[Underground]

The Origin Story (Pt 4)
Tulsa, OK; February 14th, 2016

I can still feel the scratch of his beard against my face.  But it’s not a rough scratch.  It’s almost gentle in a way.  As much as I tell myself about the beard burn, and all of the trouble of making excuses for it, I adored it.  The feeling of his hands all over me, pulling me closer, caressing me, it was exactly what Father described Heaven to be.  Even in sneaking around in trucks, cautious calls to each other’s sleeping quarters, even on the altar.  It was everything it should not have been.  It was the devil whispering in each other’s ears.

It really was too good to be true.  Really.

After the service, the riveting sermon delivered by Father Gerald, the congregation gathered in the hall for sweets, treats, and eats.  Potluck style, we all found ourselves mingling amongst the crowd.  Dax and I were on separate sides of the room, but our eyes met frequently.  It was to my surprise that Father was physically pushing for Esther to get closer and closer to Dax.  Esther didn’t seem comfortable, and neither did Dax.  A fire was lit inside of me, but I had to keep it under control.  For it was Father’s will.

Ginny:  Hey there tall, brooding, and handsome.

Mother’s laughter filled the air as her and Virginia Mae Putnam approached me.  I had always found her so insufferable.  Was it because she fucked my father?  Or maybe because they cooked up this whole church?  No, it had to be the fact that she always came up to me during the most inopportune times.  Even if it wasn’t conceived in the most pure way, it was the Truth, and I was finding myself deviating.  All while searching The Good Book for a way to justify what I know deep down is so vile and wrong, but felt so right.

Me:  Oh, hey Gin.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

Mavis:  If the damned Catholics got one thing right, it was masking massacres with religious holidays and sweets.  But let us remember that this is a day of true love.  So, you two…

Ginny laughed, and I forced one out myself as I rubbed the back of my head.  I looked across the room to see Dax striking up a conversation with Father and Esther. And it must be interesting, because everyone but Dax is laughing.  He’s not exactly an idiot, but he’s not the brightest, so the look of confusion on his face isn’t that surprising.  But, I found it almost endearing at times.

Me:  So, Esther and Dax, huh?  What happened with Andrew?

Ginny:  Word around town is that Andrew might be courting Bella Marquort, but I… think… he might be lookin’ at Eugenia Thornton…

Ginny pointed over to the corner, where Andrew was indeed, speaking with Eugenia.  Never in a million years would I have expected that, but… Ginny hooks her arm in mine and places her head against my shoulder.

Mavis:  Oh, you two… Makes my heart melt.

Me:  Hey, Mother Mavis, I did need to speak with you privately about something.

Mother nodded her head as she walked over to the punch bowl.  I begrudgingly left a kiss on top of Ginny’s head and we embraced before I joined Mother at the punch bowl.  She poured a glass for me, and then one for herself.  She found a corner where there wasn’t much going on, save for some fine decorations.  We sat down and watched the party.  I knew I called this meeting, but I waited for her to say something.  Her eyes scanned the party with such precision.  Her face was stuck in this permanent half smile that she always seems to have anymore.  She took a sip from her cup.

Me:  I really just needed a minute away from Ginny.  She’s a bit much sometimes.

Without looking at me, she continued to scan the party.  She was silent for a second longer than was comfortable.

Mavis:  She’s truly insufferable.  It speaks volumes to me that you put up with her for any length of time.  There are plenty of eligible bachelorettes around here that have not had your father’s penis in one or more orifices.  At least I hope so.

Me:  Why do you put up with it?  Why does Esther put up with it?

If she had been quiet a moment too long before, she certainly made the silence even more uncomfortable.  She glanced over at me with her icy eyes, and her smile got just a touch sweeter, which scared me some.

Mavis:  Why do you put up with it?  Why not just run off with your love?

Me:  Do you honestly think that Ginny would run off with me?  Even though she’s not… frolicking with Father anymore, she sure is forcing her nose up his behind…

And she was scanning the crowd once more.  She certainly was the one to keep things together while Father played diplomatic.  I wondered what she was scanning for.

Mavis:  I said “true love”.  Dax.

Every bit of heat left my body.  My blood ran cold, and I was probably ten shades whiter than a ghost.  My mouth went dry, and I almost couldn’t even speak.  I tried to gulp, but there was no moisture to gulp.  My throat felt like it was sticking together.  And my heart was beating a mile a minute, sending shards of ice through my veins instead of blood.  I looked over at her, and she continued to smile at me.

Mavis:  You’re not subtle.  Neither of you are.  I’ve known for quite some time.

Me:  Wuh… why didididn’t you t-t-t-tell anyone?

Mother waved it off and sputtered.  She looked over at me with one of the most genuine looks I’d seen in a very long time.

Mavis:  Your Father has a dream of the afterlife.  He wants to make our lives better here on earth.  He has set out a plan for us, and to be a big, happy family, we must live by that plan.  But, if your true happiness is with Dax, and his is with you, then maybe the church has fulfilled it’s duties to you.  Maybe not in the way that your Father envisioned, but… you… you haven’t smiled like this in so long.  Tell me if I’m wrong, but… he makes you smile the way your Father used to make me smile.

Once the shock wore off, I looked over to see Dax looking at me, smiling.  Even with his arm around my Sister, I couldn’t help but smile back.  I raised my cup to him, and he did the same in return.

Me:  Mama, he does make me happy.  Happier than anything else in this world.  I want to be next to him right now.  Hand in hand.  I… I…

Mavis:  Then go.  I’ll take care of your Father.

Before I could say anything, she stood up and walked over to Father and Esther.  She guided both of them away.  I wasted no time in walking up to Dax and taking his arm as we walked out of the Fellowship Hall, up the aisles, and to the living quarters.  I closed the door, and he rubbed the back of his head.

Dax:  I, uh… I gotcha something.

I wrapped my arms around him, and passion ignited.  I pinned him against the wall as I began kissing down his body.  He reached into his pants and pulled out… a homemade Valentine’s Day card.  The manly urges disappeared for a moment as I looked at it.

Dax:  I know it looks like a kindergartener made it, but that’s because they did.  But it would’ve looked way worse if I had done it myself, I promise you that.  But I did do your name in macaroni.

”Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I love being in bed,
Staring across at you,

Will U B my Valentine???”

My eyes scanned it, and I felt so filled with… tears, tears of joy, tears of longing.  I stood all the way up again and nodded my head.

Me:  Yes.  I’d love nothing more.

Dax didn’t wait another second.  He picked me up, no easy feat, and he walked me into the bedroom.  He dropped me on my bed and went to rip my shirt off, until he cleared his throat.  He stopped and looked around.

Gerald:  Sorry to interrupt your Sodomite activities, son, Dax…

Father and Andrew were standing there, along with Mother and Esther.  Mother still had that smirk on her face, and now I saw that it wasn’t genuine at all.  She’s just so good at being a fucking bitch…  And without any further talking, he bashed Dax over the head with a cross.  I glared right at my Mother, whom I capitalize because she’s only Mother in His Divine Plan for us.  The betrayal was of Judas proportions.

Me:  YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!

And with that, Mother lashes out with a whip across my cheek.  She stunned me long enough to walk over to me and slap me across the face repeatedly.  I grabbed onto her wrist, and Father knocked me out cold with the same cross.

Darkness…

I can’t remember when I woke up, for how long I was out, but I do know that I had a splitting headache, and the pain radiating from my cheeks and my forehead was immense.  To no surprise of mine, I was tied up to a cross, and I could feel the warmth next to me.  I felt somewhat better, because I was still going to be by him through this suffering, and we would be stronger for it.  Until I looked over to see it wasn’t Dax, but Esther, and she was shaking from the open lashes across her stomach and shoulders, just from what I could see.

Me:  What the fuck, Esther? Why are you up here with me.

She wouldn’t talk.  Tears rolled down her face, but she didn’t whimper.  Instead, she just stayed silent, because any noise she made might break, and the cries would flow like the River Jordan.  It didn’t take long to get an answer from someone, though.

Gerald:  Your sister was a sympathizer, which is just as bad as your heathenous acts.  It enables you to think it’s okay to be a fff…

Me:  Don’t you dare say it.  After all of the sins you’ve done!  The infidelity to YOUR WIFE!  THE ABUSE OF YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!  YOUR SINS OUTWEIGH OURS!

Esther:  Shut up, David.  Just shut up…

She whispers her words.  There is no energy to them, no anger, no emotion at all.  This was the part that stung the worst, that made me angry beyond belief.  And all Father could do was laugh.

Gerald:  You might wanna listen to your sister, there.  Turns out she’s smarter than you, and more of a man than you.  She ain’t bending over for all the boys in town, after all.  I’m starting to wonder if she might even be a qu…

Me:  If you’re gonna beat me, then just fucking do it so I can get back to Dax.

Gerald:  He isn’t here, daughter.

I growled.

Me:  Then I’ll escape and go find him! You’ll never keep us apart, no matter how much you shock me and whip me like the sadist you are.

Gerald laughed more.  Esther’s tears started up again, but she refused to whimper still.

Gerald:  Good luck finding him.  I made sure he went far, far away.  I sure hope he knows how to speak Japanese.  Maybe after the workover we gave him, it won’t even matter.

Me:  Fuck you!

He turned around and looked right at me.  His eyes widened slightly as he walked slowly toward me, with a baton in his hand.  He lifted it up and let out an electrical charge to let me know it was much more than just a baton.

Gerald:  Fuck me?  Fuck you, son.

Me:  You can hurt me all you want.  I’m used to it!

Gerald:  You think so, don’t you?  I’ve got a new technique to try out.

He quickly turns to Esther and shocks her in the side.  She groans, but doesn’t whimper.  The groan turns to a growl with the second hit.  The third one was more like a rib was broken.  The whole time, I’m pleading with him to stop, but he won’t do it.  He gives me a couple smacks just to shut me up before he continues on Esther.  She bites into her bottom lip so hard that she starts bleeding.  Eventually she starts laughing, and I’m sure she’s been broken.  The sight and sound is enough to make me renounce everything.

Me:  I SUBMIT!  I won’t find Dax.  I’ll… I’ll stay here with you and I’ll marry Ginny.  I’ll do whatever I have to, but please stop this!

He doesn’t.  He keeps going, again, only hitting me to shut me up, but keeping me conscious to watch.  I can’t help but whimper at first.  And then the relief comes when he stops hitting her to beat on me.  She’s passed out from the pain, but I have a long way to go.  So I go to my happy place, with Dax.  I go there long enough to relate every pain I’ve felt tonight to him.  I begin to resent him, hate him, blame him for this.  For he was the devil on my tongue, the demon whispering in my ear, the real Judas.  He’s the one who betrayed me and my faith, months ago.  It was truly all his fault.  And not only am I suffering because of it, but my sister is as well.  And my Mother. who had to watch.  And my Father, who was only trying to save me eternal soul.  He was to blame.  And I was never to feel again.  That was my solemn vow.

And I still don’t.  And I never will.  Emotional pain, physical pain, mental pain, any pain.  It means nothing to me any longer, and that is all thanks to my faith in God above.

Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother (Pt 1)
Las Vegas, Nevada; March 26th, 2021


It has been nearly 8 weeks to the date.  Inception.  For those who don’t remember, I had made my presence felt during the SCU Combat Vs Underground Championship Match, Part II.  No one saw it coming, and quite frankly, neither did I.  I walked down to ringside just before Father Gerald was about to secure the Combat Championship to go alongside his Underground belt.  True, I had been displeased with him during that time.  But I didn’t see myself going down to ringside and clocking him with the SCW Roulette Championship.  And I had been too proud to approach anyone from the church, save for those in the Vegas chapter of the Church of the Good Shepherds.  And they had left me to my own devices with the chapter.

That is, until this morning when I received a call from Mother.  She asked that I meet them for brunch just outside of the Las Vegas Strip.  I was shocked, wary, and frankly nervous, but I accepted.  And here I am, seated at the table they made reservations for, and neither of them are here.  So I sit and sip on a glass of mineral water, because they don’t just serve tap water.  I’m beginning to wonder if I should stick my pinky out or something when I take a sip.  The waiter walks by with fresh bread, as I’d consumed the slices provided.

As I begin to butter a slice, knowing what I want to order already, that is when Mother and Father approach.  They walk to the edge of the table, and Father pulls Mother’s chair out for her.  He then walks over and sits in a chair between us.  She stares at me before pulling out a tissue to blot at her eyes, which are crystal clear and free of any sign of real tears.  Just like her to do something like this.

Gerald:  Son, I just wanted to swallow my own pride for the sake of your mother.  I wanna get past this just as badly as you do.

Me:  Then that must not be very bad then, because I had no intentions of getting past that.  I did what I did for a reason.

Mother sniffles, dry and devoid of any real meaning.  She blots at her eyes again.

Gerald:  I know I been pretty tough on you.  And instead of giving you trouble over that belt, I shoulda showed you how to not lose it so easily, like my SCU Underground Championship belt.

Mavis:  Gerald, this is not the time or place.

Father turns right to her, letting her know it’s not her place to speak right now.

Gerald:  It’s the best time, and the best place since we hadn’t addressed it before, lovey.  And after taking a bump to the noggin, I think I deserve an explanation.

I take another sip from my water and I chuckle.

Me:  I did what I did because you’ve been torturing me for the better part of 7 years, and I understand why.  To save my eternal soul.  I’m so grateful to you for helping me to exorcise my demons.  But since I signed to SCW, you’ve been nothing but bitter, hurtful, prideful, and quite frankly, jealous toward me. You pushed me around while pushing me away, when all I was trying to do was to honor you and serve the Lord.

Father looks at me for a minute solid, and he was quiet.  It was almost as if he was examining my soul.  Mother reaches across the table to rub my hand.  She pulls it closer to her and for once, she takes the lead.

Mavis:  Your family misses you.  Your soon-to-be wife, your mother…

Me:  Yeah, and not the man sitting across from me.  That has been made very clear.

Mavis:  AND your father.  His eyes were opened when you did what you did.  He wants nothing more than to tell you how sorry he is, but you are not giving him the opportunity.  And I understand why.  But, you should at the very least hear him out.

I cannot lie.  I lean back in my seat and put my hands behind my head.  I look at him, giving him the floor.  He thinks carefully before he continues.

Gerald:  Son, I admit to my faults, and you did what was necessary for The Church of the Good Shepherds.  You saw that I had the Underground Championship, and you took our mission to the next level.  Instead of praising you for stepping up somewhere that you may or may not have been ready for, and immediately captured gold despite any doubts… I tried to make you feel inadequate.  What I should have been doing is to encourage you, work with you, train harder than ever before, to make sure that you could advance.  That is my fault, my weakness.

I nod, because I agree with everything that he’s saying.

Me:  And it took you becoming overwhelmed in SCU to come to me to tell me this?

Gerald:  I am a man of God, but I’m also a proud man.  It did take selfish reasons for me to swallow that pride and come to you.  And a whole heck of a lot of your mother talking in my ear.  But the point isn’t why I am here, but rather that I am here.

Me:  It takes a lot of balls to say that.  After everything I’ve gone through to prove myself, to you AND to God Himself.  I’ve literally rewired my brain, gone against my nature, fought and still fight impulses that you will never, ever understand.  And I did it all to prove that I am worthy of God’s blessings.

Father holds a hand up to stop me half way through, but I don’t stop.

Me:  I doubted myself.  I stopped praying for an entire day, because of you.  That is not how a man of God is supposed to make others feel.  So you stop and take a good, long, hard look at yourself and how you counsel, because nobody, and I mean nobody, in MY congregation is ever made to feel that way.  We don’t shock people unless they ask for it.  We accept everyone, and THAT is the true message of God, “Father”...

He hears every word of mine and he nods along impatiently.  As I continued, he nodded harder and harder until I gave the slightest bit of pause.

Gerald:  You’re absolutely right, son.  You have made strides, leaps and bounds.  You don’t understand how truly proud of you I am.  And if you don’t believe that, you can at least understand how much I need you.  Not your church.  Not your family.  Me.  I need you, son.

The waitress came by and we ordered our food.  The restaurant slowly filled up.  Our sense of privacy slowly fades away.  We don’t speak of this any further, but the decision was made for me to return to the aid of my family..




Something New
Las Vegas, NV; April 23rd, 2021


Water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink.  Okay, maybe not so much.  A trip around the gondola at the Venetian sounded like a relaxing way to spend the day.  As I pack a small cooler onto the boat, I see interviewer “Stoner” Scott Oliver coming around the corner with a handheld camera and a microphone.  He looks around before seeing me in the boat.

Scott:  Yo!  Brother man, we doing this or what?

I put a day bag into the boat, despite the lack of necessity.  I wave to Scott and he approaches the boat.  I step into the boat as the rower gets in position.  Scott steps in and sets the tripod up to get the perfect shot.  His skunky perfume permeates from the humidity of the crystal waters around us.  I wave my hand as it gives me a headache.

Scott:  I got an ass load of Axe if you need me to spray it on.

Me:  Or, we can get this show on the road so that I don’t have to smell you longer than necessary.  So, let’s do this.

I reach into my day bag and I pull out a small cactus.  I set it between us, in full view of what’s going on.  Scott looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

Scott:  So on Sunday, you got a pretty big match against Senor Vinnie, a former SCW World Heavyweight Champion.

I can’t help but laugh at the joke Scott is telling me, or maybe the outlandish claim is the idiotic ramblings of a stoner.

Me:  Let me correct you there.  This match is definitely not the biggest match I’ve dealt with.  As a matter of fact, my battles with O’Malley outshine this bout with Senor Vinnie.  By a lot.

Scott:  Dude, this guy is a former World Heavyweight Champion though.

Me:  It doesn’t matter.  Griffin Hawkins was a World Heavyweight Champion.  Gianni Di Luca was a World Heavyweight Champion.  You’re setting the bar kind of low. So please, explain to me how this is supposed to be bigger than fighting O’Malley, Bill Barnhart, Lincoln Daniels, or Stephen Callaway?  Or any member of the SCU roster? I don’t understand.

Scott:  Bro, look.  I get that you’re supposed to be some hard ass freak for Jesus, but you can’t say that Senor Vinnie is on a different level.

I raise my eyebrows as if to ask “why not?”  He shakes his head and looks down at the cactus in between us.

Scott:  Plus, that looks nothing like Cactus Pete!

Me:  Oh, no.  That’s not supposed to be Petey.  It is a representation of the wickedness that resides inside of Vinnie.  A clear view into the demonic possession inside of that man.  And I intend to clear that wickedness right out of him inside of the ring.

Scott looks at me as if I’m the crazy one.  It takes everything in me not to make mention of his own vices and wickedness.  But, this is not the time or the place.

Me:  This man, who talks to plants, and walks around, exacting vendettas is clearly unbalanced. He’s afflicted. The power of the Lord is a healing power.  And I am a Man of God, as I’m sure my opponent will proudly bring up.  I possess that power, and I will be using it in that ring.  The power of Christ will compel the demons right out of him.  And you.

Scott:  What?

I throw Scott right off of the boat.  He splashes around as I dip my fingers in the water.  I say a quick prayer to bless the water as Scott asks for help.  I wave to him as I order the guy to continue on.

Me:  The power of Christ compels you, Scott…