The artist known as Senor Vinnie, part two.
The streets of Tijuana, Mexico are buzzing. Buzzing over the fact tat well renowned Mariachi artist Senor Vinnie has beaten a legend in the world of wrestling, or at least that’s what they are trying to make off the sorry excuse of Joshua Acquin’s career. But that’s besides the point, because the point of it all is that Senor Vinnie is undefeated and heading into the second round of the Godlrush tournament. A tournament that consists legends of the past that have returned, new faces alongside the Mariachi of Wrestling and… well…. Joshua Acquin. But once again, I’m driting away from the one point that needs to be made.
Voice: Aiaiaiaiaiaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Strings being played are following the passionate scream that you would be expecting from mariachi singers. It’s followed up by trumpets that following the lead of the guitars before we hear a singer singing the classical Epic from Faith No More.
Singer: Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
If you can't, then it doesn't matter anyway
You will never understand it 'cause it happens too fast
And it feels so good, it's like walking on glass
It's so cool, it's so hip, it's alright
It's so groovy, it's outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference 'cause it knocks you off your feet
Voice: Cut!!!!
The music stops playing and the singer has stopped singing when we see the man called Senor Vinnie get out of his seat. He has a harmonica in his hands as well as a stick that teachers would use when they would want to point at something on a map or a board for the students to pay attention to. He is shaking his head, clearly not happy by the end result of what he had heard. He turns and stares at a black board that we haven’t seen before and starts to chalk down his name
Senor Vinnie: My name is Senor Vinnie, but you can all forget that as this is the musical lessons 101 for dummies that know Jesús Shit about music and playing a lick.
Singer: You mean Jack shit??
Senor Vinnie stares at the singer with a blind look of played rage, tapping his boot on the ground before shaking his head.
Senor Vinnie: I don’t know any Jack, besides if this Jack would show up then I would urge you to tell him that he needs to pay me twenty five lessons ahead and he already has missed two!! Also, I am a certified bilingual teacher as that is what my diploma states.
He points at a diploma on top of the black board, that is clearly a diploma that is typed out on word and printed out before being ceiled behind plastic to make it look more authentic.
Singer: Si Senor Vinnie, forgive me.
Senor Vinnie: NO!!! As a Mariachi, you always need to be right even if you are wrong essay. Because when you admit that you are wrong, then they have you by the cojones compadre.
Singer: My cojones Senor???
Senor Vinnie: SI!!!! And that is what you need to make you become real foo!! That is what makes you as good as… well…, close to…, perhaps starting of a tenth of what I can do an build from there.
Singer: You think I can actually make it to your standards Senor Vinnie??
Senor Vinnie stares into the eyes of the desperate bum that he has picked off the streets, convinced him that he could be a mariachi singer if he would put his heart and soul behind it. He had to explain him what mariachi really is, which took him like three hours just to explain that he needs to hold his guitar not backwards. Or else the strings of the guitar would rip off ever possible chest hair that he has, because mariachi students has to start off bare chested. Or at least that’s what Senor Vinnie convinced the bum off. He stares at the hopeful eyes and sighs before rolling his eyes in disgust..
Senor Vinnie: Sure, whatever.
Singer: Oh goodie!! Then I will have my own cactus Pete and I will…..,
This enrages Senor Vinnie, grabbing a vase of dead flowers and throws them out of it before tossing water at him that is like three weeks old. Causing the “singer” to cough in disgust and surprise.
Singer: Why did you did do that for?
Senor Vinnie sighs once more.
Senor Vinnie: Why did you do that for Senor Vinnie???
Singer looks confused.
Singer: But you are Senor Vinnie, I am just Maurice from three blocks down the road senor.
Senor Vinnie: I know that I am Senor Vinnie and that you are Maurice!! But I want you to end every sentence with Senor Vinnie!!
Maurice: But….,
Senor Vinnie: But what Maurice???
Maurice: But Senor Vinnie?? You told me to forget that name earlier on as it was not important?? Now I am suddenly very confused Senor. I thought that we would grow closer, bond like compadre’s and you know, do a duet together?? Like Ike and Tina Turner.
Senor Vinnie: If you want me to continue going on a tirade like that hombre did to his woman then you are deadly wrong essay.
Maurice: Like Sheldon and Leonard???
Senor Vinnie sighs while shaking his head.
Senor Vinnie: The only theory of physics that you can come up with is the theory why you are when you will spill gas out of your rectum?? Combining it with how you are going to burp the entire first three verses of The Final Countdown while playing Do you really want to hurt me from Boy George with your armpits.
Maurice: But….,
Senor Vinnie stares at him with anger in his eyes as Maurice remembers what he has forgotten to say and sighs.
Maurice: But Senor Vinnie, I would have to drop the guitar from my hands to do that, then it would turn back to my bare stomach and rip another pair of hairs out of the skin., I cannot handle that Senor!!!
Senor Vinnie sighs as he turns to the board and starts to write down: “I need to pay more attention to my teacher before saying something stupid”. He then turns back to Maurice and points at rickety table that is next to him with a piece of toilet paper that needs to be an A4 paper.
Senor Vinnie: Write that down on the board a few hundred times and then hand it over to me and I will forget the whole subject that you started to impress me with your stupidity. And trust me, after having to hear what you were attempting to play it would not have come as much of a surprise to me. Also I would like to suggest that you need to learn so much more before ever daring to think of having a cactus like Pete. Besides, besides his cousins Joey and Sam, both are taken by the way. And of course I cannot forget his sister Lucy, his pet dog Lucky….
Maurice: Pete has a dog??
Senor Vinnie rolls his eyes before lifting his hands in the air in disbelief.
Senor Vinnie: OF COURSE HE HAS!!! What else could be the reason why he has dog poo stuck to his shoes every morning?
Maurice: Since when does a cactus need shoes and a dog??
Senor Vinnie: He needs the shoes to run around with the dog because the dog needs the exercise, or else he will turn out to be fat.. Secondly the reason why he has the dog is because he has loneliness issues, he has having attachments issues and is afraid to bond to another person. So the next thing I could think off was to get him a Saint Bernard.
Maurice: A Saint Bernard?? Isn’t that a bit big dog for him??
Senor Vinnie: True, but at least he knew that if he was thirsty he could always ask for beer, seeing they always have barrel of beer attached to their necks. Even though I do remember that Pete has issues dealing with beer, I have tried to convince the dog to use beer with zero alcohol, but the dog started to chuckle with such an evil way that it dawned to me that I would not win a fight of where he bites my wrist.
Maurice: Your wrist???
Senor Vinnie: Well it would be very difficult to play the guitar with a stomp instead a hand you know?? And I have a mean guitar solo on One from Metallica, but of course I would do it the way it should be.
Maurice: You are telling me that the guitar solo of One isn’t a good one??
Senor Vinnie rolls his eyes and shakes his head before attempting to explain what he truly meant.
Senor Vinnie: Of course what Senor Kirk Hammett did was, well you know rather nice. But I do not see him trying to push his boundaries and turn this solo from… well you know from a Fiat to become a Ferrari.
Maurice starts to rub his chin and thinks about the words that Senor Vinnie just mentioned and grins as if there’s a lightbulb shining brightly above his head.
Maurice: But Fiat is owned by Ferrari Senor Vinnie
Senor Vinnie wants to tap his boot once more, but realized that Maurice to have mentioned his name and decides to just put his foot down and is clearly having problems coming back with a counter until
Senor Vinnie: Well you do know what I just said right?? I’m always right even when I am wrong!!! And the reason of it is well….. you already heard the reason why. Besides it’s only an example that you shouldn’t get too worked up with it. Examples are often just forgotten. I will give you an example for instance…,
He remains silent for a few moments as he doesn’t know what to say.
Senor Vinnie: What was I about to do again??
Maurice: You were about to give an example about an example Senor Vinnie.
Senor Vinnie: Exactly, you see what I just meant?? Already you have forgotten the fact that examples should be forgotten. Man I’m just like Mahatma Gandhi, my wisdom is endless and I also tend to do things without violence.
Maurice: But you do use violence Senor Vinnie.
Senor Vinnie: It’s the thought that matters Maurice, you are clearly at the bottom of the totem pole. But you need to be enjoying the knowledge that I will guide you to greatness!!! But before we do, you need to tell me more about that Jack Shit guy.
With that the shot fades as we go to a commercial break.
We come back as we see Senor Vinnie play guitar with the Mariachi metal band Metalachi. Playing classical hardrock/metal songs before noticing the camera moving in on them.
Senor Vinnie: Welcome to Senor Vinnie featuring Metalachi. The greatest Mariachi Metal band from the world, combining the elements of two worlds and making people notice what it means to show the world the true meaning of Music. And seeing that the world of Mariachi and Metal will once again enter the same space in this Monday’s Climax Control. Too bad for this gringo I will be facing that I will make him realize that Mariachi is much superior than his “Metal”
Vega De La Rokha: Si Senor Vinnie, you see Metal is great and all. We love it, but we feel that there’s so much more to offer to this genre than what those bands bring. We just put some sauce to the steak that is already burning on the BBQ.
Senor Vinnie: I love BBQ sauce, something that my opponent in this week’s Gold Rush tournament is missing. I mean seriously, him beating that hombre last week was lucky. I mean seriously, I don’t know the nobody but there’s nothing of this gringo possesses that could trouble me. Sure, he is a daredevil, he likes to take a risk. But seeing how he is a wrestler that builds up hope for other perro’s out there that have no life, that they are having hope that they could get their asses off the couch and be lucky every three weeks. Well newsflash Senor Caleb, your Storms that you hold so dearly in your last name is nothing more than a mere breeze, a gasp of salty air that is coming out of the mouth of a senor that has not brushed his teeth in like three months.
The members of Metalachi are laughing at the comment being made by Senor Vinnie, who is brushing his hair neatly before placing his guitar next to him. He stares at his cactus that he has left on a table on the other end of the room and nods his head towards Pete.
Senor Vinnie: Si Pete, you are absolutely right. I forgot to mention that Metal heads aren’t capable to go one speed ahead. They either go fast and get slow in the middle because someone had a hysterical girlfriend on the line before going violently fast in the end. I suppose that this is the moment that the singer and guitarist realize they both were cheated on by the same woman. Of course not knowing that they are the ones that she cheats on as they do not know about each other. But that’s besides the point, when I look at Caleb it’s where he uses all of his energy to gear up for Climax Control that he runs out of gas on PPV’s. Why you ask? Well I have heard the latest news flash from Senorita Vargas telling the world on where he comes up short.
Something that the legendary and quite impressive Senor Vinnie does not have any problems by doing. Because I am one speed ahead, I am the endurance man like the extended version of every time that Hangar 19 comes on the radio and bounces everyone’s head up and down like they are possessed by the Exorcist. Come to think of it, the only I have not seen from that clip is the vomiting that made the intro of Scary Movie two like a house hold movie that to this very day cannot and will not be forgotten.
He looks back at Pete before rolling his eyes.
Senor Vinnie: Pete also wanted to say that he is a big fan of Poison, you know that band of Brett Michaels who got the leftovers from Tommy Lee as he had sold his boat and all the belongings of that could have been identified as the Sammy Hagar that got dumped by his old band Van Halen. Because we all know that the original can never be beaten right???
All the members of Metalachi are nodding their heads
Senor Vinnie: You see Caleb, you are just like Tim Owens, that replaced the legendary Rob Halford on Judas Priest. Why? Because the fools were so un original to grab some idiot from a cover band in the hope that he could come close to the original. You are good Caleb, you are real good. But being merely a soft cut rip off of the man that is the Rob Halford of the Mariachi world makes you understand that you are way out of my league gringo.
I have beaten an former champion in my debut match, I have beaten a man that apparently has a love hate relationship with our boss Senor Underwood. And I have beaten the man that is a fool to think that he can beat the champion in a MMA match. You know, Mixed Musical Artist.
He takes a sip from a glass of water that is next to him on the table.
Senor Vinnie: And I do not understand the big fuss about a Musical match, you need to wear a mask like the Phantom of the Opera, you need to remember your lines and more importantly you have to wear a pink tutu for the anti climax scene before asking an over weighed, blind idiot whether he is et tu Brutus. I mean seriously?? Then I would prefer to listen to the groaning and moaning of a grunt band from Portland Oregon that never saw the light of day.
Now I know that you are asking yourself what this has to do with you? Besides the boring music absolutely nothing. But at least be thankful that your career is compared to a band that grunts evil things, but prefer to sing about a little lost sheep that is trying to find his mother, only to realize that he is on the set of the remake of Home Alone and the others are far far away in Tirol. But that’s besides the point my amigo.
Silence
Senor Vinnie: Si Pete I will get to it, just give me time amigo. You see Caleb, it made no sense what I just said. Because I just wanted to let the world see how pathetic you are. I mean seriously, I always see how people trash their opponent because their left toe is smaller than the right. How their nose hairs are falling outside their nostrils and how they are just silly when they laugh. But not Senor Vinnie, no way. I am the one that is the one that seeks deeper into the essence of WHY you are a failure. Yes Failure Caleb, why lower your intensity just merely going for a Roulette title? Are you the one that loves to sit at a roulette table and gamble it all? Or is it the mere fact that you just are aware that risk takers are not the ones that should be the people that represents a company that dares to wage lots of money on the one that takes them to the next level.
When I look at you I just see a pile of shit, I just see potential that is still waiting for you to wake up and realize that what you needed was sitting at some bus stop in Des Moines, Iowa. So why don’t you just stick your stinking head inside a mask and just tell the world where you will wait before you start to bleed.
He grins as he looks at the Metalachi band who are already just talking to each other and ignores Senor Vinnie, causing him to laugh and slap his leg.
Senor Vinnie: You guys are so funny, pretending to ignore me. But that’s something that we do on camera, to give the world the impression that we are not on the same page. But just like they sing that they are hot for teacher, I am hot for moving another round in the Gold Rush tournament. To test my ability against those who proclaim to be a challenge for me. ME!! Can you believe it?? I have already beaten a future hall of famer, or when it is up to Senor Underwood soon to be unemployed. I will lock you in a submission hold Senor Caleb, I will squeeze the life out of your body and make you gasp for mercy. Only to realize that you will be begging to deaf man’s ears as I’ve understood that the referee’s have a fetish for a cactus like Pete. So I am bound to go further than your illustrious career has ever brought you.
So before you talk a big game, why don’t you try to sing through a different tune and become The Extreme of the wrestling world. Because it will take more than just words that ill eliminate the greatest thing that has ever graced this ring or any other wring. Where I will look up at the likes of Senor J to the 2 of H as he is merely an example of big talk on social media, merely because he has done something in the past. Boohoo, I have played with marbles when I was in diapers, I have kissed a girl and I liked it. Whatever Senor H, you are just bored because the senorita is wearing the pants in the household I’ve been told.
All I did was handing him a peace offering Senor Caleb, can you believe it that he refused?? How disrespectful is that!! Well I will be the one that has the final laugh as I will make an example out of you to send out to those who once were, currently are and will come in the future. That the SCW world heavyweight championship has my name written all over it… something that you cannot and will never understand… until Monday little man…., until Sunday.
With that the shot fades as Senor Vinnie is trying desperately to get the attention from Metalachi..
