! Imagine me beating Mercer here in Ireland! … NO, Ma! Ireland. I-R-EL-A-N-D! … Ma, I know where I’m supposed to be. WHY would I be in Scotland of all places?
He makes a face toward the camera with a gesture at the phone in his hand.
The Troll: Okay Ma, I’ll humor you. Give me a second.
He leans over toward his laptop and he starts tapping rapidly at the keys to draw up the SCW website and the tour itinerary. He starts to scroll down the page until he reaches… his skin pales. His eyes pop open WIDE. His jaw drops. He snatches the phone, fumbling with it and drops it a few times before shouting into it…
The Troll: I GOTTA GO MA!
He snaps it shut and scoops all of his equipment up, pulling at the video camera and laptop, turnin g the shot upside down and around like a rollercoaster and he RUNS, tripping and falling in a heap as the camera goes static!
