Sorry for only having the CD part. Don’t want to sit on this one, but also cannot beat this sickly feeling. Sorry everyone involved.Farewell, Brother
Scene One | Off-Camera
If James could see this, he’d have been sick. He’d never wanted to be remembered at the end of it. They all had just assumed he’d outlive them all. Outlive everyone and he could crack jokes and keep everyone happy and jovial at every one of their funerals. The one to keep others from being sad. How cruel life could truly be. How cruel the world could be when they wanted nothing more than to escape from it. Luna sat front and centre. Her eyes were red raw, but she’d long stopped crying. Her face puffy, her spirit broken, but finally her tears had run dry. Alex was a husk. Hollow and empty, and sitting next to her. He’d rushed back from Cambodia, rushed back to be there. He’d seen a lot of death. Maybe more than any of them, and he didn’t make it look like it got any easier.
Eulogies. Eulogies were the worst part of any funeral. The worst part of a day that was already devastating. It was bad enough having to pretend not to be dying inside in front of her own mirror, let alone in front of a crowd of people she didn’t care for. The only four people that should be there, were Alex, Harrison, and Sullivan. Sullivan wasn’t there. Harry and Alex were. She’d elected to go first. To get it out of the way. But when the moment came, she found her legs would no longer work. Alex squeezed her hand and stood slowly. Dragging her to her feet. Making her walk up there, walk up to the quaint little podium that overlooked a surprisingly full room. That stood just to the side of the casket that contained her dead brother. It was fucking sickening.
“Firstly, I’d just like to thank you all for coming today. James was a man who… could make friends with a dead doornail if you gave him a minute and a whiskey.” Alex spoke, the confidence of his voice betraying the shake she could feel in his hand. A few laughs from the crowd followed. A moment of lightness.
“For those who don’t know me, I’m Alex. I was… James’ best friend. Heck, he might as well have been my brother. I love James… loved James. But those who knew us, know that already. So I just want to tell a story. And then I’m going to hand the reins over to his sweet little sister, Luna.” Alex said softly, his voice beginning to shake a little. The pain etching itself into his words. She squeezed his hand and stood next to him as he pulled a piece of a paper from his jacket. Placing it upon the podium. It simply read,
‘I’ll always hold your hand.’ Luna smiled a little, turning to look at Alex. Letting herself be absorbed into him for a minute.
“James was someone who never gave up on his friends. He told it straight, told it true, and never let you get too big of an ego. A straight shooter, through and through. But boy, that man was a hell of a storyteller. So you’ll to forgive me, if I’m not quite as slick as him.” Alex said, another bout of laughter. A few more this time. Luna faded into the background for a little while. Turning from Alex to stare at the closed casket. Staring at the capsule that would later be lowered into the ground to be food for the worms. Her brother, just another corpse rotting in the earth, with no knowledge. No understanding if she would ever fucking see him again. Just gone.
“Jimmy was born to sling beers, and pop bottles. Man could make a cocktail like no one else, and just the mind that he had for it all. Unbelievable. So when we were hiding away on the other end of the world, and he came to me one night. I thought he’d lost the plot. Jimmy looked at me over a pile of empty cans and bottles, cigarette somehow stuck to his lip. He looked and asked, ‘When are you going to open our bar, rockstar?’. Half-cut, eyes barely open, but the firmest question he’d ever asked. That was night, he convinced me to go into business with him.” Alex spoke with a betraying confidence. She could hear it in the back of every word, his heart just edging to give out.
“I spent, seven days a week, close to twenty-four hours a day with that man from that night onwards. Saw me through the highs and lows, through not just one marriage, but now two. Kept my head focused when everything in this world threatened to derail me. Brought me back from the brink how many times, I lost count. I have a world of happy memories with James. A world of peace, a world of content. I have all of that, because he was my best friend when I needed him to be. The world is colder without him in, and I don’t know what tomorrow is going to look like because of it. What I do know? Jimmy would be raving mad if we let it get to us. If we gave up, if we slowed down. If we took a step backwards because of it, he’d be lining us up for a good ol’ one two, from the heavens above. I don’t believe in ghosts, but hell. Jimmy would be stubborn enough to be the first.” Alex spoke some more, his voice getting slightly shakier. She could feel the tremor in his hand.
“He always called me rockstar. Because when I was young, I thought I was going to play guitar, sing in a band, and take all the pretty girls home. I don’t have a musical bone in my body, and anyone who heard me sing, will tell you. I make cats on tin rooves, sound like angels coming down to greet the holy prophet. Jimmy always saw me as a rockstar though. The last thing he ever said, was that he was proud of me, and called me rockstar. Just one last time.” Alex managed to get out, before the waterworks came. He swayed, his hands trembling, but he kept on. Being her rock, as much as she his.
Alex told his story, said his peace. Said what he needed to say. Not for the gathered, but for himself. To put it into the universe that he would keep on, keeping on. The story about them making the decision to open Raven’s. She’d heard it before, from both. James was the better storyteller, but this time. This time it just made her think of the better times. The good times. Even if Alex and her weren’t on the best of terms then. Life was fuller then.
Then came her turn. Then came her moment in the spotlight. Alex stepped to the side, to allow her to stand centre. His note still laying there. His hand still holding hers. Helping keep her from collapsing.
“Hi. I’m Luna, James’ sister. Alex’s wife. Sorry, I’m… a little lost at the moment. I’m going to do my best to… talk about my brother.” She managed to squeak out. A sympathetic hush over the attendees. The room was bizarrely silent. Too quiet. James would have hated it.
“James would hate this. People being sad, mourning. People hurting because of him. Jimmy would be annoyed as hell that you aren’t all knocking back shots, pouring one out, smoking cigars and tipping generously. If he had it his way, we’d have been nuts to butts in the bar, wondering when he was going to pop up and tell us he was just pulling our leg.” Luna said, gaining just a little bit of confidence. Thinking about her brother, his moments of insanity. It made her feel better. Alex’s grip was a little lighter on her hand now. A stupid smile plastered across his face. She was babbling, and it was refreshing.
“I keep on looking at the door. Expecting him to walk in any moment, yell surprise and make us all hate him. If only for the weekend. But I know he’s not going to, and he won’t ever again. It kills me to think I’ll live in a world without my brother. To live in a world where James isn’t part of it anymore.” Luna said, her words still soft. A hush heavier than before, but there was a stupid smile on her face.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to hear his laugh, or the dumb jokes. Or to see him woo every which person in a bar. But I’m grateful. I’m grateful I didn’t just have a great brother. I’m grateful that I had the best brother I could have ever asked for. I’m grateful that my brother was James Pasilno, and I will always have those memories. I will always be able to look at a room and imagine him strolling into it. Every whiskey I ever order, I’ll laugh. Because they don’t make it the way Jimmy did.” She said softly.
Alex squeezed her hand one last time, before letting it go and taking a step back. Standing on her own two feet. She looked up, teary eyes looking back at her. Smiles, sorrowful smiles. People she had seen in passing. Boyfriends new, old, and very old of James’. It was a mirror of the world he impacted. And they were looking at her. The only person that ever really mattered. Luna Pasilno, James Pasilno’s angel sister.
“I love you, Jimmy. I’ll always love you, and I hope. I hope there is a place where I can see you again. Where I can love you for the rest of your life. Fly high Jimmy.” Luna said, a light applause. Apparently, there was more eulogies. She didn’t want to listen to anyone else. No one else fucking mattered. They were the only two that ever fucking mattered. Her and Alex.
“Thank you.” And that was that. They walked down and resumed their seats. She just wanted to leave, to go. To claw her skin off and let the agony escape through her flesh. Her fingers had dug so deeply into Alex’s hand, she’d drawn blood. Neither of them noticed for a while. Neither of them really cared to. Everything was going to change forever.
