Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
The Troll: October! That is how long it’s been since I’ve been home and able to grace each and every one of you with the brilliance that is … moi! Do you see what is happening to this world when I’m not around for each and every one of you to benefit from my wisdom and expertise in - everything? The world goes to hell! Okay, granted, the world was going to hell long before I was ever even born, but did you ever stop to think that when I was born, things started to shine just a little bit brighter? Then I just up and vanish - poof! And we see a complete regression in society as a whole! And who do we have to thank for this?
Despayre!
That sick and twisted little freak! Do you know what he did!? Do you know where he SENT ME!? I still don’t know HOW he did it, but one minute I was sitting in the office of Mark Ward, the big boss praising me for speaking my mind and backing down from no one, and the next thing I wake up in Timbuktu! …
TIMBUKTU!!! That’s in Africa!
The Troll sweeps his arms out wide, knocking his Giant Gulp soft drink to the floor and scattering several papers to the wind!The Troll: I can’t… I can’t even! I don’t know where to begin! It took me two days just to find out where I was because nobody there speaks English! You’d THINK even in a remote region like that, my platform - my webcast - would be seen and recognized but they acted like I was some foreign stranger! A nobody! Can you believe that!? DO YOU KNOW THE KIND OF HORRIFIC THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING OVER THERE!? Does anyone even CARE!? By the time I FINALLY found some help, someone who actually spoke English like everyone should, I’d been there for almost a whole week! I’m finally able to place a phone call and my poor MOTHER!
There is a repeated thud on the ceiling of the basement.Mom: Did you call me!?
The Troll sighs and removes his headset just enough…The Troll: NO MA! I was just talking to my peeps on my show!
Mom: Oh well EXCUSE ME Mister High and Mighty and Not Even Thinking About Talking To Your Poor Mother…
The Troll snaps his headset back on and rubs his hands down his face.The Troll: My point is, my ma has a heart condition! Her son just vanished, disappeared!
Another series of thuds.Mom: WHO has a heart condition!?
The Troll: … NOBODY Ma!
Mom: Do I!? OHMYGAWD! Did you talk to my doctor without telling me!?
The Troll: NO MA!
Mom: Do you promise your mother!?
The Troll: I PROMISE Ma! … For the LOVE of…
Mom: Aww! I love my baby boy too!
he roll just collapses forward, whacking his forehead on the front edge of his desk - three straight times. He then sits upright, eyes closed and he takes a deep breath before resuming his broadcast. He looks into the camera.The Troll: And do you know? When I called the SCW offices, collect, nobody would accept the charges!? Nobody would send me the money or help me raise it at least in order to get back home! I had to raise the money myself! I had to do horrible, dirty, DEGRADING things that will haunt me for life in order to get home to my mom! After everything that I’ve done for SCW, that is how they repay me! After my mere presence caused their ratings to skyrocket, they just cast me aside and pretend that they don’t even know who I am! Hunh! Well we’ll just SEE about that! The best revenge is success! And I am going to take over SCW! And Despayre? Don’t think I forgot about you, you little freak! This isn’t over between us!
The Troll gives the universal ‘I’ve got my eyes on you’ sign.The Troll sneers and holds his hands up.The Troll: But that’s the future, am I right? Now for the first time since October, you all are going to get to see me inside of the ring, doing what I do best! But… am I challenging for a championship title as a reward for my perseverance in returning to you? No. Am I at the very least being given the same chance as losers like Brayden Hilton at earning a shot at a championship?
The Troll shakes his head, eyes closed.The Troll: Of course not, because why make things easy on me!? If it’s not hard on the Troll, then it’s not entertaining. That’s the mindset of Ward and Underwood, and everyone out there is in on it! They could have at least given me someone like Miles Kasey or Fenris, but who do they put me against? Some wet behind the ears NOBODY named Matthew Knox! Or as he likes to call himself…
Air quotes…The Troll: The Raven! Seriously? Two guys in the past two weeks show up with that name, ‘Raven,’ and one of them is in MY rightful spot in the Internet Qualifier! But I get stuck with the runt of the litter so I can welcome him to SCW with the beating that the bosses obviously want to see me dish out! Let me tell you something peeps! I have heard of nothing but bad things about this guy! A real piece of work! Some overrated idiot with a superiority complex who acts like the world should just be handed to him on a silver platter! He’s even worse on Twitter, acting like he’s all that; Mister High and Mighty! Guys like that DISGUST me! They ruin it for those of us who really do know everything! Well tell me something then… Matthew. Do you know enough to know just how deep in it you actually are, against me? Do you know just how much the bosses must hate you to put you against me so I can humiliate you in front of the world and spoil your big debut? That shows just how much faith that they have in me! I’m the best thing they have to offer and my takeover of SCW begins…
Repeated thuds on the ceiling.Mom: GABRIEL!
The Troll: What, Ma!?
Mom: What do you want to drink with your dinner!?
The Troll: Coke, Ma!
Mom: I’m giving you tomato juice! I’m worried about my boy’s cholesterol!
The Troll: MA!
The webcast is turned off….[/font]
