My mother knew that ever since Into the Void, I was feeling glum. She knew that this was especially so since the calendar turned to June. But as we were taking a stroll through some of the vortexes that Sedona was very famous for, she knew something was very wrong especially since the vortexes usually helped me pull through the dumps but that doesn’t always work.

It’s especially worrying for her since the last time that didn’t work, was of course, 2020, with the infamous summer of hell where I went on a complete downward spiral. What she didn’t know, however, is that the gloominess that I was going through wasn’t even because of the outcome of that world title match.

“It’s okay to talk about the loss if you want to…” my mother said with a sigh. “You know how I feel about that place and I don’t ever want to think you can never talk about it with me.”

I paused and turned toward my mother, not sure what to say at the moment.

“I know that match didn’t go the way you wanted it to and I know you’re tired of the hard luck when it comes to the world title over there…”

“Mother, I’m not even upset or even down in the dumps about the outcome….” I admitted.

“Why are you so glum, then?”

“It was some certain words… the way I was treated. I think it’s so clinically psychotic that someone can interpret words the way Kayla interpreted mine. I think it’s so fucking trippy that something so little as not saying a certain thing on social media at a certain time gets you compared to Crystal and gets you buried in a bunch of lies. I know Roddy and I talked about how things are supposed to be different this time but it really just feels like dealing with you know who all over again.”

My mother didn’t know how to respond when I finally admitted that things weren’t exactly okay.

“It’s just… I don’t get it. I don’t understand it. I do what I have to do. I am just… you know… me out there. I don’t try to force anything. I don’t even try to make people like me. Yet, I’ve taken notice since I went back there about how all these people are like ‘she’s exactly the same’ and saying that I’m ‘arrogant’, and I’m this lie and that lie and…”

I gave a bit of a defeatist sigh at this point. Even in my first run in SCW before my father had passed away and I had gone off the rails, I was dealing with this same crap. Even then, I wasn’t TRYING to be disliked. I wasn’t necessarily going out and seeking the approval of other people then either, but it’s basically gotten to the point where I was basically fed up all over again with the slander and the garbage the other Bombshells threw my way.

“...I don’t need to tell you how toxic that culture is in the locker room.”

“Andrea…” my mother says as she approaches me. “In a weird way, and by no means am I EVER going to condone your behavior all those years ago or the person you allowed that company to turn you into, you were actually kind of justified in turning that leaf.”

“...I was?!?!?!” I asked, clearly feeling a bit tripped up because my mother of all people was saying this. “I treated people horribly. You realized the monster that I turned into, right?”

“You did nothing to deserve the mistreatment that you got at the beginning. We’re talking about the same place where tweeting that your first loss was a ‘delay of the inevitable’ was spun into ‘she’s arrogant and she needs to be humbled’ when that was clearly not what you meant to do. Now you take one promo where you didn’t even say anything BAD about Kayla and it turns into ‘you’re another Crystal Hilton’. Tell me, Andrea. How does something so insignificant get blown up out of proportion? How does not tweeting a certain thing at a certain time to someone else’s liking turn into ‘you’re disrespecting me’? You know, it’s crazy. You’re not a social media person at all anymore and this type of crap is exactly why…”

“But the moment I tweet anything anyone can take out of context, I’m getting it right down the fucking throat in an opposing promo…”

I let out a sigh coming to the realization that I was about to reveal to my mother.

“That locker room is never going to accept me, mother.”

My mother actually smiled at this, much to my surprise.

“I’ve been waiting 5 years for you to say that and again, your feelings are purposely justified and the way you turned that leaf then? Justified. You went WAY too far, as you know. You can only help yourself and focus on yourself, Andrea. At the end of the day, they’re just empty words by shallow people. You shouldn’t pay them any mind at all. I can tell you’re far happier and much more into your other place…”

“You know, the five year anniversary of my dad dying looming in the clouds doesn’t help either…”

“Maybe this is a time to honor him by remembering something that might help you here…”

My mother gave me a reassuring embrace at this point.

“He’s the only one that can really pull you out of a situation like this since he knew the wrestling business far more than I ever could. You talk about your other company and you’re passionate and into it. Whenever you talk about SCW, you come off like you’re burdened.”

“Well, my other place… it has cancers like everywhere else does, but not like this…”

“I’ll leave you alone for a minute. I think you need to figure this out on your own. All I can tell you is, don’t let any of it get you down: your father’s unfortunate anniversary, the locker room you have to deal with, none of that crap. I’ll be back in a bit.

My mother assured me once more that things were going to be okay. But as I sat down on the large, flat rocky area that we were chatting in, that gloominess was really getting to me. The combination of my father’s passing anniversary as well as the unfortunate realization that the other Bombshells were never going to accept me had me going through a bender. All I could do was take my mother’s advice and sifted through many of the lessons that he taught me when he was bringing me up in this business. I could remember the first time we ever had a serious conversations about peer interaction in the business…

2019, months prior to signing with SCW.

For all the disdain that I have personally held toward the SCW Bombshells locker room for basically most of my career there, the truth of the matter is that Sin City Wrestling has never had the absolute worst locker room environment for me. That would be the company that I had wrestled at BEFORE I was even there. For a while, that perspective helped me pull through some struggles, but at the same time, that wasn’t necessarily working anymore.

I remember sitting on the couch with my father as we were just having a conversation. He then brought up my career out of nowhere as he was prone to doing when he felt like he needed to spice up the conversation and the fact that I was in the dumps like I was in the current day drew his attention.

“So what’s the name of that place again? The one that you hate being in?”

“That’s not even important anymore, Dad. They just closed shop.”

“Oh did they?” he asked and I nodded. “Thank god.”

My eyes widened with surprise considering my father was against changing promotions. I could still remember when he got on my case for leaving one back in 2016.

“What do you mean ‘thank god’? You’ve never wanted me to change promotions.”

“This one that you were in was fucking garbage, Andrea. It’s a bunch of ass clown nutjobs stock in the 90’s who rely on poking fun at ‘woke’ than actually putting in a good product. They’re very chauvinistic and you have a bunch of jackasses that don’t evolve with the times. I don’t know how the hell you even had success there.”

“Grown ass men reducing me to a damn sex object…” I said with an angry sigh. “...grown men stuck in 20 years prior trying to dictate what that company should be and always getting in my way saying I don’t deserve this or that I am incapable of that. When I had my one and only world title shot and lost, that was basically a spirit breaker for me because it felt like all of those old blowhards were right all along.”

“I don’t know how you could find a worse locker room than that. But, there’s something that I need to drill in your head right now…”

My father grabbed my hand and when I turned to look at him, I could tell that he was very much serious. The look in his eyes definitely had that aura that he wasn’t fucking around at all.

“There are two things that you can be in this business, Andrea: a victim or a champion…”

My eyes widened some as I wasn’t expecting him to say that nor did I even understand what he was getting at.

“Take this promotion you were in that just closed with all their He Man Women Hater bullshit, okay? You’re in a hell of a situation here. Someone of your youth and caliber who still has the whole world ahead of her should have no issues finding a place to work at all. You can be the champion and find that other place and you can succeed a hell of a lot more than they were ever going to allow you to succeed in that place that just closed. You can win your first world title and then go right back to those people and shove it up their ass and show them what they fucking missed out on… or… you know… just let them be right about you and prove that you don’t have what it takes. There’s no in between here, Andrea.”

“...so….um… what is the victim path exactly?”

“Giving up and not going anywhere else and letting their stupid sexist nonsense define the rest of your career, that’s what. That’s why I didn’t want you to quit your first company when you did because you were letting those idiots define you. You can go down the dark path, say ‘fuck the world’ and sell out every moral fiber of who you are so that you don’t get pushed around anymore… but that’s still letting those bastards define you. You’d still be their victim. You admitted yourself that when you had your one world title match in the place and didn’t win, you basically gave up.”

I sighed, knowing all too well how true that was.

“You decided to be the victim and decide that you were done dealing with that place and by the grace of god, that place didn’t last much longer after that. It’s a tough business, Andrea. I warned you about that for years and I never wanted you to go through this type of thing. Really, the choice is yours. You can fight through this and you cn just be happy with yourself and be the best that you are capable of being as you move forward or you can just lie down, give up, let the haters win and let them be right about you. This isn’t worth being in the dumps about for so long, got it?”

“Yeah, I do…”

“So what’s it going to be? Are you going to fight through this and move forward or are you going to just let everyone else be right about you even though you know in your heart that they are wrong?”

I knew what the answer was, especially since the choice that I made to be the ‘champion’ and not the ‘victim’ in this particular instance led me to signing with Sin City Wrestling back in 2019 to begin with.

I snapped back into the present moment as I looked out into some of the wilderness that was right in front of me. I could almost hear my father repeating the same questions all over again.

“I never thought I would be in the same cross roads I was five years ago…” I reflected. “I have three choices: I give up, go home and just let Kayla and everyone else that has ever said a negative word about me to be right…

Easy call, right?

I say ‘screw everyone’ and cave in, give them exactly who they think I am even though it’s not REALLY me and just sell my values down the river… AGAIN…

And then what? Prove I really am no better than Crystal Hilton?

Or I can take the road I should’ve taken five years ago: Move forward, stay true to who I am, don’t give in to the bitches, the critics, the bullies, the slanderers with nothing better to do. I find a way through this metaphorical forest and I overcome this and eventually get to the place I want to be in this company. I can be the victim and do the first two things I mentioned… or I can be the champion in this case and just soldier along… everyone else be damned.

I’m not going to go on a ‘fuck everyone’ rampage and do the same thing that I did five years ago when I was in this same situation after that cruise ship…

But the truth is, I’ll never be accepted in that Bombshells locker room and I am always going to be a target of derision, slander, lies, and so forth just because… well I don’t know WHY exactly this has always happened to me in SCW.

It’s like Myra always says: the only one that really knows the truth about you… IS you…”

The tears that just strolled down my face, a physical manifestation of just how pained and tired I was of how I generally get slandered and mistreated by any given opponent in SCW, got wiped away quickly.

“I know it’s hard to accept that truth…” my mother said behind me, having overheard my entire reflection. “...but you’re better off just focusing on being who you know you are, who you know you can be and never worrying about making anyone else that isn’t you happy. Alright? They can interpret things about you, twist things about you, exaggerate things about you and so on, but that’s THEM… not you, alright? You can push back and push through this and keep this darkness from invading your heart and soul again. I believe in you and you may be the only daughter I ever had, but you’re the best one I could ever want. Don’t forget that, alright?”

“Thanks mom…”

“”If your father were still here…”

“He’d want me to keep fighting this. I made the mistake five years ago of giving up… and I’m not about to make the same mistake again…”

“Good…” my mother said as we stood up and then finished the rest of our leisurely stroll.

June 13, 2025

A cabin near Pikes Peak near Colorado Springs was probably the perfect getaway from things considering all of the emotions that were completely going through me at this point. I wasn’t fully out of the glum mood I was in just yet, but by the time the camera came on me, I had recovered enough to be able to pull through and find the light at the end of the tunnel. I wasn’t exactly fiery as I had been known to be, but I knew that going into this Sunday, I had to make a statement of some kind.

“Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Into the Void didn’t go my way. It’s shitty. Yeah, I admit it. It’s shitty. It’s very fucking familiar to me. But one thing that I know now that I didn’t know five years ago is that it’s not the adversity, it’s how you react to it and five years ago when I was in the situation that I was in: a tailspin to say the least, when everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong, when I was sitting on that damn cruise feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I proved someone very overrated and unimportant in the grand scheme of things right, when I felt like I had let everyone down, I was presented with a choice: I could fight my way through this and somehow pull through to be even better than before or I could just lie down, take it, let everyone else win and just raise hell on everyone else because of my own insecurities becoming someone that I never truly wanted to be in the first place. Five years ago, I made the worst fucking mistake of not just my SCW career, but my entire professional wrestling career period: I let everyone else that ever had a negative thing to say about me win.

So this time around when I am faced with the same choice, I know better now and I know that I am NOT going to make that same fucking mistake again so if you expect me to eat those words whatever Kayla had to say about me going into Into the Void and that entire title match and allow a bunch of gross, exaggerated, unrealistic, truth twisting of whatever I said or did or whatever I didn’t say or didn’t do be true…

I got only one thing to say to you…

Get a hobby.

I get it, okay? Whatever my reputation is, I’ve earned that. I’m not fighting it. The hardest part of that whole ordeal wasn’t losing that world title match but basically having to come to terms with the fact that this locker room is… well… for lack of a sugar coat honestly… they’re never going to accept me. Some will always root for me to fail or they’re just randomly name drop me and throw a barb at me and say ‘oh she’s just the same’. I am who I am, alright? You don’t have to like who I am. You can take what I say and you can twist it to the most unreal bullshit that you can think of but it’ll NEVER be true because the truth of the matter is, NOBODY in this locker room knows me. Part of that is because, yeah, I’ve been distant. I don’t use social media nearly as much as I do. I don’t engage in the drama nearly as much as I used to and I sure as fuck don’t ignite it. I already know what to expect going up against Necra. I know how she operates based on how she acts and her supercilious arrogance that goes into every single opponent that she faces. I saw that self-negligence going into the chamber match where she was acting like she was going to be queen shit and that everything ran through her.

You were what? The second elimination in that thing, Necra?

And I’m sorry, I have nothing against Candy… anymore… but you expect me to be impressed with you beating her at Into the Void? Candy’s a sweetheart, but she also hasn’t been someone that people ont his roster have feared in many years and has barely moved the needle since she lost the SCW Bombshells Roulette Championship…”

I paused and bit my lower lip in a minor fit of realization knowing exactly how that comment was going to be interpreted. As the camera rolled on, I winced a bit and for a brief moment, I was left to my own internal thoughts that Necra, nor anyone, would hear.

“...fuck, the bitches are going to take that and twist it so far up my ass. Seriously. I can already hear them saying something about it. I can already picture my next opponent saying ‘oh this is proof of how ARROGANT you are and how you haven’t changed’....”

“Fuck it…” I said out loud. “I said what I just said because it’s the truth and I don’t see why I should have t sugar coat that to make anyone else in the locker room happy. I am who I am, Necra and if you don’t like that, it’s a you problem. So yeah, I’m going to straight up say it. You might be a Hall of Fame member, but the truth of the matter is that your comeback swing that you’ve had this year is not even close to a Rolling Stones epic and more along the lines of the Who putting people to sleep at the damn Super Bowl many years ago. Four Roulette Championships and a tag title are nothing to sneeze at, but since you’ve came back, I haven’t seen one match or remembered one moment from you that has wowed me or made me think ‘shit, I should watch out for her’. I won’t give you the lecture of how this is a far different division than what you left many years ago, but the fact that even all the way back when, when you were at the peak of your powers, you still weren’t a world champion at any point says it all. You’re someone that seems to coast on reputation and seems like she’s too fucking stubborn and stuck in her ways to ever evolve or be any different. That’s what I think of you, Necra. You do you and that’s fine. I’m not out to change you and I’m not out to make you change what you’re about, but that doesn’t mean that I am going to lie down and accept the fate that happened to me at Into the Void. Hell, let me be REALLY fucking honest with you, Necra…

I am coming into this match completely fucking pissed off.

I’m going into this knowing that I have to have this and that I have to make a statement. For as much as I am not impressed with your return run in the slightest, you’re STILL a Hall of Fame member and I am not going to overlook that. I went into my last match stating that I was confident enough to talk about being one of the best wrestlers in the business and being one of the best this division has ever had in spite of all the shit that I’ve been through and while the result of that match doesn’t necessarily SUPPORT that, that doesn’t mean that it’s a lie either. I am going to stay true to that belief and I am going to continue to grow, to overcome, to get better, to find a way to push through and achieve everything I could ever want to achieve in this company and in this business. I’m angry because the truth is, I am beyond tired of the toxicity of the locker room sometimes. It’s not even necessarily or even exclusively the slander that is said about me. You look around and you see a whole bunch of narcissism and shit like that. Sure, you’re going to have your people that are going to say that I am arrogant or that I’m a narcissist or whatever the fuck they want to say. I’ve heard it so many times that I’m just numb to it at this point. It’s a damn good thing I am distant from it all because the constant negativity, the constant nonsense that goes on around here, the constant egomaniacs that are running around and feeling like they need to run down other people and make up the wildest fucking bullshit about them that is not true, never will be true and never WAS fucking true… it’s just EXHAUSTING really.

YOU are one of the biggest offenders of everything that I just said in my interpretation because it seems like no matter what happens, especially if you lose, you’re able to just dismiss it as a fluke occurrence or you’re just acting like it never fucking happened. If that’s not narcissistic behavior then, I don’t even know. So yeah, you are damn fucking right I am pissed because really, I’m tired of having to hear vapid, empty people acting as if they know me from front to back and thinking that they’re suddenly my damn therapist or something. You’re an outlet that I have to take my anger out on because as far as I’m concerned, on this particular instance, you are more than just another opponent to me and you mean a hell of a lot more than just another win over a Hall of Fame member. You are the outlet that I am going to unleash my anger on because for me, our match is me saying goodbye to all the fucking bullshit that I have ever endured in this company from all the other Bombshells in the locker room and even, in one instance, a couple of times when I wasn’t even HERE! This match for me is a PURGE… of all the negative, toxic emotions I’ve ever had to hold in my heart because of my time here, of all the poison that I’ve carried in my soul for years because of this thing that went wrong, this bitch that should’ve gone to court for some of the lies levied against me, that thing that didn’t go my way, that cunt that took every fucking little thing that I did or didn’t do like a fucking insult that she had to be a two faced hypocrite and DO THE SAME GOD DAMN THING SHE SAID I DID…

And if any of you hear this and THINK that I am talking about YOU… you BETTER look in the mirror before you go off on your shady little subtweet shit and say “NOW THE REAL ANDREA HAS COME OUT”....

FUCK that… and FUCK YOU because NOBODY knows the real Andrea Jayda Hernandez except ME, got it? You get that, Necra? Of course not. You’re too old fashioned and stuck in your ways thinking that you don’t have to evolve or change a fucking thing to be successful. You can say whatever the hell you want, but you’re the vessel that’s about to be on the other end of this purge that I am about to unleash. This is a one shot deal. This is my way of flushing Into the Void, flushing the chamber, flushing High Stakes and hell, let’s just say flushing every ounce of bad vibes I’ve ever had to deal with in this company. Where I go after Sunday? That’s not exactly clear in the immediate moment. I know that I WILL have that world championship again sooner rather than later and when I do, I will have that reign that I’ve always wanted and I’ll be DONE with that one and done supercard shit but that’s for the near future. Sunday, I let it all out on you, Necra because the truth is, I am done with it all. No more poison in me. No more worrying about what someone else said about me. No more feeding into that shit. Sunday, I entertain it this ONE last time and then I go on my own way and do me. As long as the people that are behind me in the stands, in my family, in my life are behind me, fine. That’s great. I’m done seeking approval of other people so to everyone in the back that watches this, just know that you’re not going to throw your jabs at me and shade me like a little bitch behind my back without getting a receipt for it.

If you’re with me, you’re with me. If you’re not? So be it. I know most of you in the locker rom will never accept me and that’s fine because those in the audience? They do. My family? They do. My friends? They do. And to me, that’s all that matters. It just took me way longer than it needed to in order for me to come to that realization and I’m definitely not sorry about being in my own cabin or being a wallflower for the cruise this year. Necra, it’s really NOT personal against YOU, specifically… even though I know you’re going to say something VERY stupid about me and be just like so many others in the locker room have been when they go up against me. You just happened to be the person I wrestled against when I decided to purge all the poison I’ve carried with me for years.”

Finally, after saying that, I could calm down. I shut the camera off and the first thing that came to mind was knowing that the wrong people were probably going to dissect that and twist it into something it’s not.

Then I felt a sense of relief knowing that I accepted that was going to happen and that after I defeat Necra on Sunday, I wasn’t going to give a fuck about that anymore.

March 30

I had the Blaze of Glory show on in the background, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it. As time has passed, I have felt progressively more relaxed to the point where getting ready for a dinner date with Liam felt like more of a priority than watching an SCW supercard. I was glancing at the Bombshells Elimination Chamber for a moment and feeling a bit disgusted seeing the likes of Mercedes Vargas, Cassie Wolfe and fucking Candy of all people try to win a world championship.

“That’s really the best they got, huh?” I said with a sarcastic scoff as I left the living room I was watching the match on and went into the mirror to finish getting ready for my date. I was at peace with not being involved with SCW at all. Or at least I was until I looked into the mirror. My reflection was bringing it all back and I could only cringe and try in vain to push certain memories out of my mind.

High Stakes was flashing back at me and it all came back: the embarrassment, the shame, the “why?” and the “how?” questions. Knowing deep down in my heart that it’s a match I should’ve never lost to, to a woman I should’ve never lost to. It was really bugging the hell out of me but I knew Liam was going to ring that doorbell at any second to snap me out of this funk. I left the bathroom and was quick to turn the supercard off because I just couldn’t take it anymore. Fortunately, the doorbell rang.

“Oh thank god…”

I went to open the door feeling relieved already, but I was in for a surprise when I saw Klaus, my mother’s trainer back in Germany, and not Liam standing in front of me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked with skepticism.

“I came here to talk to you. What the heck are you doing?”

“Getting ready to go out with my boyfriend. What? Is that breaking wrestler’s code for you?”

“I was just talking to your mother about the last few months with you and I had to come see you. I took a lot of notes, let me tell you.”

I rolled my eyes seeing a notepad in his hand.

“Why?”

“To help you get the fuck over everything and go back to SCW, that’s why.”

“Nope. That’s not a conversation I’m having tonight.

Klaus walked into my living room and shut the door behind.

“Oh great! Fucking invite yourself in why don’t you? We’re not having this conversation. As a matter of fact, the more I’m away from there, the more I’m at peace with things…”

Unfortunately for me, those last few words were said with a quiver slight enough to let Klaus know I was lying.

“Bullshit.” he said accordingly. “Instead of letting this haunt you for the rest of your career, you need to go back and face this, Julianna.”

“NO!” I said with conviction in my voice. “I’m NOT going back and not you or my mother can make me go back. It was my mother that made me take a break from it to begin with.”

“Yes, and it was the right move. But you can’t and you won’t run away from this any longer.”

“I can NEVER go back after that humiliation from four months ago!”

“You’re just using that match that you had as an excuse to run away because you’re the type of person that’s afraid of failure and afraid of accepting it. Rather than break down why things went wrong and where things started to go wrong, you’d rather sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened… just like your fucking father….”

I was incredibly ticked off the moment that I heard him say that.

“Oh NO! You do NOT get to compare me to HIM! You do NOT get to bring him up at all or bring him into this! You know how much I hated that man…”

“Tell me where the comparison is wrong.”

I found myself quite surprised when I realized that I didn’t have an answer for Klaus. Still, nothing was worse than the fact that I was just compared to my own father.

“I have been in many situations where I’ve had my back against the wall and I’ve been able to overcome it. My father, the moment any sort of adversity came his way, would often choose to give up at the first sign of trouble and to be compared to that is a personal insult that I’m not going to take lightly.

“Good! Then go back and face what happened. I’m not saying to go back tomorrow. I’m not even telling you when you should go back. You go back when you feel that you can, but as much as I can’t stand your attitude and the sense of entitlement that your father passed down to you, I know you’re so much better than being a sniveling little girl that wants to run away from all her problems. It’s for your own good. When was the last time you had a nightmare related to High Stakes?”

I was quite uncomfortable to answer this.

“It was recent, wasn’t it?”

“Last night…” I said with a soft sigh and some internal frustration in me.

“That’s my point…” Klaus responded as he opened up the notepad and sat down. “...you need to come to peace with all that. You shouldn’t be dealing with this any longer and the only way that’s all going to stop is if you go back. I’m about to show you what i’ve observed. Come over here for a second…”

Before I made any sudden movements, I happened to glance at my phone and I saw a text from Liam stating that he had to cancel and that he was sorry because a family emergency happened. This just added to my frustration and I went to sit with my mother’s trainer.

“I wrote down the biggest mental lapses that ended up costing you in the end: the fact that you were so worried about other people calling you a fluke world champion just because you retained against someone most people see as a joke due to interference…”

“I should’ve known better…” I said with a sigh.

“Falling for the bait when a certain someone wouldn’t stop talking nonsense about you, but that one was the most obvious one of all.”

“It’s going to take me a long time before I ever get over that. That made everything worse…” I admitted.

“The fact that your first Internet title defense was against someone so unimportant that the moment they left the company… speaking of running away from adversity by the way… you should’ve just stopped talking about her and yet, you beat the dead horse for weeks. Tell me something, Julianna. Why did you allow someone that unimportant to live in your head rent free like that?”

“I have no answer for that… again, stupid of me…”

“And then right before the embarrassment happened when you stooped to the level of the trolls all because you took who they voted for to face you as a personal insult. You did it all to yourself, You’re lucky you didn’t collapse long before you actually did.”

“You basically just outlined reasons NOT to go back…”

“SURE, if you want your name to be seen as a flash in the pan and if you want to prove you're the sniveling, spoiled, fragile minded child I figured you were in the first place.”

“...that’s not me…” I said with tears starting to fill up my eyes. “It’s not…”

“Then quit letting that match at High Stakes define you…” Klaus advised.

I took a deep breath.

“Okay. I can’t promise a certain time but… I’ll go back. I’ll face all of that.”

“Take all the time you feel like you need but don’t run away. Your mother raised you better than that.” he added before he stood up and finally left. I was able to gather myself and I knew I couldn’t run away from the shame of HIgh Stakes forever…

May 6, 2025

The comeback has been a mixed bag. I knew that for a fact. I knew rust was going to be a factor but at the same time, there was no way that I was fully back into it yet. I wasn’t beating myself up over Blast from the Past not going the way I wanted to (especially with how it ended). As a matter of fact, that didn’t make me angry at all. I felt numb about the whole thing probably because I wasn’t back into it just yet.

Running into Minka Carter, my ex-girlfriend, while I was on just a morning stroll on the other hand, THAT made me angry considering all the bullshit she put me through especially when I was going through a mental episode over something SCW related.

“Oh for FUCK’s sake…” I said to her in anger. I was surprised to see that she was very meek and wasn’t looking to start anything with me like she normally would. “Do you have a tracker on me or something?”

“Hi Julianna…” she said awkwardly. “It’s just a coincidence, I swear. But I have been wanting to talk to you for a while just to get some things off my chest.”

“YOU have things to get off your chest?” I asked as the bitterness started to come back. “When we were together, all you ever did was publicly treat me as a sex object and you didn’t give a fuck about me as a person at all. But after we broke up, you were always talking shit about me and you would always come around and try to start something whenever I was struggling mentally KNOWING that you could. Why the fuck would I even want to talk to you?”

“Okay… fair…” Minka responded before there was a brief awkward silence. “But hear me out…”

“I’d rather go back to Portland and experience the worst time of my career all over again than listen to what you have to say. But ONLY because I WILL be the bigger person… in other words, NOT my fucking father… I’ll hear you out. I have time for a little entertainment hearing what lies you have in your brain.”

I sat down for a bit and before long, Minka was sitting next to me. She looked like she had guilt and regret in her eyes, but I was struggling to determine if this was genuine or another ploy on her part.

“I am sorry about how I treated you in the past. There’s no excuse for it. I was going through so much myself and I took out so much of my insecurities out on you… especially when I was rooting for you to fail in SCW and I know you were surprised when I didn’t jump down your throat after you lost their world title and especially after losing the Internet title. I heard that it took a huge toll on you and in a way, I feel like I am at least partially responsible for that.”

“Thanks… I guess…” I said with a sigh as I was completely unsure if that apology was going to help me out in any way. “I understand that people deal with shit. I deal with my own. I’d rather forget some pieces of last year happened to be honest with you. I had a tough go of things for a while, I’m not going to deny that… especially since I was dead set on never going back to SCW at one point yet… there I am again.”

“For what it’s worth coming from me, I’m glad you went back…” Minka said. “Although that countout WAS bullshit…”

I merely scoffed and rolled my eyes at what she just mentioned.

“Honestly, Minka? Really… to be perfectly honest… it’s something that I’ve put out of my mind and isn’t worth having a meltdown over.”

“Even with her acting as if she actually accomplished something? I mean a count out is very cheap and you really DIDN’T accomplish anything…”

I was confounded by what Minka was saying as it was absolutely news to me.

“...you didn’t read any of her tweets?”

“I didn’t even know she had a Twitter nor do I care…” I said with a shrug. “I don’t give a shit about Rayne 2.0 or whatever they said about me in that hot garbage they called a promo. Really, it’s nothing. Given enough time, it’ll be completely meaningless and nobody will remember it. Period. I’m more concerned about the match I have in front of me and that it’s arguably a bigger deal than that stupid tournament, for me especially since this is my first supercard match since… you know….”

“Right…” Minka said, almost wanting to cringe.

“And knowing that I’m coming into this thing having lost three out of my last five supercard matches and the big match situation wasn’t being so kind to me before I took a break…”

“Can I ask you an honest question, Julianna?”

I rolled my eyes.

“What?”

“Have you fully gotten over High Stakes yet?”

I narrowed my eyes with the bitterness that was still going through me from that event.

“No…” I admitted without even thinking about it.

“That’s a shame…”

“Who the hell are you to have an opinion on that, Minka? Really?”

“You’re one of the best wrestlers I’ve ever seen and I mean that entirely. I know I was horrible to you before, but that doesn’t change that. I’m glad you’re finding your way again and that you’re pushing toward overcoming all that, but it’s so much better in the long run if you get over it.”

“Says the ex that was bitter about every fucking thing under the sun for god knows how long…”

“Julianna, you KNOW I’ve had my fair share of shameful losses on a stage like that in the past to wrestlers worse than me and you know that I’ve felt like shit over it. Wrestlers better than you have suffered worse losses yet were able to move forward and overcome that. Maybe gain a little perspective and you’ll have more of a spark going into that ladder match.”

“Look Minka, we’re cool. I’m over our past. Thank you for your kind words, but I’ve got a match to focus on.”

I stood up and began to leave.

“Julianna, should you win that match and gain that booking power…”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t do anything stupid with it and don’t make it about getting revenge on Bella Madison…”

I merely sighed with anger at this.

“...you’re better than that.”

“I can’t promise you any of that Minka. Bye!”

I could hear Minka deliver an annoyed sigh in the background as I walked away from her. All I could think about was how I wasn’t going to allow anyone to tell me what to do, yet I also realized that I was able to let go of a long past I had with her which bodes well for me.

Still…

I know I have to have this match…

May 23, 2025

The camera was focused on a shattered throne with even a melted crown nearby. I walked into the shot and I sat down cross legged on the shattered throne, clearly showing that I didn’t seem to care for titles of royalty. Even with this visual, I had to be intense and focused when I got the go ahead to express my thoughts.

“I am going to get this part out of the way. Kat? Crystal? Hell, even Seleana? You three need to turn off this video right now because aside from this opening shot, I’m not going to address any of you at all. Why should I when two of the three didn’t even BOTHER to say a damn thing and the one that MIGHT doesn’t even turn a camera on anymore? So, I’m not going to make the stupid mistake of wasting valuable camera time on the three that are NOT going to be a factor in this match. Now, as you can see, I am sitting in the middle of a broken throne and for very good reason: I don’t care to be called a queen. Not ONCE in my career have I ever even THOUGHT about carrying a title of nobility like that. Not ONCE have I CARED to be a queen. To me, the whole “queen for a day” thing is a title by name only. WHEN I win this match, the booking power is all I give a fuck about and nothing more than that. I’m not going to call myself a queen. I’m not going to act like a queen because the truth of the matter is, I simply don’t give a fuck about any of that. I only care about winning the match and using that booking power the way I see fit and BELIEVE ME, WHEN I win this match, there will definitely be at least a small handful of Bombshells whose lives I am going to make miserable. You can speculate all you want, but ultimately? WHEN I win and when it’s my turn to create some chaos around here, you’ll find out.

But ultimately? I’m not going to get ahead of myself too much. I STILL have a job to get done and come Sunday, I WILL get that job done so without further ado, let’s talk about the ONLY two people in this match that are even WORTH talking about at this point and that’s Cassie Wolfe and Alexandra Calaway, even if in Cassie’s case, it might be just BARELY. I mean, hey, I guess I should give her an A for effort for trying, right? As always, Cassie Wolfe is someone that talks a lot but doesn’t really say anything but I already KNOW that you’ve psyched yourself out for this match and when you first started to speak on camera, you gave it all away when you said that you were the only non-former champion in this match and how it was like the elimination chamber all over again. Yeah, word to the wise on that, Cassie? You actually stunt your own chances of winning that match because by making even a remote comparison to a match that you already lost before, it tells me that you’re still upset about losing that match and that you’re very intimidated if not in over your head. You gave away the fact that you feel like you’re overwhelmed facing the competition that you are going to face and really? The only former champions that even MATTER in this match, largely because they’ve mattered the most in recent SCW history, is Alexandra and I. For the rest? One hasn’t been a champion in 5 years, the other was a one hit wonder that never amounted to anything and the other one is the biggest piece of shit this division has ever employed in Crystal Hilton. You are putting WAY too much stock in those three women when they’re not even a FACTOR!

You’re overfocusing on people that don’t MATTER anymore instead of focusing on the forest for the trees and THAT is that level of weakness that you had that cost you the elimination chamber match and probably cost you against the likes of Mercedes and Crystal. Your focus should’ve only been on yourself, on Alexandra or on me. You’re worried about SELEANA making a beeline for you! I mean, SERIOUSLY? Who the FUCK is even afraid of her anymore? Who gives a fuck about POSSIBLY being double teamed by her and her dumbass wife of hers? Why are you THAT fixated on those two and what vengeance they might take out on you during the match when you have two people BETTER THAN YOU that you should be putting your full focus on? THIS is why you can’t get over the hump, Cassie. THIS is why you’re NOT going to win on Sunday. You’ve got some weird ADHD type thing in your brain that is pulling you in many different directions and is thus, preventing you from being consistent and getting to where you want to be int his business and that’s why when you face a match like the chamber or the match that we have going on this Sunday, you collapse so damn easily! This is BEYOND “young and naive” Cassie! Seriously! I don’t think you’re ever going to grow out of getting out of your own way because a lot of the time that you lose, that’s exactly why! And that’s not even getting into the fact that on top of being SO WORRIED about Seleana, you’ve built up a history with Alexandra recently that seems to be heating up a bit and if you’re not focused on the has-beens, you’re going to be focused far more on her than you are on me.

And I haven’t even GOTTEN into what you said to me and about me… though I’ll tell you right now, I am neither annoyed nor impressed…”

I took a bit of a pause to roll my eyes for a second.

“You couldn’t even FOCUS on me that well. You’re bringing up these hypothetical situations where we could’ve faced off and the thing I have to say to that is ‘who gives a flying fuck?’ I don’t care if we could’ve faced off in the Proving Grounds series because well, you didn’t even get past the first round of that. I don’t care if we could’ve faced off at High Stakes. I don’t. I would’ve won either way, that much I know for a fact. You barely said shit about me at all. You could’ve come after me for anything. Even if it was something as cliche as bringing up High Stakes or bringing up the Kayla Richards thing, you could’ve at least showed some claws, but NO, you barely said SHIT to me and you decided to go on about hypothetical situations where we could’ve faced each other before talking about how it’s your match to lose because ladder matches favor high fliers and you’re a high flier that’s 21…

I paused and let out a frustrated sigh, largely because I couldn’t believe Cassie was that naive… or dumb…

“...that honestly has to be some of the WORST logic I’ve ever heard for why you’ll win a match. But I guess when you’re losing so fucking much and being unable to capitalize on any god damn thing, then you have to manufacture SOME type of “hopium” out of your ass….

And against me, Cassie? HOPE will NEVER be fucking good enough to beat me!

Speaking of manufacturing things out of their ass…”

My anger was starting to boil a bit because now I had to address Alexandra Calaway.

“If you’re the queen of something, you’re the queen of self-delusion. I’m not even going to get into what you were saying before you even talked about me because it’s the same old crap about being a monster and how you’re so dominant and how you’re evolving and all this other repetitive nonsense that I have heard from you before but when you finally started talking about me, you were showing that delusion right out of the gate by referring to me as one of the few that has bested you…

‘One of the few?’

Isn’t your record like half wins, half losses or something? Don’t you have a loss to Bea Barnhart on your record? Honey, MORE than a few have beaten you because as I’ve outlined before, you’re the girl that things they’re the bigger dog than they actually are and yet no matter how many times the upper tier of this division like myself, Victoria, Kayla, Andrea, among others I can name actually beat you… and it’s happened MORE than a few times by the way… you STILL refuse to face reality or accept the facts as they are. You’re definitely on a higher tear than everyone else in this match other than me, but that’s not even a compliment at all. You’re the best of a brown bag bunch which is like saying that you’re the best player on the worst baseball team in the major leagues! You continue to believe in this delusion that you’re better than you actually are. And when it comes to me? I’ve always bothered you, as you admitted. You hate the way I carry myself. You hate the way I talk. You hate my arrogance. You seem to bring this up in some form or another every time we’re in the same match of some sort. I’m in your head rent free and I didn’t even ask for a fucking lease. I’m the wrestler that you seem to ALWAYS want to be better than for SOME reason… like if you’re the Crystal Hilton to my Andrea Hernandez or something, fucking hell!

Like, girl… honestly…

Why are you SO obsessed with me?”

I paused for a bit to give off that “dismissive smirk” that Alexandra not so eloquently mentioned in her promo.

“It’s the natural order of things to hate people that are better than you, obviously. But my goodness, with me, you’re focused on all the stupid little things. You’re focused on my attitude but you’re not focused on what I’ve done to beat you in that ring multiple times. Yeah, I cracked and exploited your cracks… on MORE than one occasion. I’ll do it again on Sunday and you know what the bitch is, Alexandra? It’s more because of YOU than it is because of ME! Don’t get me wrong, I still do what I have to do to beat you, but when you’re hating on me so much, hating on my personality, hating on whatever the fuck you want to hate on just because it’s me, you make it THAT much easier for me because as I mentioned, I’m in your head WAY before that bell rings and I KNOW that I am WAY inside of your head right now. You keep going back to the time I beat you in that world title match. You keep regurgitating the same thing… I mean come on… this is NOT the first time I’ve heard you give me the speech about how you evolved and how you used that loss as fuel…

…considering you’re still stuck in the same loop as you were at that point… you definitely haven’t fueled yourself very well…

But it’s the same old fucking song and dance with you!

I’ve HEARD that shit before! It’s like you FORGOT that there was another singles match between that title match and now and don’t think I forgot that you tried to say that I was a thing of the past and that I was “fading” when at that point, Kayla was the only woman that had ever beaten me. You’re bringing up ‘hiding’ and ‘excuses’... for WHAT? Why the actual FUCK would someone like me EVER want to hide from someone like you especially since you’ve never beaten me before?  I mean… you talk about how you’re not the same woman… yet… when I study what you’ve done since that match you’re so obsessed with and when I hear you talk about me the way you do… over… and over… and over again…

Yeah, you ARE the same woman.

You’re babbling on about ‘manipulation’ and ‘mental warfare’ and I’m sitting here just laughing my ass off hearing that because… mental warfare? What? Mind games? That’s never been my thing. Manipulation? Never been my thing. I speak the truth as how I see it, but that’s not to ‘manipulate’ people and it’s not a ‘mind games’ thing so I suppose THANK YOU for giving me abilities that I didn’t even know I had? I KNEW you were going to come up with LIES or a manipulation of truths… IRONICALLY… to fire yourself up against me and the bitch is I can’t even blame you because you have to psych yourself up against someone who has your number SOMEHOW…

But you don’t do it with facts the way I do…

You do it with your self-absorbed delusions and constantly overthinking things, stretching things beyond what they need to be stretched to. THAT’S why against me and the upper tier of Bombshells that I just mentioned, you’re more often than not falling short. That’s not me “thinking I’ve already won”, it’s called CONFIDENCE, bitch! If you have NO confidence in yourself, you’re never going to win and if you’re making shit up out of thin air or putting words in other people’s mouths or making people out to be something they’re not even TRYING to be… you know… like “manipulative bitch that thinks she has every match won”... OR if you’ re talking about how you hate certain aspects of people… whether they’re right or wrong, then you’re WAY too focused on the other person because you’re too fucking afraid to focus on YOU and how to be better in any way because…

Say it with me…

You lack the CONFIDENCE in yourself at the root of the problem.

No wonder you create this delusion within yourself and stay in that delusion…

Because you’re too AFRAID of reality!

Game, set, fucking match!

AGAIN!

Keep hating me, and being obsessed with wanting to be better than me…

Which… as long as you stay the way you are for as long as you have? I’ll tell it straight up…

You never WILL be better than me!”

That anger that drove me to those scathing words stayed with me as I turned off the camera ready to exact some vengeance on this division.

November

That feeling like you are on top of everything only for things to just suddenly collapse out of control is one of the worst feelings you can ever have as a professional wrestler and shortly after last year’s High Stakes, that’s exactly what I was going through.

“How the FUCK can that happen?” I screamed out loud in my own living room out of nowhere while my mother was visiting. I was going through a horrible phase of anger, denial and outright shame and embarrassment after what happened at High Stakes. “How the FUCK… how the FUCK….”

“Julianna, you need to calm down…” my mother said to me.

“No… no… this is unacceptable. Wrestlers like ME do NOT lose to wrestlers like HER!”

“It was a fluke…” she tried to reason.

“No, don’t tell me that. That’s not going to make it better. You hear that, mother? Wrestlers like me, on a stage like that, do NOT lose to FUCKING BELLA MADISON… the CHOKER that NEVER won a championship… and it had to be me… WHY? Why the FUCK did it have to be ME?”

“Honey, listen… you’re blowing it up way out of proportion here…”

“Am I? Considering this type of shit happens to me ALL THE TIME?”

“Not in SCW it didn’t… until a week ago”

This led me to flipping my own coffee table over”

“JULIANNA!”

“This is just like when I was a rookie all over again… when I was losing to flashes in the pans and rookies that never amounted to anything and falling for con jobs from people hiding behind masks and…”

I was starting to get to a point of hyperventilating.

“...I’m losing it, mother…”

“Julianna, come on! That’s not true. I mean, I don’t think THAT much of Bella Madison as a wrestler myself, but how can you stand there and honestly think she’s at the same level of what you just described? She’s not even close to that. I thought you had grown beyond having your father’s poison get triggered inside of you like that.”

“I’m losing it… I’m going over the hill…”

“You’re NOT fucking losing it!”

“I must be… I have to be… I just can’t be losing to people like her and I just did and I’m never going to live it down and everyone else in that toxic locker room is going to mock me for it for months on end and I’ll never hear the end of it from everyone that was rooting for me to fail…”

My mother absolutely had a worried look on her face at this point as I was frantically starting to pace the living room mid-rant.

“...I’m the butt of all jokes in that locker room now. I have to be. How can it happen? WHY did it happen? I’m not supposed to lose to people like HER! I’m just not! This can’t happen… it shouldn’t have ever happened… and it’s not like I lost to someone that actually earned the fucking shot. She was put in there by fucking FAN SERVICE…”

This caused my mother to have a “facepalm” moment.

“Bella Madison isn’t a hooker, honey….”

“STUPID FAN POLL! WHATEVER! It’s BULLSHIT! It’s ALL FUCKING BULLSHIT!”

I ripped off a picture frame of my first ever mainstream victory from 2017 off the wall and threw it down on the floor, breaking the frame entirely and causing my own mother to exhale in frustration and disbelief.

“It’s not going to end like that…”

“Julianna…” my mother said. I looked back at her and I could tell that she had a worried look on her face.

“I have to target that Cinderella bitch… I have to win that belt back from her. I can’t live down that embarrassment and I fucking won’t. She’s not going to laugh at me. That locker room doesn’t get to suddenly say that I’m over the hill and past my prime. They don’t get to say that I’m a flash in the pan that has been exposed. They don’t get to say any of that shit. THEY DON’T GET TO SAY THAT I’M OVER!!! DAMN IT MOTHER, THERE CAN’T BE A JULIANNA IS OVER PARTY!”

My mother just about had it at this point as she came up to me to pin me against the wall near the front door.

“ENOUGH!!!!!” my mother yelled right in front of my face! I tried to break free, but she had a very good grip on me. “I’ve been prepared for something like this ever since the moment you won that World Championship to begin with Julianna!

I stopped resisting and at this point as I knew that there was no trying to break away from her when she was as dead serious as she is right now.

“You’re going to listen to me and you’re going to stop freaking out over something that is completely nowhere close to being worth freaking out about. Do you understand me?”

I was too stunned to answer considering I had never expected or even seen this side of my own mother at any point in my life.

“Yeah, I understand you” I said as my anger was starting to fade away very quickly.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it has been as your mother, to see her own daughter start to slowly spiral the way you have ever since the first title defense against Mercedes Vargas? As soon as you had that meltdown over the fact that you won against her because of interference, I knew that in the long run, THIS was exactly what was going to happen. I saw you put constant pressure on yourself while you were the world champion and the longer you held that title, the more you were spiraling and I’m not even going to get into how you basically gave that title to Kayla Richards because you and I both know that’s exactly what you did because you couldn’t help yourself and ignore all her nonsense.”

Hearing that reminder gutted me because I knew deep down that was true even though I refused to ever admit publicly.

“I don’t want to talk about that…” I said without much of a fight.

“You’re going to have to face that mistake and get over it if you ever want to go back to SCW.”

My eyes widened with confusion.

“What the hell did you just say? What do you mean going back to SCW? I haven’t left or even taken a break.”

“You’re about to, Julianna…” my mother revealed and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be stunned or pissed off that she’s stepping in like this without my consent. “...you’re going either get out or take a long break from that company because I cannot let this continue any longer!”

“You can’t tell me what to do with my own career, mother. You realize I’m 30 years old now?”

“REALLY? I sure as hell couldn’t tell with the tantrum you were throwing. With the mental spiral you’ve been on and with your grandfather passing away, it’s a miracle that you even held on as long as you did. Hell, that tells me you’re a very strong young lady but you need to get your head together if you even think about going back.”

“Fine…” I said as a tear started coming down my face “...I’ll take a break from there. You’re right. This was bound to happen and it’s led to… well…”

I sighed, not wanting to say another word while my mother pulled me into an embrace.

“You’re going to be so much better out of this, I promise.”

She left me alone at this point and all I could do is just lean against the wall feeling completely numb with uncertainty not knowing what the future held for the moment.

January

By this point, my hiatus from SCW had already been two months. In contrast to the intense meltdown I had in front of my mother right after High Stakes, I was a lot calmer as I was just strolling a San Diego beach and not even thinking about the place. Turns out, my mother was right and this break was exactly what I needed. Even then, I wasn’t exactly into things at the moment with my mind seemingly elsewhere.

“So how’s that podcast thing coming?” my boyfriend Liam asked me.

“There’s not much changing about that…” I answered. “There are still a couple of brands that are interested in sponsoring it and I’m pretty close on that so I have a good feeling about it. It seems like the locals seem to enjoy my restaurant reviews too. It’s crazy how you step away from a certain thing for a while and you just breathe life inro yourself again.”

“I know that wasn’t your best moment when your mother more or less forced you to dial things down, but I have noticed that you’ve been a lot happier the last six weeks or so with all the pressure off of you.”

I let out a sigh at this point, still struggling to truly compartmentalize the feeling that was in my head.

“I didn’t realize how nice it would be to just get away from it all. It sounds crazy for me to say that maybe I should do this type of thing more often and continue to pick up new hobbies really.”

“No, Julianna. That’s not crazy. That’s normal. You’re finally getting to experience what life is like when you don’t have the wrestling business consuming you. As far as I’ve seen and from what your mother has told me, you’ve been at it from the word ‘go’. Your father never let up on you so you never developed the ability to do that for yourself. You’ve recovered quickly, I’ll say that.”

“What? I recovered faster than you thought I might? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Not at all. I do know that when you go back, you’ll be in much more of a peace of mind.”

At that point, I just stopped walking in the sand and sighed. Liam seemed caught off guard by this.

“When are you going back to SCW, by the way? You never mentioned anything about that”

Whatever relaxation I was feeling inside of me basically died at this point. All of the horrible memories of High Stakes started to flood back to the point where I was even getting depressed very quickly and easily.

“Honestly?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t even want to talk about it.”

Liam’s eyes widened and I could tell pretty quickly that he was shocked by what I just said.

“You are going back at some point, right? There’s no reason for you to never go back. You were killing it over there and having the time of your career and everything even when the odds were stacked against you and you were thrown into the fire as you were. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything. I am genuinely just curious.”

“I haven’t even THOUGHT about going back let alone WHEN I’m going back, Liam. The fact that you brought it up just made me relive High Stakes all over again with the horrible embarrassment and the awful shame and being reminded of who I lost to and how it shouldn’t have happened and yet it did. That event turned out to by my worst nightmare and you honestly think two months later, I can just casually start talking about going back?”

Liam sat me down on a nearby bench at this point as my eyes started to water remembering that horrible outcome.

“You can take all the time that you need, Julianna. But I held onto some hope that you would’ve found your way past that somehow. I can understand why you wouldn’t. It’s been hard for you and I respect that.”

“The one thing that my mother said to me that has really stuck in my mind is how I made such a horribly stupid mistake in taking Kayla Richards’s bait…” I reluctantly admitted. “After that, nothing felt the same anymore even when you, my mother and others kept pushing me on. I hate to admit that losing to Kayla twice broke me, but that’s exactly what happened and the worst part of all of that is because of that Queen of the Day bullshit, I got thrown into a title picture that I wanted NOTHING to do with! I didn’t want to be in the Internet title division because I had already proven that I could do better. I had to do anything that I could to motivate myself with that one no matter what it was…”

“That explains the whole chase to try to break a 350 day record, doesn’t it?” Liam asked, quick to pick up on that fact.

“That’s the only way it would ever be worth it for me. I still had a spark even if it was starting to fade a bit and then that piece of shit happened and you know who I am talking about. You know I hated that woman and I am not even going to mention her name. I hate toxic, negative people like her. Defending the title against her right in the shadow of my grandfather’s death was the worst experience of my career in SCW… or it was prior to High Stakes. Not even running that cunt out of SCW after I beat her ass was enough to fill a growing emptiness. It didn’t help me get over the Kayla crap, that’s for sure.”

“You’ve overcome a hell of a lot worse than that and most of that was before you even arrived there to begin with. When you’re ready to go back…”

“I’m honestly not even sure I want to, not with all the negativity and all the toxic bullshit going around. Their little Blast from the Past tournament is still a thing and you know it draws the recurring, annual cancer returns of at least ONE person in both divisions. Right now, I shudder to think about having to deal with that warped, toxic Bombshell locker room culture at the moment when you consider the opponents I’ve beaten and how self-absorbed and egomaniacal some of them are.”

“Fair enough. We don’t have to talk about going back any further if that’s what happens your peace of mind.”

“It does. Thank you for acknowledging that. I’ve got so much in my head that I still need to sort out.”

I sigh after a bit and just let things sink in before I finally stand back up to continue our peaceful beach stroll at this point. I didn’t know when I was going to come back but when you consider how everything piled up in the worst way for months, it sure felt like when the calendar turned over from 2024 to 2025 that I absolutely had a long way to go before I could even come close to returning.

May 16, 2025

As much as one would love to be completely cliche about Paris and express their thoughts from the Eiffel Tower or somewhere with a shot of the most overrated building side of Europe in the background, I decided to be far less basic than that and keep it simple. I personally didn’t care for Paris myself but when I turned the camera on, I realized I had much anger and bitterness in me to let out and that’s where I was going to begin.

“I’m not going to lie. There was a point in time after High Stakes where I wasn’t sure that I was going to come back. I will fully cop to that. I am not going to apologize for who I am or anything I’ve ever said to anyone in the past. You know me. I speak candidly. I don’t hold back. And if there’s something that I think you’re short on, I will let you know it and I am not going to change that approach for anyone but myself. But yes, there was a point where things seemed like they were doomed for failure from that point on. I felt like everything that I had ever worked hard for meant nothing. I was fighting myself, questioning myself, wondering if everything up until that point was because I was really that fucking good or if it was all a fluke and I was finally exposed at the worst possible time by the worst possible opponent. All I can say is, thank fuck for the support system around me for pushing me in the right direction and showing me the truth and it’s quite ironic that here, where I’m truly starting all over again, it starts with the Queen of the Day match… a match that… in an indirect way, actually did more harm for me than good in the long run. Last year’s Queen of the Day match led to me getting thrown into the Bombshells Internet Championship picture against my will, right after that second loss to Kayla Richards when my confidence and my self-esteem were at a low point as it was already.

Full disclosure?

I never wanted to be in that title picture.

I never even wanted the championship in the first place.

Had it been anyone other than Tempest and had I not sold myself on the idea that I could break a 350 day title reign record, I might not have been motivated. I was at the top of the world for as long as I was, the window was just closed, and suddenly, I get relegated to another division? That didn’t sit well with me but I knew that I was going to handle it better than the woman that preceded me as SCW Bombshells World Champion. I didn’t go out and say that it meant nothing to me. I didn’t call it a consolation prize. I didn’t bury the championship. I went out and did the best that I could with it and ultimately? I got no satisfaction out of it at all. Just shame. Embarrassment. Why the fuck would I want to come back after all that?

Well, the answer to that question is fucking simple: I’m Julianna DiMaria damn it! I have bounced back from FAR worse in my career, FAR worse in my LIFE! Just the years upon years of my father trying to feed me lies and telling me I’d never amount to anything and that he never wanted me to be born is enough to say the latter and I KNOW people are going to look at my hiatus and say that I “ran away in embarrassment” or whatever the fuck because one thing that hasn’t changed here is that people in this division are STILL so fucking predictable. The fact is, I could’ve gone on that hiatus FAR sooner than I did because while I was reigning as the champion that I was, and that’s across both championships, I was deteriorating on a psychological level. I was slowly spiraling for MONTHS. From pretty much my first defense of the World Championship that I had, or hell, maybe before I ever won it at all and got a fucking horrible first state in my mouth of how fucking toxic this locker room is, I was spiraling and yet I STILL won that championship, I STILL held onto it for six months, I STILL… SOMEHOW… bounced back from the Kayla Richards shit to win the Internet Championship, I STILL ate the empty vapid words of my first defense of said championship and came out of it STILL Internet Champion…

And I realized recently that with all of that, I have far more to be PROUD OF than I was to be ASHAMED OF and it took me stepping away for a while to realize that and KNOWING that gives me a far STRONGER, far BETTER perspective than every single one of you. Let’s be real with some of you… you haven’t come close to overcoming the adversity that I have and those that HAVE, in the PAST, have LOST the ability to do so. Hell, I’ll be blunt right out of the gate. Literally HALF of the women that are in this match don’t even DESERVE to be in this match because they’re just hanging onto their name at this point and buckle at the first sign of trouble in this company either by disappearing, reverting back to their ‘apology cycle’, or just not giving a shit about anything anymore. In case you’re wondering who I am tagging with those…

In order…

Kat Jones, Crystal Hilton, Seleana Zdunich.

Hell, in Kat’s case, why the fuck is she even being booked here anymore? When was the last time she actually DID anything? I know she’s held a championship before but that was like a year or two ago. Maybe three. Hell, didn’t she come in here as one of the most hyped Bombshell signings only to amount to little more than a Roulette Championship? I mean SHIT, she was hyped up as a main event player or close to it when she first got here but I guess that’s what happens when you have friends on the roster infesting the whole place with their bullshit pumping your tires and making you a bigger deal than you ever had a right to be in the first place. Funny how your whole meal ticket, including some of the most overrated wrestlers in the history of the company by the way, fucks off and does whatever else and you suddenly haven’t done SHIT in SCW! Compared to the hype you came in with, Kat, facts are that even with that title to your name, you’re a bust. I didn’t even have HALF the hype that you did when I first came here and in HALF the time that you’ve been around, if that, I’ve done TWICE as much, maybe even THREE times as much considering there’s a main event at High Stakes world title win in there for me. I became everything people expected YOU to be Kat. Disappointment is all you’ll ever be.

Of course, let’s group the most fucked up couple in SCW history there too. Seleana, with you? I don’t have any more words for you. It’s the same ass song and dance with you. I can do the whole ‘deep dive into your history’ crap as I’ve done before with you and others, but what is even the point of that? Why do you even deserve to be in this match? Sure, you care a hell of a lot more about this than Kat does, but you still don’t quite give a shit anymore. You’ve long accepted your fate as someone whose glory years are long gone considering you haven’t won a belt here in 5 years. Why you’re in this match is beyond me but at least you serve SORT of a purpose which is more than I can say for Crystal Hilton. How does that 8th loss to Andrea Hernandez taste? Are you going to keep stalking her and trying to force an issue that is long dead by now or are you finally going to get the hint and leave her alone? Oh who am I kidding. You’re someone that will never be able to get over herself. I think of the three women I just mentioned, you give less of a shit than the other two combined. You don’t even tweet about SCW anymore. You turn the camera on and say what you have to say and you don’t even TRY. You have become completely fucking uesless in the grand scheme of things, but you want to pull a Mercedes Vargas and act like you still matter. Ever since you ushered in perhaps the worst era in Bombshells division history by losing your last SCW Bombshells World Championship… not last TO DATE by the way… last EVER because you’ll NEVER win that title again… you haven’t mattered. If SCW was a human being, you’d be the eczema on its ass that never goes away. When it comes to facing your shit and overcoming it as I had to do when I came back here at all, none of you three even come close to that. Non-factors. All of you.

Then you have the two people in this match that PROBABLY will be the competition that I have to really overcome and that’s Cassie Wolfe and Alexandra Calaway and I am not particularly saying that they can’t win but based on track records? I know that they WON’T win. Cassie, you’ve come in here showing some potential. I will give you that much. I know you’re young and I get that you’re still finding your way. I don’t think that finishing third in the chamber was an accident… but I suppose when the three people you overcame where someone that didn’t deserve to be there in Candy, someone that was randomly thrown in there as a fill in who didn’t even do anything to earn her chamber spot in Necra and Mercedes Vargas, that’s not necessarily difficult. Even then, once you had to contend with Kayla and Andrea? You didn’t even come close to being at their level at all. You have shown early on in your career that you’re the wrestler that doesn’t know how to finish yet. There was the chamber match as I mentioned. You also fell short in the tournament… FIRST ROUND at that… and two supercards ago…  you lost…. To CRYSTAL… FUCKING… HILTON! Who the FUCK loses to HER anymore? She’s become such a fucking punchline that losing to Crystal has now become worse than losing to Mercedes and yet you SOMEHOW lost to her. Even then, you still had SOMETHING to hang your hat on after finishing third in the Chamber yet you threw that away when you lost that first round match and when you ended up LOSING to Mercedes. Youth and room to grow is what you have on your side, but how much longer until it’s determined that you’re not destined for greatness? This is a huge match for you to step up in, but as history has indicated, with the numbers in this match? Unlikely.

Now for the last to mention… let me put it to you this way. I don’t consider myself being around long enough to have ‘rivals’ in this company. But if I HAD to pick any? Kayla Richards. Alexandra Calaway. Now Alexandra is someone that… honestly? She flows the way the weather does. I’ve faced her a few times and I WANT to say that I KNOW her, but she’s always been the kind of person that compliments you on social media and agrees with something you say, but when she turns the camera on for a promo, holy shit it’s like none of it ever happened. She’ll tell you she respects you one day, she wants to bury you in lies the next. So no, I’m NOT going to play that game, Alexandra. You’re my biggest threat in this match but I know I can overcome you even if I am shaking off that rust not just because you’ve never won a match against me here, but also because while you’ve accomplished more than Cassie by a mile, you STILL haven’t gotten over the hump since our first encounter since I beat you with the world title on the line more than a year ago considering your multiple losses to Victoria Lyons, the fact that you were in the finals of last year’s mixed tag final and you still fell short, the fact that you were in the finals of the Belle of the Brawl tournament with a chance to get into the High Stakes main event for the Bombshells division yet you fell short yet gain and not to mention your mixed tag losses to Kayla and Finn. At WHAT point are you finally going to have that breakthrough that many people have said that you’re going to have here? This isn’t to sell what you’ve accomplished short or anything, but the fact still remains that I’ve been able to grow and evolve and get better along the way to accomplish what I have here despite myself and despite my own shortcomings yet you seem to be stuck in a loop, not knowing what it’s going to take to get to the next level that I KNOW you’re starving to be at.

I’m very much aware that history doesn’t always dictate how the present or the future is going to go, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t watched here and there from home over the last few months or that I am totally blind to what people have been up to in this company. So bring on the exaggerations, the lies, the narrative twisting and all of that shit because I’ve dealt with it for my whole career here and elsewhere to the point where it’s boring me now. Alexandra, you’re going to do what you always do when you face the likes of Victoria and Kayla and as history has shown, when you go up against me: you’re going to give it your all, you’re going to push the wrestler that you see as a rival, and you’re going to fall short yet again with a chance to potentially move up to the next level because that is what you do.

And WHEN I win, there WILL be some hell to pay…"

I left it at that stern, vague warning at this point and then I shut off the camera just waiting to hear the empty words that will inevitably come out of the mouths of those that will even bother to show up.

The camera came on me and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I hadn’t been seen in Sin City Wrestling since High Stakes and I disappeared without ever so much a trace or even a word. Was now the time to open up about why I was gone for a while? Was mentioning High Stakes even a good idea at this point? These were just some of the questions that I had in mind. But for now, I was looking into the camera feeling something that I hadn’t had in a very long time…

Peace.

For once, I wasn’t feeling like I had much of a burden on my shoulders as I finally spoke…

“It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? I know, you’re going to want to ask me the question of what happened after High Stakes where I basically disappeared without a word. Do you all really think that I’m just going to spill that right out of the gate? No. You know me. I do shit on my terms. I tell my own narrative. I’m not going to suddenly spill all because really, the truth is, I’m not required to pour out my entire life story for you people. I did what I had to do and for now, I am going to leave it at that but for the uninitiated, let’s talk about me and let’s talk about what I’ve done in this company so far.

I was recently the SCW Bombshells Internet Champion and I am going to talk more about that in a bit…

Prior to that, I won the SCW Bombshells World Championship in just my sixth match in this company… at High Stakes at that. Now, if that doesn’t scream brilliance, I don’t know what does. In recent member, no Bombshell has hit this company as hard as I have right out of the gate. But then the Kayla Richards wall happened… and I want to make it clear that when the dust settle, I could feel myself start to slip away a little bit…

I took a pause as I thought to myself that I had to do what I had to do to let out enough to give the proper context, but not so much that I was suddenly giving away every detail to a bunch of people that I felt didn’t deserve it at all.

“It wasn’t losing to Kayla. What did it was the sudden shift to the Internet Championship in the cloud of shit that I had going on personally. I was FORCED into that and I will say for a fact that Queen of the Day is literally the stupidest fucking concept in this company by the way. That’s what dispirited me a little bit. Honestly, I’m not even sure how the fuck I beat Tempest at that point considering where I knew I was going psychologically and when you consider the fact that there was so much personal shit going on that I was dealing with. But in any case, I did it and I pulled through. In my first defense, I even made the challenger that I had run away from this company…

‘Okay Jules, that’s the last time you’re beating that dead horse…’ I told myself in my own mind before I continued my thoughts.

“But all along, it was bound to catch up to me and it did at the worst time and for now I will leave it at that. This tournament that is going on, the Blast from the Past tournament, it is the best time to jump back into the swing of things and from a personal standpoint, I am doing a hell of a lot better than I was six months ago and there’s no question in my mind that I’ve got everything it takes to win the fucking thing and then go on to reclaim that SCW Bombshells World Championship. It’s as simple as that. Now this Aaron chick that I’m facing…

I heard she’s supposed to be this big deal?

Something about the controversy that she’s caused in Kayla’s personal life… or at least she did when she first got here…

Has she even had a match in this company yet? Does anyone know? Whatever. The little hellraiser started out hot in any event but in recent weeks, she’s kind of disappeared. What the hell happened, Aaron? Did you suddenly start having second thoughts about what you were doing? I’ve heard talks about how I got the short end of a draw and how I might be coming back to a disappointing return match but no, I don’t believe in that shit and if you know me well enough, you know that all I do is defy expectations no matter where they come from so Aaron, if this is in fact, really your first match in this company, you’re not going to gain at my expense. I’m not going to let you just run all over me. I’m not going to let you come into that ring acting like you’re going to get a win over me right out of the gate just because I’ve been gone for months and because I’m barely coming back into the swing of things. No, you can go to hell if you think that.

I’ve had enough of the way things were going ever since I fell out of the title picture. Truth be told, when I was the Internet Champion, when it came to being in that ring, I wasn’t happy for a fucking second. I did everything that I could to motivate myself to win that championship and to hold the thing. I still did what a real champion was supposed to do. I wasn’t like other Internet Champions before me that decided to bury the belt and call it a consolation prize. No, fuck that noise but in my heart, I knew that it wasn’t something that I was wanting to chase on my own volition and I will be the first to own that and admit to that. Really, I knew the whole time that trying to break the single reign title record held by Myra Rivers was going to be a fucking tall order and almost impossible, but what the hell? Anything I could just to motivate myself or even in some cases, just getting the fuck out of bed in the morning.

So believe me when I say, Aaron, that I’ve got at least a year’s worth of anger and frustration and bitterness ready to unleash on you not because I hate you or dislike you. I don’t know you. As a matter of fact, I am rather indifferent to you because you’ve done nothing to me and you’ve done nothing that is going to make me hate you or really feel anything about you. You just happen to have bad timing this week and that’s all I really need to say about that. This Sunday is the start of making things right and that’s exactly what I am going to do when I beat you and I advance in the Blast from the Past tournament. I am not someone that accepts failure. I’m sure as fuck not someone that embraces failure to ‘learn from it’. That’s for the piss poor drama queens like Myra by the way. To me, anything less than winning this tournament is a failure and considering how things were going for a while there before I took the time off that I did, I think I’ve had just about enough of it…

That familiar fire and anger was back in me and I knew I had to stop there. That’s what I did when I shut the camera off and decided to just keep that fire and anger locked and loaded until Sunday.

I couldn’t say that I was the happiest champion in the world after Kayla and I got a win. It was a momentum builder for sure, but I wasn’t happy with the fact that she was the one that got the pin in the end. This, on top of what happened with my one on one match against Victoria and knowing I wasn’t going to have another match until the chamber itself really burdened the hell out of me and turned what should be a happy occasion at a Scottsdale steakhouse into more of a burden. All I could do was lament that things weren’t going like how I wanted them to when Chelsea LeClair, in a far bubblier mood than I was, approached me.

“Can you believe it, Andrea?” Chelsea asked with a joy in her voice as we exchanged a hug, though for me it was awkward considering the circumstances. “GCW Hall of Fame, granted, it’s a Utopia induction…”

“It’s still… a nice surprise. I never considered the possibility considering we started our careers in GCW< but we didn’t explode as main event wrestlers until long after we left.”

Chelsea knew right away that something was bothering me.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, why?” I lied, though Chelsea didn’t get to answer me because the leader of Utopia herself, and our mentor, Myra Rivers, came into the picture.

“Hello there, Hall of Famers…” Myra said with a laugh.

“Hall of Famer, that’s still surreal for me to say considering after Utopia split, I didn’t have a great time in GCW…” Chelsea said.

“Don’t sell yourself short…” Myra said to Chelsea. “Utopia made an impact in its own way. Let’s celebrate, yeah?”

“Yeah, let’s get our minds off the grind for a change”. I added as we all went inside the steakhouse. We were seated rather quickly and the waiter took our drink orders. Myra and Chelsea were striking up a conversation, but my face was buried in the menu trying to avoid everything.

“Everything fine, Andrea?” Myra asked. “You have barely said a word.”

I put the menu down and tried to be cool, but I couldn’t hide the annoyance on my face.

“I’m gond…” I said. But Myra narrowed her eyes and I knew she wasn’t convinced.

“Andrea’s seemed off today…” Chelsea mentioned.

“Yeah, what’s up with you? Are you not proud of the Utopia induction in GCW?” Myra asked

“I am but…”

“You haven’t said a word about it, even on social media. Are there feelings from years ago about GCW that you haven’t resolved or…”

“No, it has nothing to do with that. Myra, let me ask you something because YOU of all people would know having BEEN in that fire with me before. Let’s say you were the Bombshells World Champion, you had two matches one of which you won because of interference and the other with your tag team partner getting the pin. Would you feel like a champion whatsoever?”

Chelsea sighed knowing what was up with me and just buried her face in the menu. Myra on the other hand, scoffed at the question a bit showing that such a scenario was rolling off of her back.

“This matters why?” she asked.

“Because right now? I don’t feel like a champion and I’m going to have five fucking challengers that are going to come out of the fucking gate bashing me for this because of the way my last two matches have gone and I just cannot fucking deal with that shit! I don’t WANT to deal with that shit. I know it’s going to sound stubborn and maybe stupid, but you know what happened the last time I was a world champion and everything and I came into this reign hoping to BETTER that one. But when you consider the way my two matches as champion have gone and the fact that I’ve got the odds stacked against me…”

“You’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders….:” Myra cut in.

“Yeah, more or less. I’ll be honest with you. The way Victoria was approaching our match sucked. It was literally the same shit that I dealt with the first time I was champion. You know how she was doing that: ‘paper champion’, ‘not a real champion’...”

I rolled my eyes.

“But you beat her, Andrea…” Chelsea interrupted to remind me.

“Not in the way a champion should be winning against an opponent of that caliber though. But, you know. Fine. I can’t control the actions of other people even though getting caught in the cross fire of someone else’s war does in fact, suck. But, I let it roll off my back and knew I was going to get at least one more chance to show what kind of champion I could be. Then Kayla was the one that got the pin and you just KNOW people are going to start coming in with their doubts and their bullshit and…”

There was a brief interruption with the waiter serving our non-alcoholic drinks and then a couple of minutes of our lunch orders being taken, Myra, however, continued the conversation.

“Andrea, how many times have I told you… over and over again over how many years… not to let shit pile on top of more shit on your shoulders? How many times have you buckled under that weight because you let that shit pile up. I understand not wanting to win the way you did against Victoria and I get that you wanted to get the pin, but the way I am looking at it, if I were you, having done this world champion thing nine times over, I would be looking at this situation and saying ‘Fine, the chamber itself is what matters the most anyway’.”

“And don’t start with that ‘but if I don’t win the chamber then…’ talk either…” Chelsea adds on. “It’s not going to take away from anything. I don’t understand why you have to put so much unnecessary pressure on yourself. Who cares what other people say? Who gives a shit if Kayla got the pin. I don’t. Myra doesn’t. I don’t think anyone else does. Really, Kayla might point it out but who gives a fuck?”

“I think the way Chelsea is putting it is the way to see it.”

“Yeah… of course…” I said, still feeling unsure.

“I think this thing with you and Kayla is starting to become a little more personal for you too…” Chelsea points out. “I mean, this has grown into more than just a match here and a match there. It’s turning into a very heated rivalry and you feel like you’re one step behind her right now. If it was me as your partner and I got the pin, you wouldn’t even care. But because it’s Kayla that got it, and because she has something over you at the moment, then you’re taking it personal.”

“I’m not sure I would even go that far, though it’s pretty well documented that I am no fan of the woman or her attitude.”

“I’ve had my share of rivalries over the years, you know that…” Myra adds.

“You can’t help a glory hog, Andrea. Just focus on what you can do and don’t get overwhelmed. If worse comes to worse, it doesn’t take away what you accomplished beating her for the championship.”

“You both know how I want to get past ONE supercard cycle with the championship considering the last time around…”

“FUCK the last time around…” Chelsea says with anger in her voice. “And if I see you relapse and start doubting yourself and going off the rails again like you did last time, I’m kicking your ass.”

“And I’ll gladly join in. Now, can we celebrate Utopia being a Hall of Fame induction in GCW? You deserve to lighten your own burden every now and then…”

“That’s rich coming from you of all people, Myra…” I snapped back, knowing the workaholic that she’s always been. “But sure. Okay. Utopia. GCW Hall of Fame. All that jazz.”

Chelsea sighed again, Myra didn’t seem pleased with how I responded and needless to say, I was the least celebratory of our trio when that lunch came around. Chelsea made a hell of a point about Kayla getting the pin and I knew that she was right when I said that my rivalry with her was the reason why it was bothering me. Unfortunately, I was just too stubborn to come out and admit it.

Next Day…

I found myself walking out of the Scottsdale Fashion Square after a brief stroll to get my mind off of things. My brain was still fixated on what I had to do to pull myself out of the situation, but I was also waiting for Roddy to pick me up in the parking lot. I was running various scenarios in my head of what opponent might say what thing and figuring out how I was going to counter or silence any sort of negative talk.

PTSD from my last world title reign isn’t something that could be overcome overnight after all…

I could hear some laughter nearby, but I wasn’t thinking too much of it… that is, until a familiar voice that I would NEVER want to deal with came within earshot…

“Look who’s a world champion again…”

I’m not sure what was more disgusting: seeing my ex-boyfriend Lorenzo who dumped me after I stopped being the person that he wanted me to be, or seeing him with a new bitch on his arm.

“This is your ex?” she asked. “She’s even uglier than I thought.”

“Hey, chill! We’re friends, right?” Lorenzo asked me.

“I’m pretty sure that went out the window when you dumped me for not being ‘that evil bitch’ that I was in my last SCW run.”

“Have you dated anyone since me though? I mean….”

“That’s none of your business. What are you even doing here?”

“Taking out a girl worth my time, that’s what.”

“I’ll explore for a bit…” his new girlfriend said as she walked away.

“I’m not the one that missed out, Lorenzo. I became SCW Bombshells World Champion without being that ‘evil bitch’ that you loved so much. I remember how you were brainwashing me and enabling me to be that person after we got together and how you were telling me that I was going to be a world champion and dominate the whole world being the way you wanted me to be and it never happened. I go back to being me and LOOK, I won a world championship again.”

Lorenzo shrugs.

“You told me straight up that if I went back to being ‘that weak piece of shit’... your words, that I would never be SCW Bombshells World Champion again and you were wrong. You were DEAD fucking wrong! So don’t come up to my face with your new bitch and act like you matter.”

“It was a fluke. You’re not surviving that chamber. You haven’t even done anything since you won the title.”

I rolled my eyes, basically no-selling that kind of talk.

“You couldn’t beat another champion without help and you couldn’t even win the tag team match on Sunday. The better wrestler of your team did. My girl and I even got tickets for that match just to watch you lose, you know that right? You’re not even that good. You’ve never been that good. You’re nothing but a stuck up, obnoxious pathetic daddy’s little girl that can’t find a man that wants to fuck her because…”

I reached into my purse and pulled out some earbuds. I put them in my ears, found a song on my phone and started blasting “Round and Round” by Ratt to the highest volume I could without damaging my ears.  Whatever negative, abusive garbage he was saying, I couldn’t even hear. He was getting visibly frustrated that I wouldn’t hear him to the point where he tried to reach for my ear to pull an earbud out, but I was fast on the reflex to grab him by the wrist.

“Don’t touch me…” I said as I shoved him away. I paused the song on my phone.

“You are so disrespectful, you know that? You can’t hear the truth so you’re rude and shutting me out. If your father was still here, he would be…”

“You kicked me to the curb when I refused to be the person you kept brainwashing me to be. You don’t have the right to bring up my father. You don’t have a right to talk to me. I don’t care what you think. You’re fucking trash, Lorenzo. The moment you get bored with your new bitch, you’re going to shit can her too just like you did me. Yeah, maybe I haven’t won matches since winning the belt the way I wanted to. But so fucking what, okay? The fact is, after you kept telling me I’d never amount to anything again in SCW after you dumped me, I went back, being the OPPOSITE of everything you wanted me to be, and I became a world champion again. You trying to throw Match A and Match B in my face for such fucking shallow reasons doesn’t erase that. I proved you wrong, I succeeded without you and you can’t take it so you’re trying to bring me down. So why don’t you fuck off, fuck yourself, fuck your new bitch, and get the fuck out of my face, you toxic piece of gutter trash! Just looking at you and knowing I had someone like you in my bed at one point makes me disgusted…”

“Your loss… in that stupid chamber and with me. I’m the best you’ll ever have…” he said as he began to walk away.

“...I’ll find someone that is so much better than your five minutes a pop, you fucking piece of shit! I bet even the Troll in SCW would be a better fuck than you!”

Lorenzo flipped me off as he went to join his new girlfriend. I, on the other hand, was feeling really heated considering so much subconscious nonsense was now causing immense anger to build up inside of me. I did hear a slow clap in the distance and I saw that my older brother Roddy was approaching me.

“Way to tell off that dickbag, sis.”

I don’t remember a time where I couldn’t hug him fast enough.

“Fucking piece of shit! I was in the gutter when I dated him and that kept me in there longer than I ever needed to be…”

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore. You handled it the right way. He was trying to give you shit based off of your last two matches and you just tuned it out and didn’t give it the time of day. I know those matches are bothering you a bit, but that’s what you need to do: put them in the past. Let’s ditch this stand, alright? I’m not going to allow you to get bent over shit and people, that don’t matter. “

“Thanks for looking out for me…” I said with a sigh. “I’ve had it up to here as is…”

Roddy and I would depart after I said this and as the day progressed, I was feeling better even if I was still angry over the way my previous two matches in SCW have gone.

3/22/2025

Tucson.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my home state, but this city hasn’t been great for me as SCW is concerned. When the camera came on me, I effectively knew that but I also know that it was the least of the odds and any old demons that I had to overcome. Still, being at Mount Lemmon and in nature rather than the bustling business of Tucson was helping me a bit as I began to express my thoughts.

“I will be the first to admit that there are areas within myself that I have to improve upon. I know that my history in Tuscon isn’t good. High Stakes was in Tucson and I couldn’t beat Kayla. I know that my history being an SCW Bombshells World Champion isn’t good because the last time around, it was one supercard cycle and done and I went into this downward spiral over it for a long time. I’ve been in an elimination chamber before, and THAT didn’t go well for me. I finished fourth while the likes of Crystal and Alicia had all the spotlight. So yeah, I have a LOT on my shoulders with this championship defense and in order to remain the SCW Bombshells World Champion, I’ve got to overcome ALL of that AND five challengers. I look at the field and I know that Kayla’s in there. That’s not a surprise. She’s pretty much earned that opportunity. I’m not THAT surprised to see Mercedes in there considering her pedigree and considering she’s on a higher wave of things lately. But the others? Those DO surprise me to some degree. Either way, with everything that I’ve brought up and knowing that the two matches I’ve had since Inception, while they have been wins, have the “yeah, but…” asterisk attached at the end. I beat Victoria, BUT… interference. I was able to get the win over Mercedes and Cassie recently… BUT Kayla got the pin. If you think I’m happy with that, I’m NOT! So the way I see it, I get the win in this chamber match, overcome everything that I just mentioned and THEN I can feel like I’ve really solidified myself as a world champion.

I’ve had a dominant career. Winning my matches at an 80 percent clip is nothing to sneeze at. Going an entire SCW season and an entire calender year undefeated as I did in 2021 and being one of the better Internet Champions of my generation in this company is something to be proud of. But the one thing that I haven’t proven yet is that I can handle that leadership role of being a world champion and with a win here, that’s EXACTLY what I will do. I will start with Necra. She’s a Hall of Fame member who just came back and I am not going to pretend like I know everything about her. Necra, for all of your accomplishments, I’m not going to walk into that chamber intimidated by you and it’s not just because you came back and it’s not just because you’re probably still working off the rust. It’s because you’re going to be sidetracked. I know this! I’ve seen what’s been going on with you and Candy lately and you’re likely going to be more fixated on torturing her than winning this championship if I had to take a guess. I know you’re coming in here with your reputation and your ‘soul taking nature’ and all of that, but let’s face the facts. You’ve got a LOT of adjusting to do because this is a FAR different SCW now than it was the last time you were here and in my opinion, you haven’t shown enough to prove that you deserve to be in this match. Had it not been for Bobbie’s pregnancy and the sudden need for a replacement, you wouldn’t be int his match at all. So, the way I see it? You’re at a worse disadvantage than I could ever be.

And speaking of disadvantage…

Candy…

Girl, I don’t hate you. I used to find you annoying in my last run here, but I’m past that. What in the actual fuck are you doing int his match? Right, Christian threw you in out of nowhere but here’s the thing. A match like this? It’s completely out of your element. You don’t even know what you’re in for. You’re too much of a sweetheart to even win a match like this. That’s without going into the fact that aside from a Roulette Championship reign that was quite a while back, you’ve never had a real track record of success in Sin City Wrestling. You don’t have enough of a spine to be a true threat in this match and I hate to dismiss you knowing what you can be capable of, but you havern’t changed at all from your last SCW run, I haven’t seen any signs of you being any different or any better than years past and this is one of those matches where you’re just too much in over your head. You might eliminate Necra at most, but besides that? Every time we’ve faced, I’ve been the winner on the other side and this is going to be another of those instances.

Now as far as Mercedes and Cassie go… with Cassie, what you have is someone who like Candy, is in over her head but not because of talent. I think Cassie is a bigger threat in this match than Candy. But Cassie is in the same spot that I was in when I had my first chamber match here and that’s having the massive disadvantage of being inexperienced compared to the rest of us. Cassie, I don’t take back anything that I said about you when we were going into the tag match. I still think that your attitude definitely needs some adjusting and I still think that you and Mercedes defeated yourselves before that tag match started. If you and Krystal are similar in any way, I would say it’s the propensity to look at a huge challenge like this and have that “oh my god, this is going to be tough” attitude before the bell even rings and I admit that when I went into my last chamber match here, that’s exactly how I was feeling. I went in there thinking “this is going to be too hard” rather than “I’m going to find a way to win against all odds with so many big names” and I finished a VERY disappointing fourth place. Cassie, you’re going to be far too much in your own head and something tells me you’re especially going to be targeting Mercedes considering you’re going to be wanting her head on a platter and you’re feeling like she cost you our tag team match.

That doesn’t leave YOU off the hook, Mercedes. You’re someone that only puts her whole heart and soul into a match whenever it’s most convenient for you and our tag team match was literally the perfect example of that. You didn’t even bother saying a fucking word going into our match other than whining on Twitter about being Cassie’s partner and when we actually had the match? I could tell that you were feeling like you’d rather be elsewhere. I could tell that teaming up with Cassie was the last thing that you wanted to do. So, here’s the score here. You can fuck right off with that attitude and you can quit half-assing and sleepwalking your way through your SCW career. I can respect your accomplishments and I will admit that you’ve been better as of late. I think perhaps, you could maybe be in the final four of this thing, maybe final 3, if you actually TRY to step into that ring and TRY top prove that you can grow and evolve with the division instead of being the glorified nostalgia act you’ve allowed yourself to become and relying so much on what you did years ago. I want to at least respect you as a person for that much, but you’ve never given me a reason to. I know what you’re capable of when you actually try your best. I felt that when I beat you for the Internet Championship. But ultimately? I just don’t think that you want it bad enough and even if you did, your reasons for wanting to be on top are selfish and self-serving at best. You’d only want to be champion again to silence the haters and pad your resume and that’s not the kind of champion this company needs.

And finally…”

I took a bit of a pause and a sigh. I thought back to the tag match and how Kayla got the pin and how much that was bothering me some and I did everything I could to keep my composure as I began to address the champion that I dethroned.”

“You had to know that I was going to save Kayla Richards for last. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t agree with the way she carries herself at times, but I’ve never gone out and blatantly disrespected her or said that she doesn’t deserve anything or even rooted for her to fail the way others have. Here’s how I realistically see this match going: Cassie and Mercedes are going to cancel each other out. Necra and Candy are going to do the same. For all of the disagreements that we have, I think we can both agree that we SHOULD be and WILL be the final two in this thing. Now, also knowing Kayla like I think I do, she might come out of the gates and seeing the people in the chamber match and she might even think that half the wrestlers in this thing shouldn’t be in this thing at all and she’s going to be wishing that wrestlers of better quality like Julianna, Bella and Victoria were in this match. Fine. She can have her opinions as abrasive as they are. And Kayla, I know you’ve had a history of pointing out how you’ve had opponents that have beaten you before, but the moment you get a rematch, you end up beating them right back.

The likes of Keira Fisher and Melissa fall into that category as far as the Internet Championship was concerned, but let me be blunt here: Melissa might have been a strong Bombshell with potential, but she didn’t quite meet that and I KNOW I am better than her. Keira might be the Hall of Famer that she is, but I’ve faced her multiple times and even a time when the Internet Championship is on the line. You lost the belt to her, I didn’t. Hell, she never beat me in a match whenever we faced so I KNOW I am better than Keira. I get it, you’ve had successes in rematches, but when you factor in the chamber, that trend of yours is going to be in some massive trouble and also, our last match? It was a reverse situation of that ‘rematch situation’ where your opponent was the one that evened the score and that’s exactly what I did. You might have a little more momentum having gotten the pin in that tag match and getting a win over Bea last week, but I’m even more determined to keep this than I was to win it from you in the first place and I don’t give a shit if this match is happening in Tucson where you beat me at High Stakes, I will STILL find a way to win. The pressure has shifted the other way and you’re coming into this KNOWING that this might be it for you…

That if you don’t win this chamber and come away with the championship again, you could find yourself at the back of the line. I know the feeling being there at Inception, but I managed to pull through and come away with the championship. That pressure HAS to be eating away at you KNOWING how you think and KNOWING that you’ve always had that all or nothing mindset AND that ‘having to silence people’ mindset. If that wasn’t enough? You’ve got this new Aaron girl nipping at your heals and all of this personal drama with Finn and as we’ve seen in recent weeks, that has been quite the distraction for you and that’s something that you’re not going to easily put out of your mind while I don’t carry any outside distractions coming into this thing. Aside from maybe some of my own obstacles that I have to overcome mentally to win this thing, I am not tied up in a war with someone else and that means I’ll be more focused and I’ll be more ready while you continue to be in your own head as you typically are without that Aaron distraction to begin with. You can talk about your ‘rematch’ trend all you want and you can sing to the high heavens how in a rematch, you always get the person that beats you back, but this is NOT going to be one of those times, I WILL buck that trend along with all the other trends that I’ve mentioned already and you might even wish that you never gave me that rematch at Inception to begin with. You’re going to be my toughest challenge of the five that I’m facing at Blaze of Glory, but in my second run in this company, as I proved once and for all when I defeated you, I’ve only gotten stronger and I will CONTINUE to be stronger no matter what ANY result in ANY match has to say and more than anything else, that’s how I’ve been able to learn how to get out of my own way and meet my fullest potential.

When I eliminate you at the end and when I come away STILL the SCW Bombshells World Champion, that potential is going to come out of me now more than it ever has at any point in my career.

With that, I shut the camera off and decide to take in the serene nature and the peaceful environment of Mount Lemmon. Going into a brutal first title defense, I’m going to need all of the mental peace that I can get.

2-5-2025

The first time that I had ever won the SCW Bombshells World Championship, I had that naive, cloud nine feeling and felt like I was living in a dream world. A part of me couldn’t even believe that it was real. But a few days after doing it all over again, I was anything but that. I was, of course, happy and thrilled with what I managed to pull off. After all, dethroning Kayla Richards and ending the most dominant world championship reign since probably my first run in the company was no small feat. But when I went back to Sedona and visited my family, I didn’t want a celebration.

I didn’t want to settle for living in that dream world again. I knew deep down that it cost me before and I wasn’t about to make the same mistakes that I made four years ago. For me, winning the SCW Bombshells World Championship again wasn’t about the redemption anymore. It was about proving to myself that I have learned from my mistakes and that I will continue to do so. But I also knew, despite the lack of wanting a celebration, but my family and their faith in me drove me to make this happen.

My mother and Eddie were always with me of course.

Roddy had only just started to be part of my life again considering the rough relationship we had as children and how he took on the old role my father used to have. I never thought I would say that without him, I wouldn’t have gotten those last pieces of the mental puzzle to finally put me over the top.

Due to his constant abuse of me, including the one time he beat me up and left me bruised in a closet when I was 14 years old, I would always say things to him like “I hate you”, “burn in hell” and even at one time, “go fuck yourself”.

But when I met him back in the building that once housed my father’s wrestling school, I said the two words I never imagined I would ever tell him…

“Thank you…”

Roddy just looked back at me and he looked a bit perplexed. I knew that those words would shock him but I also knew that he was putting things into perspective as I elaborated.

“I couldn’t have won it again without you. I never thought it would come to that, but wrestling is a crazy business as you know. You, of all people, were there to pick me up after High Stakes, tell me exactly what I was doing wrong and what it was going to take to fix it, and all I had to do was apply it and…”

I paused, looking at the title that I just regained that was resting on my shoulder.

“...I finally did it again!”

Roddy was still at a loss for words. He felt a sense of pride, but then I noticed when I looked into his eyes that there was even a bit of guilt too.

“Everything in the past between us is down the river and done with, Roddy. You know that. You don’t have to feel guilty or burdened anymore. You redeemed yourself by helping me when I wasn’t or asking for your help at first.”

“Andrea, baby sis… let me be real with you for a moment. Sit with me…”

Roddy and I both sat down in the front row of the bleachers that overlooked the training ring.

“This wasn’t about redemption for me. Redemption, in this instance, would’ve been a selfish thing. I did, however, want to repair our relationship and finally make it right with you. This wasn’t about me, this was about us. I felt like I had to be there to help you heal from the past and that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’m proud of you a hell of a lot more than I’m proud of me. But really, I should be the one saying thank you…”

I was caught off guard by this as I definitely wasn’t expecting this from him.

“You didn’t have to forgive me for all the hell I put you through when we were children and that’s exactly what you did.”

“I had to…” I explained. “I recognized this horribly toxic trait within myself that I lacked the ability to move on from things and to carry this bitterness toward everyone that put me down or wronged me. That’s what sunk me when I was in SCW the last time and I swore I would never fall down that rabbit hole again. You were the one that caused me the greatest pain when I was growing up for all the times you rejected me and told me you didn’t want a sister so I felt like in order to learn how to forgive other people and to forgive myself for my mistakes, I had to forgive you and… it was amazingly hard…”

The conversation of surprises continued. Roddy always prided himself on being such a “machismo” kind of guy the way the Mexican male stereotype is often portrayed, but in this moment, even he was crying.

“When I was in prison and I saw you struggle, as I told you before, that’s when I knew that all of that pain you were going through in your previous SCW run was because of me. I can happily tell you that I’m no longer carrying that burden in me anymore. I fixed what I broke to begin with and you never deserved any of the shit that I gave you. It’s no wonder that when other wrestlers would come out of the gate and try to put you down and say those mean, god awful things to you at times, you’d often crumble…”

Roddy puts an arm around me and pulls me a little closer to him.

“But not anymore, Andrea. You’ve grown far beyond that scared little princess that was worrying so much about the consequences of failure. You reinvented yourself and the truth is, you did it all on your own because what you’ve managed to accomplish since you went back to SCW is something that you always had in you. All I did was unlock that belief in you that you were missing since the previous time you held that championship that you have now. So again, thank you for giving me another chance. You’ve even inspired me. You’ve done what I always dreamed of doing four times over and if there’s anything you need from me at all, you know I got your back.”

“Thank you…” I said, with tears in my own eyes as we exchanged an embrace. This moment definitely felt like I was on top of the world, even more than the moment where I had that three count on Kayla. Winning the world championship again was certainly something that meant the world, but the amazing results that have stemmed from that, such as repairing my relationship with my oldest brother and the fact that I was able to inspire him out of his own guilt and was able to learn how to forgive and let go after spending so much of my career being so bitter toward any little thing against me that went wrong meant that much more.

“You SHOULD be able to handle it a lot better this time right?” Roddy asked in a bit of a jocular tone. “After all, the last time you had that title on your shoulder…. I don’t need to remind you, do I? Just because you’ve got the championship again doesn’t mean that you won’t face the same criticisms and the same talks that you had to deal with, but weren’t ready to deal with before.”

I sighed, though not in an upset or a bummed way, more as in I accepted the situation for what it was even though I wish it didn’t have to be reality to an extent.

“Kayla’s already chomping at the bit. Crystal’s obsession with me won’t end. You’ve got your loud mouth people like Julianna, Victoria, Aleesha, and so on that just love to throw their toxic words at anyone to try to destroy them to bring them down. This isn’t my first rodeo. I’m aware of my mistakes last time around, but this time? I know better and I know that the only person that defines my journey and writes my story is me. None of those women I mention get to do that no matter how much a Julianna or an Aleesha might want to try.”

“Good answer, kiddo…” Roddy said to me as he gave me another embrace. “You’re going to be just fine no matter what curveballs or challenges come your way when you have that title…”

“I’m ready for it this time…” I said with a vigor and confidence in my voice that I never had before. Roddy had so much confidence in me that it was a hell of a feeling, but he was absolutely right that the ‘hard part’ was about to come especially when you consider that in SCW, the cattiness and the drama will never cease to amaze me, or stop for that matter.

He wasn’t the only one in my family wanting to remind me of this…

2-12-2025

“You can’t catch a damn break with that world title, can you?”

I could only swallow some air when my mother walked into my living room back down in Paradise Valley. She is only beginning to learn how to come around on my wrestling career and I didn’t say a word as we sat down at our kitchen table.

“What are you talking about? That elimination chamber?”

“Didn’t you lose one of those before?” she asked me. It’s very rare that I ever roll my eyes at something my mother says or asks, but this was one of those times and she also caught me doing this.

“Don’t be rolling your eyes at me, young lady. I’m raising a point here.”

“Yeah, but that was so long ago, mother.”

My mother sighs and I was doing the best that I can to keep myself calm even though she was completely frazzled about the elimination chamber a hell of a lot more than I ever could’ve been.

“That doesn’t matter! This is absolutely bull, Andrea! You won the world title before, got it ripped away from you, then you went through complete and total hell to the point where you even left SCW for two years, then you go back, go through the wringer that was High Stakes before you FINALLY win the championship again and NOW they want to bring back that stupid chamber match. You just can’t catch a break! I really wanted you to make it through two months… a LOT more than two months… with that championship but now…”

My mother sighs and as much as I hate to admit it, I was feeling a bit annoyed with where she was going with this.

“Now I know where I got my previously prevalent overworrying tendencies from…” I told myself in my own mind.

“...it’s the same thing all over again and all those vapid, catty bitches are going to come out of hiding to root against you and laugh at you when you fail just like before…”

“So what…” I muttered…

“What do you mean so what? You realized what happened last time around right?”

“Mom…”

“It’s going to happen again! You’re going to lose the title in the chamber…”

“Mom…” I said with a hint of anger in my voice.

“You’re going to have all those CUNTS mock you and say that it was all a fluke and that you didn’t deserve to have the championship again and then you’re going to have another triggered meltdown on top of the fact that god forbid, I die… or one of your brothers…”

“Mom…”

“I lost you once to that horrible company and I am not going to lose my only daughter to that garbage again!”

“MOM!!!!!!” I screamed at this point, catching her off guard and completely taking her aback.

“Do you have no faith in me at all or is your negative perception of professional wrestling as a whole, especially me being a part of it, pushing you to have this massive freakout over a match where you have no idea who is going to be in it or what is even going to happen? You were just fine before I won the title again and now you’re flipping out and worrying that what happened in 2020 is going to happen again.”

“Watching you go through that was hell, Andrea! I don’t want to see it again!”

“You WON’T see it again! And god forbid, if I don’t survive the chamber with the title and all those people you’re worried about come out of the woodwork and talk shit, SO WHAT? I’ve learned to stop hearing bitches like that. Pop quiz, Mom. When I lost at High Stakes, did what you’re SO WORRIED about happen?”

My mother takes a deep breath. Being the prideful woman that she is, she hates being wrong and even worse, admitting that she is.

“No. It didn’t.”

“It’s a different time with a different locker room with maybe a couple of exceptions. Tell me, how old am I?”

“You’re turning 31 in a month…”

I sighed again.

“Mom, you know I’ll always love you and I understand that I’m your only daughter and you’ve always been so protective of me, but I need you to get this through your head, alright? I’m not a little girl anymore…”

My mother’s eyes widened some and she even hung her head for a brief moment. I could tell that mentioning that to her cut her a bit deep.

“I don’t need your protection, I need your support. I completely get that what happened to me a few years ago in SCW was very hard on you and I understand you suffered watching me do the same that damn badly. I get that High Stakes was tough for you watching me lose such a huge match right in front of your very eyes, but I got stronger and better out of that. Even in the worst case scenario, there’s no way that 2020 is going to happen all over again. I’m done with it. I’m through redeeming that whole thing and I stopped using that as motivation long before I had my rematch with Kayla. If I, who lived through that nightmare being in that environment first hand, am over all of that and am not even worrying at all about anything that you just described then…”

“I need to move on too…” my mother says with a bit of reluctance in her voice. “Andrea, sweetheart, you’re not only the only daughter I have, you’re my youngest child. All I’ve ever known is protecting you. All I’ve ever wanted you to do is be happy and live a good life. When you turned into that person that you used to be the last time you were there, I felt like I didn’t know my daughter anymore.”

“I get it…” I said as I looked her in the eyes. “...but it’s okay now. I need you to trust that and to have faith in me no matter what happens because you know how I feel hearing you be like that? I feel like you don’t believe in me at all!”

“I’m sorry and I should’ve been better. You’re right. You’re about to be 31. You’re strong and independent and you’ve managed to overcome so much over the last couple of years. I need to be a stronger example for you than that and trying to protect you now only does a disservice to you. We both know you’re in for choppier waters, but you’ve endured worse to be stronger than ever.”

“Thank you…” I said with a sigh of relief. “I can stand on my own two feet now and push through the worst and look at me now…”

“I couldn’t have raised a stronger, better daughter than you…”

We embraced before we finally had our lunch that we planned.

As I look to what’s coming up, I won’t deny that things aren’t getting any easier, but I also know things will never be as hard as they were in 2020 again.

I’m taking a FAR better and different approach to this championship reign…

2-21-2025

When the camera came on me, I was feeing pretty strong. I wasn’t skittish or worried like I was during my previous title reign. Knowing the journey that I went through just to gain this again is something that gives me that strength and I was looking at the very moment that journey started: losing the title to Evie. I showed it to the camera and began to speak.

“I want you to take a look at this. This was when I was champion before and I lost it relatively quickly. You know what this moment means to me?”

I let the picture fall into the trash can in front of me.

“Absolute shit! Now, I want to acknowledge that with the chamber coming up in about a month, I’ve been dealt a rough hand when it comes to trying to hold the title longer this time, but if you think for a fucking second that I am going to wilt like I did before, you’ve got another thing coming. I know that people are going to be chomping at the bit trying to take me down. I know people are going to pull some bullshit out of their ass out of thin air to trash me or try to discredit me. I’ve been through it all before but the difference between then and now is that I am so much stronger this time and you mark my fucking words right now that I AM going to find a way to WIN that chamber match when I get there because compared to the hell that I endured four years ago the last time I had this championship, a chamber match is fucking child’s play to me. I proved what I’m capable of when I won this championship. I didn’t beat a forgettable champion that nobody would remember, I beat Kayla fuckign Richzards god damn it, and no matter what anyone wants to say about it, you will NEVER take that away from me. Call it a fluke, Victoria… or anyone else. See if I fucking care. I’m not going to make the same mistake of giving too much of a fuck about what other people think of me and yeah, I don’t have it easy coming out of the gate either.

I know Victoria has been a dominant Roulette Champion. I’d be a fool to look past you on that one but you’re already over there on Twitter, trash talking with Alexandra Calaway talking about how I’m a “paper champion” and insinuating that I’m no real champion. Look, I’m barely going to entertain that thought because that’s some Go Gym rookie bullshit and I don’t need to waste a minute explaining why. For starters, you said the same thing about Bella Madison as the Internet Champion so it’s plain as fucking day that originality isn’t your strong suit “QUEEN”. I mean, it’s not like we haven’t seen THAT in this company before. If that’s the attitude that you want to carry, acting like you’re above everyone and everything just because you’ve been the Roulette Champion for over 200 days and just because you were able to dethrone Kayla for the Mixed Tag Team titles, then so be it. Live in your own fucking delusion but it’s that delusion of grandeur that is going to cost you in the long run because with bitches like you, I’ve SEEN this type of shit before, MANY times, in and out of SCW.

You know who else was a dominant Roulette Champion? Krystal Wolfe. You don’t see her around anymore, do you? The truth of the matter is that your dominance is partially aided by the fact that you haven’t faced bigger competition than your own championship and your own division very often. That’s not to say it’s a total fluke, but I have to go by what I see. You want to say that you’re a better champion than I am and all of that, you want to act like you’re above me, but let me fill you in on something, Victoria. I KNOW dominance. In fact, I’ve achieved GREATER dominance in this company than you have and it goes far beyond the fact that I came back, won this championship from Kayla Richards within 10 matches of coming back, got to main event High Stakes on the Bombshells side, and that she’s the only one that’s beaten me since my comeback. Try going an ENTIRE YEAR without losing a match. I’ve done that! Try going on a winning streak of 18 matches in a row. Yeah, I’ve done that too and it’s not like I padded my stats facing the likes of Bea Barnhart and some forgotten Bombshell no longer on this roster over and over again. Hall of Fame members are on that win streak. Across the wrestling business in 2024, I only lost ONE other singles match besides Kayla. Yeah, only TWO singles losses in 2024.

THAT is dominance that is, in my opinion, MORE impressive than yours. I mean, you’ve even admitted yourself in a roundabout sort of way that other than Kayla, you’ve never been tested, right? Wait, you think I’m talking bullshit? Look in the mirror or even better, listen to the shit that you’ve said… treating Bobbie and Alicia like they’re practically nothing to you by pointing out that this Bombshell or that Bombshell was a tougher challenge than both of them, telling Bobbie she “never had a place” in this company, telling her that she’s not cut out for this, “never relevant”, “never delivering” all of this other vapid bullshit that would make some of the Bombshells long gone from this roster join your fucking fan club if such a thing exists and yet you’re that damn vapid that you fell into the trap of cheapening your own victory at Inception because how the fuck is beating someone that “never had a place here” and was “never relevant” in any way, shape or form, impressive? I’m using your own words there, Victoria. Answer me that! How was your title defense in that triple threat impressive when you are waxing lyrical about how Bella, Alexandra and Luna are all tougher than her and talking about how struggling and mediocre she is? So, using your fucked up bullshit logic, does this mean that the longer you’ve been champion, the more you’ve been stepping down and taking on weaker challengers along the way? Is that how that works? According to your “logic”, then yes, that’s how it works and therefore, you burst the bubble on your own conquests and accomplishments just by being so fucking ignorant and lacking any sort of self-awareness about whatever the fuck you’re saying. Holy shit, be glad that you didn’t actually LOSE to her than you’d look even DUMBER! I mean, I’d hate to lose to someone that was “never relevant” and “mediocre”, wouldn’t you?

How is YOUR win at Inception impressive at all when you’re burying Alicia Lukas in dirt, stating that she’s over the hill, she’s past it, again just like Bobbie saying that other challenges were tougher than she is, saying that she’s a “faded star”, “burned out” all of that other nonsense being completely ignorant of the fact that when I got to the main event of High Stakes, I DID go through her, and I also went through Alexandra who you praise so fucking highly in a backhanded sort of way. Again, I’m using your own logic here. On paper, what you accomplished SHOULD’VE been at least somewhat impressive because that’s a three time world champion and one of the most physically imposing bitches on the roster that you were able to overcome, but unfortunately, it’s NOT impressive because you decided to bury the whole fucking match before the bell even rang. It’s not ME undermining your win at Inception, it’s YOU! Yet, you still want to live in that delusion that you live in and act like you’re the best champion in this company and you still want to interfere in Alexandra’s match to screw her out of being in the chamber against me because “oh now you get to face a real champion and I did you a favor”... holy motherfucking shit, how the fuck are you a member of the Lyons clan with that type of garbage coming out of your mouth?

And that’s without mentioning that I’ve faced Alexandra twice, and beaten her twice… just saying! This need to act as if Kayla “might” be the only Bombshell on this roster that is better than you is downright sad. Come talk to me when you’ve actually pinned her in a match, especially a championship match, and not have your partner pin hers in one like with what happened when you won the Mixed Tag. Yeah, you had a real chance to prove that it wasn’t a fluke and even though you weren’t pinned in the rematch, you STILL lost to Kayla and Finn! That really was your ONE big chance to TRULY prove that you are who are are behind all the dominance that you’ve had and honestly speaking, your one and only chance up to this point, prior to this match anyway, to prove that you’re the main event player you clearly believe yourself to be even though when you take all that dominance away, you’re really, honestly, a Kayla Richards wannabe fangirl that is dominating a division and acts like she’s hot shit when she’s rarely ever been tested outside of it. You spelled out your defenses recently… Mercedes, Harper, Luna, Alexandra, Bella…

A terrible list it is not…

But a list of victories that, as you CLEARLY alluded to when you said that Kayla might be the only Bombshell that might be better than you, doesn’t match what I just accomplished... with all due respect to those ladies of course…

But what the fuck do I know? I’m “overrated mediocrity”, right?”

I paused for a bit to basically laugh a prior comment from Victoria’s promo going into her match against Song out of the hotel room I was in.

“See, YOU are the perfect example of what I am talking about when I say that I am not going to make the same mistake that I made in my prior title run of taking stock in the words of other people and what they have to say because now, unlike then, I know better. I’ve studied what you’ve said about your opponents and I’ve seen that little exchange with Alexandra and that’s all I need to know that whatever the fuck you want to say about me isn’t going to mean shit because what I do in that ring, what I have accomplished, what I just did at Inception, doing the ONE THING you are CRAVING to do and yet you still haven’t been able to do so and hell, the fact that since I’ve been here dating back to 2019 that I just happen to have one of the most dominating winning percentages in the history of this company at literally 80 percent… because having only TWELVE losses to your name at ALL in 60 matches is the definition of mediocrity right…

THAT is what defines me, Victoria! Your words and your opinions don’t. They never will. No matter how badly you want to make your own empty words and stupid, menial, wrestling school level rookie bullshit on the mic the actual truth about me or about anyone, it will NEVER be the truth even if god forbid you win on Sunday. I made a promise to myself the night that I won this championship that I was going to be a much better champion the second time around and that even if worse came to worse, I will always know in my heart that I will NEVER collapse the way I did in 2020 ever again and just that in and of itself is what makes me the phoenix, the CHAMPION that I am even if god forbid this title reign ends up shorter than the last one and I don’t make the chamber at all.

It’s a pressure cooker for me coming out of the gate in my second title reign, I’ll admit that. But I was the one that ended a reign that everyone thought wasn’t going to end anytime soon so trust me when I say that I know how to END a run of dominance and with you? When I pin your shoulders to the mat and become the first Bombshell to do so by the way, I will validate what I’ve already validated within myself and that’s the fact that I KNOW that I can be, and will be, a champion that has more than learned from her mistakes and is far more ready than ever to represent this fucking division the way it’s supposed to be represented.

So go ahead and keep playing yourself, Victoria. Because when you did that leading into Inception by admitting that your title defense wasn’t anything impressive, you basically revealed who truly is “overrated mediocrity”.

Hey, YOUR words, Victoria… not mine!

I could only wink at the camera at this point before I shut it off. By no means was I angry or stressing over what she’s already said or what she might say…

Because with this championship reign?

It really IS different this time!

High Stakes

Going into the rematch at Inception, it was only natural for me to remember everything that happened about that night in Tucson. I was numb for a while after the fact as most would know, but the immediate aftermath is where I wasn’t feeling great at all. I was in the parking lot wanting to be alone. I felt this cold emptiness inside and I was questioning so much. The first question was obvious…

“Why?”

That was the only thing that was crossing my mind. Why, after everything that I had done to face the past that was burdening me and to overcome it every step of the way, why did things go the way they did? Why did I lose? Why, after giving the best performance that I could possibly give on the grandest stage, did the match go that way.

“Kayla was better…” was what the responsible part of my mind was saying.

But realizing this just led to the same question.

“Why?”

I was at the point where I was asking this out loud. THe questionings were continuing. I was trying the best that I could to hold back the tears. I wasn’t feeling like a failure like I had in years past. I wasn’t beating myself down. For as much progress as I made and for as much as I was showing it, I still couldn’t stop asking ‘why?’

“Why was she better than me? Why did I have to lose like that? Why did it have to be in such a cruel fashion? Why did I lose the best SCW match I’ve wrestled to date?”

These were questions that I didn’t think that even Myra or Chelsea could answer. I was even doubting that my father would be able to answer any of this if he were still here.

“How can this happen to me AGAIN?” I said with an angry tone of voice to the point where anyone within earshot could hear me. I didn’t know that I wasn’t alone in the parking lot. I didn’t even want to face my daily after all this, at least not in the instant moment. “WHY does this keep happening to me? I came into this thing tonight believing that I was going to win, but I didn’t. What the fuck am I doing wrong? What the fuck am I missing? I don’t understand. I’m better than I’ve ever been and I still can’t get past that final hurdle? Why? Everyone was telling me that I was going to win. Everyone around me believed this was going to be my night…”

“Not everyone…” I heard from a little bit ahead. My eyes narrowed as my oldest brother Roddy happened to find me. I wasn’t going to ask if he heard any of it because it was a safe assumption that he heard all of it. I was angry just seeing him considering that up to this point, we hadn’t reconciled our relationship yet.

“You’re going to tell me right here and now that you didn’t think I was going to win tonight? God, you’re so fucking supportive….”

I rolled my eyes at my own sarcasm.

“I’m not going to sugar coat and bullshit you. Mom just wants to coddle you and Eddie just wants to protect you. That doesn’t help you. They’ve filled your head with puppies and rainbows for years without realizing it. The answer to all your ‘why’ questions is right in front of you. Think back to your promos. Think back to your attitude of why you wanted to win tonight. Think back to the Belle of the Brawl. I’m not going to give you the answer.”

“Fuck you…” I said to him, not wanting to hear it from him. “Just pour the salt in the wound to me just like you always have!”

Roddy shook his head and he angrily sighed seeing the tears stroll down my face.

“Do you realize that you reacted the way you just did because you’re still holding onto the past?”

My eyes widened with the epiphany that just hit me.

“...oh my god…” I said with a gasp. “Oh my fucking god…”

“It’s hitting you, isn’t it?”

Right now, I just wanted to run away and hide.

“All I was talking about and thinking about in those Belle of the Brawl promos was overcoming and erasing the past… all the preparation that I did was about erasing the past: the roleplay with Chelsea where she pretended to be Evie… constantly talking about the heartbreak I had suffered before… I was so fixated on the past and wanting to erase that and wanting to make people forget about all of that… that I was setting myself up for failure without even realizing it. Oh my god, how could I have overlooked that?”

“You forget that the people you work with have short memories and generally move on from things quickly. You’re literally the only one that brings up the past anymore. None of your opponents even do that. You were living in this giant fairy tale about how you were going to make this happen tonight and redeem yourself on the grandest stage against the most dominant champion this company has seen in a while. You were fighting for the wrong reason tonight and while Kayla was always going to be an uphill battle, you weren’t helping yourself doing what you were doing. I’m not saying Chelsea and Myra or Eddie or our mother were sabotaging you, but the way they prepared you for this didn’t help you at all.”

I wanted to punch Roddy, but there was a part of me deep down that knew that I couldn’t get away from the truth.

“If you ever want to reach your fullest potential in professional wrestling, you need to stop living in the dream world, stop living on Redemption Island, and that ‘me against the world’ nonsense that you’ve had in your brain since you were a little girl needs to be flushed out of your conscience. Dad’s biggest mistake training you was that he didn’t make the effort to push you to snap out of all that…”

“Dad was still trying to protect me…” I said with a sigh.

“What was the first thing that crossed your mind when you realized you lost?”

“...that everything I had worked hard for came crashing down and that it was like 2020 all over again…”

“Bingo…” Roddy said as he grabbed me by the shoulders. “I don’t know how to say it clearer than this… but for fuck’s sake… STOP FUCKING DOING THAT!”

Again, I couldn’t even resist because I knew he was right.

“Get the fuck out of the dream world, Andrea…” Roddy said to me.

“...I agree with him…” I heard from a distance as Eddie, my other brother, walked into the picture. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. But, you’re right. I can’t speak for Dad, but I’ve been protecting you too much, Andrea. I need to quit treating you like a baby that needs to be coddling and comforting you all the time.”

I sighed, coming to terms with what Roddy was trying to get through to me.

“I’m going to need some time to figure things out… even if it takes me a few weeks. I’m going to hurt, I’m going to be numb and I’m going to be distant, but I need this. I need to find a way to be better than this and to be better than the past. I’m so sorry that I set myself up for failure tonight going into it with the mindset that I did…”

“Take the time to figure it out, Andrea…” Roddy encouraged me. Both of my brothers did the right thing and left me alone at this point. I didn’t know it in the moment, and it would take me the holiday break to figure it out, but as it turns out, this was the wake up call I needed. Once I managed to get through the clouds in my mind, I started to pick up the pieces and rebuild myself into a better, stronger person and I made a promise to myself that I was never going to wrestle a match with this old, self-destructive mindset again…

Wednesday…

I was set to leave for Inception soon, but I was obviously in a far better place than I was after High Stakes. Roddy had been training me and working with me for the last few weeks and I was shocked to realize that it was actually a great experience knowing that I had a guiding anchor that was going to keep my ship from being lost at sea. Still, before I left for my rematch, I had some old memories in a wooden crate, bad memories.

I had old diaries that had pages and pages of a pity party locked away. I had pictures and tapes of my old SCW failures in that crate. I had old merchandise from my “President of the Internet” era in there as well as moments from other companies I had wrestled for that I had accrued over the years.

I had strapped some appropriately sized dynamite to those bad memories that I was holding onto for my own detriment. My mother walked in and she was understandably confused.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m starting over…”I told her as she came closer to the training ring. “...I’m ready to let go of all the hurt and pain from the past that has done nothing but drag me down.”

“You couldn’t have just thrown all of that stuff away?” my mother asked with a meek laugh. “What is even in there?”

“You remember places like OCW and UWA right?”

“I’d rather not with all the psychological cracks they put you through.”

“It’s just bad vibes I’m getting rid of. I’ll never get to where I want to be if I keep holding on to all of this.  When I lost at High Stakes, I woke up. I’m done holding myself back because of an inability to let go…”

A small smile came over my mother.

“This isn’t how I’d get rid of bad vibes, but I’m happy that you’re finally doing this. I’ve been praying for this for years, sweetheart.”

I was surprised by what I just heard, but I let her continue.

“As you were growing up, I noticed that you were always acting as if the world was out to get you, always feeling the need to prove yourself to anyone under the sun. You always felt the need to prove someone wrong and to shut someone up even over the smallest thing and you’ve carried that with you in your career for years. It’s not a healthy way to live, Andrea. Maybe I should’ve had you in therapy or in some kind of empowerment group when you were a teenager….”

“I chuckled at this for a bit. I wasn’t offended by what my mother just said. I was absolutely at peace with that truth.

“I know so much of it was because of Roddy treating me like shit and my dad not letting me be a wrestler for years, but that’s no excuse. I kept fighting Roddy, with every step of my wrestling career being all about silencing him and proving him wrong and then hater after hater, critic after critic, kept adding onto that list. It was like I was adding stones to my basket until I couldn’t hold onto that basket anymore. This mentality has cost me so much in my career and I’m just sick of it. High Stakes was the last straw for me. With everything I’ve accomplished in my career in spite of myself and having this mentality that I’ve had since I was a little girl of holding onto everything and needing to quiet people, a part of me wonders what the hell else I’d already have to my name if I never weighed myself down like that…”

I sighed, feeling emotional for a bit.

“I want to be better, Mom. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be better and believe in myself with a stronger purpose. I want to love myself better. I’m committed to making the changes that need to happen to be the best version of myself. This goes even beyond my career. What if I have my own children someday? They don’t need a mother with that mindset at all.”

“I’ll support you every step of the way. By the way, you’re going to need this…”

My mother pulls out a set of matches from her pocket and she tosses them my way. She even gets into the training ring with me which caught me off guard.

“As a matter of fact, hand me a couple…”

“Mom, are you serious?”

“I stand with you as you build the new you and the better you and you know I am going to be there to help any way I can. Come on, hand me some matches.”

I ripped off a few matches and handed them to my mother. I was about to light some matches, but my mother stopped me.

“Hold on, sweetheart. You have anything and everything related to Crystal Hilton in that crate, right?”

“Who?” I asked with a wink.

“Really, Andrea?”

“What? I never wanted her in my life to begin with and after I beat her recently, I decided she doesn’t exist to me anymore. All she’s ever been throughout my SCW run is toxic.”

“Fair.”

“And yes, anything and everything that has to do with that woman is in the crate.”

“Good!” my mother said with a laugh. “Besides, to let you in on a secret, your father never liked hers anyway. Hanging out with her parents in Mexico at the various points that we did, he’d always talk shit about him and he’d always talk about how he was a nuisance and Crystal’s parents were some of the most obnoxious people he’s ever met. I couldn’t stand them either. But anyway, that’s enough. I just wanted to make sure you took care of that too.”

“Right. Let’s clean the slate.”

We both lit up the matches that we had in hand and then we lit up the dynamite on the opposite ends of the crate. We both get out of the ring and as high into the stands of my father’s former wrestling gym as fast as we could. We could hear the dynamite hissing for a bit.

“Here’s to a new beginning, Mom…”

“Finally!” she said with a smile. “I’m so happy for you that you have decided to do this and that you have decided to evolve, grow and change for the better. It means the universe to me considering you’re the only daughter I’ll ever have and it was always my dream to watch you grow up to a strong, powerful woman that was capable of overcoming…”

My mother was interrupted by the sound of the crate with all of my horrible memories I needed to let go of exploding. For a moment, it was raining paper, plastic and all other shrapnel from the crate for the memories that I decided to get rid of for good.

“You’ve got her now…” I assured her as we exchanged an embrace. As we watched the “snowfall” of disintegrated bad memories fall to the floor, I felt freer and happier. I knew things weren’t going to happen overnight, but I was thrilled that I was finally able to let go…

1-25-2025

I was in my Vegas hotel room and I was keeping things simple. The camera was on me and I knew I wasn’t doing anything fancy. I was standing behind a table with a hammer and a flash drive on it. There was this determined anger in my soul at this point and while there was that nagging part of me that was trying to tell me ‘what you’re about to do and say isn’t a good idea’, there was the other part of me telling it to shut the fuck up. I glared at the camera and began to speak.

“What’s in front of me is the one thing of the past I haven’t disposed of yet and that just happens to be High Stakes two months ago. For all the credit that Kayla deserves for winning that match, I will be the first to admit that I went into that match doing myself no favors. I was clinging onto the past. I was embracing it and saying that I was going to use that to fuel me so that I could finally prove people wrong and silence the haters and finally prove Evie Jordan wrong and Alicia Lukas wrong and all of this other fucking vapid bullshit. Kayla, I am going to be open and blunt and I am going to straight up say that I took what was on paper, an uphill battle to begin with and I made it even HARDER than it had to be on myself and I’d be lying if I were to say that I’m not angry over High Stakes anymore because the truth is?

I’m STILL fucking pissed about it!

Because I know that I fucked myself over. I’m not saying that if I went into it with a different mindset, the result would’ve been different. But the fucking FACT of the matter is that I made it all about overcoming and erasing a past that I’m not proud of and I was stuck int his underdog, Cinderella redemption fucking bullshit that I should’ve let go of. I’m not angry at you for winning that match. The truth is, I’m angry at myself for weighing myself down. I’m angry because of the fact that I wrestled the best possible match that I could’ve… or so I thought, and it still wasn’t good enough. For the last few weeks, Kayla, I have had people tell me “oh you did so great” and “oh you were so close” and “oh you were the closest to dethroning Kayla among all of her challengers” and “oh you have nothing to be ashamed of” and yeah, maybe all of that might be true.

Sure, maybe I have come the closest.

But you want to know what coming the closest to dethroning you actually means to me, Kayla? Do you want to know what it means to me personally to be so close?

NOT! A FUCKING! THING!

Maybe the old Andrea from a few years ago, or even a few months ago, would’ve been perky and happy with being ‘so close’ and coming the closest to dethroning you. But now? Fuck no. The truth is, I don’t give a fuck if I came the closest. I don’t even give a shit if I was your toughest challenge. What the fuck does it mean if you don’t actually win? Truthfully? Not much of a fucking thing. Being ‘close’ doesn’t mean shit abd I am above settling for a moral victory like that. You’ll notice that even though I beat Prudence Pierce, I didn’t even bother celebrating it or making a big deal out of it. Sure, it was a bounce back win from High Stakes, but it’s not a match that I’ll take a victory lap on because I had already beaten Prudence before. You’ll notice how quickly I moved on from Crystal Hilton after I beat her, I made no mention of the High Stakes match she beat me in. I made no mention of ‘I avenged that, YAY ME’. Hell, going into that match, I even said straight up that it wasn’t going to be about that and hell, it fucking worked. I’m not bragging about it in the slightest, but I not only beat her, I blew her the fuck out of the water.

I admit that I’ve been on the quiet side of things after High Stakes. I’ve been taking the time to learn my lessons from High Stakes. I’ve been doing what I can to strategize for this and what type of mindset that I need to be in. Last time around, I went into the mindset of ‘redemption’ and wasting my fucking time drowning in adversity that was four years old. This time? I’ve got to go into it aggressively. This time? I have to be about winning the championship. PERIOD! It’s nothing but that! I’m not even going to paint this as a do or die situation because the truth is, I am going to do whatever it fucking takes to be SCW Bombshells World Champion regardless of the outcome of this match. If I have to go through a Blast from the Past tournament this year to get another shot in a worst case scenario, fuck it. I’ll do it but I’m not going to entertain that thought at this point. But yes, I admit it, Kayla…

High Stakes cut me…

And it cut me fucking deep…

I won’t shy away from that.

I had to make that extra effort to not fall back into old habits. I had to see where I went wrong and I had to see what I needed to change in order to be better. Even then, I realize that it just might not be enough because I know that a process like what I am undertaking isn’t something that is going to happen overnight. What you did for me at High Stakes was push me to a point where I decided that I was done being a victim of my own adversity. Hell, I admit, considering the fact that rematches don’t come around so often when the challenger of a world title match loses, I was willing and ready to play the long road back if that’s what it took. But then I found out that there WAS going to be a rematch and there was a rumor going around that you specifically hand picked me… that is if the Inception card preview is to believed…

I wasn’t surprised. Hell, I admit that it was tempting for me to question your motives and ask why…

Until I decided that it wasn’t worth the thought…

That’s the thing though…

And maybe all of your previous challengers NEVER got it…but the truth is, just about every challenger you’ve had, has been worrying about you, your attitude, how you carry yourself, how you treat other people, what you say about other people. They’re so fixated on shutting you up that they don’t focus on themselves and what they need to do in order to beat you. You’ve gotten into people’s heads as a result without even trying and yeah, maybe to a degree, the last time around, I was worrying too much about you and who you are and how you carry yourself when the one person that I should be focusing on is me. So rather than bring up some things that you’ve said in the weeks leading up to this match, at least on this occasion, I’m going to focus on me and what I need to do in order to win this match. You admitted yourself that you’re never going to change and you do you on that.

Fine.

You be who you want to be.

You say what you want to say.

You can keep on keeping on talking about how “everyone” is rooting for you to fail.

Though, I wasn’t one of those people. I’m not petty. I’ve never rooted for you to fail. I’ve only ever wanted to beat you for the World Championship.

You keep on staying the same and continuing to do the same thing that made you successful… that’s fine with me. But let me riddle you with this…

How LONG can you continue to stay the same and continue to be successful? Is this something that you have given any serious consideration to? You know how things are in this business: you have to continue to evolve and continue to grow to continue to be successful so if you’re going to consider yourself perfect and if you’re going to continue keeping on with the same formula, then by all means you do you. Just remember that the same formula doesn’t last forever and doesn’t attain the same degree of success and it’s ironic that you’re so adamant about sticking to the same thing when you consider that you have other Bombshells that have fallen into the same trap that you’re setting yourself up for with ‘why change anything? It’s working’.

You know the ones…

Mercedes…

Crystal…

Salco for a time…

Seleana…

Even Alicia Lukas at one point…

Those that I just named kept up with the same old shit for years and years because they thought that they didn’t have to change or evolve for a damn thing and they CONTINUED to stick to the same old shit once it became evident to everyone else but themselves that what was successful before, wasn’t so much successful anymore. Ironic, is it not, that you might be falling into the same trap as them?

But hey, as long as it works, right?

So that tells me that because you won at High Stakes, that you’re going to stick to what won you that match? The same mindset? The same moveset? Hey, that’s just fine with me! Again, you do you and I’ll worry about what I need to do.  Still, the fact of the matter is that you’re not going to be the SCW Bombshells World Champion past Inception not because you’re not good enough but because I figured out a way to better myself to beat you. You’re more than good enough to beat me as the results have shown, but ultimately? I’m going to be brutally honest with you. If you did, in fact, hand pick me for a rematch at Inception and decided that you wanted to challenge me again, then that is going to wind up being the biggest mistake of your world championship reign and one that could very well result in the end of it.

Because believe it or not?

When you beat me at High Stakes? You actually did me a favor. Let’s say that I had won that match. It very well could’ve happened as you and I both know. Would I have been world champion long? Honestly, there’s a very strong chance that I wouldn’t have been. With SCW’s propensity to have rematches and title defenses two to three weeks after Supercards, they would’ve rushed a rematch between us and I still would’ve been stuck in the same mindset that I’m trying to get rid of now. I would’ve still been stuck on that 2020 nonsense and I would’ve made my title reign all about making it better than the first one and silencing the haters once and for all. I would’ve set up that title reign for failure and there’s a better than decent chance you would’ve regained the title from me like weeks after High Stakes because of it.

But when you beat me, you awoke something inside of me. You awoke this drive in me to finally let go of the past and to quit anchoring myself because of it. You awoke a new phoenix in me. What you did when you beat me was put the wheels in motion for me to be a better world champion than I would’ve been had I won at High Stakes to begin with. High Stakes didn’t destroy me. As a matter of fact, High Stakes put the wheels in motion for me to start growing and to finally move the fuck on from the past. If you did in fact, hand pick me to challenge you again, I’m going to make sure that it’s your biggest mistake because with what you have set in motion, at High Stakes, you caused a better, stronger wrestler to wake the fuck up and that wrestler might not be someone that you’re ready for. I’m going to make you regret having me as a challenge to you again. Perhaps after High Stakes, I should’ve been the one thanking you.

Because now?

I’m FREE from those old burdens that have held me back.

I’m NOT going to make this about overcoming the past.

This is NOT going to be about silencing the haters and proving people wrong.

This is NOT going to be about redemption and erasing a past that I am not proud of that.

Fuck that…

HELL with that!

What I AM going to make this about is beating you and winning that championship! That’s right, I’m keeping it very fucking simple this time and I am not going to make the same stupid mistake I made when I went into High Stakes hyper focused on all that bullshit that I am distancing myself from now!

Not now…

Not next supercard…

Never again!”

I paused for a bit to take the hammer on the table and crush the USB drive consisting of the High Stakes match against Kayla. I showed the camera the fragments of that drive and decided to wrap this up.

“THIS? I’ve gained more than enough from this! Once that bell rings at Inception, what happened at High Stakes isn’t going to matter anymore if it hasn’t already stopped mattering. I will not let a heartbreaking loss like THIS, or any other loss, define me me ever again!”

With that burning desire in my heart, I tossed the flash drive of the HIgh Stakes match in the trash and then shut the camera off.

November 27

I was back in Sedona for Thanksgiving the following day with my family, but I wasn’t exactly over the experience that happened in Tuscon just a few nights prior. High Stakes absolutely stung. Mentally, I was tempted to fall back into the old mindset that I carried with me the first time that I was on the SCW roster. Chelsea LeClair was with me as we hung out on the swings of the elementary school that we first met at when we were 9 years old. I could tell that she seemed concerned for me because I was barely saying anything at all. Right now, I just didn’t know what to feel.

“How can this play out exactly the same?” I asked myself. “The first loss in both runs happened in Tucson against the current world champion. Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t get it. I managed to face every demon of the past and I found every which way to overcome it. I had gone into that match with everything that I had and yet it still didn’t go my way…”

“Andrea, say something to me…” Chelsea said to me. I glanced over and I saw that she had a worried look on her face. “..you haven’t said anything on Twitter… though that might be a good thing in this instance… you haven’t really said anything to me about High Stakes at all. I’ve lost you once over SCW and I’m not going to have this happen again.”

I didn’t respond to what Chelsea was telling me though I could definitely feel the worry in her heart.

“Unfortunately, that’s the cruel nature of this business: you can do every single thing right and it still doesn’t go your way…”

She wasn’t lying and that was a truth that I was definitely having to cope with right about now.

“Give me something, Andrea…” Chelsea continued to plead. “Anything. You’re not spiraling are you? You’re not feeling like you let anyone down? Please at least give me that…”

I shook my head, which only worried her further.

“Whatever you do, don’t feel sorry for yourself and if you already are, stop. I know you’ve had losses affect you in the past and I get that it seems cruel that your second run played out exactly the way your first run started but don’t lose faith.”

“I haven’t lost faith…” I was able to say through all of my internal conflict at the moment. I could hear Chelsea breathe a sigh of relief.

“Good, because you have nothing to be ashamed of. Yeah, it’s cruel the way things all played out…”

“I’m bewildered by that more than anything else really…” I admitted.

“Maybe that’s the way it was meant to go…” Chelsea offered. “I know that’s not what you want to hear right now but fate’s just weird. Maybe things had to play out this way to give you a second chance to make the right choice. When you lost to Alicia all those years ago, you let that snowball instead of standing up for yourself and trying again. You gave up on yourself and all of that…”

“That’s not happening this time…”

“But why are you so glum? I don’t get it. Is it regret? Is there something you wish that you would’ve done differently?”

“Chelsea…” I said with a sigh. I have no shame in the outcome. I’m thrown for a loop that I’m experiencing de ja vu all over again, yeah. But who wouldn’t? This isn’t going to snowball, I can promise that. I can tell you for a fact that I’m not beating myself down over this. I’ve said it before that this isn’t the same old Andrea from the past that felt like she let everyone down. I don’t feel like I let you down, or my family or anyone that was rooting for me. I do feel like I let myself down…”

“No Andrea…” Chelsea said with a worried sigh as she grabbed me by the hand. “Don’t do that. This is ow the spiral starts.”

“I’m flattered that you worry about me so much but I should’ve been better…”

“How could you have been any better than what you actually were? You were fucking brilliant on the biggest stage SCW can offer.”

“I know where I went wrong, Chelsea….” I admitted to her. “I focused way too much on trying to overcome the past that I didn’t focus enough on evolving myself as a competitor. I will be the first to admit that to you. I know how I’m going to get back to that SCW Bombshells World Championship. You were in therapy once. You know how it is: you start by addressing the past and overcoming it and then once you do that, you start to focus on building for the future.”

“Right, of course…” Chelsea acknowledged. “But you HAD to overcome that past though so that you COULD move forward.”

“I’m not denying that, Chelsea. But ultimately, I went into High Stakes as a slight upgrade of the wrestler that won that World Championship and that was in that first run of SCW before everything fell apart. That’s the nuts and bolts of it. What I need to do is figure out how to bring myself to the present moment and build for that future. I’m not going to let heartbreak, tragedy and bullshit define my SCW career. I’m beyond done with that.”

Chelsea still looked conflicted, if not confused.

“What I don’t understand is why you’ve got a path all figured out for you and yet you’re still feeling and looking glum… almost like you did when you lost the world title to begin with…”

I could only chuckle at this.

“It’s the stuff out of my control, Chels. You know it’s natural for me to worry about that.”

Chelsea’s eyes widened when she realized what I was getting at.

“Aleesha’s title shot…” I nodded as she continued. “...she’d pick Kayla because of their history and if that were to happen, that would shut you out of the title picture and you’d be going back to random matches while wrestlers less passionate than you suddenly got opportunities.”

“That’s a harsh way to put it, but it’s basically that. I will be able to grow from that experience, as cruel as it is. Like I said, I’m not going to let that destroy me. But yes, if anything? I’m worried that my contention window is gone. Where do I go from here? What would I do? Go for the Internet title again? Try for the Roulette?”

“Crystal Hilton is back you know…” Chelsea pointed out as she rolled her eyes in an annoyed manner.

“That’s not a history I am looking to explore ever again…” I said without hesitation. “I can’t control what Aleesha does. I am fully expecting her to go after Kayla. You know how those Queen of the Day slash title opportunity nonsense goes: they always pick the world title. Chelsea, I promise you. This story is gong to play out differently. I’m not about to give up or to beat myself down. When I said that I was stronger and better, that’s exactly what I meant. You’re not going to lose me again. I do appreciate that after all we’ve been through together, you’re still there for me. And because I know you’re going to ask: of course you’re the first person I even talked to about High Stakes.”

Chelsea finally smiled and seemed assured at this point.

“To think, the first time we were ever on these swings together, life was so much easier. Fourth grade life, right?”

“Back when we didn’t have wrestling careers, haters, locker room drama… in your case a family… in my case the past demons I’ve overcome… absolutely.”

“No matter what Aleesha does or where you go from here, you’re going to be alright. I have faith in that now.”

“Thank you. I don’t know how far I’d have come without you.”

While at this moment, I wasn’t feeling a hundred percent on an emotional level just yet, at least talking about that cruel High Stakes heartbreak put me on the path to getting there.

Still…

What was Aleesha going to do?

And where do I go from here?

Last Sunday…

Back home in Paradise Valley, I was on my couch and just like I was when I spoke to Chelsea a few days after High Stakes, my brain was processing the loop that it was thrown into.

“Aleesha DIDN’T pick Kayla…” I said with quite the shock in my voice. “What the fuck? I thought for sure because of their history that she was going to pick her.”

Myra Rivers had sent me a text telling me straight up, with no minced words, that “this isn’t over yet”. She knew what I knew, but I was still thrown in far too much of a loop to respond. Still, my heart had just the glimmer of hope that it needed. I turned off the television for a moment as I stood up from my couch. I found myself at a cross roads knowing that now I had a decision to make.

Do I really go for it again? That would absolutely defy conventional wisdom knowing the history that I have in SCW. I’d be interrupted by my doorbell going off which caught me off guard because I wasn’t expecting anyone. I went to answer the door, and the surprises wouldn’t stop coming as my younger half-sister Savannah, who I hadn’t seen in a while (she’s just finding her feet as a wrestler herself in fact), standing in front of me.

“Andrea, you won’t believe what just happened on Climax Control!”

“Aleesha picked Bella and not Kayla…”

“Oh…” Savannah said with a chuckle. “I didn’t realize you were watching.”

“I didn’t realize you were coming…” I said to the lone family member that wasn’t at High Stakes. “What made you want to drop by?”

“I wanted to talk to you about… things. I’m sorry that I didn’t make it to High Stakes with everyone else.”

I stood aside to allow Savannah to walk in.

“Savannah,  you had match to wrestle all the way in Charlotte the same day. I get it, even if I don’t get the company you choose to keep but I’m staying out of it.”

“You ARE okay right? You know… after High Stakes…”

I sighed, feeling annoyed more than anything but I couldn’t be annoyed by my baby sister checking in at all.

“More than fine. Though, now I have to wrestle with the choice of making another play at Kayla.”

“You should” Savannah said with no stutters. “That’s not even a question. You know I keep up with things because I study the business and all of that good stuff and we both know the trend of how many wrestlers in SCW get one world title shot, lose, and then just give up and willingly accept their place in the back of the line. There’s no reason why you should do that… unless you wanted to just have the same old SCW run like you did last time. Last time, after Evie…”

“Savannah, please do me a favor and never evoke that name again. I’ve moved on. I’ve purged all of that out of my system, alright? Yeah, I’m aware of what you just mentioned but on the other side? So many have made a second play at it and failed.”

“You’re really entertaining that?” Savannah said with a scoff. “Andrea, I wanted to be a wrestler myself BECAUSE of you…”

“Right…”

“I wasn’t inspired by you because you played it safe and decided to run away…”

I sighed as I sat back down on the couch.

“Except I did…” I admitted. “I don’t want to recap this again but I stayed away from the world title last time for the rest of my first run and when you became inspired by me, I was at my absolute worst with treating people like garbage, acting like a Karen, the “President of the Internet” thing, starting drama on Twitter… all of that bullshit. I don’t see why you’d be inspired by that phase.”

“I was inspired by the fact that you kept going being in the pain that you were in for two years after everything fell apart for you AND that you accomplished the things that you did. I don’t call that playing it safe or running away at all. What I call that is facing what is beating you down on a constant basis, making the most out of the horrible situation that you were in and STILL shining brighter than everyone else, even yourself, gave you credit for. That’s what inspired me. You’ve become even stronger through and since all of that and I have faith in you that you’re going to do the right thing and get back on that horse.”

“Going after Kayla again is a risk, I know this. I remember what happened with Myra after she couldn’t beat Amber the second time with the world title at stake. I pretty much knew she didn’t want to be in SCW anymore after that. But I can’t just ‘wait’ anymore. If Aleesha doesn’t want to go after Kayla for the moment, then who the fuck else is there on the roster that is a legitimate threat to Kayla? Victoria? Julianna already tried her twice and it didn’t work out. I can’t think of anyone else.”

“If it were me? I’d go after her again because I know you, Andrea… and that’s exactly what you would do. Think about our father if he were in this situation. He’d go for it all again. You once taught me, when I first started doing this myself, that you either have to go for broke or don’t go for anything at all and that is something that is drilled into my brain which is why you see me doing everything I can to make the best out of any situation I’m in. I’d be appalled if you didn’t practice what you once preached to me.”

Savannah had me there at this point. My heart wanted to make another play at Kayla for sure. My brain previously wasn’t sure, but logically? I know that she was right: go for broke or don’t go for anything at all. Considering that I had already endured the worst I’ll ever have to suffer through in my SCW career, if not my entire wrestling career, what did I have to lose? I knew how close I was the first time when I was still coming out of my ‘overcoming demons’ phase.

At this point, the question wasn’t ‘what if I try again and fail?’

It’s ‘what if I went into that match at High Stakes an evolved wrestler that was building for the future rather than healing from the past?’

That’s a question that I had more than enough fire to answer.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Savannah…”

Savannah’s eyes lit up knowing what I decided to do.

“I’ll wait for that right moment to make my intentions loud and clear.”

“If there’s no schedule conflict, I PROMISE I’ll be there the next time you challenge Kayla for the world title… or the world title in general…”

“I’ll hold you to that…” I said with a smile as I turned on the television again and I resumed watching Climax Control… and as it so happens, seeing Kayla regain the mixed tag team titles.

That just made that fire within me burn even stronger….

December 13, 2024

When the camera came on me for what was to be the first time I addressed anything related Sin City Wrestling. I was in good spirits. I didn’t feel nervous or pressured at all and any sad feelings that I had regarding High Stakes had long passed. I was back to that same motivation that I had going in and knowing the history of challengers that had failed and then decided to just give up and go to the back of the line, that just added more fuel to my fire as I began to speak my mind.

“I am going to start off by addressing High Stakes beginning with one, simple sentence.

No, it’s not “delay of the inevitable”. I’m not making that fucking mistake again. That sentence is summed up in three words: I’m NOT done…

High Stakes didn’t go my way. For me, it ended with a cruel twist of fate. I’m not going to stand here and feel sorry for myself or make excuses or to lament that I should’ve won at this moment or that moment or to be a victim and act like the sky is falling. I meant what I said when I said I was a better, stronger wrestler than I was four years ago and this week is where I truly prove that when I take on Prudence Steele. I’ve got plenty to say about her, but what I DO want to say is that with Aleesha Jones deciding to go in a different direction than what I thought she would considering her history with Kayla Richards, I’m going to stake my claim to another go with Kayla because I KNOW I can beat her on any given night and I only need to beat her ONE time. That loss pained me, don’t get me wrong, but it didn’t break me. For too long, we’ve seen the trend of Bombshells that get a shot at the world title at a Supercard, lose and then just accept their place in the back of the line with an ‘aw shucks, I lost. Too bad’ attitude”. That’s not me and that’s not about to be me.

In fact, I am going to say something that’s going to piss people off but… since I’m bucking trends in this second run of mine, unlike before when I was caring so damn much about what people thought of me for my own detriment, I DON’T care. Don’t get me wrong, I have heard about what some of you have had to say about me. I’m not naming people. But I have heard the talk of ‘oh she’s still the same’ among other bullshit. I’ve had opponents drop labels on me without merit just like before. But like I said, I don’t care so I’m going to get to what I wanted to say: there’s nobody on this Bombshells roster that should have another crack at that World Championship other than me. I said it, I’ll own it. If it hurts feelings, then so be it and look at yourselves in the mirror. Most of the Bombshells roster doesn’t get after it. They just wait for a chance to fall on their laps. I know I did when I first came back because I was playing it safe and not wanting to ruffle feathers but honestly, fuck all that at this point. I’ve proven that I can still compete at the highest level and with that knowledge, going forward, it’s time to kick things up a higher gear. I will NOT be another one and done challenger that just gives up and accepts that the fight is over…

Because the truth is? In spite of the High Stakes result? It’s NOT over and it won’t be until I SAY it’s over.

One such woman on this roster that had such an attitude is my opponent: Prudence Pierce…”

I took a pause for a moment knowing exactly who she was.

“Or as I knew her the last time that I faced her, Ruby Steele. Our paths have certainly diverged in many different ways since we went against each other one on one, right? I managed to win the Internet Championship and have a hell of a reign as part of one of the most historic winning streaks this company has ever seen and you had your shot at the Bombshells World Championship against Amber Ryan and you lost but you gave it the good fight and showed that you had something in you. It’s not the worst thing to happen. As a matter of fact it’s something that you could build off of…

And then…

You didn’t…

You basically stopped trying and for one reason or another, you went from Blast from the Past winner to off the roster entirely by the end of the same year that you won that tournament. Though, I have to break the news to you, Prudence. Amber beating you wasn’t where you just gave up the fight. No, you gave up the fight long before you faced Amber. Where you gave up the fight was after you faced ME. You remember that match, right? You were undefeated and riding this huge wave of momentum coming right off that tournament win, then you were booked against me and I beat you and handed you your first loss. You weren’t the same after that. Hell, you managed to come back and you’ve come nowhere close to that level. It’s like you suffered that one loss and you just gave up and stopped trying. It’s pitiful and it’s sad and I can understand why people look at you and treat you like a joke, even going as far as referring to you as the worst Bombshells Blast from the Past winner in recent times, if not ever. As a matter of fact, if I just accepted that the fight with Kayla is over and just let someone else get the next title shot at Inception, the truth of the matter is, I’d be doing exactly the same thing you did after you had your title shot and lost.

So I guess in a way, you being in that ring with me reminds me NOT to just let things go and let things go to waste. It reminds me also, to not make the same mistakes that I did in my first run. You fell off so damn fast after that tournament because you truly didn’t believe in yourself and that’s the unfortunate truth. Whatever faith and bravado that you had during that tournament, you lost it after I beat you and you still never got it back. It’s an unfortunate shame and a bit of a disgrace to your family even that you went from winning Blast from the Past to losing to the likes of Bea Barnhart. I mean… come on girl… couldn’t that at least have woken you up a LITTLE? I get that it’s embarrassing as hell to lose to Bea. I can only imagine the humiliation that went through you after that happened, but you should’ve taken that and you should’ve used it as motivation to get better knowing that you had just hit rock bottom. Instead, you’ve been in the shadows and you’ve been doing WHAT? The potential is in you, but you haven’t had the heart to do a damn thing with it in years. Prior to that match against Bea, you were going off about how you weren’t impressed with her and going off about how you deserve ‘the best competition in the world’ and to be in the ring with ‘the best of the best’... well how in the hell are you going to deserve facing the best of the best when you can’t even beat, objectively, one of the worst Bombshells on the roster rom a win-loss perspective?

How do you deserve anything, such as your opportunities to get an Internet title shot that you couldn’t capitalize recently, when you’re someone who doesn’t even try all that much anymore? I don’t get it. I look at you now and see what I would’ve become in this company when I was at my lowest point had I chosen to just lie down and quit after doing just that against Crystal Hilton in my last High Stakes loss prior to last month. As a matter of fact, Prudence, let me paint the picture for you like this. That loss to Crystal? Fucking embarrassing. Most wrestlers? Hell if you were in my shoes? They, and you, would’ve just given up the ghost and decided not to try anymore. Not me. I came back with a vengeance. I got on that historic winning streak, which did include you by the way, and I became the Internet Champion, holding that championship for over 200 days. In a different context, that’s what I have to do and that is what I am going to do, in order to become the Bombshells World Champion again. No matter what it takes, I’m not going away and my story in Sin City Wrestling will NOT be as a one time world champion that lost the title far too fucking soon. I REFUSE to let that be my legacy here and I will continue to do everything in my power to change that narrative and to change what is ultimately my final story here no matter how long it takes. I come from a family of fighters, as you know. You do too… except you haven’t shown that at all lately.

The thing is Prudence, while I’m busting my ass and winning the Belle of the Brawl tournament and punching my ticket to High Stakes all while facing down everything that once anchored me and overcoming it, you’re over there cutting promos talking about how it’s been a while since you’ve actually been relevant, how it’s been a rough ride for you, and even going as far as admitting that you don’t even know if you have what it takes anymore and yet you’re trying to act as if you had any chance in hell of beating Bella Madison that week? Yeah, that doesn’t work. But why should anyone in the locker room even respect you if you’re going to be admitting stuff like that? If you’re questioning yourself and whether you even have what it takes anymore, what chance in hell do you have of ever getting back up from the doldrums that you find yourself in to even make something of yourself? I get that it must be draining when you hear people like Julianna talk about how the whole Blast from the Past tournament win was an entire fluke and I get that it must be tough seeing her tweet about you and asking SCW why you are even “a thing” anymore, but have you even bothered to fight that perception? Have you even bothered trying to flip the script? Nope. You’ve definitely lost to wrestlers that are better than you, but at the same time, we all know it’s because you don’t even TRY anymore…

And for a former Blast from the Past winner, that is honestly, and admittedly, downright sad.

I never imagined that after we had our first encounter and you wound up suffering your first loss that it would ever get this bad for you. I knew that after I beat you that night, that I definitely had dented your momentum and maybe even affected your confidence. But I had no idea whatsoever that I had dented your momentum and affected your confidence THAT badly. I didn’t MEAN to do that… even if I was being as cruel and as mean and as nasty as I was at the time to everyone else in general. But I don’t feel guilty about it at all, Prudence. All I did was win a match against you. I shouldn’t feel guilty about the fact that you chose to never capitalize on that tournament win and I shouldn’t feel guilty that you didn’t recover from that loss against me in time to even give Amber Ryan a half decent fight for the SCW Bombshells World Championship. I also shouldn’t feel guilty over the fact that you decided to full blown stop trying after the fact. Because at the end of the day? You created your own rock bottom. You manifested your current, unfortunate situation just like I did four years ago when I didn’t know how to handle the adversity that I was facing worth a flying fuck. Unlike you though, I’m going to keep up the fight. I’m not going to lie down and give up. I’m not going to manifest another rock bottom to the point where I relapse and grow to the point of being the most hated bitch in the locker room all over again.

I’m going to do whatever it takes, Prudence.

I have grown beyond the point where I let one loss destroy me to that point again. You, on the other hand? You’ve shown no growth since your tournament win and you have clearly lost any confidence in your abilities that you once had. It’s not going to get much better for you on Sunday…

Because what’s going to happen is?

I’ll beat you…

And I’ll show this division why I’m back at the front of the line and I’m going to stay there a hell of a lot longer than I did last time and why I’ll be the one to dethrone Kayla despite what High Stakes said…

Because the way I see it? I’m not going to let a world title match loss be the end of my story here…

Not like you did…’

With that familiar fire in me, I shut off the camera and start to focus on the journey ahead and what I am looking to prove on Sunday.

Prior to my match against Calaway, I had a funeral to deal with. It wasn’t easy to say goodbye to my grandfather officially but once the funeral was over, things became easier for me to deal with. There was a family dinner after the fact and it was a bit jarring having seen some relatives that I had either never met or hadn’t seen in years. Of course, being “world famous professional wrestler” made me a bit of a commodity. Still, my career was the last thing I was thinking about when I was interacting with my mother and grandmother.

“He left this for you…” my grandmother said to me as she handed me a small box. “...he always talked about how it was important for him that you received this.”

“I’m not sure I can accept this…” I said.

“If my father wanted you to have it, then I see no issue…” my mother added.

“Fine…” I said, accepting the box. I opened it and the box was filled with Victorian era jewelry and a note from my grandfather that, once I opened it up, saw that it was written in 2011, shortly after I started my wrestling training. I was floored and unsure of what to think when I read the note aloud…

“Julianna…

If I never see you again because of your father, I want you to have this from me. Don’t take this lightly. This once belonged to my own mother. As I saw you grow up, I felt like you were a reincarnation of her to some degree. From what I was able to see if you, you came off so headstrong, not wanting to take crap from anyone, telling it like it is and getting after anything you set your mind to consequences be damned. My mother would’ve loved you had she lived long enough to meet you. As you start, or I guess continue by the time you read this, your wrestling journey, I wanted to leave you a final reminder of who you are and where you come from. I know you will treat this with care and you always have my love.”

I put the note back in the box and closed it. I was frozen with shock as I wasn’t sure if I deserved it or not.

“Do I deserve this, really?”

“Of course you do…” my grandmother reassured me. “He loved you almost as if you were another daughter to him.”

“How many times have we discussed selling yourself short, honey?” my mother asked me.

“Right, I understand that better now.”

“Anyway, there’s something I should tell you now, speaking of your wrestling journey. I’m staying back here with my mother for a while.”

My eyes widened, having been thrown for a loop.

“She doesn’t want to stay here alone and is working on immigrating to the States.”

“I understand but…” I was suddenly cut of by my cell phone interrupting me and I got a quick look at the text I received out of curiosity.

“When that gets sorted out, she’s going to be living with me. She wants to be closer to us after all.”

“Yeah, I completely understand…” I said, trying to focus after just learning I was wrestling Alexandra Calaway again.

“You’re with me, right?”

“Yeah, I’m just living in shock right now after everything that’s been going on. You’re okay with this, grandmother?”

“This is what I need and honestly what I want. I haven’t spent enough time with you two in years and I don’t want to go to the grave with that regret.”

“If you’re fine with it, I’m fine with it. But shoot, that means I’ve got to attack this whole thing in the ring on my own…”

My mother and grandmother looked at each other and they seemed more amused than worried which caught me off guard for a bit.

“Julianna… you don’t need to worry about me…” my grandmother said in response. “Grieving is the worst, but we’re all going to get through this stronger together. You, more than anyone, has the least to worry about. You were successful even before you decided to get your mother more involved with your career, yes?”

I had bonded so much with my mother over the last year that I actually did forget this.

“This would be a great time for you to focus on yourself…” my mother adds as she places a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve grown by leaps and bounds over the last few months especially as you’ve transitioned out of the world championship to the Internet Championship.”

“Alexandra Calaway won’t know what hit her and that woman is in for a rude awakening. Again.” I blurted out.

“Oh god, her again?” My mother says with a laugh. “You don’t have too much to worry about but at least she’s not going to be nearly as bad of an experience as Violent Conduct. Yeah, you’re going to be fine. Focus on getting stronger and better. You’ve shown that you can when you defended your title under the most heartbreaking circumstances.”

“Not to mention everything with my father more than anything…” I said, reminding myself. This brought a smile out of my mother and we exchanged an embrace.

“See? You got this!”

I was definitely feeling better now and the mingling after the funeral continued.

I did, indeed, beat Calaway again. But on the flight back to San Diego? I was pretty miffed…

“How much more of this fucking disrespect do I have to put up with?” I wrote in my diary. “Alexandra Calaway was one of the few women I had a TINY bit of respect for but after that two faced shit she pulled, being up my ass on Twitter only to completely trash me on camera (“faded star” when I only have two losses… what the FUCK?) I no longer have respect for that flip flopping, projecting, cunt. She didn’t grow since our first encounter (maybe she’s even regressed honestly) and it was like I was facing Raine all over again.”

Just writing that woman’s name was enough to irk me a bit.

“This type of crap is why I don’t even bother trying to have any friends in SCW and I’ve been putting up with this shit ever since Courtney and her goddamn nonsense…” I continued to write, only to be interrupted by text messages coming through my phone in spite of the flight’s rather weak Wi-Fi signal.  I rolled my eyes and paused, seeing texts from my best friends Ally and Christy as well as my boyfriend Liam offering condolences for my grandfather but at the same time congratulating me for being able to pull through it all inside of the ring. I wrote them all back thanking them, then linking them to Calaway’s PUTRID promo against me and letting them know that I was “so sick of this shit”.

My anger only boiled over as I continued to write.

“Not even those closest to me will know how fucking sick I am of being basically the most disrespected Bombshell in SCW history. When I first came here, I never imagined that I would be as disrespected as I have been. I know I have my attitude and all, but you have had your Courtneys and crybaby runaway nobodies and Calaway all treating me like I’m worth nothing with fucking Kayla Richards and her bullshit earlier this year and after putting up with the lack of appreciation and respect for so long, you just about get fed up with it all and I am at that point right now…”

Again, I’d be interrupted by text messages. Either my airline Wi-Fi was that inconsistent or those three really loved the hell out of me. I didn’t know whether to feel loved or annoyed when Ally texted me back telling me to chill and reminding me that I might still be tense because of my grandfather and that SCW might be to blame because “they don’t realize what they have”. Christy was asking me why I was letting that bother me when I ran someone that blatantly buried me out of SCW.

This brought me out of my anger a bit as I realized that two women that went out of their way to try to disrespect and trash me no longer worked for the company. I wasn’t focused on my diary at this point as I glanced at Liam’s message reminding me to screw what everyone else thinks and screw the idea of having any friends or respecting anyone else in SCW because the truth was that everyone was in it for themselves anyway. He added on that I’m the strongest woman he knows other than his own mother and that at least calmed me down.

I was able to refocus on my diary at this point.

“I’m glad that at the very least, I have some people in my life that are always going to appreciate me even though it’s obvious as hell that it’s probably never going to come from anyone in SCW…” I wrote. “There has to be at least one idiot in that locker room that thinks that either I had a ‘downfall’ because I went from World title to Internet title or thinks that I won’t be as motivated this year. FUCK THAT! I’m just as motivated if not MORE motivated! Why wouldn’t I be? The moment I challenged for the world title, the disrespect started coming and even after I won the title, whether it was this company giving me challengers like Vargas and Calaway, it continued. After the way my last two opponents have treated me, it’s time to really step up and start smacking people in the mouth because the honest truth is, I’m at my last god damn nerve!

The people in my life that matter do appreciate me and I’m not going to take that for granted and now that I really think about it? I know I’m not the problem because I can’t control the incompetency of some upper management decisions or the stupidity of the idiots that I work with. So, when I beat the winner of their STUPID POPULARITY CONTEST, I will show those idiots who the fuck I am and what I am really about…”

I took a deep breath and felt far better than I had previously having gotten all of that out of my system.

11-13-2024

Being back in my own bed was a hell of a feeling after that tour leading up to Violent Conduct and all the traveling back and forth between the states and Berlin with my grandfather’s situation.  But when I woke up on this particular morning, I found myself stunned as there was an entire breakfast catered in front of me from fired eggs and biscuits, to coffee, fruit and juice. There was even a rose next to it and I narrowed my eyes, not knowing how I feel since this was completely out of left field.

“Liam…” I said, sounding annoyed but feeling frozen in shock. Sure enough, he came into my bedroom and he knew right away that I was thrown for a loop as he saw that I was in that state of shock.

“What? You’re acting as if nobody has ever done this for you?”

I said nothing, still being in a state of surprise.

“Is this too much for you?” he asked.

“Look Liam, when you consider the history that I had with my father over the years, I’m not used to people being explicitly nice to me. You also know how I feel about SCW and how across the board, I’ve never been treated right by anyone I work with from Courtney and her ‘nobody’ talk and the way she tried to undercut me and the likes of that fucking idiot Luna Pasilno throwing shade at me when I’ve never publicly said a word about her… especially when she was acting like her and Kayla was THE REAL MAIN EVENT and all, Alexandra Calaway doing the shit she just did and the fact that my title defense at High Stakes was reduced to a fucking poll without even ANY effort to determine or find a REAL challenger that deserves it on TOP of the fact that Tempest lacked any respect for me to try to challenge me to a rematch… then yeah, maybe my boyfriend giving me breakfast in bed out of nowhere is a fucking culture shock to me because all I am used to is disrespect and being taken for granted…”

Liam takes a bit of a breath, but he’s not deterred by what I just said as he sat down next to me on the bed.

“What I hear is a bunch of obstacles a strong young lady has overcome for more than a year and you should give yourself far more credit considering that some of the women you’ve worked with haven’t come close to what you’ve dealt with and couldn’t stay on the roster.”

I sighed, knowing he had a point.

“Plus, you should put yourself out there more instead of being more of a loner in SCW.”

“For people that don’t fucking appreciate me? Fuck no.”

“I think the casuals, after a year and change of you being in the company, still don’t know who you are and your opponents obviously don’t so maybe that’s why they’re just throwing the worst nonsense at you during your promos, to their own peril of course…”

“Liam, those bitches are just fucking catty in general and as you saw with Alexandra Calaway, none of them are even WORTH being friends with. Besides, why even make an effort to connect with an audience at all? I’ve made that effort in my pre-SCW career only to be forgotten about for another flavor of the month before. It’s just not worth it in my book. We can leave that garbage for the Bella Madisons of the world.”

“What you see as an issue, I see as an opportunity. I mean, you have something called an INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP and you know how popular podcasts, social media, streaming and so forth is all the rage in society these days. What I am trying to say is, maybe if you took advantage of what your title is supposed to be about, the audience may see you differently, your co-workers might see you differently and then you wouldn’t be treated like garbage the way your last two opponents have and the way the likes of Courtney, Luna and Kayla have previously.”

“Look… Liam…”

“Your breakfast is starting to get cold by the way…”

I sneered at him in a bit of a comical fashion as I took a sip of coffee.

“Like I was trying to say, trying to convince an audience or the locker room idiots to change their tune about me is a worthless cause. I mean, all that Internet stuff sound fun, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t do it for anything other than my own gratification.”

“I don’t think it’s a worthless cause, but fair play on everything else.”

“I just don’t think I’ll ever have that connection with the fans that I once did and I’ve seen enough from the locker room to know I’ll always be a loner in SCW. Whatever sliver of hope I had for things to be different died with that garbage Calaway promo she did against me.”

“In that case? Just relax and quit worrying about it. You know that the only person you need to validate yourself to is you anyway.”

“Thank you. I’ll stay the course, but… I do think I can make something out of this whole ‘internet thing’... and I do think I can start remembering how to treat myself better. God knows I don’t need another private meltdown like the ones I had off-camera during my world title reign.””

I sighed before I finally eating.

“Thanks for this by the way! It’s so thoughtful!”

Liam could only laugh as we continued our conversation after it had shifted to other subjects.

11-22-2024

Live from Twitch…

Julianna DiMaria Hosts a VIRTUAL MEET AND GREET!

Doing this Twitch thing was WEIRD for me, but there were plenty of people on the chatbox, most of whom were either up Bella’s ass or rooting for me to fail. I rolled my eyes seeing things like “BELLA FOR PRESIDENT”, “BELLA PWNS JULIANNA”, “JULIANNA IS A NEPO BABY” and “BELLA IS FINALLY GONNA BE A CHAMPION!”

“HELLO…” I said in the most disingenuous tone possible. “Look at all you DUMBFUCKS being so far up Bella’s ass, you’ve probably seen her get pregnant again! What? You didn’t like that?”

I laughed seeing a bunch of “FUCK YOU BITCH” comments on the chat.

“Yeah, this is me doing the internet thing… since the INTERNET IS SO POPULAR and for whatever fucking reason, rather than shoot me someone worth my fucking time, SCW got LAZY and decided to do a FUCKING POLL to determine my next challenger and with over 60% of the vote, BELLA MADISON got this championship match. Wow. I mean, a popularity contest in my book is the dumbest way to determine a challenger but for those of you that have the memory of a goldfish, keep in mind that I already beat Bella in a championship match before  nearly a year ago when I retained the World Championship against her. I mean, it’s not like she did MUCH to earn THAT shot because beating Krystal Wolfe is nothing to brag about but at least THEN, she won it in the ring. I get it, Bella fans. You all want her to be a champion SO BAD because she’s been in SCW X amount of years and has NEVER won a singles championship. I’m going to piss ALL of you off when I say that Bella Madison ISN’T THAT GIRL…”

I smiled seeing a bunch of “fuck you” and “you’re wrong” comments in the chat with even a “Bella is a champion of the people” comment in there.

“REALLY? You want to anoint Bella as a champion of the people? See, here’s what I don’t fucking understand. How is it that you neckbeards and basement dwellers on my stream LIKE HER so much even though all she’s done is fail you again…

Pause to reveal a picture of her losing to Andrea Hernandez in her first High Stakes match…

“And again…”

A picture of her losing to Amber Ryan is shown…

“And again…”

A picture of Bella losing to me last year is next…

“And AGAIN…”

One more picture: Victoria Lyons beating her at Violent Conduct.

“You get behind THAT and not ME? You respect THE perennial bridesmaid of this division instead of ME? Someone who had to work her way up from paternal abuse and the rock bottoms of rock bottoms to become the wrestler that she is today? Someone that is honest, doesn’t sugar coat a fucking thing, doesn’t go out of her way to lower herself to inspire hope in a downtrodden demographic like YOU fucking people? You people think that Bella compares to me? But here’s the fucking truth. She doesn’t. Whatever adversity she wants to whine about doesn’t compare to me. In a recent singles match going up against Diamond Steele, YOUR GIRL was whining, bitching and crying about being at rock bottom. Some PEOPLE’S CHAMPION, right? She’s acting as if losing to Victoria Lyons is rock bottom and the end of the world, so how can your girl think she can beat me? Tell me that!

‘Oh I’ve lost it all… oh I’m in so much pain… I failed to win a title again. Poor me!!!!

FUCK YOU BELLA, you don’t even know the HALF of what fucking rock bottom is and your fans that are blind enough to root for you on my Twitch stream are BLIND to this because half of them are fucking perverts that only want to fuck you anyway and the other half couldn’t know rock bottom at all because they never touch grass! Let me EDUCATE you people on what rock bottom is:

Try being abused by your father CONSTANTLY and having him in your head for YEARS after his death laughing at you for every failure.

Try having a former boyfriend that brainwashed you and mentally abused you to the point where you were a JOKE in this business!

When has Bella Madison ever been seen as a joke? Tell me chat!”

Most of the chat responded with “Never”.

“EXACTLY! If for who her mother is more than anything else, Bella’s name has ALWAYS had some form of respect around here. Let me continue my ‘rock bottom’ point. Try losing your first world championship and being reduced to being the final chapter in a retiring wrestler’s moment of glory. Hell, try forgiving that company only to be reduced to nostalgia act. Losing to Kayla Richards TWICE COULD’VE been a rock bottom for MOST wrestlers and is BY FAR a harsher loss to deal with than Victoria Lyons but NOOOO… precious Bella wants to cry ROCK BOTTOM after losing at Violent Conduct. THAT right there is why YOUR GIRL still hasn’t been a champion in this company… because what she proved when she cut that promo in her previous match is that she is SOFT AS FUCK! She is someone that gives up FAR too easily. I get that she’s had heartbreakers, but are you fucking kidding me? THAT’S your ‘people’s champion’? THAT is who you vote for to face me? THAT is who you look up to and who you allow your daughters or baby sisters to see as a role model?

A SOFTIE? Someone who knows NOTHING about what rock bottom is yet acts as if her Violent Conduct loss is the end of the world when my two losses here were FAR more heartbreaking then THAT and I STILL bounced back and won my championship?

You choose THAT to face me? You choose HER over me?”

I start laughing when I see the comments in the chat starting to shift a bit and one even giving me my due on what I just said.

“There’s no MAYBE BellaGirl99… I DO have a point! Want me to keep going? Fuck it! Let me put on the best Bella parody ever for you people… for those of you that think I have no personality or that I can’t entertain you blimey fuckwads! Bella’s attitude until you shoved your votes up her ass went a little something like this… hold on…”

I paused to bring a straight haired long wig into the picture before I fixed my hair to put it on and then I applied some cosmetics on my face, some gloves over my hands and a Bella t-shirt over my chest to look as close to Bella Madison as possible.

“After being exposed as Victoria Lyons’s bitch…” I began in a mocking, whiny voice “...I hit rock bottom! I have lost everything! I’ve been feeling lost since she KICKED MY ASS! What’s next for me? I don’t know! I’m BROKEN! I don’t care anymore! POOR ME! Losing to Victoria sucked out all of my GOOD SIDE and now I don’t care! Fuck that there’s more to life than a title match, WAH! I don’t CARE anymore! The universe hates me because I can’t win a title match! POOR ME! POOOOOOR MEEEEEE! I don’t CARE about being the nice girl and I DON’T CARE what people think of me! I know I have a BUNCH OF STUPID FANS but because I don’t CARE what people think of me and because I don’t CARE about being liked so FUCK MY FANS because if you like me, I don’t care… so basically all I care about is WINNING and I don’t CARE about YOU PEOPLE after all… BUT PLEASE VOTE ME INTO THIS INTERNET TITLE MATCH SO I CAN KISS YOUR ASS ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND THANK YOU ALL FOR GIVING ME THE GLASS SLIPPER I DON’T DESERVE, NEVER MIND THE FACT THAT I SAID PREVIOUSLY THAT I DON’T CARE WHEThER PEOPLE LIKE ME OR NOT.

OH MY GOD, I’m a HYPOCRITE!”

I was trying very hard to contain my laughter when I saw the chat go dead silent. There were a few that were calling me a liar and saying that Bella never said those things.

“Listen to that clip and weep…” I said as I linked the clip from Bella’s promo against Diamond where Bella straight up said she didn’t care about being liked. “Bella4Ever12” mentioned that in the clip I linked, she mentioned that Bella said that she doesn’t care about respect anymore. Then I saw someone named “BringBackMyra350” ask how the fans can vote for someone that doesn’t even respect her fans and who doesn’t care about her fans anymore.

“EXACTLY… um… BrickBackMyra350…” I said with a laugh. “EXACTLY! And for those of you in the chat trying to call me a hypocrite for bringing up that I don’t give a fuck about the fans and that I never gave a shit about being liked… shove it because while that MAY be true, at least I am HONEST about it and for the most part, I’ve been this way throughout my entire career. I came into this company being one of the most brutally honest bitches that you’re ever going to meet and regardless of anything that has happened, I haven’t wavered from that. Meanwhile, Bella finally breaks after years of being the bridesmaid of this division and she basically stabs all of you people, most of whom probably voted for her in that poll by the way, in the back by deciding that she only cares about herself and that she only cares about winning and that she doesn’t give a shit if she’s liked by YOU, the FANS, anymore which you know, OKAY FINE I guess, but if you’re going to do that, don’t turn around and thank the fans on Twitter and act like they’re the best thing ever when they voted you into this match because if you really DON’T give a shit about whether you are liked or not, then you wouldn’t be expressing being SO TOUCHED AND HONORED to be voted into this match. What it boils down to, Bella fans… is that bella Madison seems to only like you people when it is most convenient for her and THAT is someone you want to respect? Really? Now she wants to do an about face about her popularity when it benefits her?

The fuck out of here!

She’s just as much of a two-faced bitch as Alexandra “I’m nice to you on Twitter, but I bury you in promo” Calaway is…

She’s just as much of a valueless woman as Courtney Pierce was…

Hell, that proves once and for all that she lacks any real convictions and any real consistency and she’s one of those wrestlers that just go where the wind blows. This whole ‘I don’t care anymore’ thing and talking about how she’s going to set fire to everyone and shove people out of the way and all of this ANGRY BELLA nonsense she’s trying to portray since Victoria Lyons made her her bitch is really someone PROJECTING and someone DESPERATE enough to try ANYTHING to be relevant in ANY way and when you look at the evidence, when you compare her to me, for those of you simpletons that didn’t know any better, that don’t know my story of a girl that came up from nothing, suffering through a father that never wanted her to be successful in this business, suffering through bullshit after bullshit of disrespect in SCW since I’ve been here from Courtney calling me a ‘nobody’ and the recent shit with Raine and Alexandra, the heartbreakers to Kayla, my grandfather passing recently, my mother having her cancerous kidney removed before last year’s High Stakes and just about ANYTHING I have fought through to BE THAT BITCH that I am today…

Who should REALLY be the people’s champion and the wrestler that should be respected? Who’s TRULY the stronger woman? Who has truly proven themselves to be a worthy champion while the other one scuffles in mediocrity and having no idea what the FUCK she wants to be anymore because she’s allowed her shortcomings to define her and force her to create LIES to herself that are projected to YOU… FUCKING… PEOPLE!”

I was feeling that anger in me as I removed the wig I was wearing and let my hair down. After a brief silence in the Twitch chat, I was seeing things such as…

“I underestimated you, Julianna…”

“When it’s put that way, I don’t know why I voted for Bella now…”

“I am no longer a Bella Madison fan…”

“Julianna, I’m sorry. You should be respected more. Please beat Bella.”

“I’d rather deal with a bitch that is honest like Julianna, then a selfish bitch like Bella who only likes someone like me when it’s convenient…”

I was seeing PLENTY of apologies from fans in the chat at this point.

“I think it’s pretty clear that when it comes to this match, it’s not just the track record… it’s the people that we are: the strong, brutally honest bitch who has overcome the cruelest of times in the business and the self-loathing, mentally flimsy flip flopper who ‘rock bottoms’ after losing a ROULETTE title match and who doesn’t know who the fuck she is anymore.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride…

And that nightmare WILL manifest itself at High Stakes for her. AGAIN!”

Among ‘AWESOME STREAM” comments from Bella turned Julianna fans I just made in the chat, I laughed as I turned off the Twitch stream.

I was back in Sedona after my huge win over Song and I was in a celebratory mood with my lifelong best friend in Chelsea LeClair as we were having a great dinner at a bar and grill called Sundowner. We weren’t talking much while we were eating, but after we both finished up, Chelsea broke the ice and she did so being in a joyous mood.

“And you were nervous about being involved in the SCW Bombshells World title picture again…” Chelsea said with a jocular wink that lightened the mood for me.

“I was…” I admitted. “But, it was only a matter of time. I had to face the very situation that broke me four years ago to begin with and I am thrilled beyond words that I was able to get beyond Song and get myself into that triple threat with Alicia and Alexandra. It wasn’t easy facing that past because my history with the SCW Bombshells World Championship is not only tragic, but it severely altered the course of my career for a good couple of years after the fact…”

“It’s weird to say this now, but as soon as you did what you did to Crystal, I knew that you were going t spiral yourself out of the company eventually…” Chelsea admits with no hesitation. “But at the same time, I knew the moment that you left that you were going to go back. You’ve always been far too good of a wrestler in SCW to have only one world title reign to your name and I knew that deep down in your heart, you would realize just that. Plus, I know you too well. You have too much pride to leave things as they are especially when you know it should’ve been better.”

I could only smile at this as I drank some of my remaining tea.

“You DO know me well…”

“Like you were really going to leave behind an unfinished ‘legacy’ for lack of a better term all because some fucking piece of shit that was only relevant because of her then-husband to begin with broke your mental health… or more specifically, you allowed her to.”

“Chelsea, you have my word that under no circumstances will I EVER allow someone like Evie Jordan to EVER destroy me like that again.”

Chelsea saw the anger in my face when I brought up those old scars and she smiled knowing the fire within me that she snuffed out was back in full force.

“I’m ecstatic to see this from you right now…” Chelsea said with happiness, but I suddenly felt odd when I saw that happiness become a little worry on her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just me being protective of you but I worry too. I can’t help it. If you were to lose, especially to Alicia, or to Kayla at the end…”

“What are you getting at here?”

“For starters, we know that the history between you and Alicia is nothing good at all, but I worry that for you, Kayla might be another Evie…”

I took a deep breath knowing that Chelsea might have a point. From what we both studied and learned about the champion, we both came to the conclusion that Kayla definitely had her tendencies to be cruel and nasty to others.

“I’m going to get by this triple threat match first before I even worry about Kayla…”

“Oh you’ve got this…” Chelsea said, being far more sure of this than I was.

“It’s not that easy…” I said, annoyed with Chelsea’s optimism. This suddenly caught her off guard.

“Andrea, it’s been four years now. You left SCW and you came back a better wrestler and a much stronger person. How can you say that?”

I thought back to essentially my entire history with Alicia and sighed.

“Alicia has ALWAYS been my road block…” I said with some bitter anger. “Almost every time I have competed for a world championship, she’s either done better than me or gotten the better of me and that’s not history that I can just sweep under the rug. It’s only fitting that she stands in my way again the moment I start to get anywhere close to world title contention for the first time in four years.”

“You’ve beaten her before, Andrea. The last High Stakes match that you wrestled in…”

“For the Internet Championship…” I said with a scoff. “Plus I didn’t pin her, I pinned Keira Fisher that night.”

“Don’t downplay that. That’s still a victory worth remembering…”

“Maybe so, but it’s not going to change the fact that if it wasn’t Evie that was in my way when it came to the world championship, it was Alicia.”

I could feel that anger boiling through my veins at this point and Chelsea was feeling that anger too.

“You’ve never gotten over that history with Alicia have you?”

I shook my head, causing Chelsea to sigh and grab my hands.

“Don’t forget that it was suffering my first loss to her that started that whole spiral to begin with…”

“I get it Andrea. But, you’re going to have to face this in a couple of weeks and let it go. If you want to go to High Stakes and if you want to finally squash that horrible past that mentally destroyed you for years, then you are going to have to get over that history and there is no other way around it. Think about the damage that she caused you and how it was slowly starting that snowball. What you went through with Evie would’ve never happened, or never been as bad as it was, if your experiences with Alicia hadn’t already cracked your confidence…”

That one hit right in the heart and I knew she was right. We left the diner at this point, but now? I really had to face that history and find a way to get over it…

Christmas Eve 2019

Months before I ever met Evie, I was already spiraling. My parents were definitely dispirited by the way i was behaving considering I wasn’t far removed from my first ever SCW Bombshells World Championship match, one that ended in utter failure. I was in the living room with them and they were already trying to talk me through what was breaking me beyond my own understanding.

“Fourth fucking place…” I told my parents. “I didn’t deserve to be in that match at all…”

My mother had a facepalm moment while my father was looking like he was swallowing air.

“I was completely overmatched by the old guard. Roxi, Alicia and Crystal had all the spotlight and Alicia eliminated me so now I’ve been beaten twice by that horrible woman…”

“We’ve had this conversation before Andrea so there’s nothing I can say that is going to change your tune…” my father said, causing me to feel guilt when I saw the shame in his eyes.

“Let me say something…” my mother added.

“You’re not going to be able to encourage her. You’re not the wrestler.”

“Encourage her to do what? Continue to go down this path that she is clearly miserable in? Andrea, I’m going to encourage you to be done with this whole thing…”

“Honey, really?” my father said with anger.

“Get another career, Andrea…”

My mother’s stinging words caused my jaw to drop. I was in total shock that my mother just sat there and encouraged me to give up the dream that I wanted ever since I was a child. My father was ticked off and I could tell how angry he was when he was digging into his own jeans. My mother picked up on this.

“...or at the very least consider moving on from SCW…”

“That’s ridiculous…” my father said.

“Mom, I just signed a few months ago. If I were to leave, especially after this, I’d look like a bitch and everyone would laugh at me and mock me for being a failure that couldn’t hack it and I am not going to put up with that!”

“But is feeling like THIS worth it?”

“It’s not a feeling… it’s the truth. I’m Alicia’s bitch…” I paused to notice my mother cringing at what I just said while I had never seen my father more tempted to smack me across the face in my entire life. “How can I have any confidence in myself when she’s always getting the better of me?”

“It’s only TWICE, Andrea. FUCK!” my father nearly yelled.

“STILL! The whole locker room hates me. Everyone is rooting against me even worse than ever. The hate toward me seems to be only growing and not getting any better and it’s just making me feel like I don’t belong in SCW at all. How can I have confidence when basically everyone in the company wants me to fail so bad?”

“I can’t listen to this anymore…” my mother says with an angry sigh as she stands up. “I did not raise my only daughter to be like this. Andrea, no line of work, in ANY work is even CLOSE to worth going through the horrendous mental health struggle you are going through right now. I can’t bear to see you beating yourself up and allowing other people to dictate your own worth. You are BETTER than this!”

My mother walks out of the room with an angry body language that was really making me wallow in guilt while my father could only sigh and shake his head. I could tell that he was very much exasperated. Considering that he was trying to get through to me previously, following my first loss in SCW and going into the elimination chamber not believing in myself and thinking that I didn’t deserve to be in the match at all, he really was at wits end.

“I guess I was always meant to be some second tier wrestler and never a world champion… always a bridesmaid but never the bride…”

My father was so exasperated with my self-loathing that he didn’t offer any reaction at all, not even an eye roll.

“Andrea, we both know that it’s not true. But we’ve reached a point where you need to see the truth about yourself on your own and that there’s nothing I can do to help you. If you really feel that way, then I won't try to convince you otherwise, but I fear where you'd be if I wasn't here…"

My father then left the room while I was left behind to absorb it all and struggle with myself on a psychological level with my failures against Alicia and my increased locker room hatred really manifesting themselves in a self-destructive way as time progressed.

I felt like my father gave up on me in that moment and that haunted me.

But the scary thing was that his last statement was an unfortunate harbinger of what was to come…

Present Day

“It feels like ‘Dad was right’ is the thing I keep saying…” I told my brother Eddie while we were sitting on that same couch where I had my post-Chamber meltdown.

“You’re in a way better spot now, psychologically…” he reminded me as he briefly wrapped an arm around me. “...things are only starting to get better for you again.”

“As it turns out, I had bungled my entire world title reign before I even started it… MONTHS before I started it. I was wrapped up in my own head about what was going on and how much everyone in the locker room hates me and all these other things that I didn’t need to have in my head to the point where I actually won the championship and I felt like it was little more than a miracle. The way to look at it is…  had I believed in myself a lot more and not let all those negative, horrible feelings get to me the way I did, I would’ve had a far more fulfilling world championship reign.”

“Or… you can look at it like this…” Eddie began to counter. “...you won that championship when you weren’t at your best at that point and you especially won it when you were nowhere CLOSE to being your psychological best.”

“I’ve never seen it like that before. God, what was I thinking back then letting people like Alicia, Crystal and Evie get to me so fucking easily?”

“Easy, Andrea. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You weren’t prepared the first time around for how tough that environment could be, but it toughened you up so much that by the time you went back, you knew what you were in for. You always had it in you to be the SCW Bombshells World Champion but sadly, when you won it, you won it at a time where you weren’t even close to believing in yourself”

“True…” I said with a sigh.

“You’re okay, right? Having to face Alicia again isn’t getting to you at all?”

I shook my head.

“I’m beginning to realize that my biggest mistake with Alicia wasn’t that one ‘delay of the inevitable’ tweet after the match, it was never believing I could beat her BEFORE it even happened.”

We were interrupted by the sudden presence of my mother and Roddy, my formerly estranged brother, coming into the picture with bags packed.

“We’re all set to go to Flagstaff…” Roddy said, catching me by surprise.

“...what?” I said, stuck in shock that Roddy and my mother of all people would even go to Flagstaff at all for my match. “Mom’s never liked my career…”

“It’s not destroying you the way it used to, so I’ve eased up on that…” she explained. “You’re about to have your biggest match since you went back to SCW and not only am I going to be there for you, but we both know very well that this is what your father would’ve wanted.”

“I didn’t know you were all coming…”

“That’s up to you though…” Eddie reminded me. “Just say the word and we’ll go with you… or we won’t. But either way, we’re going to Flagstaff because of my daughter’s birthday. If you don’t want us to attend then…”

“Oh that’s right, the first time Andrea ever wrestled Alicia Lukas, she didn’t want us to go to Tucson at all..” my mother remembered.

Once she brought this up, I felt this pit of guilt in my stomach knowing damn well that in a situation where I was about to start spiraling, them being in Tucson with me on that terrible night five years ago would’ve done me so much good.

“That was a mistake…” I admitted.

“I was in prison getting wind of that match from some inmates that follow SCW and I remember being shocked when I found out that they weren’t there with you…” Roddy added.

“You actually want to go? Even with our past?” I asked Roddy.

“You’re my sister, it’s only right. That is, if you want this…”

I let out a sigh.

“Look, when I shunned you guys and told you to stay here the first time I wrestled Alicia and then ended up having that awful loss that sent me spiraling, it was dumb of me. I know it’s a different Arizona city and you have a third opponent in Alexandra and all, but I’m not making that mistake again. I’ll get you guys tickets…”

“Hell of a choice…” Eddie reassured me.

“You’ve got this and you’re going to be just fine…” my mother reassured me as she and Roddy grabbed their bags and began to head out the door and toward the car.

In that moment, not only was I feeling ‘just fine’, I was feeling great.

Hell, the bright feeling in me was FINALLY believing, for the first time, that I had any match with Alicia Lukas involved in the bag.

Friday

The camera was on me at this point and all I could do was ruminate about what was in front of me on Sunday. I thought back to 2020, when I largely scuffled in the world title picture and it wasn’t breaking me. In fact, it was motivating me. The crazy thing was, as I sat at a bench at the base of the Arizona Snowbowl, that my last world title match to date WAS a triple threat and one that I completely ate shit in at that. It did nothing but fire me up further as I began to speak…

“One win away from High Stakes. It’s easier said than done. It’d be my first world title match here in over four years and the last time I was in one, Evie Jordan basically finished me off and the summer of hell I lived effectively cratered. I remember not wanting anything to do with wrestling after that. I’m not even sure how I kept going as long as I did to be honest but even then? When I look back? I fucked that whole thing up. All I had to do was look past all the bullshit Evie was saying when it was nothing but smoke and mirrors that I was too weak to dismiss as such and maybe things would be different. So to be in a triple threat match for a chance to go to High Stakes for a world title considering that? Fitting. And while I’ve long been done with dealing with Evie, it’s only fitting that one of my opponents is indeed, smoke and mirrors and that’s YOU, Alexandra Calaway

On talent alone? Respectable. But I know why you’re not going to win on Sunday and it’s not just because you lost so much momentum when Julianna was beating your ass last week. It’s because you’re a living delusion of grandeur, someone that cannot and has not shown any capability of being consistent. Your match last week with Julianna is the perfect example of how wishy-washy and honestly full of crap you are. See, when Julianna was posting on Twitter about her title defense, you were right there singing her praises and respecting her but when you turned on the camera last week? WOW! It’s like you never respected her at all. You were saying she was a “fading star”. You and her ‘respected’ one another in that handicap match and then you’re judging her for her actions during that when you seemingly had no issues before? It’s nuts…

It’s like you learned NOTHING from our previous encounter… where you were so focused on what other people thought of you that you grouped me with the likes of Kayla and others that have actually SAID mean things to you and started throwing these mischaracterizations at me the same way that Evie Jordan did four years ago. You got all up in your feelings fresh off of a mixed tag team title match loss and you really threw away that match before we even wrestled it. You haven’t “evolved” as you claimed that you did. No, you’ve stagnated. You CLEARLY never learned how to know your opponent as evidenced by saying that JULIANNA of all people was “complacent”, calling HER a “stepping stone”... yet you’ve gone on the record HATING that people treat you that way all while you are STILL making the god damn mistake I called you out for which is giving too much of a fuck about what other people think of you talking about how you’re fighting for “every single person that has ever doubted you”.

I saw you get up in your feelings THAT bad when Finn Whelan was talking trash about you on Twitter.

You might have a career after wrestling as a politician considering how you were trying SO HARD at portraying Julianna as a fading has been who had nothing left, filling your fucking bullshit with a bunch of lies and yet, all you did was make yourself look REALLY fucking stupid when Julianna went into that ring last Sunday and she beat you straight up… yet you want to stand there and you want to act like you’re this big shot right? You want to stand there and criticize other people for their ego when you have the most delusional, grandiose one in the company. You want to whine and bitch about how other people treat you when you treat others the same way you claim the haters treat you. You fancy yourself as a contender and you talk a big game but without actually THINKING about what you’re saying, you just want to throw whatever the fuck you can create out of thin air at whoever you face and then just fit it based on the situation or the opponent with virtually NO truth to ANYTHING that you’re saying all of which looks inherently worse when that opponent ends up beating you.

It’s no fucking wonder that every time you have had an opportunity like this in SCW, you’ve always fallen short and you are going to fall short again. More than anyone in this division, you define the saying “do as I say, not as I do” and the sad thing is that should you win this match, you’re going to make that world title match all about beating Kayla and shoving her old words up her ass more than it is representing this company and if god forbid you ever win that championship, it’s going to be more about YOU, your supposed legacy and the fact that you silenced your haters more than it’s going to be about SCW and the championship you hold. Someone that thinks and acts like you could NEVER be ready to be a main event player and the damning thing is, as your words toward Julianna among other things prove, is that you never look in the mirror, never make adjustments and come back with the same old cycle thinking that you don’t have to actually GROW to get anywhere and someone like you that lives in their own delusional bubble is someone that I CAN’T and WON’T allow to impede my journey back to the SCW Bombshells World Championship.

I’ve dealt with girls like you ENOUGH for one career, Alexandra, and I am NOT going to let the trans fat version of Evie Jordan go to to the main event of High Stakes! Period!”

I calmed down for a bit before I focused on my other opponent.

“And then there’s Alicia…

Our history has been a burden on my soul for a long time. I know the last time we faced off, it was a triple threat for the Internet title that I won, but I look back at that and it’s a notch on my belt. Nothing more. You weren’t at your best in that match. As a matter of fact, you were fading and I think you knew it too which may have been a reason why you left for a while yourself. But as far as this match goes? I’m not treating you like the wrestler that was fading away at that time. I’m treating you like the wrestler that handed me my first loss in this company and who has always been a roadblock in front of me to the world championship…

My first loss in this company? Down in Tucson in fact? You.

The first time I ever wrestled a world title match in this company? You were the champion in an elimination chamber nearly five years ago. You didn’t win. But you eliminated me from that match.

When I got my rematch for the world title I lost on that horrid cruise ship experience in 2020? It wasn’t one on one against Evie. It was a triple threat that involved… YOU. I got pinned, then YOU got to face Evie again AND you ended up dethroning you.

It has always been YOU, Alicia, that has been in my way. YOU are the ONE opponent, more than anyone on this roster that I knew deep down I would have to beat to get to my goal here. It seems silly to hold onto that all these years, but I suppose it’s only fitting that you are in this match because you are associated with so much heartbreak and frustration that I’ve had here and the fact that we both came back around the same time isn’t something that surprises me at all. I don’t hate you, Alicia. As a matter of fact? I don’t think I dislike you. But for me? It’s personal with you because that snowball effect that sent me on a downward spiral four years ago? You know the one that caused me to decline psychologically and eventually led me to get away from this company for two years? Yeah, it STARTED with you… but it didn’t start BECAUSE of you…

I take the blame for that. I was new to SCW at the time, as you likely remember. But I went into that match in Tucson all those years ago intimidated as fuck by your reputation and I allowed myself to throw myself off of my game that night especially when I shunned my family and didn’t want them to make the trip to see the match. I was the one that took that loss to heart and that allowed it to affect my confidence and that rendered me feeling like I didn’t belong in that chamber. I was the one that decided to take that match between us and act like I didn’t deserve anything and that I didn’t deserve to be a world champion or to even be in that title picture, that I was the worst world champion ever… although that last one was more Evie than you I admit… and that I was just someone that deserved to be shit on and hated. Everything that I just described? That was all me and I acknowledge that I could’ve avoided ALL of that shit if I just went into that FIRST encounter that we had with FAR more confidence than I actually did.

So when you hear this and should you decide to think that this is about avenging that defeat that I had all those years ago, I want you to know that it’s NOT! This isn’t about avenging that. Hell, this isn’t even about getting my just desserts on you. The petty person that I was all those years ago would’ve been all about that, but in the two years that I was gone, I grew up and I got stronger. I don’t want revenge on you for the past. That’s fucking petty nonsense, but I do want to beat you on Sunday if not outright pin you to get to High Stakes not JUST because it would be REALLY fucking fitting if I did that to get a world title shot here, but because it would serve as THE proof that after all these years, I’ve truly grown and learned fro my mistakes the first time around. YOU are my dragon, Alicia. You understand that? You are the one obstacle in this company that I felt I’ve never truly overcome and I am going to come into this match with you with the confidence in myself that I SHOULD’VE had when we had that match in Tucson five years ago and you handed me my first loss. You want this just as bad as I do, I know this.

But with all due respect?

You’re not going to main event another HIgh Stakes…

At least not this year…

Because while you’ve never had any love lost for me?

I know that somewhere in your bitter soul I have earned SOME kind of respect for you and if I haven’t/ i’m going to fucking earn that on Sunday. I’m going to make sure that on Sunday, after all these years, I finally show this company the absolute BEST that I can be and PROVE that I am beyond better than just ONE world title reign that I SOMEHOW even had at all when I wasn’t even close to my psychological best! Time not only heals all wounds, Alicia, it also creates change and growth in most people and I’m sure it has in you like it has in me… and unlike Alexandra honestly…

I know now that I define my future, my destiny and my legacy…

I know now that I was never the worst Bombshells World Champion ever…

I know that the reign that I had was nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of just because it was nowhere close to what I wanted it to be and because I allowed myself to get beat by a vapid, empty shell of a human being that was beneath me the entire time…

Because honestly? Considering the rut I was in? I had no business winning that title at all… yet I DID…

So if I can win that world title while I’m in a rut as I was, Alicia, when I was NOWHERE close to okay, or to my best, then why be ashamed of that world title reign at all?

You won’t have to imagine what it’s like when I am fighting for that title at my very best and when I’ve got it all together as I do right now… because on Sunday? When I beat you and advance to High Stakes to face Kayla?

You and Alexandria both get to experience it for yourselves…”

With all that fire in me at this point, I shut off the camera and I exhale, feeling that self-validation that I had lacked many years ago… and knowing that some of my deepest and longest lasting battle scars when it came to Sin City Wrestling were truly and finally, starting to heal…