[Andrew]

I WILL BECOME SIN CITY WRESTLING’S NEXT ROULETTE CHAMPION

Narrator:  Bill Barnhart is wrestling in his home area. He is from Lawrenceville, Georgia, and Atlanta is about twenty miles West of where he lives. Add to it that he is facing off against Miles Kasey and Lincoln Daniels for the vacated Roulette Championship. Add to it that in Bill’s long wrestling career he has only lost one match in his home area. Combine all of that and you have a winner with Bill Barnhart being the next Sin City Wrestling Roulette Champion.

STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOU’RE NOT

We switch scenes and we see Bill during his Senior year at Skyline High School in Oakland, California. What we see is Bill having a disagreement with some of the other students at the school.

Bill:  You’re all jealous of me because I’m better at sports than you are! So what do you do? You try to get others to believe you’re good in baseball, football, and track like I am. You know I’m in the top three in each of those sports and since you can’t compete with me you hurl insults instead. STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOU’RE NOT as it only makes you look stupid.

Several of the sports Coaches walk up and stand between Bill and the students who are taunting him.

Coach:  What the hell is going on here? I know who Bill Barnhart is as he’s one of our top athletes in Baseball, Football, and Track. Who are you punks who are harassing him?

None of the students harassing Bill are willing to answer the question so they turn and run away. The Coach looks at Bill.

Coach:  Bill I’m sorry those punks harassed you. That type of thing happens to most of us who are great in our sport. Before you ask I will tell you it also happened to me. Just do the best you can in the sports you are in and leave the rest to destiny.

Bill:  Thanks Coach!

As we hear that comment the scene begins to fade out and we are taken to the medical practice of Doctor Kim in Duluth, Georgia.

MEETING WITH SENOR VINNIE

We are at Beto’s Tacos restaurant in Lawrenceville, Georgia, where we see Bill Barnhart and Senor Vinnie having lunch. We listen in on their conversation.

Bill:  When are you returning to active wrestling Vinnie? Not the same without you around.

Senor Vinnie:  I’ll be back shortly. Just needed to let my injury heal so that I have no reservations about giving one hundred percent in all my matches.

Bill:  Once you are back in action we need to ask to be sent after the Tag Team Championship. Would be great if the two of us could obtain that Championship.

Senor Vinnie:  When we win the Tag Team Championship you need to promise me you will do something for me. If you fail to do this item after we are crowned Tag Team Champions I’ll end our association as a Tag Team. Deal?

Bill:  Depends upon what you have in mind for me to do. I’m up for just about anything you know.

Bill picks up his drink, a beer, and he sips a bit of it.

Senor Vinnie:  When we win the Tag Team Championship you need to go see my friend, Lolita, for him to give you a Brazilian Wax treatment.

Bill:  What in the world is a Brazilian Was treatment?

Bill lifts his beer glass again and drains all the beer from his glass into his mouth but he holds it in his mouth for a bit before attempting to swallow it.

Senor Vinnie:  It is a special procedure where they place substances on your pubic area then rip the substances off so all the hair comes off and your pubic area is a smooth as a baby’s butt.

Bill’s eyes get huge and he spews all the beer in his mouth out and it goes all over Senor Vinnie and their dining table. The other customers in Beto’s Tacos stare wondering what in the hell is going on.

Bill:  What the. . .

Senor Vinnie:  Stop right here Bill. Don’t say it. This is a family restaurant and there are children present.

Bill:  I’m sorry about that Vinnie. I was caught off guard. I guess getting a Brazilian Wax treatment is what it takes to keep you as my trusted friend and Tag Team partner after we win the Tag Team Championship so be it.

Senor Vinnie:  Waiter! Please bring more beers for myself and Bill. Come to think of it beers on me and Bill for everyone here in Beto’s Tacos!!!

Everyone in Beto’s Tacos who is old enough to legally drink cheer Bill and Vinnie for their generous offer. The scene fades out as they are celebrating.

VISIT WITH DOCTOR KIM

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Bill is talking with his family physician, Doctor Kim, about his attempt to help Bill keep his inner demon inside the majority of the time. This goes back to when Bill saw Doctor Kim for assistance in controlling the inner demon rather than letting the inner demon control him.

Doctor Kim:  Bill you have to keep your inner demon in check to the best of your abilities or you will end up with another situation that nearly caused you to lose your wrestling career. I’ve given you numerous things you can do that will help. I know you previously let your inner demon out many times against your half-brother Chris Shipman, and in one case you nearly ended not only his wrestling career, but also his life, but you don’t have him to deal with any longer so please work hard to keep your inner demon inside so nobody gets hurt.

Bill:  Thanks Doctor Kim. I’ll do my best as I always do. The problem I have is when opponents cheat, violate the rules, attack me outside the ring, or hire interference on our match, then I can’t control the inner demon and it comes out. However I’ll do what I can do retain the inner demon in my match in Atlanta soon for the Roulette Championship.

SWEETWATER MIDDLE SCHOOL PRESENTATION TO BILL

The scene shifts once more and we see Bill Barnhart in front of Sweetwater Middle School in Lawrenceville, Georgia, where a lot of his neighbors have children attending school there. Since Bill is a local legend, and well liked in the Atlanta Metro area and the State of Georgia, some of the students asked if they could give a short performance for Bill Barnhart since he’s wrestling in Atlanta on October 10, 2021, in a Roulette Championship Match. We listen in. . .

Student Spokesperson:  Bill we are honored for you to visit our school today. We have a short presentation for you to show how much we appreciate you and the attention you have brought to the Atlanta Metro Area specifically in Lawrenceville. We prepared a modified version of a song most people know and it relates to your upcoming match where we want to see you totally destroy Miles Kasey and Lincoln Daniels so you become the next Sin City Wrestling Roulette Champion. Are you ready Bill?

Bill:  I’m always ready.

Student Spokesperson:  Let’s do this students!

All Students in Singing Group:

If you’re happy and you know it kick their ass. . .
If you’re happy and you know it kick their ass. . .
If you’re happy and you know it and you really want to show it. . .
If you’re happy and you know it kick their ass!!!

Bill cheers the students for their song and he promises them he will kick the asses of Lincoln Daniels and Miles Kasey. Bill then informs the Principal of Sweetwater Middle School that he will make a substantial financial donation to the school so the money he donates will remain in Sweetwater Middle School and not get into the hands of Gwinnett County Public Schools.

>The scene now shifts to current time where Bill Barnhart is presenting comments on his upcoming match for the Roulette Championship from his home in Lawrenceville, Georgia.

NOBODY INTIMIDATES ME

Bill:  Thank you for joining me in my home for my presentation of my comments for my Roulette Championship match at Climax Control 312. You notice Bea and Iris are not with me during this presentation. The reason Bea is not present, even though she serves as my Manager, is that she’ll take care of things when the match takes place. She told me what I have to say to Miles and Lincoln is sufficient to get the message through to them.

Bill gives a thumbs-up in to the camera.

Bill:  I’ll start my comments by stating that over my wrestling career I’ve only lost one match in my home area. With an impressive record like that do you, Miles honestly believe you’re going to walk into my home area of Atlanta and defeat me? Hell no! I’m not gonna let some piss ant from the United Kingdom come into my home area and get over on me. And what about you Lincoln? I see you’re from Valdosta, Georgia, which we from the Atlanta Metro area consider to be part of Florida and the poor part of our State. Do you think you’re gonna drive up from Valdosta and defeat me in my home area? I’ve had dozens of matches in my home area over my wrestling career and I only lost one of those matches. I’ll not let down the fans of Georgia, and specifically the fans of Atlanta, by allowing either of you to walk away as Roulette Champion. You two have a better chance of finding a discarded lottery ticket on the sidewalk, every day of the week, that you can cash in for one million dollars for each lottery ticket, than you have of defeating me. Add to it that this match is Roulette Rules, with the Roulette Division being mostly focused on Hardcore and extreme type of matches, and you have two things working in my favor which are home advantage and the fact that I’m outstanding when it comes to Hardcore and extreme type matches.

Bill pauses for a drink of water and a bite of pizza then he continues.

Bill:  Miles. . .Lincoln. . .you’ve heard me talk about the enormous feud I had with my half-brother Chris Shipman. You know that while we worked in another Federation we had some of the most violent, demonic, evil, disgusting, and life-threatening matches known to the sport of wrestling. Most of the match types we were assigned two are now banned world-wide as they are too disgusting, evil, and stomach-churning that they had to ban them for eternity. If you two don’t believe what I’m telling you about those violent feud matches with my half-brother Chris Shipman please talk to Goth as he was running that wrestling federation at that time. He will tell you what I said is the truth. If you want to take it one step further if you have the resources to find the long lost missing half-brother of mine, Chris Shipman, so you can ask him directly if I speak the truth, then please do so.

Bill pauses for another drink of water then he looks intently into the camera.

Bill:  So, guys, do you honestly think the Roulette wheel for our match can land on anything that would make me cringe or back down? HELL NO!!! Nothing on the Roulette Wheel can turn me away from this match. Another thing for you two to think about is that my half-brother Chris Shipman vowed to kill me because he was rightfully convicted of the death of our sister but he tried to blame her death on me but the evidence proved he was responsible for her death. Look around and answer this question. Do you see Chris Shipman anywhere? Do you see him working here in Sin City Wrestling? No you don’t. I was too much for Chris to handle and he went off somewhere. Where did he go? I honestly don’t give a damn. I don’t care if he is still alive or not. Think hard on this information. If you have one of the most aggressive, evil, demonic, hateful, and violent wrestlers ever in the sport of wrestling, in Chris Shipman, and he’s nowhere to be found these days, but I’m still active in wrestling, what the hell does that tell you? It tells you I’m a hell of lot more than Chris Shipman could handle. Trust me when I tell you that Shipman was ten times the wrestler that you two combined are and I made him go away. There’s nothing you can do to make me lose and go away. I’ll become Sin City Wrestling’s next Roulette Champion and you cannot do a damn thing to stop me. You two must be smoking drugs in a bong if you think you’re going to defeat me.

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Barnhart lets out a rip snorting laugh at his bong comment that shakes the camera person’s camera. The camera person recovers from the snorting laugh and Bill looks into the camera and continues his comments.

SO NICE TO BE WRESTLING IN MY HOME AREA

Bill:  Okay guys time to get more information into your heads. I know. . .I know. . .it hurts your heads to have information placed into them because you two have limited brain capacity. While I’m over here with a 130 IQ, which is in the top five percent in the world, your combined IQ’s are probably not even half of mine. Sorry that information like this flowing into your heads are causing you severe headaches but you need to hear the truth even though the truth hurts.

Bill holds one finger in front of the camera.

Bill:  First item is that over my wrestling career I’ve wrestled in my home area a dozen times. Of those dozen times I only lost one match and I’ll explain how that loss took place so you can see that the person who won that match didn’t get the win directly over me. If you think you two can come into my home area of Atlanta, with me coming in with a winning percentage of 92 percent AT HOME and a losing percentage of 8 percent at home and then one of you will walk away the winner of our match? Dream on fools.

Barnhart holds two fingers in front of the camera.

Bill:  I’ll explain the match I lost in my home area of Oakland, California. It was a Hardcore Rules match in a Boeing 747 parked at Oakland Airport. The participants included myself, Dmitri, and Casey Williams. What happened is that Dmitri and Casey went up the stairway to the First Class Lounge and were fighting it out while I was in the main area of the 747. As I walked over to the stairway to join them in the First Class Lounge one, or both of them, managed to kick the stairway loose and it crashed down and knocked me to the floor of the 747. Casey and Dmitri kept fighting up in the First Class Area as I was recovering from having a heavy steel staircase fall on top of me. I got to my feet and was regaining my composure. I was looking around to see if Dmitri and Casey were down in the lower level with me and just as I was about to turn around to look up to the First Class Lounge Casey was able to shove Dmitri through the opening to the lower level. With my back turned I didn’t know what hit me. It was only after the match was over and I watched the replay I realized it was Dmitri who was thrown down the opening and landed on me. I got knocked to the floor again while Casey jumped down from the First Class Area and pinned Dmitri for the win. Did you two clowns hear that? DMITRI got pinned for the loss not me. CASEY pinned DMITRI, and not me, for the win. Even with that loss let me remind you or something. You would think Casey Williams would be all brave and bold and accept a challenge to wrestle me after that win right? Nope! I’ve challenged Casey numerous times and he has backed down every time. If that doesn’t wake you two buttheads up then you two are in a coma.

Bill holds up three fingers this time.

Bill:  We’re wrestling at the McCamish Pavilion which is located on the campus of the Georgia Institute of Technology. This venue for Climax Control 312 is located about twenty five miles from our home in Lawrenceville, Georgia. Lincoln, have to travel about two hundred fifty miles from the poor part of Georgia to get to Atlanta to stink up my home area. As for you, Miles, there’s no way in hell you’re coming from the United Kingdom to get over on me in my home area. I never back down and if you two believe you’re going to make me back down you are certifiably insane.

CLOSING COMMENTS

Bill:  Miles when I saw we were facing off for the vacated Roulette Championship I thought to myself that this would be a great match for me, and a good match for you, with you being on the losing end of the match. I felt Management did the best they could to find someone who could possibly give me a challenge for the Roulette Championship. Even though you’re half as talented as I am in the wrestling ring I felt you could give me a fairly decent match. But how about you Lincoln? You only got into this match as an after-thought. When the match was originally booked it was me and Miles. That equates into two wrestlers are serious about the sport of wrestling. Well more like one-and-a-half wrestlers who are serious about the sport of wrestling because I’m 100 percent serious about the sport of wrestling and Miles is about fifty percent serious about the sport of wrestling. I guess Management wanted to throw a comedy factor into our match so they assigned you to our match to make it a Triple Threat for the Roulette Championship. Yes, Lincoln, you’re only in this match for two reasons. One reason is that you’re from the State of Georgia so they felt sorry for you that you were not in a match at Climax Control 312 in Atlanta, Georgia, and the second reason is that you are the comedy factor for our match so the fans will get a few laughs watching you stumble around the ring.

Bill laughs then returns to his comments.

Bill:  Lincoln. . .Miles. . .after I pumped so much information and truth into your heads that you’re about to pass out I’ll present my closing comments concerning our upcoming match. When we do a head-to-head comparison of the three of us there’s the fact that I’m more than twice the wrestler you two are combined. Also you two may be familiar with one of the most classic taglines in the history of retailing and that is the one for Doublemint Gum. The tagline slogan was sung as Double your pleasure, double your fun, with Doublemint, Doublemint, Doublemint Gum! Oh boy! That fits our match perfectly as I get double the pleasure and double the fun having two opponents to destroy. There’s no doubt that I’m the wrestler to beat in this match. There’s no doubt you two are going to try to double-team me to take me out of the match. No matter what you do. . .no matter what you try. . .no matter how hard you try to fight against me. . .no matter if you hire your friends to interfere in our match…nothing is going to work to allow either of you to defeat me. I’ll swoop down like a tornado and rip through you like a tornado through a trailer park so that nothing is left standing. You two trying to defeat me is one thing. Accomplishing the deed is another. While you two will try and fail. . .I will do and succeed. Once I’m crowned as Sin City Wrestling’s Roulette Champion I plan on holding the Championship for a very long time. You two are, simply put, shitty wrestlers, and I have no clue how you got assigned to this match against me. But, oh well, that’s a decision made by Management and the three of us will be active in our match. Of course I’ll be ten times more active in our match than you two combined so enjoy what you can from it. And, finally, to close my comments for our match, I wish to show a graphic of the day you two shitty wrestlers were born.

The Network puts up the graphic Bill Barnhart sent them for this portion of his comments and we both smile and gasp.

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Bill:  Har har har!!! Sorry I have to be that graphic in depicting you two as shitty wrestlers but I do what I need to do to get my point across. I’ll make sure Bea, as my Manager in my corner, brings our pooper scooper that we use to pick up the poop of Iris so that after I soundly defeat the two of you we can scrape up your shitty selves and dispose of you in the trash can at ringside. I’m gonna have an extreme amount of fun in our match while you two are going to experience an extreme amount of suffering. See you on Sunday, October 10, 2021, at Climax Control 312, that is if the two of you still have the courage to show up and face me. And, just so you know ahead of time, I assure you that after I defeat you two and become Roulette Champion you two will no longer be constipated as I’m going to beat the shit out of both of you.

Bill bursts out in uncontrollable and sinister laughing while the cameraman places their camera into a slow fade out. Bill continues laughing as the scene eventually fades out and the Network returns to regularly scheduled programming.