Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
As the camera turns on and the podcast begins, The Troll sits back, this time sporting a red ball cap on his head with the ‘MAGA’ logo on the forefront and his shirt, stained with a recent chili dog feast, bears the emblem “Trump - 2024” front and center on his chest. Yes indeed, the Troll is a tried and true supporter of all things Donald Trump! And truth be told, who’s really all that surprised?
Once he reaches forward to hit the ‘air’ on his little makeshift studio, he sits back and exhales sharply, shaking his head.The Troll: I tell you my peeps, I swear I don’t even know where to start this time! Usually, I have a set plan, you know? I have everything thought out right down to the most minute of details like any professional would. But this week, and everything that’s happened? Your boy the Troll is experiencing a first! He’s actually at a loss!
He clears his throat and holds up an index finger. He reaches over and grabs the giant sized 7-11 soda cup and slurps deeply before setting it back down again.The Troll: maybe we should work this out with the most important topic and then so on down. And he first would be, of course, the travesty of that audit in Maricopa County in Arizona. All those reports that you hear that the auditors found that not only did Biden win the state legit but they discovered even more votes for Biden than previously believed?
The Troll shakes his head.The Troll: Fake news! It’s just like the REAL president, yours and mine - Donald Trump - said, they REALLY discovered enough votes for him to turn over the travesty of the 2020 election three or four times over and that is a FACT! Donald Trump is and has always been OUR President of the United States! Believe it!
The Troll leans back in his chair and shakes his head, twiddling his fat thumbs.The Troll: I suppose that rings us to the next topic, and that’s the return of Kris Ryans. Now you might be surprised by this or asking yourself why I’m either bothering talking about that has-been? Well truth be told, I feel kind of sorry for him. And here’s the reason why, and it’s my scoop of the week! You remember how we all saw that bleached blonde AA reject Mikah mention her beautiful new home in Hawaii? And then just last week we see Kris make mention of how he had to leave Hawaii? That’s it!
The Troll slams his meaty fist down onto his table.The Troll: That’s the TRUTH right there! Kris Ryans and Mikah are back together! AGAIN! Just when you thought the man developed some common sense and dumped her ass, he falls right back into the same trap! Mikah is a USER! She was doing everything in her power to make Kris something he wasn’t and a shadow of his former self, and just as he’s making progress to being what he once was, he goes and shoots it all to hell! Just like that!
He snaps his fingers.The Troll: And for a woman who only weeks ago was STILL trying to get into the pants of ‘Hot Stuff’ Mark Ward? You’d think Kris would have wizened up by now, or maybe he just wasn’t aware? Though I guess I can’t say he was too smart to start with if he was bending over for Fenris. Face facts! Kris Ryans just has bad taste in whoever he decided to knock boots with!
And speaking of Sodomites, that brings me to the third and most disturbing topic of all; the fact that the powers-that-be decided to place me not in the match I deserve the most to be in; for the vacant Roulette Championship! But they have me going up against David Shepherd, and I do not mean ‘going up against’ in the literal sense! I mean, this is a guy who almost caused that cruise ship to capsize the way he and Fenris were rocking the boat, so to speak! I was two floors below them and I STILL got sent off my bed the way they were going at it! And it’s DISGUSTING! And THAT’S the guy I have to step into the ring with!? It’s unfair! It's unjust! It’s no wonder though he has such a screwed up sense of what is right and what is wrong! Look at his family life! His parents make David Koresh look like Tammy Faye Baker! And that sister of his…! Well while she may be pretty hot, she’s probably responsible for half the STDs in the state of Oklahoma!
Well not to worry David! The Troll has your back … pun not intended. This match isn’t going the way you want, but given your sad lot in life, that’s hardly unexpected. I’ll take a hint from those cop shows and show you why being in the ring with yours truly will scare you straight. Your family will owe me a fruit basket after this, because you know what they say is in the state of Oklahoma!
He leans back in his chair, hands behind his head, feet kicking up on the desk with a smug smirk on his fat face.The Troll: Just a bunch of steers and…
And the chair toples over backwards and the Troll lands hard on the floor with a thud!With a satisfied smile
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