I wake up every morning with my head up in a daze
I'm not sure if I should say this, fuck, I'll say it anyway
Everybody tries to tell me that I'm going through a phase
I don't know if it's a phase, I just wanna feel okay, yeah
I battle with depression, but the question still remains
Is this post-traumatic stressing or am I suppressing rage?
And my doctor tries to tell me that I'm going through a phase
Yeah, it's not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay?
Popular Monster
”I’m going to kill that mother fucker”
It was October 2016. It had been a few hours since Sierra had come back from meeting her ex and his lawyer. She had told her parents what happened, the words had trembled from her lips and she took her seat. Sierra’s father Oscar paced back and forth, her mother looked up at home with a sigh. Sierra sat on the edge of the couch. She had been numb since she had walked in. Her parents had expected to see her daughter. They had been looking forward to the visit. To the family time.
But it had been taken away, in one moment. A few lies taking Jade away from her mother, her grandparents and her uncles.
Her eyes stared forward, looking down at the carpet. Her father's feet shuffling across it, his hands moving as he spoke. But the words just faded out, it sounded as if she was underwater. All noises seemed drowned out. Like her feelings. She couldn’t face it. The pain, the sadness. The anger. Her father took care of that. Her father was angry, her mother had the sadness. They had shared it the second she told them.
Sierra swallowed hard and pushed up to her feet, Oscar stopped pacing as Catherine reached up to take her hand. Sierras eyes filled with tears as she looked up into her father's eyes. ”I’m sorry”. Her voice was barely a whisper. Catherine also started to tear up, Oscar calmed down and pulled his daughter into a hug, he lightly rubbed her back as Sierra started to cry. She just let it all out, all the anger and all the pain.
After a few moments Oscar took hold of her shoulders and pulled Sierra in front of him with a small smile. He wiped away her tears and gave her a small kiss on the forehead. ”We will fight this. Steven will not get away with it. He will not take Jade away from you.” Sierra gave a small nod of acknowledgement and appreciation. She backed away and made her way from the living room and up the stairs to her bedroom closing the door behind her as she sat on the end of her bed.
Bzz Bzz
Her phone went off lighting up, herr eyes darted over seeing the text from her brother asking her to come meet them both at the gym. She quickly replied with a no placing her phone face down and staring off into space. Her mind phasing out as she thought about Jade and where she was going from here. The lies Steven brought up and half truths. It was a set up from the start. She was blindsided, so was her lawyer. He couldn’t do anything but let it happen.
Sierra felt useless. She felt like she was a failure as a woman, as a mother, as a daughter. Her hand balled into a fist as the anger rose up again and her eyes welled up with tears, but these ones weren’t the slow ones of sadness that had streamed down her face when she was held by her father. These were ones fueled by anger. Hatred. Negative places that would bring only ruin and damage.
Bzz bzz
Her phone again, Sierra growled and grabbed the phone. Another message from Diego. This one strongly worded.
Si, we have a plan. Get here now.
Her lips turned up into a sneer, she typed back furiously. Her thumbs moving fast before stopping. Instead of pressing send she took a deep breath and calmed herself, deleting the message and sending two words…
Five minutes
She stood up throwing off the dress she had worn to the courthouse, no need for that. She grabbed a pair of black jeans and a black band shirt before throwing over a leather biker jacket and tying up a red bandana over her hair. She turned and moved her way down the stairs to the door, before her parents could say anything Sierra was out onto the street making her way down the two blocks to the gym.
There were so many cars there, imports with body kits and rims, she smirked and shook her head, knowing that inside was the entire crew.
Guys and girls Sierra had trained with and also trained. People that would have her back. It hit her at that moment that she had family ready to be there for her. Not just her parents, not just her brothers, but family she had been at war with. She swallowed hard before stopping at the door turning to see a baby blue subaru impreza. S small smile coming on her face. Her younger brother, Raphael. She moved to the door swinging it open, everyone was there, sitting in the ring or next to it. Sierra swallowed hard and smiled. Raphael was there, his arrogant smirk plastered on his face.
He winked and mouthed “later” as Diego stepped forward to talk. Sierras voice was low and in a whisper, shaking at the support being shown. ”What is this?” Diego smirked and put an arm around her looking at all the friends, students and family before leaning over. ”They got your back Si, and we got a plan” Sierra laughed under her breath as Diego pulled her towards the group, all of them coming up to give her a hug and show support. But now...the plan was going to come together.
Promo: Breaking a Diamond…
It had been a month since the Bombshells title match, a month of Sierra sitting and reflecting on all of it. Everything that had happened, all she had been through and put herself through in pursuit of a dream. She bounced a basketball up and down, dribbling it once or twice before holding it, feeling the bumps on it and then doing it again.
”I failed at December to dismember. Like completely, totally and comically failed. But I was still in the match, I was still there giving it my all for a shot at being able to call myself the best and hey, you can’t fault any of the girls in that match. We all put our hearts and souls into it, and in the end it took all five of us, a shoulder injury and a hall of famer to take down Alicia Lukas. And now, Roxi Johnson stands at the top of our mountain as the champion. And she earned it, as would any of us in that match. I took out Seleana, again, only to be caught behind by Cristina ...”
“That bitch, but hey, you get put in a hold like that, you tap or risk an injury, so I did. I tapped out. I lived to fight another day. But what kind of day did I live to fight for?. You know, I’ve been here for over a year and have a pretty damn good record. But I have never received a title shot one on one. Never. And sure I have been given opportunities I have earned but some people in this place have been handed one on one shots.”
“Roxi Johnson, Amy Santino, Crystal, Seleana. All handed shots because of stupid reasons. But me?, Nah, I went the honor bound route and just wanted to earn what I got. And in the end look what it got me. I got put in a fucking huge structre and failed again…”
“And I thought maybe, just maybe I would be rewarded for the effort I have put in. I thought maybe. JUST MAYBE. They would never overlook me again.”
Sierra rolls the basketball away and gets to her feet, she paces back and forth laughing nervously under her breath as her red signature converse tap along the concrete. Her hands drift into the front pocket on her black hooded sweatshirt. Her fiery red hair flowing down and out of the hook that is pulled up.
”But then, we get to the first Climax Control of the new year. And I’m not on it. So I thought to myself that Mark and Christian were giving me the first one off because of the brutality we all went through. I took that one on the chin and smiled and understood. Right up until the card was signed and put up for preview for this week. And low and behold the main event is a fourway match where the winner gets to go on to face Roxi for the title. And not only am I not in it, but the four women who are, don’t fucking belong there.”
“Yeah I said it, get your goddamn targets ready, cause Sierra is shooting again…”
“Sam Marlowe, Keira Johnson, Bobbie Dahl and Andrea Hernandez. Are you kidding?. Marlowe lost her Roulette title and I already beat her and proved I’m better, and all Marlowe has done is be a second rate baby back bitch who has always lived in the shadow of women like Vargas, Roxi and now Alicia. Yet she gets a chance? She gets a shot?. And Kiera?. Kiera gets a shot? The wife of the champion who has done NOTHING since coming back to SCW except lose time and time again? She gets a shot?...really?”
“And we reward bad behavior with Bobbie Dahl huh?”
“Yeah, Bobbie beat me before the title match, but has done nothing since then except attack people and whine and cry and bitch and piss and moan over and over again, time and time again. She this bitch put Alicia on the shelf for three to six months and y’all are going to reward that?. Seriously. Fuck you…”
“Oh..wait, wait. I almost forgot about Andrew Hernandez, kind of fitting since everyone keeps forgetting about this dumb bitch. This big talking arrogant fuckwit who doesn’t actually do anything she says she’s going to. But then even after losing in the title match, just like I did, she gets handed another opportunity on a silver goddamn platter. Now, I know what you’re thinking. What does this have to do with your match Sierra?”
Sierra sighs and calmly turns before kicking the basketball clear across the court as it hits a chain-link fence hard, Sierras head snaps back as she snarls.
”Everything. The fucking answer, is everything. See those four women, those four failures and mediocre snore fests get to face off for a chance to go for the biggest prize in SCW. And I’m facing Kate Steele. I’m facing a former champion and former title contender who since losing to Alicia in her own home country has done nothing but play out this stupidity of a relationship with her dumbfuck husband who can’t make up his mind if he’s a man, woman, transexual or fucking pumpkin. And we all have to sit back and watch this abomination of social justice and smile.”
“We all have to watch this crappy, overindulgent bullshit get shoved down our throats…”
“That is who I’m facing, that is what I’m doing..”
“Oh how the mighty have fallen, and no I’m not talking about Kate I’m talking about me. Last month I was facing the best of the best, in championship matches. And now I’m going up against Kate. I have gone from being a championship contender to facing a woman who pretended to be getting cocked by her husband only to be the woman under the mask in reveal that no one cared for no one was shocked by no one really paid attention to except to make fun of it.”
“ it is an insult that I’m not in that main event. It’s an even bigger insult that I’m now expected to face you Kate. A year ago I would’ve been honoured, because I was coming into your company I was only a contender in the mixed tag team division. You, or a former champion in a few different places you had a name and you were someone worth facing. But now, your legacy has become that of a joke. Your husband is a joke, Your family is a joke. Your band is a joke. And you make your friends like Griffin Hawkins look like jokes.”
“But I refuse to let you make me into a joke.”
Sierra shakes her head pacing back and forth again, her hands now becoming more animated as she breathes deep and tries to calm and center herself.
”I refuse to keep getting pushed down the ladder to the bottom of the pile. I refuse to allow the higher ups in this company to forget about me. Your time has passed Kate. You belong in the same area as Amy Santino, as Kiera Fisher, as Amanda fucking Cortez. You have overstayed your welcome in this division, instead of reinventing yourself as a strong independent woman who can still go we can still remain relevant, you reinvented yourself as simply your husband’s wife and you allow him to run his mouth all over social media and make you look like a bigger full than you already are and I need this win. I need to stay relevant. And I need to be a role model for my daughters so they want to be more like me and never want to be someone like you.”
