[JoshWoodrum]

 So here I am, back in the House of Sin, the SCW. I was thrilled when I signed my name on the dotted line, ready to take on the world. But it turns out, I'm not facing the top of the top, the best of the best, no instead the SCW decided to send for a clown.....

7:47 AM

We open on the "sexTreme Entertainment" HQ. A tall skyscraper on the outskirts of beautiful Lexington, Kentucky. Inside, on the 13th floor, is the office of Josh Woodrum, sitting next to him, is Angel Justice his CEO.

Angel: Well, Mister Woodrum, our latest film, "Anal Angels 5: The Devil Inside" has been a smash success.

JOSH: This is good news. I love when you bring me good news.

Angel: Well, the good news keeps coming. We got a fax about your SCW match.

Angel hands Woodrum the fax. Woodrum quickly reads over it, and laughs as we fade out.

6:45 PM

The next thing we see is:



The beautiful Amanda Banxxx, world famous foot fetish model, and Josh Woodrum's life and business partner. She sees us, and places her phone down, sitting up, her beautiful feet dangling off the bed as she speaks.

AMANDA: Here we are, ladies and gentleman, the time has come! Josh Woodrum, "Mister Impressive", the Living Legend himself, has returned to the SCW, to wreak havoc and bring with him the power, the overwhelming force, known as Josh-A-Mania.

And what battle tested warrior, what former champion, what great wrestler has been signed as his opponent? A fucking clown....

Seriously? It's 2017, are clowns still scary? Look freak, leave the makeup to the pretty ones, because no amount of eyeliner and lipstick can hide that ugly face, capice? It's so sad that the SCW legacy of the greatest man in the world has to be built on the bones of a whacked mental patient, who goes around dressed like Bozo.

But it is what it is. Welcome to the new age, welcome to the reign of the "Prince of Perversion", welcome to the era of Josh Fucking Woodrum!

8:24 PM

We open on Josh Woodrum, dressed in his ring attire and a black and orange "Sultan of Sin" t-shirt. Woodrum has a smirk on his face as the camera man counts him down. 5.... 4.... 3.... 2.....

JOSH: Well ya know something brothers and sisters, I've been clanging and banging, clanging and banging, for 40 days and 40 nights dude. I surfed on the back of a great white shark, and wrestled with an alligator, all in preparation of facing the best in the world, dude.

And after all the training, prayers and wild sex, who, just who, does the SCW sign to face me? They sign up.... a freaking clown. Anthrax brother, when I look at you, it makes me sick, sick inside my stomach, to know that you, you of all people, are who the SCW wants me to destroy first.

You spend a few years in a nut house, throw on some clown paint, and you dare think, DARE THINK, that you can tangle with me? ME? The "Epitome of Excellence"? Look brother, it goes like this. When the ring announcer introduces us, when the fans respond with apathy at the mere sight of you, then blow the roof off the place when I waltz on out on to the sound stage, maybe then the truth will don on you, maybe then, in that simple little mind, you'll realize that you are in way over your head, jack.

When the bell rings, when the ref gives us the signal to do combat, you're gonna see me, pythons bulging, a fire behind my eyes, and in mere moments, you will be lifted high, high into the sky, and slammed down with such force that you'll swear the earth split open and you landed in the crater. But in reality my friend, that place you left so long ago, you will have been hit with the force, the power, the destruction, known as JoshBottom.

And as you lay there, broken and bloody, wondering just what in the hell you got yourself into, I'll pin you, have my hand raised, my name announced as the winner, and you can be charted off back to the mental ward, by those two dykes that run around with you.

Woodrum points to his raised right palm.

JOSH: This is where the power lies, brother! The power to change lives, to end careers. This is where your future rests. In the palm of my hand brother. And you have to realize, when this hand clenches into a fist, or when it wraps around your throat, it's not the hand of a normal mortal man. Oh no....

Woodrum raises his right hand to his shirt collar and the left as well. With a growl his rips his shirt off and tosses it to the ground.

JOSH: These hands belong to the, the best of the best, above all the rest, whoop your ass from coast to coast and pillar to post, the clown hating, foot model dating, punk ass beating, porn star pleasing, fire breathing Dragon, known the world over, as "Mister Impressive"!!

So ask yourself this my friend....

Watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when the power of Josh-A-Mania, the overwhelming force of JoshBottom, and the cold hard bitch slap of reality, reigns down on you? Watcha gonna do?

Listen real close, cause I have the answers. You're gonna lose. In spectacular fashion. And as you crawl away, beaten, broken, your confidence shattered, your brain melted, you're gonna realize what so many before you have realized.

Josh Woodrum is the best, Josh Woodrum is the greatest, Josh Woodrum is not just all talk, he can walk the walk. And most importantly, as you wash away that stupid eye liner and that stupid painted on smile, you will realize that Josh Woodrum, the "Personification of Perfection" is, 100%, without a shadow of doubt, until my dying breath, SIMPLY IMPRESSIVE!!!

Woodrum strikes a double bicep pose and we fade out.