I’M GOING TO SHRED THE TROLL
Narrator: The Troll? Bill Barnhart has to face The Troll to open Climax Control 305? Seriously? Ha ha ha ha ha! This is going to be one of the quickest wins for Bill Barnhart in his wrestling career.
VISITING A FRIEND IN SAN DIEGO
The scene shifts to a home where we see Bill and Bea Barnhart, and their English Bulldog Iris, relaxing at the home of Bill’s friend Marcus who lives in Imperial Beach, California, which is just South of San Diego along the border with Mexico and about 150 miles South of Los Angeles. We listen in on their conversation.
Bill: Marcus I thank you for inviting us to San Diego when you heard we were going to have one of our wrestling events in Los Angeles. I have two tickets for you and a friend to come watch me wrestle at Climax Control 306 which will be on August 1, 2021.
Marcus: Thanks Bill. I’ve been watching you and Bea wrestle and I’m hoping both of you earn another Championship soon. I see Bea earning the Bombshell Roulette Championship and I hope to see you get into the mix for the vacated Internet Championship.
Bill: Whatever comes our way Marcus. Also I’m glad that Iris is getting along with your dog Jake. The two are having fun playing in the backyard.
Marcus: Jake loves everyone but I know Iris loves food first before other things. By the way have you been assigned an opponent for Climax Control 306?
Bill: Yeah they assigned me to face off against the company Jobber. That term means the person gets paid to lose. Damn shame since I’ve spent my entire career facing the toughest opponents as I don’t want a win handed to me but I have to accept my assignment.
Marcus: The Troll? Seriously? What’s up with that guy?
Bill: I would equate him as a cross between Patrick Star, Michael Moore, and Jabba The Hutt. He’s a fat slob at five feet eight inches and two hundred fifty-two pounds and his face looks like Michael Moore and makes you want to puke.
Marcus: Sounds like the guy got some defective genes from his parents. I know you’re originally from Oakland, California, as we went to school together there, and now you’re in Atlanta, Georgia, but where is this guy The Troll from?
Bill: I guess he doesn’t want anyone to know where he lives because his information sheet filed with the Federation just says “Parts Unknown most likely his Mother’s basement.”
Bill and Marcus bust out in loud laughter over that information and Bea walks into the room to find out what these two find so amusing.
Bea: What’s so amusing guys?
Bill: My opponent, The Troll, for Climax Control 306.
Bea: Yes he’s quite an amusing, and downright pathetic, wrestler. Speaking of being amusing can I tell you two a few jokes before I leave you two alone?
Bill and Marcus say they want to hear Bea’s jokes.
Bea: What do you call it when two Doctors are performing surgery on the same patient at the same time? Co-operating.
What do you call a blood-sucking insect that is made out of wood? A Mesquite-O
What would you call a man who has a fake penis made out of a tree? Woodpecker
Bill and Marcus enjoy the jokes and laugh. Bea goes into the backyard to play with Iris and Jake. The camera remains on Marcus and Bill for a short time before the camera feed is cut and the screen goes black.
SOME TIME LATER IN LOS ANGELES
SHREDDER
We open with a scene of Bill and Bea Barnhart, and their English Bulldog Iris, in their hotel room at a hotel near the Galen Center in Los Angeles, California. We see Bill sitting at the dining table with a pile of papers on the table and a document shredder on the floor in front of him. Bea walks up and sees the paper and the shredder.
Bea: Did you bring paperwork and our shredder from Lawrenceville, Georgia, to Los Angeles? Why?
Bill: We haven’t been able to travel much until now so I decided to catch up on shredding documents.
Bea: You could have waited until we got home for a decent amount of time but I guess because we launched into the West Coast Tour better to bring the paperwork with us to shred. By the way what documents are you shredding?
Bill: I’m shredding documents that o longer serve a purpose and they are now useless. To use an analogy I’ll be shredding The Troll in my match at Climax Control 306 as he also serves no purpose and is useless.
Bea: Since I’m in your corner as your Manager, and there’s rumors going around that Bobbie Dahl might run in on the match to mess with The Troll, I’m in your corner to make sure no interference happens. If Bobbie does manage to distract The Troll and he loses the match the Referee is likely to blame us when we’re innocent of any wrong doing. Rest assured Bobbie and The Troll are not going to get away with cheating you out of a win. Before I go take care of some things I want to make it clear to everyone watching that my performance in the Ultimate X Over The Pool match at Summer XXXTreme IX was great and even though I didn’t win I’ll be back after the Roulette Championship soon. I’ll have no mercy for any wrestlers standing in my way. You have been warned.
Bea walks off to take care of stuff and Bill starts shredding documents. The sound of the shredder cutting up the papers is soothing.
Bill: Hey, Troll, this is what I’m going to do to you at our match at Climax Control 306. I’m the shredder and you’re this fat pile of now useless papers. I’m not taking you seriously as you’re the joke of the year. I’ll flatten your fat ass so quickly you’ll lose twenty pounds in the process. Remember I’m a street smart person who was born and grew up in Oakland, California, and then in 2012 me and Bea moved to the Atlanta Metro area in Georgia. So I transitioned from an ass kicking street smart kid from Oakland to an ass kicking street smart redneck guy from Atlanta, Georgia.
Bea: But an intelligent cute and handsome street smart redneck buy from Atlanta.
Bill and Bea enjoy a laugh over that comment.
Bill: Everyone will watch me work my magic this Sunday. Everyone will watch me quickly destroy The Blob this Sunday. Enjoy your free time now Troll because after I get done beating you down you’ll be so busy dressing your wounds and taking heavy medication for your pain that you will not enjoy your time.
Bill motions to the camera person to cut the camera feed and they do and our screen goes black.
