Catching Up With GDL
#NP "Wrecked" by Killbot
Locale; All over the Friggin’ USA
TMZ has reported that former Fuhgeddaboudit reality TV star, Giani Di Luca, has been hard at work to get back into “ring shape” following an announcement that he will be making a return to the six sided Sin City Wrestling ring for their show in Scottsdale, Arizona. We have caught him working out at various training sites across Nevada, California, Arizona, and even this clip caught by fans from his hometown of Seaside Heights, New Jersey.
We pan inside of a local gym where Giani Di Luca is seen boxing with his former trainer “T-Dogg” Tommy Russo. The fan’s shaky camera slowly circles around the ring to see Giani firing rapid punches, with all of his might, in an attempt to connect with T-Dogg. However, each and every hit is deflected. Giani dances around the ring, waiting for the right opportunity to catch his sensational sensei off guard. After a few fakeouts, he trots up to T-Dogg and busts him right in his friggin’ face.
Fan: Holy shit, man! That guy just got knocked the f**k out!
Giani holds his fists up in celebration, flexing his body, which has clearly never been out of ring shape. As sweat pours off of his body, he walks over toward the ropes, and looks right down at the fan.
Giani: Fuhgeddaboudit!
Fan: Fuhgeddaboudit! This dude is legit A.F. I’m sending this into TMZ.
Giani flicks his mouth guard out onto the ground as he does his signature laugh. He extends his gloved fist toward the fan who comes at him with a fist bump. Giani then gallops around the ring, gloating over his victory.
Giani Di Luca has been taking his preparations very seriously, having released statements to the public such as:
”I can’t see myself not becoming the next SCW World Heavyweight Champion. The work that I’ve put into this match alone, against a man who hadn’t done much of anything in the world of wrestling besides try to knock up some country bumpkin with probably the biggest funbags this guy’s ever seen… just imagine what I will do to get at “The White Wolf” himself. Just sayin’...”
Giani has been out of the spotlight for many years now, having “taken a break” from wrestling. Most had wondered what happened to the “Italian Stallion” since his departure from SCW after winning the World Tag Team Championships with his then partners, Mickey Carroll and Dax Beckett, collectively known as the Bad Boys (of wrestling). He seemed to practically disappear from the spotlight, and that is something we’ve never seen from GDL, who always commanded the attention of anyone within a ten mile radius of a television or computer.
TMZ dug a little deeper to find that Giani had been staying in the background, but his presence was still felt in the form of manager and trainer for his Bad Boys counterparts. When the Bad Boys traveled over to Honor Wrestling in August of 2017, Giani opted not to sign a contract to wrestle, and he worked closely alongside Erik Staggs to cultivate one of the most hard hitting and controversial stables in wrestling today.
The camera pans to the inside of a VIP Lounge in a Las Vegas Nightclub. Giani is seen sitting in a white suit jacket with a red tie trickling down his otherwise bare chest. He has a lady on each arm as he looks around from side to side to see “Shorty” Devin Tyler making out with a hot blonde bombshell in a tight silver dress that looks painted on. He then looks over to see Tim Staggs and Dax Beckett chugging beers at a very steady rate, being competitive with one another in doing so.
Giani: Life’s good, bro. I get to treat these assholes to the best nights of their lives, and in turn, they make me mad bank. I ain’t even gotta get my hands dirty no more.
Shorty stops and turns back to Giani, his eyebrows furled as he nods his head.
Shorty: I know that’s right, ya p*ssy! We do the hard work while you sit back and reap the reward.
Giani: Nah, of anyone in here, I’d say Stella is doing the hardest work. Making out with gremlin the size of a teddy bear can’t be easy. Ho skills on fleek.
Bad Boys: OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Giani once again does his signature laugh as we take in the surroundings of beautiful men and women dancing and having a good time in the lounge, all for the amusement of the Bad Boys.
If Giani doesn’t need the money, or the spotlight, then why return now? What is truly in it for Giani? Is a championship belt that important to “The Reflection of Perfection”? What is it about the allure of the six sided ring that is drawing Giani back? Could it be more than what meets the eye?
Or could it just be that the competitive nature of GDL is shining through once again? We’d like to say that Giani has been absent from the ring since his departure from SCW, but that isn’t entirely true. SCW fans might be aware that Giani took part in an open invitational battle royal earlier this year, which featured names big names like Eyesnsane, Dax Beckett, Mickey Carroll, Tim Staggs, Eric Weaver, Earl Lockyer, John Blade, and SCW’s very own Caleb Storms.
Giani wasn’t originally scheduled to be a part of this match, although it was meant to be a punishment to the Bad Boys for having caused so much chaos in Honor Wrestling, and Commissioner Brooke Saxon decided that punishment to the stable was in order, on the same night that some sort of Mean Girls reincarnation group known as A.G.I.F.T. was being punished for similar tactics. Giani surprised the world when he, not only entered the frey, but also won the battle royal by lastly eliminating Caleb Storms.
It was at this point that we saw just how “out of shape” Giani truly was. This must be the answer. Giani Di Luca must be returning to the ring because he can’t stand to stay out of the spotlight for too long. He always has a trick under his sleeve, knowing when to step away, and when to return to capitalize. What better time to return than now? We caught up with Giani for an interview. Here is what he had to say…
The camera pans in to find Giani Di Luca sitting in a white leather chair inside of his Las Vegas home. He has a glass of champagne in one hand, and the latest GQ Magazine in the other, which his face just happens to be on the cover of.
Giani: Is that thing rollin’?
Cameraman: Yes.
Giani quickly sets the magazine down next to him on the table where it is still visible. He tries to feign embarrassment, but it doesn’t quite make it all the way through. He chuckles in a fake nervous manner.
Giani: Oh my, I didn’t realize I the camera was on, and I was holdin’ my latest magazine shoot of GQ, available at your nearest media resource.
Giani winks and snaps his fingers as he points at the camera. He checks his reflection as he fixes a few pieces of stray hair, before giving himself the “Okay” symbol with his fingers and continues.
Giani: How embarrassin’... But hey, it’s me, it’s me, it’s that Big Time G, back on ya TV screens, all with the thanks to TMZ. You might remember me from such big productions as Sin City Wrestlin’ Climax Control, as ya Roulette, World Tag, and World Champions. Might also remember me from such famous matches as the “I Quit” Match against Goth, or… let’s face it, just about any other match I’ve ever been in.
Giani shrugs his shoulders as if to say that it’s no big deal for him. He holds it there so that we all get the hint.
Giani: Been on so many screens, from Fuhgeddaboudit to all the W’s, like BACW, PW, SCW, HW, NLW, but I assure you that your favorite W is the one where my arms is held up after the match, and my theme music is blastin’ across the arena. Ya know, the one I made so famous, even Tommy Knocks has that shit on his iPod to this very day.
Giani points at the camera as if singling Tommy Knocks out. He flashes his perfect, pearly smile as he nods along to the beat of the music playing in his head.
Giani: Yaknowhatimsayin’ bro? Of course ya do. Ya heard dem podcasts. I’m still gettin’ royalty checks off’a that shit. Just like every time one of my fresh tee’s flies off the shelves of the SCW Merchandise Shop, online or in person. Trust me, when I heard I was bein’ booked this week, I demanded they stocked that shit to capacity for ya.
Giani holds up his “I Got Swag” shirt first, turning it around for everyone to see both sides. He then flips up his “Fuhgeddaboudit” shirt with the Italian Stallion logo on the front. He admires it for a second before picking up the winter cap with his logo on the front to show it off.
Giani: All kinds’a good shit here. Not to mention the backwards compatible Blaze of Glory game. It’s all there for ya viewin’ pleasure. Show ya support for the best thing to ever happen in SCW history and pick them up today.
Cameraman: This isn’t supposed to be an advertisement for merchan…
Giani: Speak only when spoken to. This is my time. Gawd, how unprofessional can ya be?
Giani shakes his head, getting clearly annoyed with the cameraman as they stop themselves dead in their tracks, leaving the camera set on Giani. Giani takes a second to calm down, recomposing himself as he takes a deep breath.
Giani: Damn, it’s been a while since I dealt with someone so rude. Let’s see if I can get my mojo back. This G don’t do cue cards. It all comes from right up here.
Giani points to the side of his head as he starts to lighten up again.
Giani: I was tryin’ to say that while I’m back inside of an SCW ring, it would be a good time to get the merch while I’m makin’ sure it’s stocked. Does that make me such a bad guy? I’m lookin’ out for my fans, and with how many there is, that, my friends, is a major responsibility.
Giani laughs as his eyes widen, truly believing that he is still God’s gift to wrestling. He then shakes his head as he tries to play the cool nice guy again.
Giani: So you wouldn’t believe how tough it was when SCW begged me to come back for the Gold Rush Tournament. I mean, I was so outta shape. BFP was at like 12%. It was all them cheeseburgers and late nights out with the Bad Boys, yaknowhatimsayin’? I almost didn’t even wanna do it. I have only been in the ring once since I left SCW, so I got ring rust like a motherf*cker! I didn’t think I was ready to come back to the ring. The thought never even crossed my mind.
Giani looks as if he is about to laugh at the idea of returning to the ring. He is in complete and utter shock that he’s even talking about it.
Giani: But when I was on the phone with both Mark Ward AND Christian Underwood, and they was tryin’ to offer me more and more money, and I kept sayin’ “No”, but they kept offerin’ me higher numbers? I mean, I don’t need money. I’m set fuh life. But I couldn’t help thinkin’ about all the fans out there who deserve to see a real wrestler. For the first time in a long time, one of those is gonna be in an SCW ring. I couldn’t sit here and think about lettin’ the fans down by sayin’ no for the fiftieth time. I had to do it.
Giani looks sincere, but his words just won’t let us believe that he actually is. After a couple seconds of silence, the cameraman speaks up.
Cameraman: So this had nothing to do with a massive payout for you?
Giani: I beg ya pardon, sir? A payout? What do ya take me for? I got cars more expensive than anythin’ you’ll make in two lifetimes. My house could put an entire orphanage through college. My shoes could buy a small island on the Pacific, and you think this is about money? Get outta heyyyyyyy…
Giani is clearly insulted now as he flips his fingers under his chin toward the camera. He starts to get up, picking up the champagne once more to take a sip before setting it back down.
Giani: Ya know what? I’m through bein’ put on trial by some lousy cameraman from a shitty day time television gossip corner. This interview is over.
Giani storms off of the scene for all of two seconds before coming back onto it.
Giani: I’m doin’ this for the fans, ya jackass! Don’t none uh ya at home believe this clown. Comin’ back has nothin’ to do with money, and everythin’ to do with makin’ each and every one uh ya’s dreams come true. That’s it, the end, fin!
Giani then storms out of the room for good this time.
Our inside sources have said that Giani refuses further commentary on the matter, but TMZ will not give up until we’ve found out the real answer to the question on everyone’s mind… Is Giani Di Luca… a homosexual? Stay tuned as we continue our unrelenting search for answers.
That’s Two N’s Ya Jerk!
#NP "Middle Fingers” by Missio
Locale; Bad Boys Home - Las Vegas, NV
Once again, we find ourselves inside of the Bad Boys Home in Las Vegas. Only this time, it is free of the production crew, but littered with empty alcohol bottles and stray clothing. Gianni is passed out on the couch, covered up in a white sheet, various different drawings on his face, such as a dancing penis exclaiming “I’m Giani”, or the one pointing at the corners of his mouth. He starts to stir a bit as he sits up in shock. He picks up a pair of underwear, pulling them on under the sheet. He yawns and stretches as he looks around to see he is alone. He picks up a robe and wraps it around himself as he notices the camera.
Gianni: I can’t believe that I forgot about this shit. I forgot I set this whole thing up. But I guess when ya The Reflection of Perfection, the Italian Stallion, Giannnnnnni Di Luca… ya always camera ready.
Gianni pauses as he looks from one side to the other to give off a view from all sides.
Gianni: Now, I let it slide this once, but I am the artist formally known as Giani Di Luca. Since I left SCW, I’ve decided to start over. I’ve rebranded. Take note that I am now… Gianni… Di… Luca. That’s two N’s, ya jerk!
Gianni pauses for a second, letting it be known that he is serious now. He narrows his eyes at the camera for a second before finally cracking his smile to soften his expression.
Gianni: Now, legends are made, not born. I think everyone knows that. I could go on about my dog, J2H. He worked hard, but I deserve my own time in the spotlight here. I worked my ass off to get where I got in my career. I fought some of the most brutal battles in the history of SCW. I scratched and clawed my way to the top while I sat there. I knocked down challenger after challenger. I am a made man, but I made myself. Sure, the support of the fans meant somethin’, but I did it all on my own. The fans didn’t spend 72 hours a week in the gym, and another 72 travelin’, promotin’, or actually wrestlin’. I did all that. Days off were non existent, and I made sure I stayed ready at all times. That was me.
Gianni nods his head at his statement, finding it endearing despite being completely insulting in saying it.
Gianni: I didn’t have to flaunt a sad story, or try to hook up with the least attractive member of the bombshell roster to try to be relevant to the SCW history books. I… just… was… Through determination and drive. I’m not weak. Can’t say the same for my opponent this week, Bo Dreamwolf.
Gianni shrugs as he leans down to begin picking things up to stay busy while he clearly doesn’t want to be bothered with this interview.
Gianni: Bo Dreamwolf had a past. Nobody knows exactly what that past was besides Austin Parker, but he did. As far as SCW is concerned, his history has been holding the Roulette Championship for all of two minutes. “But G, ya only held the belt for like two minutes”. Right, right, BUT! I had an impressive run with the tag belts and the world heavy. I did things that Bo Dreamwolf can only dream of doin’ in his career. I could do it if I wanted to, and that’s what this is all about. I can do it again, and I will do it again. Bo Dreamwolf can’t say the same.
Gianni deposits several of the bottles into a nearby trash can.
Gianni: Takin’ out trash is what I’m good at, so I guess this makes sense. Bo Dreamwolf has never been able to step up to the World Heavyweight Championship level. That hasn’t changed. And neither has my ability to carry that banner. Come Sunday, Bo… I would make sure that ya got a back brace ready, cause if I’m feelin’ as hungover as I am right now, I won’t be in a great mood, and I might have to break it, again. Climax Control is my time once again. I will work my way over you, and whoever gets in my way will meet the same fate. I’m comin’ for ya, Fenris.
Gianni nods his head to the thought. However, he finishes picking up the bottles from the ground. He waves off the camera as he takes the can toward the back door and the scene fades out.
[fin]
