Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
The amateur-made logo for the webcast fades away into nothingness and the Troll is the first thing scene, an unfortunate closeup as he turns his camera’s features on and leans back into his comfortable, if obviously well-used, gaming chair.
The Troll: Hey, yo yo everybody! It’s your boy, the Troll, here for another expertise broadcast of the Wit and Wisdom of .. you guessed it - The Troll! And you know what that means! A healthy dose of the truth, and nothing but the truth! But above all, a hard dose of tough love for some plebians because that’s just the sort of man that I am! I. Care!
Then comes that all-too familiar thud on te floor of the house, which just so happens to be the roof above the Troll’s head in his room - the basement of his mom’s house.
Mom: GABRIEL!The Troll closes his eyes and sighs, hoping - believing - that he would have more time to devote to his ‘peeps’ before the inevitable was to happen. He pulls the headset from his right ear…
The Troll: WHAT, MA!?
Mom: ‘What, Ma!’ I hope your little friends hear the way you talk to your poor mother!
The Troll: I’m SORRY, Ma! I just got down here to start tal;king to my peeps…
Mom: Are you eating those nasty things again!? If you don’t slow down on those things you might end up putting on weight and I don’t want my baby to get fat!
The Troll: I won’t, Ma! What did you need???
Mom: It started raining outside! I just put up the wash!
The Troll: O…kay? Are you going to go get it!?
Mom: Gabriel Archibald Wank!
(The Troll quickly (but not quick enough) covers the microphone in a misguided attempt to stop anyone from discovering his shame – namely his middle name.
Mom: I just sat down to watch my stories! I need you to get up here and get the wash down before it’s ruined!
The Troll: Ma! I’m BUSY!
Mom: Oh well ex-CUSE me, Mister High and Mighty Pro Wrestler! I was only thinking of you because you know what rain water does to that special detergent for your underwear and how it gave you that nasty rash last time up your…!
The Troll: Okay Ma! I’m COMING!
Mom: Aww, that's Momma's sweet boy!
He reaches forward and turns off the camera…
And several minutes later, the camera is turned back on and the Troll resumes his spot.
The Troll: Sorry about that, you know me. The ever-dutiful son! A man’s work is never done, which brings me to why I’m here today. How long has it been since yours truly has been given the opportunity to shine? Not since the start of December! Can you believe that!? They have tried so hard for so long to hold me back, to hold me down, but no sir! That is not going to happen, I won’t allow it! You know me, peeps! I just keep fighting because that’s what a REAL man does! He does not forgive, and he does not forget! Which is why, sooner or later, I am going to get my hands on that little freak Despayre and wring his neck and then make him sit back and watch as I wring the neck of that STUPID teddy bear of his! But…
He holds a hand up, conceding a point.
The Troll: This one isn’t about that sick freak. This is about your boy, that’s me, finally being given the chance ti get back inside of the ring so I can show some new loser in SCW what it means to debut against a real superstar! And they give me some guy who sounds like he should be wearing his initials on his high school Letterman jacket!
He ‘air quotes’ with a snide expression.
The Troll: JC! Maybe I’m wrong. Forget the high school dropout routine. He sounds like some gay rap superstar.
Hey yo yo yo! I’m really a boy!
He thumps his chest and gives the camera a lame rap gesture.
The Troll: What kind of stupid ring name is that!? Hi-C is more like it because any fool who talks smack about yours truly and steps inside of the ring with me by CHOICE… well, he has to be high because he can’t possbly be willing to do something so dumb by choice! He’s been talking smack for days abut what he’s going to do to me with hos like Kat Jones and other Vegas tramps jumping in to cheer him on, which is just going to make things even sweeter when I put him down and shut them up! And since he has his own cheerleading section, that’s just going to make things go even worse for poor JC!
He holds both hands up.
The Troll: Don’t blame me, JC! You only have those bimbos to blame for what I’m going to do to you. So-called unbeaten superstar, about to taste his first loss in well over a year!
He snorts.
The Troll: As. If! I believe he has a win-loss record THAT impressive about as much as I believe he’s held as many championships as he likes to brag about. And you all know me and how much I hate a braggart! Well all those titles you CLAIM to have held just means you’ve lost a bunch of championships!
And that is
THE TRUTH!
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