“I’M FINE!…” the words echo throughout the backstage area of the arena. I didn’t need these doctor’s trying to look me over with their tools. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know myself. I felt the agony that my back and ribs were shouting out. It felt as if someone was poking a knife all over me. Sitting down in a chair next to the table, leaning back against the wall for a little support, one of the doctor’s came over next me. He had a worried look on his face as I pressed him away before falling out of the chair. Both came running over, grabbing me by my arms as they tried to pull me back up on the chair.
“GET AWAY! AWWWW!”Pressing them away from my sight I tried to press up off the ground but all I felt was my body fighting me. I was just involved in a ladder match. Like, duh. Of course I was hurting.
“Mr. Davison, we need to look you over and see how badly injured you are.”“You think I feel bad? I was just beaten repeatedly with a steel fucking ladder. You think I want this? What I want is to see my fucking fiancee. NOW!!!”While I couldn’t see Kyra. I could hear her. She was dropping f bombs like they were going out of style. After a few moments of resting on the floor, I pressed upward to a standing position with my hand on the wall. Any normal man would want revenge for this, but I remembered that we had hurt them just as badly. We had done the same thing to our opponents. I suppose that’s why a smile was crossing my face? A sudden sharp point of pain rushed through my back as I grabbed my hoodie. You would think after 44 years that I would be more careful. Today is not that day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either. I fall a little bit. Thankfully, I was able to catch myself a little against the wall before I fell. They started my way again and if looks could kill, the medical staff would be chalk outlines.
“I need everyone to leave.”“But…”“But nothing. I will sign whatever fucking waiver I have to. Leave… NOW!”I don’t know if it was the tone of my voice or if it was the fear of having a man with this much anger screaming at them that scared them away but it was no more than a few seconds as I heard the door slam. I was alone, finally. I couldn’t help but hold on to my wounds even though I knew I couldn’t chase the pain away. It takes some time, but I slowly am able to pull myself up off the floor. The pain will be temporary. It always is, I remind myself. Except for that pain in my back, the pain from the scars in my hands, the jaw I broke back in 1997… okay, most of my pain is temporary.
I hear Kyra scream again from down the hall. My eyes light up a little, looking down and seeing the bright gold of the UGWC Cooperative Championship as it laid there on top of my bag. Leaning down and grasping it with my left hand while my right hand still hung on to the side of my body. The pain was gone for the most part, but the feeling of life that had been taken from me was still there. Still, every time that I looked down at that championship, it was a hit of dopamine. The pain wasn’t as bad. The struggle wasn’t as hard. Those titles were the reason Kyra and I did this. From down the hall, she begins cursing again. I can tell I am getting closer because instead of hearing inaudible screams, I could hear the most liberal use of the word ‘fuck’ that I had heard in a long time. That means that I have to get down the hall. I had to get to Kyra. Finally, I fall through the curtain separating the trainer’s area from the hallway.
“Hey, mama.”“Where the fuck have you been?”I can’t help but smile.
“Scaring medical professionals.”“Sounds about right. I’m almost done. I just need to sign the fucking waiver. You would think by now that would just have a stamp made of our signatures to save time.”“You’d think.”We use our banter to hide our pain. Our pain was our future. Each and every match, we grow closer. We save more money to provide for our family. We make a life together the only way we know how. As much as it hurts us, we know that the wrestling ring is our home.
In the early morning, the former Yawkey Way was relatively quiet. Nothing about the plain brick building that “Godly” Ken Davison is walking past particularly seems to stand out. Dressed in blue jeans and a black leather jacket, Ken doesn’t particularly seem to stand out, either.
“I remember the day although it was yesterday. May 30th, 2021. It was 9 o’clock in the morning and I was nervous. I was scared. I didn’t sleep the night before, tossing and turning. As I’m driving through the streets of Baltimore, I think about where my life had gone in the previous year. I had gone from World Championship contender to World Champion. I had gone from walking through the proverbial ‘Valley of Death’ on my own, to walking beside the woman who had become, and still is, the love of my life. I uprooted my life, leaving everything behind; my family, my home, the ghost of the woman who was, up until that point, my first and only love. I changed everything about myself. I became a family man.”
“Still…” Ken says, allowing his voice to trail off while he reflects on everything.
“Still, all I could think about was how I could still turn around, still go home, that I didn’t really have to do what I had planned. Two hours can drag on forever, but in my case, it flew by while I sit in the parking lot going back and forth on what I was about to do. ’You can still go home.’ I remind myself. What if she says ‘no?’ What if the final image the fans see of Carnage Wrestling are of me being left in the middle of the ring after my planned proposal? I felt as though I was going to be jumping out of a plane with two other people and I am scared shitless of heights. My heart is beating out of my chest. I’m feeling a pain and worry I hadn’t felt since my heart attack. My thoughts went from those of doubt to giving myself a pep talk. I can do this. I want to do this.”
“Walking out to the ring that night, I was ready for my match. That evening, the match itself was the easy part. Since the reigning tag team champions declined to appear for the final show, the company’s Tag Team championships were given to my partner Kyra and I. If you were to ask Amber Ryan and Matt Knox one thing that you would be certain that they would agree on, it’s that my lady and I are fighters. It’s one of our best and worst qualities, depending on the situation. That night, we challenged another team for those Tag Team Championships and came up short. Regardless, we were able to stand with our heads held high knowing that we left everything we had in the ring that night.”
“At the end of the night, Kyra was asked to announce to the crowd the final class of Carnage Wrestling Hall of Fame inductees. Of everyone else there, she had been there the longest, so it made sense to have her make that announcement and I was able to stand in the ring with her as she did it. That was supposed to be where it ended, but I had other plans. Now, I am standing there, not even talking, and I am sweating like a turkey the day before Thanksgiving. My body felt like it did when I was 10,000 feet in the air. Like the instructor, Kyra is talking but the words simply aren’t registering. When I tried going skydiving, I knew that I could just ride back down with the pilot, claiming that I had jumped and no one would be any wiser. I could have let Kyra make her announcement and walked to the back and no one would no that I had failed to do what I had planned.”Ken stops pacing and looks up with perhaps the most sincere look that has ever crossed his face during his entire tenure in Sin City Wrestling.
“Now this is the part of the story that ties into what I am trying to teach you. When I was in the back of that airplane, 10,000 feet in the air…” Ken pauses for just a moment. “I know I said that already, but you have to understand that was a big deal to me. I was there to confront my fear. I could be at home, recovering for a wild Friday night out and just relaxing. That wasn’t what I wanted. What I wanted was to prove to myself that I could face what I thought was my greatest fear. I have a tradition where at least once a year I go out and find one thing that I am afraid of and try to confront it because as much as I had been afraid of things like public speaking, heights, a ring full of light tubes, explosives and thumbtacks, I am more afraid of failure. Being able to confront my fears helps me to overcome my fear of failure. The fear of failing holds a lot of us back. The fear of failing can be paralyzing. However, there are only two results. ‘Do or do not. There is no try,” as Yoda famously said. There have been times I have succeeded and times that I have failed. Still, as scared as I was jumping out of the plane and watching as the dots below very quickly grew larger and more detailed, standing next to Kyra Johnson at 10:47 PM on May 30th, 2021 was by far the scariest moment of my life. Like all of the challenges I have put in front of myself, it was up to me to try. What made this moment so frightening is that it’s success or failure were not in my hands. It was in someone else’s hands. My success or failure relied solely on Kyra. To this day, I am proud to say that I selfishly asked for the opportunity to leave the last image Carnage Wrestling fans were left with was that ofKyra and I kissing in the middle of the ring. That moment would never have happened if I was afraid of failure.”Ken stops and leans against the brick building, taking a sip of his Dunkin’ Donuts coffee before continuing to speak.
“In every aspect of my career, between both companies I work for, I am here because I failed. In Carnage Wrestling, Kyra and I failed to win Tag Team Championships. We never want to be given the titles by forfeit. What did we do? We marched our asses into the UGWC and we had to scratch, he had to claw, we had to fight, not just in our matches, but at times to even get our matches, so that we could hold the Cooperative Championship together. Now, we are the team to beat in the company.”
“I realize that I failed to defeat Matt Knox, not once, but twice. I know that I failed to retain the Sin City Internet Championship. Jack Washington was the better man that night. I can give credit where credit is due. But why the fuck does it always have to be a Jack from Las Vegas?” Ken takes a moment to clear his throat.
“Apologies. I digress.” Ken takes another gulp of his coffee to whet his throat.
“The reason that I do not fear failure is because I have stared death in the face more times than I can count. It began on my nineteenth birthday. To this day, it was literally the lowest point in my life. I was done. I was ready to check out. Game over, man. I was in a dark place. Not just a dark place, but a place so dark I dare not speak of it except to the most trusted of confidants. I was afraid of failing, not because I didn’t want to fail, but because I wanted to fail to exist. Yeah, it was that bad. Because of those events, I didn’t want the American Dream. I didn’t want the house. I didn’t want the white picket fence. I didn’t want the car, the wife, the 2.43 children. What I wanted was to see people hurt. I wanted to make people hurt as much as I did. We’ve had movies aimed at kids, like ‘An American Tale.’ We’ve had more adult centered movies such as ’The Pursuit of Happiness’ and ‘The Great Gatsby.’ The common thing is that these are movies that have celebrated the American Dream. I couldn’t relate to little Fievel. Looking back at the person I was, I can honestly say that I can not only understand, but empathize, with the character of Clyde Shelton in ’Law Abiding Citizen.’ So, when you lose everything, losing a match or a title here and there is no big deal.”
“I spent twenty five years, a lifetime for some people, amassing money, fame, accolades, not because it was my American Dream. I was doing it so I could run from my fears. Because I was running from my fears, over time, all of the companies I worked for seemed to fall apart. I don’t know if that was because of me or if that is just the nature of the beast. Be that as it may, I felt like I was responsible. I started looking forward to 10, 20, 30, even 40 years and I pictured myself at my funeral and I realized something. No one was going to be there. It wasn’t until I recognized that I was chasing everyone who ever loved me. I screwed over all my friends. No one would ever trust me. All of those things made me a failure. So, at that moment, I made the decision to end it all. So, I got out a piece of paper and started writing my goodbye letter. The thing was, I was too scared to send it to my stepfather. Surprisingly, that letter ended up being one of the things that changed my life. I ended up sending that letter to an old friend of mine. This friend has always made it a point to hold me accountable for my actions, good or bad. He forced me to drag my ass all the way out to Texas. I am sure that those of you who can do simple math can figure out that friend was Mac Bane.”Ken wipes his eyes, making an effort to get ahead of himself as they begin watering up.
“And in that unique Mac Bane way of handling things, the man gets right in my face and asks “How can you do anything so selfish?’ How can you do this? How can you do this to your parents, to your brother, to your friends.” He never made it about himself, that’s not his style. He was right, of course. He usually is.”
“So, this is the point in time where I have to tie this all in with the match in front of me. Both Amber Ryan and Matt Knox are creatures of habit, even more than myself. They know how much I hate to lose. But losing is not failure. Failure is not learning from your mistakes.”Ken uses his shoulders to lift himself off the wall, taking another sip of his coffee and shaking his cup, a slight frown crosses his face as he tosses the empty cup into a garbage can.
“Amber, I want you to think back to August of 2020. We were preparing for our match against one another at We Are Relentless. I was getting nasty voicemails from your future husband. My stepbrother was hanging up on me because of the way I had treated you. Most importantly, Everyone out there, from the fans, to the locker room, to the office was doubting what I am truly capable of, just as they are now. Did you learn anything, Amber? You had beaten me once already, what happened next? What happened when you doubted me? Ask yourself if you remember? Shit, ask Knox if he remembers? I overcame the odds and went on a glorious three month run where I was able to take your World Championship, take your father’s dignity, and beat up my future sister-in-law’s ex.”
“As much fun as it would be to sit here and antagonize you, Amber, my focus needs to be on your partner, Matt Knox. The fact you walk around here, Knox, strutting around like a peacock, plumage on full display, because someone saw fit to grant you a shot at Mac Bane and the Sin City World Championship, is sickening. You did absolutely nothing to actually earn this opportunity. The numbers don’t lie. The facts don’t lie. The only thing here that lies is your mouth. Let’s do ourselves a favor and look at the actual facts, shall we?”Ken reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone, taking a moment to look at the information he has queued up on the screen.
“First of all, you do not deserve this shot. You earned a shot at the Internet Championship. What did you do with that opportunity? You couldn’t beat me. You managed to eek out a draw but still ran your potato trap like you actually won the match. You didn’t win shit. Then, I gifted you another opportunity to prove your worth. I gave you the opportunity to show that you were a man of integrity, and instead, you proved you’re not a man at all. As Jack Washington locked in the submission, you could have broken it up. You could have made an effort to compete. Instead, you made the decision that proved you are not a competitor, not a man, not worthy of a title opportunity for any championship in any company by simply standing there and failing to act. You sat there and watched. You made the decision to prove that you knew you couldn’t win the match and simply allowed Jack Washington to do the one thing you haven’t been able to do, and that is the defeat the GKD, “Godly” Ken Davison.
“Think about this, when you were granted the match against Bane, you had only won one match here in Sin City. I won more matches in my first two months. You were given this match not because you were worthy. You were given this match because they wanted to build Mac Bane up even more. You were given this match because you will constantly run your mouth. You were given this match because people will pay to see you get your ass kicked. Most importantly, you got this match because the Saviors don’t work the Saviors.”
“Knox, to say that I’ve got a lot of pent up aggression towards you would be an understatement. I don’t care that I lost to Jack Washington. I care about how I lost. I’m not saying that I would have won, but you are most certainly the reason that I lost. I don’t know how that feeble mind of yours works, but I do know this much. If I have my way, you’re not going to make it to Mac Bane. I come into this match knowing that you can’t beat me. I come into this match knowing that I have a woman in my corner who is just as much of a bad ass bitch as Amber Ryan is. While Amber Ryan and Kat Jones are bad ass bitches, you are nothing more than a little bitch and Blaze for Glory proved that.”Ken motions to the camera crew to cut the feed, turning the corner to make his way over to the box office of Fenway Park.
