Failure
Those quiet moments are, ironically, the loudest.
When the spotlight is gone, when the crowd has gone home and you have left the arena, the congratulations and celebrations of the winners and defending and new champions are a distant memory. Then, it’s quiet, calm, still, and you’re left with your own thoughts alone. This is what Zoey Lukas was left with. Sitting on the floor of her shower, letting the water run down over her face and body. Her knees pulled up as her arms balanced on them.
She closed her eyes, replaying the match in her mind. Each mistake, every movement ran through her mind as she dissected and relived it. All she could feel was anger. Anger in herself for failing, anger that Courtney got the better of her even though, physically at least, she was superior. Her teeth ground together, water dripped off strands of her blond hair, dripping down to the floor below, she linked her hands together, one hand over the other, looking at her black fingernails and the small hand tattoos she had.
why couldn’t I win the big one?
A question that ran through her mind over and over again. The stink of failure just wouldn’t wash off, no matter how hard she tried. This was it, her big chance, the chance to show everyone how good she was and that she would step out of her sisters shadow. But now? Now she wasn’t even in that.She felt like nobody and nothing. It was heartbreaking. Zoey pulled herself off the floor, turning off the water and stepping out onto her bathmat, she reached forward, wiping the steam from the mirror.
She stared at herself and felt sick in the base of her stomach.
”Fucking failure.”
She shook her head, staring at her own reflection and trying to keep the disgusted feeling at bay. Her hands balled up into fist, and she had a sudden urge to strike out, to punch the glass in front of her. But, a deep breath calmed her nerves. She swallowed hard and moved away from the bathroom counter top, opening the door, and moving out into the small hotel room that she had been thrown into by the company.
Zoey stopped in her tracks. Looking across the room and seeing a figure with long, flowing blonde hair sitting on the edge of the bed. Her older sister, Alicia. She swallowed and shook her head, looking away as she moved towards her clothes. Alicia shot a small smile at her, getting to her feet and moving over to her sister before reaching out, and putting a hand on her shoulder. Zoey pulled away, not wanting to be touched, not wanting to be consoled. she just wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out again until she was ready.
”Hey….I’m proud of you.”
Zoeys jaw clenched. She shook her head. Anger bubbled up from the pain of her stomach again. Her nostrils flared, and she turned looking Alicia dead in the eye. Alicia stepped back, raising an eyebrow as Zoe threw her arms up in the air. Unsure of what to say, but her voice rose, and before she knew it, she was shouting.”Proud of me? For what? I lost…” Zoey backed up, taking off her towel and grabbing clothes.
Alicia sighed heavily and folded her arms over her chest. ”Do you think I won a world title my first shot?”
Alicia paused, Zoey pulled her shirt over her head and groaned rolling her eyes. ”Probably not but, I’m not you…” Zoey shook her head and moved back and away from her sister. ”You’re here to give me advice or a pat on the back or to lift me up and, I get it. Thanks. But I don’t need or want it…” Zoey closes her eyes and lets out a deep sigh, her eyes close and she swallows hard. ”I failed. I had a chance, a shot that I called and earned. But when push came to shove I just wasn’t good enough. And maybe I never will be.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed, a large sigh and her shoulders dropped. Alicia shook her head, not turning away after Zoeys emotional outburst, instead she sat next to her sister, lightly pushing her shoulder into Zoey with a laugh. ”You’re acting like you’re the only one who has ever failed at something…” She paused, Zoey stayed silent as Alicia waited to see if she would agree or disagree. ”Everyone, and I mean everyone in this business rises and falls. But, when you fall…you rise up harder.”
”I get it. I do. But I was so sure. I was so ready. And I failed.”
”Yeah you did….and…so what?”
They both paused. Zoey tried to think of something to say. But she couldn’t. What was the answer? She failed, but was it the end of the world? Was it the end of her career? Was she still young and physically dominating? She took a deep breath and gave a small nod, understanding what her sister was trying to say. ”So…I shouldn't care?”
Alicia shook her head. ”Oh you should absolutely care. I always hate people who lose matches then just walk away like nothing happened. Cause you learn through loss. You learn through adversity and you get stronger if you look right at it….care about it, be sad or angry about it. But don’t let it destroy you…learn from it…” She smiled. Putting her hand on Zoeys shoulder and sighing heavily. ”You’ll be fine Zo…you’re incredible…strong, smart…skilled…you are the future…and…I have a favor to ask…”
”What?”
Alicia closed her eyes and shook her head turning and moving away from her sister. ”Can you…induct me into the hall of fame?...” Alicia swallowed hard and looked nervous. Zoey chuckled and got to her feet with a sigh.
”Of course…” She reached out and hugged her sister with a smile. Calmer than she was before, focused and rejuvenated.
Internet
”I failed.”
Zoey growls, shaking her head and pacing back and forth.
”I’ll get that out of the way right now. People who can’t confront their history are usually doomed to repeat it. And I’m gonna get that out there so you don’t have to. But I know you will. I know every single woman that seen this match is going to sit there and look at me and decide that they want to throw their two cents in about my loss. And hey, I get it. It’s hilarious. I went through all of that effort to win the Queen for a Day match, and I could’ve done anything with my power. I could’ve gone after any championship, settled any score, I could have beaten anyone I wanted into the ground, who I hated.”
“But instead, I went for the low hanging fruit of a free championship match against the world bombshells champion. I laid all my cards out on the table, and when the dealer called, I found myself face-to-face with an opposing royal flush and nothing I can do about it. Courtney beat me, she kept her championship, so I will always show her respect and congratulate her. And I vowed to myself, that whenever my next match was going to be announced, that I was going to reiterate that I wasn’t done with her. That the bombshells championship was one day going to be mine, and if I had to beat her to get it, I would.”
“Now it seems, as if I need to take a detour through a completely different division.”
“The internet championship. One by a woman who is so fragile her body gave out on her. And I honestly can’t imagine what Kayla Richards is going through right now. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a bitch. But she put so much time, and effort into that championship, only to call out her own opponent have that person beat her while spouting off some bullshit nonsense, only to end up, getting injured and dropping the championship like a bad habit. That’s perfect, really.”
She chuckles, moving across the room and folding her muscular arms over her chest with a scowl.
”And she doesn’t even get a rematch to try and get the championship back. Instead, the company has decided to snatch together a whole list of names that weren’t really doing anything at the time. Some of them have been in the Hall of Fame, some of them are up-and-coming stars, and some of them have done. Absolutely nothing in this company, all this business over the last couple of months, and I just here to make up the numbers.”
“I’m sure I will get some flack for saying some of these things. But when a woman like Kat Jones gets randomly thrown into a title match, I take issue with it. But, I’m so glad that you could take time away from publicly blowing Cyrus riddle in cyberspace to join us Kat. Did you suddenly remember that you are supposed to be a professional wrestler? Did you suddenly remember that you are supposed to be a legend or whatever people are saying about you now? You are someone who my sister respects, you are someone who the majority of the wrestling world should respect but when I look at you, all I see is a woman who is taking up a roster spot for someone else, because she barely turns up.”
“I see a woman using this company as her personal retirement piggybank. You took a contract here and in that time have been coasting around on your name, taking a paycheck, and then doing nothing for the betterment of the company, or for the people in it.”
“Go ahead and try and prove me wrong…you won’t.”
Zoey sneers and grabs a bottle of water taking a sip as she tries to calm herself down.
”Atleast Mercedes, Vargas, and Samantha Marlowe aren’t like her. And yeah, I am lumping those two together right now. Because while Kat Jones is treating this place like her own personal piggybank, only turning up when she wants to, Mercedes and Sam, at least try to make it seem like they give a shit about the division and their own careers. Mercedes is living in a permanent limbo space. Someone who takes two steps forward and then to step back, and never really reaches the heights that she once did while never dipping to the lows of certain other people in this company. Same as Sam, you two are made for each other. Legendary rivals who her face over championships in this company, who still stick around.”
“Like bad smells.”
“Or unwanted relatives”
“With that being said, in a match, like this with so many moving parts and bodies, either of you could get an upset win and win a championship. And wouldn’t that be something? Mercedes, Vargas, or Sam Marlowe being a champion in the year of our Lord 2023. I bet no one really had that on their bingo cards for things that were going to happen this year. You could both prove everyone wrong. You could both rise back up and reclaim some of your former glory. Truth be told, I wouldn’t mind seeing it. Of course you’d have to get over me to do it.”
Her voice deepens and she looks away and back up. Her bright blue eyes burning.
”And as always we have the permanent faces of Luna Vanity, Seleana Zdunicbh, Ariana Angelos and Krystal wolfe. for women, for women who have a handful of accolades to their name. Once he can never quite take that next step who have been around and in this company for so long that they are permanent fixtures. Or at least that’s what it feels like. Ariana keeps failing over and over again, but somehow fails upward to get automatic championship matches. Krystal finally found a set of balls and has become somewhat of a threat, but ran out of steam a few weeks ago because she doesn’t actually have what it takes to be the big bad ass, like she actually thinks she does.”
“Seleana… well, the less sad about the train wreck of a career and personal life that you have the better. You went from someone who shocked the world and beat the odds to become a world champion by beating my sister to someone who nobody in their right mind would ever think can win anything ever. You simply exist in this company, barely saying anything of note or doing anything that people talk about. You are literally unsalted butter. You know that thing that people sell and buy, but don’t actually know what to do with?”
“And then there’s Luna vanity. A name that I have seen pop-up on cards and constantly in everyone’s business, but someone who never really grabs people‘s attention. You are another one who simply exists. And unlike Krystal and the other two who have been in this company for a long enough time, that seems to be a problem, you’ve been in this company formuch less of a tenure. And somehow that makes it even worse. Because you’ve gone from brand-new to forgettable in record fucking time.”
Her attitude changes and her attention becomes even more hyper focused.
”Then there is the woman that I seem to never be able to escape from. Tempest. The woman who handed me my first loss in this company. A woman who, so many people keep pointing out, and saying, is my equal, or perhaps better than me. And a woman who knows what it’s like to repeatedly get chances taken away. you and I should be at the top of the food chain tempest, but we both seem to fail at the last hurdle. It’s painful no? And the thing is, I’ve said time and time again that I respect you and I mean it. The last time you and I clashed was with Mercedes and the winner got to be crowned queen for a day. And I don’t know how you react to that.
“See you have never struck me is the kind of person that will be amused by another persons downfall. In fact, because I won that match, and then went on to fail in my objective is a reason for you to be angry with me. And you are the type of person who would be. So I imagine going into this battle royal with a championship on the line, you are more than motivated to win it due to two very important factors. One, you want to win it for yourself, and two, you want to stop me from winning because in your eyes, I’m a failure.”
“That is why I need to win this. I need to win this after such a colossal failure, not just to prove it to myself, but also prove it to everyone else who now has a problem with me and thinks that I’m easy prey. Every single woman in this match has motivation to win this championship. From the ageing veterans who are clinging to anything they can to stay relevant, to the other failures like me who have had opportunities, but couldn’t quite get over the line. We all have reason to put everything on the line in this match. One motivation is just as good as any, so it is going to come down to whoever wants more. This battle royal is going to be punishing, chaotic, and a little bit of luck will be involved. So I am to take like out of the equation and just beat the living hell out of every single one of you and take what’s mine. Because that’s how real champions are born and that’s a real champions act.”
