Picture this scenario. You’ve got the entire world in the palm of your hands. You’re a world champion. You’re recognized as one of the best women’s wrestlers in the world if not THE best wrestler in the world. Your world is surrounded by adoring fans, people in the locker room recognizing your dominance, non-wrestling business interests lining up wanting to sponsor you and to bring more eyes to your increasing celebrity and all the accolades you can ever imagine.
At the end of 2010, that was me.
You’d be the happiest person on the face of the planet, right?
I wasn’t…
“One more over here Myra…” I can hear a fan yell in my direction as I try to get through the red carpet for PRW’s annual award show in November of 2010. I quickly sign the autograph before another fan calls me over and I manage to sign that autograph for them too. A few more autograph signatures later and security is escorting me the rest of the way down the carpet and into the theater that the awards ceremony is taking place in. I let out a sigh, feeling a bit tired from the mingling with the audience. Getting through the locker room and into the wrestler’s seating section, I found myself alone, not wanting to talk to anyone.
“You seem exhausted…” I heard my future boyfriend and longtime associate Jason Schneider say. Unlike now when I’m completely in love with him, I was incredibly annoyed at him considering we had been in a blood feud with each other for most of 2010.
“Why do you care?” I asked him.
“Didn’t I always?” he said with a smirk.
“I don’t know what your game is, Jay. You put me through hell all year and now you’re trying to be friends with me?”
“You won my respect, remember?”
“Fuck off and leave me alone, okay?”
Jason just shrugged and left while I enjoyed the time to myself… at least until the ceremony had started. It was definitely an odd night considering that Jay and I had shared ‘Feud of the Year’ and ‘Match of the Year’ for the classics we had put together. I sat patiently through the whole thing wanting to get it over with.
“And the Wrestler of the Year award goes to… for the second consecutive year… Myra Rivers!”
These words gave me a brief joy. I recall walking up there, accepting my reward, saying my piece, hearing the adoring fans and their adulation of me. I sure was a star alright. But my friends backstage noticed I was quiet for most of the night. I told them I was fine mainly to get them off my case. But there was no fooling my future boyfriend backstage once the ceremony was over.
“PRW World Champion. Match of the Year. Feud of the Year. You’re welcome for that by the way. Wrestler of the Year. And yet…”
I rolled my eyes throughout this.
“...you seem like you’re burdened. You’re the biggest star in the world. What’s to be miserable about?”
“It’s not going to last forever you know…” I said with a sigh. “...what’s going to happen… when it’s over… when someone else swoops in and takes my place? It could be next month for all I know. What’s going to become of me? Are the fans going to forget about me? Fame is only temporary… yeah, I’m on top now… but when that’s over… what’s left?”
“Interesting…” he told me. “...you have it all, but you’re not happy.”
“I’m not…” I responded. “Try living under the pressure that I have… out there, I’m defiant, I’m rebellious, I talk my shit, I back it up and I declare myself as the star of this company again and again… but behind the curtains? This is how it is for me. Happy now?”
“Funny… you’re dishonest with your friends, but you’re honest with me…”
“If you EVER tell anyone this… I’ll kill you…” I told him, before ultimately bolting out of the building knowing that I was going to wake up the next morning having to deal with all the doubts and pressures of being one of the world’s biggest wrestling stars all over again.
July 2020
“The longer that you’re on top… the more dominant you become, the brighter your star gets, the more the pressure gets to you…” I explained in a live podcast in my sister’s recording studio in her Savannah, Georgia residence with Adrianna herself, a former wrestling manager in her own right, that was promoting Summer XXXtreme. “...I was feeling that pressure every single day, wondering if I was good enough. Insecurities kept flowing through me no matter how successful I had been and being in my 20’s, I just didn’t know how to handle it. I’d be brash to everyone’s face, but when the cameras were off, I just wanted to hide.”
“So these insecurities that you were going through…” Adrianna began “...that was basically the context of what you were trying to say to Kate Steele the other night…”
“Yes…” I admitted. “The thing with professional wrestling is… you’re going to deal with a whole host of enemies. You’re going to have wrestling promotions that aren’t going to have your back and that are going to do everything possible to hold you down. You’re going to have enemies in the locker room… those jealous of your success, those that want to bring you down, those that want to take your spot and do every underhanded trick in the book to snag it from you. Trust me, those can be brutal enemies… but the worst enemy you could possibly have… is you…”
“Interesting…” Adrianna said as she raised her eyebrows. “...explain…”
“One word: insecurity. You can have a psyche as fragile as glass no matter how good you are. You’re on shaky ground to begin with… and the moment that someone else takes that mantle from you… you completely lose it. When I lost that mantle in 2011… I didn’t know what to do because by then… all I knew was how to be number one…”
July 2011
PRW’s flagship show of the year was not one of my favorite memories. I was glum and miserable with the tag team championship that I had at the time lying on my lap as I was unwrapping the tape from my wrists. Depression was the mood of the moment as I walked the main event of the pay-per-view with Jason challenging for the world title.
“Last year, I was in the show stealing match of the night at this same event…” I reminded myself. “This year? I’m in a forgettable match with a flash in the pan who couldn’t even hang onto the IC title…”
Jason being in that title match wasn’t what made me depressed… it was the woman he was in the ring with: so young, so pretty… prettier than me as much as I hated to admit it. She was in great shape, a body to kill, a wrestling promoter’s dream. I could only glare at her with bitterness accompanying my depression.
“Hurts, doesn’t it?” I heard from behind me. I turned around to take a quick glance at my boss from PRW. “Two years ago, it was YOU in that main event. Does it hurt to be replaced by another woman?”
“Yeah… make me even MORE depressed…” I said to him.
“Victoria beat you three times…” he reminded me. “...she earned your spot. You’re still solid, don’t get me wrong. But she’s not losing the number one spot anytime soon. You’re just going to have to get used to being the number two… maybe even number three girl in the company going forward. You sure seem to be accepting of that with that tag team title there…”
“You can’t keep me in the tag team division forever, you piece of trash…” I told my boss, knowing he wasn’t going to do anything about it. “...when I get out of this tag team division… I’m going to get that spot back. I’m going to show you who Miss PRW REALLY is around here… but until then…”
I glanced back at the television and witnessed Jason lose to the ‘hot new thing on the block’ that had bested me with a world title at stake three consecutive times.
“...she’ll have to enjoy it while it lasts because nobody else deserves that spot except me!”
“Gosh Myra… lighten up!” my old boss told me. “Wrestling isn’t about being number one all the time…”
My old boss left, clearly not happy with my attitude that I was carrying at the moment. I didn’t seem to care as I shut off the television set, bitter, disgusted and disappointed in myself that I didn’t have the top spot that I had a stranglehold on for quite some time before it was basically taken from me…
Two months later…
What a difference ten months made. When an autograph session or a red carpet event such as an award show took place, I’d be the one whose name was being called out everywhere. Now? It wasn’t me. Sure, I’d get someone wanting an autograph from me here and there. But that bitch Victoria was getting all the love now. I can only remember sitting at my table, glancing across the way, seeing her get all the adulation and the photo ops and the offers from the network to make guest star television appearances. A fan approached me and she placed down an 8 by 10 of me. I was smiling a bit just because I even HAD someone come my way!
“Myra! I didn’t know you’d be here!” the fan told me! “Can you like… sign this picture of yourself as the PRW World Champion? It’d mean so much to me.”
“Sure…” I said with a smile. But just before I can sign it, another woman came from behind.
“What the hell are you doing?” she told the fan.
“It’s Myra Rivers…” she said.
“So? She’s old news! Come on! Victoria’s not too far from here…”
I was left empty and stunned when both women left me. In fact, the fan I was about to sign the autograph for didn’t even bother to take the 8 by 10 that she had for me.
“This isn’t going to get any better, is it?” I asked myself, not knowing the self-fulfilling prophecy that I had just initiated at that time. On this particular September day, I was going to wrestle alright. But it would be this incredibly insignificant match against someone who never amounted to anything in this business. That cold, empty feeling of knowing that the fans were beginning to not even care about you anymore because they moved on to the next big thing on the block… that bitter, depressing anger sweeping through your veins as your insecurities feast on your soul… feeling that your time in the spotlight was over. Back then, I had no perspective at all. It was all about me and being a star. I only cared about being on top and felt like anything less was me being a complete and total failure to my late mother while at the same time, proving my father right. Things however… got worse for me as my hopes and dreams of being number one further faded with time… and on this lonely September night in 2011… injury would be added to insult…
Three weeks later…
Being in the recovery room and seeing a wheelchair right next to me was far from my idea of fun. I was shaking when I was fully alert and functional. My ankle was itching at the point of incision with the stitches I had being uncomfortable as hell… as if someone was taking a bunch of pins and constantly prodding at the ligaments and tendons that were just reattached the previous night. The pain I was experiencing was unbearable. Imagine someone placing an ice pick on the point of incision and then torturing you by slowly hammering that ice pick into the ankle. That’s what I felt like post-surgery… when I didn’t even know if my career was going to continue. My psychological downfall was only about to be further accelerated by the doctor that performed the surgery on me…
“Myra, I hate to tell you this… but what we’re looking at here… prognosis wise… is six months of recovery time…”
“SIX MONTHS?” I shouted. “I can’t… NO… I’m one of the biggest stars in the world… I can’t just… no… everyone’s going to forget about me… I’ll never be able to regain the spotlight again…”
“Myra, it’s not even a guarantee that you’ll ever wrestle again…” he told me, my heart shattering upon hearing those words. I had tuned out of everything that he told me as he went over the pain medications I’d be taking and the recommended rehab program I’d have to go through if I wanted to make a comeback in 2012. I didn’t care for that. I allowed myself to be a victim. It didn’t matter to me that I could pull off a hell of a comeback in six months if everything went right. It didn’t matter that I could inspire anyone else by doing so. All that mattered to me was my fading spotlight and my growing insecurities…
July 2020
“I wish I could’ve handled that differently…” I told Adrianna on her podcast as I talked about the effects of the brutal ankle injury I suffered in September of 2011 and how painful it was to have to claw my way back. “...but… I just didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. When you have that spotlight, you never want to let go… and I refused to let it go.”
“That’s what makes this match so ironic…” Adrianna began to explain. “You mentioned that at Summer XXXtreme, you were going to be facing a mirror image of what you once were and I’m totally seeing that now. Like Kate, you were that dominant champion once. Years ago, someone else came along and snuffed you out. Now? You’ve got an opportunity to do the same thing to someone else. You can end that dominant reign and you can steal that spotlight from her…”
“That’s the thing…” I reminded my sister. “I only want the title from her. I don’t want to ‘steal the spotlight’. But observing Kate like I have… I speculate that I’ve become the last person she wants to lose the title to. There’s something about my words… something about my abilities… that makes her so damn insecure. Somewhere in her heart, she’s really worried about losing to me…”
“That’s a bold claim…” Adrianna said. “How could you know?”
“When Victoria took the world title from me in PRW and ended the dynastic run that I had there with being the golden girl of the company… I was worried in my own right” I explained. “She was on fire. She was picking up big win after big win… and I was scared. I knew that she was the biggest threat to my spot. There hadn’t been anyone so dominant since… you know… myself. I knew that she was going to win the world title one day… I knew that when she did, she was going to be a dominant world champion for years… unfortunately, I had to suffer the nightmare of it being at my expense… that’s what I was worried about more than most. She was the last person I wanted to lose the title to.”
“Considering how… ‘fragile’... Kate has been acting when it comes to you… do you feel that if you take the Internet title from her, she’s going to go through the same emotions you went through… with the emptiness, and the bitterness and whatnot?”
“Why would we be thinking about that?” I asked her.
“The girl’s dead set on burying you…” she reminded me. “She even wanted Alicia Lukas to do that. She was rooting for her to beat you. With everything she’s said about you, she’s REALLY taking this match personal…”
“In her spot, that’s what I’d do too…” I said. “Hell, that’s what I did. I HOPE she doesn’t go through those same emotions. I don’t WANT to do that to her but I understand that the possibility is there. I don’t want to ‘bury her’. I never even wanted this to be personal at all. But so be it… I can only control myself! I just hope that when it’s all said and done, she doesn’t take things for granted… that should she lose… she sees this as a learning experience to go from and doesn’t grow bitter and jealous as hell… you know… like I did nearly a decade ago when someone swooped in and took my spot… she’ll bounce back, she’s too strong not to… hell… when I came back from injury… I did that…”
“You did…” Adrianna concurred with me. “...but… it wasn’t the same. You won the PRW IC title after you returned from your severe ankle injury. You closed out 2012 and went into 2013 with that championship. But… you weren’t as dominant as you once were and you weren’t even close to the world title picture still…”
“By the time PRW ended…” I paused and let out a sigh. “...I was psychologically done with wrestling. Sure, I came back and won a title… but it wasn’t the title I wanted… so I took that reign for granted. I… for a lack of a better term… I ‘Kate Steeled’ that reign… you know… wanting to go for the world title and not focusing on the title that I do have… I was so damn miserable that when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and PRW closed up in April 2013… I was at peace. I was happy that it was over because I was psychologically destroyed…”
“Losing your number one spot affected you THAT much?” my sister asked with concern.
“It did… but having one more crack at the world title and losing that…” I paused and sighed for a bit. “I felt like the worst mother ever… so what wound up happening was… I was a miserable wrestling retiree….
September 2013
Life away from the wrestling spotlight was absolute hell. I lied on the couch going through some wrestling nostalgia, which of course, is completely unorthodox for a glowing, mother-to-be that was, at this point, seven months pregnant as they’d normally be imagining what life with their new baby would be like. Not me though. I was steeped in regret, not realizing that my psyche was still on its downward spiral.
“You should be happy…” I heard from my left. I turned, saw my then-husband Ricky and rolled my eyes. “...you only have two months to go. Holding her in your arms is going to mean more to you than any world championship or wrestling stardom ever could be.”
“If this is the part where you’re trying to give me some perspective, then you can just save it…” I told him.
“Don’t you think you can use that perspective, Myra? I mean… you’re lucky that you even have the ability to create a life. There are so many women out there that for one reason or another, can’t even get pregnant. I get that your wrestling career didn’t end how you wanted it to… but you have to let it go…”
I ignored him, not wanting to listen to what he was saying… again… seeing the wrong perspective and refusing to see the light. Even in retirement all I could think about was wrestling. I had desperately wanted to find a way back in so I could have another chance at once more being the star that I had always wanted to be.
“I was one the biggest wrestling star in the world…” I reminded him. “Now? I’m nothing…”
“Myra…” I heard my then-husband say with a sigh.
“Ricky… why don’t you try dedicating something to our daughter and let her down before she’s even born, huh? Then you can talk to me about perspective and what I should be happy about?”
Ricky knew it was useless at this point to try to convince me otherwise and just went to sit on the other couch while sighing and shaking his head.
May 2014
I remember the exhaustion that I was feeling as I laid in the corner of a state of the art wrestling ring that was located in a facility in Phoenix. There was some old adrenaline running through me as I stared across the ring and saw Jason Schneider standing there, just as exhausted as I was. By this point, relations between us had grown a lot warmer. We had become very close friends in the dying months of PRW. In this chapter of the timeline, we were definitely keeping tabs on each other and taking care of each other when necessary.
“How does it feel to get your feet wet and get at least a fix for what you love to do again?” he asked me.
“Great…” I said. “If only I could do this for real again…”
“Why don’t you?” he asked me. “This is your life’s dream. You and I both know how much you hated the way things ended for you in PRW. Wouldn’t coming back and writing a much better ending to your wrestling career mean something to you?”
“It would mean the world to me!” I said. “But… it’s impossible… no matter how much I’d want to do it…”
“I know that Kimberly is important… more important to you than anything… but motherhood doesn’t mean you should automatically retire…”
“That’s what my mother did with me…” I reminded him. “The moment she found out she was pregnant with me, she stopped wrestling.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to…”
“Besides… I wasn’t what I was the last time I wrestled…” I recalled, feeling glum as I was doing so. “...all I got was the lousy IC title…”
“You were coming off of a major injury that the doctors initially feared was career ending and when PRW had closed, you were just finding your feet again. Had PRW continued, you probably would’ve become PRW World Champion again at some point. You would’ve taken your spot back! What happened to you at the end of PRW… it wasn’t because you weren’t good enough. It was terrible luck, bad timing and injuries. I bet if you returned to wrestling, you’d be even better than before.”
I said nothing, still feeling like a wrestling comeback was impossible.
“Didn’t you feel that old fire again, Myra? I know it’s just me and all but…”
“Kicking your ass all over again felt great, I won’t lie about that…” I said with a laugh. “But… no… wrestling broke my heart way too many times and had me feeling worthless on more than one occasion. I don’t know if that’s something that I would ever want to do again.”
“Someday…” Jason had warned me. “...it’s going to happen. You’re not going to be able to resist the itch of getting back in the ring for too much longer. I give it about another year, tops, before you decide that you’re going to come back. I know you, Myra. Somewhere along the way… there’s going to be a spark that’s going to ignite that old drive again…”
“Yeah… we’ll see about that…”
We had parted ways afterward and I tried not to think about it but ultimately, the questions crossed my mind. Was it possible? Could I even make a comeback? Would I even be able to match what I had done before if not be even better? As time went along, I remember how difficult it was to remain out of the spotlight and how the temptation to return just grew.
May 2015
“I’m going back…” I told my shocked ex-husband in our living room while I had a wrestling event paused on my television.
“Honey, come on! Think this through. Why would you ever want to go back to that business?”
“Because it’s what I was born to do… and did you really think I was ever going to go out a crying, shameful LOSER that let down her unborn daughter by being unable to write the perfect ending to her career?”
“Are you sure this is about Kimberly?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I just find it very interesting that someone from PRW was on this show bragging about how she took your number one spot and left you as a footnote to her legacy and now you want to suddenly go back to wrestling…”
My then-husband was really beginning to piss me off.
“This isn’t just ‘someone from PRW’. It’s VICTORIA! It’s the same girl that took my number one spot and sentenced me to being a forgotten, also-ran for the remainder of PRW’s existence and now she’s going on television and bragging about it? I don’t think so and I am not going to let ANYONE… EVER… get one over at my expense again! I have to go back… to reclaim my legacy… to be better than I was before… to let the whole world know exactly why I was once the best women’s wrestler in the world and why I will be again… why I am going to use every single piece of shit that tries to cross me as a stepping stone for the GREATNESS that I am ENTITLED TO… and I really don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks… especially the little people… because they abandoned me once after everything I used to do for them and I am going to make sure that I make their precious wrestling experience miserable…”
“Myra… you can’t be serious about this…”
“I AM serious… I’m going back to wrestling… I’m going on a little revenge tour… I’m going to reclaim my throne as the best women’s wrestler in the world… the idiots that lined my pockets had their fun… but it’s going to be my time now…”
July 2020
“You know what’s ironic Myra…” my sister said on the continuing podcast. “You had gone back to reclaim your legacy but… you nearly destroyed it in GCW and UWA…”
“Yeah… I realize that I did…” I said with a guilty, sullen tone in my voice. “I let my addiction to the spotlight and the fame and fortune get to me too much. I came back for selfish reasons… I admit that. I should’ve been grateful for the career that I DID have… even if PRW didn’t end the way I wanted it to end for me. I was fortunate that I even had those experiences at the time to begin with. I came back with nothing but bitterness and scorn for the business that I claimed that I loved and I made it all about me… I look back on that and I hate what I became… and it’s unfortunate that my passion for this became so misconstrued over the dumbest, pettiest, high school level shit that so many people suffered for it and so many bridges were burned because of it…”
“How much of an impact would becoming the Internet Champion make on repairing that legacy that you almost destroyed?”
It was definitely a question that came out of left field from Adrianna, but knowing my sister the way I did, it shouldn’t have been any surprise at all, everything considered. I had thought about my journey in Sin City Wrestling so far… particularly the last two matches that I wrestled. I felt this pull in my heart knowing that my career was in its sunset and this great desire to end my career on the best and brightest note that I could possibly end it was flowing through my veins and giving me this warm sensation. I wasn’t really thinking about how much of an impact beating Kate Steele would have on my grand overall story because it was a thought that had never crossed my mind. I could feel myself briefly split in two. There was the side of me that I had finally suppressed when I came here: the side that was tempted to brag about her last two wins, boast about the meaning behind career championship number 19 and talk about how this was going to boost my legacy and standing in this business. But on the other side, a more mature version of me really didn’t want to think about it and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it… as if I had already known better.
“If you want my honest opinion on that… I’ll gladly tell you…” I began to say. “...it’ll do some repair, I won’t downplay that but… at the same time… that’s not why I’m fighting Kate Steele on Sunday. I’m fighting her to prove who the better technical wrestler is, that’s a fact. I’m fighting her to determine who the stronger, better champion is going to be… that’s for damn sure… but to add to my legacy?”
I could feel some discomfort in my stomach regarding the thought.
“That’s hardly even a factor for me. It’ll certainly go a long way toward my own personal redemption the way my last two matches did… but really… putting it all in perspective? I’m grateful that I even got one last chance in this business after all of the awful things I’ve done in my career, all the people I hurt and all the bridges I’ve burned. I’m grateful that I even got ONE championship, let alone 18. I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to accomplish everything I’ve wanted to do in this business and so much more. In a perfect world? SCW is the last company I ever wrestle for and I do accomplish my goals of 20 and 5 before I retire and even if it doesn’t happen like that… that’s fine… because I’ve got to live a dream of mine and how many people in this world can say that?”
“I’m proud of you… I really am…” Adrianna stated in response. “You’ve come a long way from your ups and downs, you’ve persevered through everything time and again… and I know that no matter what happens, you’ll always be a sister that I can be proud of…”
This further warmed up my feelings of happiness as my sister’s podcast ended and as Summer XXXtreme grew closer, I was still extremely eager to push forward, give it my very best against Kate, and to continue to write the last chapters of my career in the most positive way possible.
July 31, 2020
“I’ve got to hand it to you, Kate, you are definitely passionate about what you do…”
Looking into the camera, I was feeling a little bit conflicted about Kate Steele, the SCW Internet Champion. There was a part of me that really wanted to like her because of that passion that she has for herself and her career and every ounce of hard work she puts into her craft but the way she had been treating me lately, taking my words personally and twisting things around into something that was not intended to be at all definitely had me feeling skeptical of her still.
“...you do have a heart for this business… even if sometimes, it’s misguided. Said misguidance has you speaking your mind and having your mouth get you into trouble sometimes and it’s a shame because if you really put it all together at a psychological level, you could've been one of the greats of this company a long time ago. Credit where it’s due though… you have had a dominant Internet Championship reign and you have beaten some big names during this time… but unfortunately for you Kate, everything has to come to an end at some point and at Summer XXXtreme, that is going to be your dominant reign. You want to take on the best of the best and during this reign, you’ve definitely done so but hearing the words that you have had to say so far… I know you’re setting yourself up for a massive disappointment. Women like you that are so braggadocious about what they’ve done and what their accomplishments are while making it seem like it was the easiest thing in the world… they’re on a sugar rush high when they’re good… but when they lose, when they fall… they feel like it all means nothing. I know… I was there once… and based on the words you had to say, I am gravely concerned that you’re not prepared for the doom and gloom that’s coming your way when it’s all over. Your persona may be diamond… but your psyche is made of coal… and hearing those words… I can tell that you want to conquer all and take on the best… but I can also tell that you’re doing this for reasons that have to do with pure ego…
I know, it’s quite out there for me to say that… but let’s look at the facts. You started things off with bragging about what you’ve done during this reign. You even had the NERVE to say that seeing you as the Internet Champion is a ‘luxury’ for the locker room and for the fans. A luxury? You’re saying that seeing you as a champion is a ‘special sight’. How could it be anything BUT pure ego? You’re putting yourself up on that pedestal and I get it… with what you’ve done during your reign and all… but there’s only one way to go on that pedestal Kate… and that’s down… and unfortunately, that ego of yours is blinding you to the truth that I am trying to get to you. You’re self-destructing and you don’t even know it and for someone as talented as you are, that’s sad. What’s going to happen at Summer XXXtreme is that your ego is going to be the real reason for your demise. I am going to take that Internet Championship from you and knowing the way you think… especially having thought that way before in the earlier parts of my career… that Internet Championship reign is going to feel like nothing to you…
I paused and shook my head, drawing from my own experiences and seeing others go through the same thing that I know Kate is going through… which considering the irony that Kate herself doesn’t know what she’s going through… she truly is oblivious to the consequences that she’s going to deal with, with losing the Internet Championship to you.
“You’re not going to be thinking about the people that you beat during that reign. You’re not going to see it from the right perspective and be glad that you won against the likes of Roxi Johnson… you’re going to be bitter about the fact that I defeated you. You’re not going to be thinking about winning back the Internet Championship. You’re going to act like it doesn’t hurt you at all… even when it will… and you’re going to mask that pain of yours by saying that you’re going to go for the world championship and that you’re just going to move on to bigger and better things. The Internet title may mean the world to you now, but once you lose it, you’re just going to shrug it off and move on to something else because you’ve had your moments where you’ve even treated that Internet Championship like a stepping stone. You call out people like Alicia and people like Keira for clamoring for title shots and title rematches… yet… at one point, you were talking about wanting a crack at the world title while you were Internet Champion. There are some title crazed people in this company Kate… but don’t act like you’re not one of them because you’ve proven that you are… you’ve proven that you’re a glory hog and if you want to call bullshit on that, why don’t you watch your promo and tell me that it’s not being a glory hog, that you’re not crazed about your own Internet title reign?
Your title reign speaks for itself, but you’re bragging about ‘making bitches tap out’? A champion that feels the need to be SO braggadocious is a champion that is internally vulnerable. You’re gloating all the way to the bank, but what if I’m the one that makes you tap out? You’re going to know the humiliation that you put every single person during your reign that you submitted and it’s not going to feel good at all, is it? You don’t even NEED to run down the names of people that you’ve beaten during your reign… yet, you feel the desperate need to do so… even when there are asterisks involved regarding the list of people you’re bragging about beating. The same match that I’ve seen you brag about where you retained the Internet Championship against Evie Jordan? You didn’t even win that match. But you act like retaining the title against her is an accomplishment which… yeah, it would be… if you really DID beat her… but you didn’t. You’re bragging about beating Andrea in a match that you didn’t even pin her in, and when the opposite happens in a match a few weeks later, you’re making the excuse that she didn’t even pin you and that she has no right to even brag about the victory. How are you NOT a fragile champion when you do something like that? You’re not only hyping up your resume as if it was the greatest thing in the world, you’re even fluffing it up with one little thing to try to make your reign even more impressive than it already is, even when you don’t even need to do so. I get it Kate, I really do. Again, I’ve been in that spot where I had to brag about every single win that I get in my career over some big names… but the mark of a real wrestling champion is acting like they’ve been there before… and that is something that you fail to do in spades. Yeah, I beat Alicia and I beat Amber… but I moved forward. I acted like I’d been there before. I didn’t brag about it to kingdom come because I’m secure within myself these days to not need to do that. And I’m damn near secure enough to just take your bullshit you’ve thrown at me in the past about golden shovels and begging Alicia to ‘bury me’ and just shrug it off like it’s nothing because I know my own internal truth now. Do you?
I shrug off your talk about golden shovels, I say one thing that’s even out of whack and you act as if it’s a personal attack.
Is that NOT an example of who has the psychological advantage here? Does that NOT prove that I’m psychologically stronger than you in almost every facet of the game? I could’ve let that loss to that piece of shit Bobbie Dahl bother me… but I didn’t. I owned it, and I moved on. I didn’t make any damn excuses while you’ve got a history of making them when things don’t go your way. It’s all about the glory and the accolades for you, not about being the best technical wrestler. If it really was about being the best technical wrestler and the best champion, you wouldn’t be gloating about those you’ve beaten and you wouldn’t be talking about championship records. Once you start talking about records, then you give away some true colors on the type of champion that you are. Once you bring up records, then at that point, you give away that it isn’t about representing the championship to the best of your ability, that it’s far more about being dominant and breaking records and making everyone tap out. You can’t be satisfied with just the reign that you have as it is?
You have to have your cake and eat it too? You have to talk about records? You have to HAVE the records? You HAVE to have the most defenses, Kate? You HAVE to have the longest single reign in Internet Championship history? I can’t even hate you for being so driven… even if it’s for the wrong reasons, but it’s a damn pity that you’re so laser focused on that. This business… that championship… it isn’t about the records. It’s not SUPPOSED to be about that. In my view, this business is about leaving it in better shape than what you found it in when you first joined this business and these selfish motivations combined with that self-absorbed attitude you’ve been displaying ever since you won that championship and let it get to your head with every single defense doesn’t cut it for me. I know… this is coming from a woman who was selfish for so long and wanted nothing else but to be number one… but coming from experience, I know that you won’t be satisfied with your reign when it’s already said and done. You’ve already shown that you’re not satisfied going into your match because you BADLY want the records, and even if you WERE to beat me, Kate, you STILL wouldn’t be satisfied or happy because it’s on to the next person that you want to tap out SO badly. Only someone that lacks the security within themselves to be better than that needs to conduct yourself the way you always conduct yourself.
You have a funny way of showing respect, Kate. I’m not all for it, but that’s you. That’s your personality. It is what it is and my mission is to win that Internet Championship from you and that’s that on the surface of it. I’m not in this to help you mature, grow up and realize what this business should be all about because that’s something you are going to have to figure out on your own. It’s not my place to tell you how to conduct yourself, but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell it like I see it… and maybe I’m wrong in some of what I’m saying about you… but that’s the impression you’ve given me in recent weeks with the way you’ve acted and that’s the impression that you gave me when you cut that promo and started off with all the bragging and all the hunger to break records and be dominant. That’s your personality, I suppose, and it’s not my job to change it. My only job here is to relieve you of that championship. It’s not about bringing your ego down to size, that’s not why I’m doing this. It’s not about being the one that ends your dominant reign. Earlier in my career? Yeah, maybe so. But it’s about the love for the business for me… a love that I had neglected for years because like you, I was so tunnel visioned and so focused on breaking records and being a star and burning bridges along the way and not giving a fuck about it. The love that I’ve got for this business… a love that I’m not taking for granted anymore, is what’s going to propel me to victory because my heart is full of that pure love for this business. I’m not in this to count championships, even if one of my goals is 20 titles, 5 being world. I’m not doing this because I want to break you down and expose you or anything shallow of that nature.
I’m not doing this to shut you up, no matter how much you may perceive me as someone that doesn’t respect you. The bottom line is… as a wrestler, I DO respect you… I just don’t like your attitude and the way you carry yourself sometimes, but that doesn’t take away that respect no matter how much you try to spin that I’ve ‘disrespected you’. I’ll give you this much, you’d make one hell of a publicist in Hollywood considering how you love to spin my words into something that they’re not. Where in your head does me saying that I don’t know if I can trust you equate that I’m not thankful for this opportunity? Where does point A become point B on that? Tell me Kate… how does one even connect to the other? If I recall, I even remember stating on Twitter one time that I took you wanting to face me as a compliment because it’s a testament to my abilities. I even touched upon that a little bit in my last promo… but I’m not thankful for it? Me misconstruing your intentions when this first came about… which I’ll be an adult and admit that I made a mistake there… is me not being thankful? On WHAT level of logic does that make sense? I AM thankful… and not just for this title shot… I’m thankful for the fact that at 36, I even have a career still..
I’m thankful that this company looked past my age and how things ended for me at Carnage Wrestling to even give me a chance to go out of this business the right way. When I burned my bridge at Carnage Wrestling, I was the first person to feel like I was done for. I thought my career really was over because I went out in something that was far from a blaze of glory. I was beaten up, I was tired, I didn’t even know if I had that fight in me anymore. I was about ready to hang it up and realize that my legacy and my reputation was far too damaged to ever be repaired… and then this company contacted me… I was floored… happy… but floored…
I took a pause as I reflected on the end of my Carnage Wrestling run and how my initial contact with Sin City Wrestling came to be. I briefly remembered the jolt of happiness in my heart when I realized that I was going to have one final chance in this business to do things the right way and to end my career in the best way that I could possibly end it.
“How can I be ungrateful for this opportunity? I get it… I have a history of burnt bridges and being ungrateful and seeing things from a selfish, immature perspective all because I only gave a shit about me, not about the business, and just wanted to be a star and that’s all I ever cared about for so long in my career. But that Myra doesn’t exist anymore Kate. I don’t even know if you think that she may or not, but you need to quit allowing me to live rent free in your head like that when I don’t even WANT to live in your head. How can you expect anyone to respect you as a person when you carry around that attitude that you do? How can you expect anyone to respect you as a wrestler when you’ve put your own wants, desires and ego above this business sometimes… albeit… you sometimes don’t realize it because your psyche is always going at 100 miles an hour. You’re so tied up in being respected that you take what you’ve done for granted. At any point during your championship reign, have you gone out of your way to express the gratitude and the good fortune you have for being the Internet Champion that you are? I don’t recall one time where you ever were gracious about your title reign… aside from getting this title match against me that is. I’m down with you wanting to challenge anyone you can and to challenge the best of the best.... I just don’t agree with the way you go about it. You proved my point when you’re talking about what? “Owning my shit”? You want to own me, now? That’s what this match is about for you? Owning me? Being better than me? Burying me? That’s exactly what I mean…
You talk about being a fighting, honorable champion. You got the first part down, I will give you that. But honorable? Putting your ego above all and making this about wanting to own me, bury me and all of that garbage is honorable and doing right by this business and by that championship that you hold? You couldn’t have just made this about having the best match possible and having pride in what you do, win or lose? It’s about burying me, shutting me down, padding your record, having something else to brag about, calling me a ‘bitch’ over and over again, right? For some reason… I’ve activated something in you that really pisses you off and that makes you want to bury me and shut me down so bad… and it’s a shame. You hype up this match the way you do in your own mind and you’re just putting all of that pressure on yourself and it’s a sad fact honey, because you’re a better champion than that. There’s no need for any of this at all. I’m focusing on being my best and doing whatever it takes to take that title from you no matter what, I’m focusing on doing right by the business that I love and the friends and family that support me… and you’re focused on records and numbers and domination… and all these misconceptions about me that you put in your own head…
There’s more to being a fighting champion then going out there and winning… it’s about carrying yourself as a real champion… something you lack in spades… something that I know I have you beaten in and it’s not even close.
That’s why I’m winning on Sunday, Kate… because I’m focused on the right things.
You’re so hellbent on destroying me and burying me and wanting to shut me down and shut me up…
Like I needed even MORE of a reminder of the wrestler I used to be. You really are a mirror image of my dark past… to some degree. Nobody’s pinned you, nobody’s made you submit in 2020… but there’s a first time for everything Kate… and Sunday is going to be that first time. I believe deep down in my heart of hearts, through all of the ups and downs that I’ve endured, that I’m going to be the one to end your reign and give that Internet Championship someone that WON’T take that title for granted and make it all about their ego the way you have. I wish you the best regardless… even though there’s NOTHING personal about this match… not from my end anyway, and I do mean that. I just hope that should you lose that title on Sunday that you carry yourself forward like a proper champion, learn from your mistakes and become a stronger wrestler out of it.
I’ve ended dominant reigns before, quite a few times, Kate… and Sunday will be another instance of that because the love and respect that I have for this business, the honor and integrity that I carry with me in regards to why I want to be the internet Champion… it far exceeds any love, respect, honor and integrity you have for that championship.
It’s nothing personal against you Kate… but when it’s all said and done?
I’ll show the world what a champion in this business is all about!"
Remaining confident and ready, I shut off the camera… everything needed to be said… already in the record books.
I know in my heart that title #19 is no guarantee and that there’s a strong chance that Kate walks out of Summer XXXtreme the champion… but I know now that no matter what… I’ll be okay and that when it’s time for me to leave this business down the road… I’m going to leave a positive impression on it that nobody will forget no matter how things go on Sunday.
Nothing to lose.
An Internet Championship to gain.
And I’m looking forward to giving this business another chapter of my career something to be proud of when it’s all said and done… win or lose….