CALEB STORMS WILL MEET HURRICANE BILL BARNHART
Narrator: The Mixed Tag Team of Bill Barnhart and Roux are facing the Mixed Tag Team of Caleb Storms and Nakita Niles. I equate the team of Bill and Roux as a pot of gold while I equate the team of Caleb Storms and Nakina Niles as a bag of shit. With that said I turn you over to Bill Barnhart at the Hastings Battlefield in Hastings, England.
The scene shifts and we get a camera shot of Bill Barnhart standing in the Hastings Battlefield in England. We take notice that Bill is sharply dressed in a dark gray business suit, instead of his normal casual attire. We are surprised that Bea is not with Bill during his presentation of comments for his match in the Blast From The Past Tournament but we are sure Bill will explain Bea’s absence.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION
Bill: Before I launch into my official comments concerning my Blast From The Past Tournament match I want to tell you why Bea is not in front of the camera with me at this time. Although Bea will be at ringside during my match, because she is my Manager and has the right to be at ringside when I wrestle, I asked her not to be on camera with me while I am commenting on my upcoming Mixed Tag Team match. Bea may have something to say just before our match starts on Sunday but that is up to her. Bea wanted to take the time to do some sightseeing since she has never England and she wanted to take in the sights and the history. With that said I will move on to my comments concerning my team consisting of myself and Roux and our opponents is the team of Caleb Storms and Nakita Niles.
Bill smiles into the camera.
Bill: So, Caleb, how the hell are you doing? Considering that you and Nakita are about to step into the wrestling ring against me and Roux and get you asses kicked I would say you two are not doing well at all. You are old news Caleb and a new edition of the news has been printed and I have been declared the current news. Old news needs to be thrown into the and you need to be thrown in trash also.
Bill pulls out a small piece of paper and he begins commenting on the information on the paper.
Bill: Caleb let me remind you of several things. I am a two-time Roulette Champion and you are also a former Roulette Champion but there are significant differences in our reign as Roulette Champion. Caleb you won the Roulette Championship on May 13, 2028, and then you lost it 14 days later on May 17, 2018, Damn! Can you spell pathetic with a capital P? I can! That two week run as Roulette Champion was PATHETIC Caleb! Myself, on the other hand, have had two reigns as Roulette Champion. My first reign as Roulette Champion was earned on October 3, 2021 and it ended on April 3, 2022, for a six month reign. My second reign as Roulette Champion was earned on October 30, 2022 and that reign ended on January 15, 2023 for a three month reign. I have a combined reign as Roulette Champion of 9 months. Did you hear me Caleb? Did you understand what I am trying to get you to understand? You had a two week run as Roulette Champion and I had nine months of being a successful Roulette Champion. The information I presented shows that I am a better wrestler than you could ever hope to be. Since your super-short reign as Roulette Champion was in 2018, while my two reigns as Roulette Champion were in 2021 and 2022, that proves to the world that I am current news and you are yesterday’s trash.
Bill lets out a sinister laugh.
CURRENT INFORMATION
Bill: Sorry for laughing in your face Caleb but when hilarious stuff like your pathetic two-week reign as Roulette Champion comes out I could not hold back my laughter. Speaking of amusing things shall we now do a quick review of our two teams for the Blast From The Past Tournament? With your team I see something that I am sure you are not able to see. I see you, Caleb, as a failure in the wrestling ring. As for your partner I have no clue who she is or where she came from but with you are her partner your team is doomed to lost to my team. Speaking of my team we already know I am so awesome that I glow in the dark. My partner, Roux, comes from a great wrestling background and the two of us are coming into our match with you and Nakita to quickly defeat you and our team will advance in the Blast From The Past Tournament.
Bill looks deeply into the camera.
Bill: I have been involved in many Blast From The Past Tournaments. Most of the time I had jerk partners assigned to me when teams were drawn and these jerk partners did not care about the Tournament at all so all they did was deliberately cause our team to lose. In the few times I had a great and supportive partner we advanced significantly but ended up being eliminated and that’s how things work in this type of tournament. You never know when the draw will get you a great partner, an incompetent partner, or a partner who sabotages your chances because they simply do not like you.
Bill again grins into the camera.
Bill: Caleb while I have an amazing partner for the Blast From The Past Tournament you have team consisting of you as a washed up and worn out wrestler and you are teamed with a wrestler who is not much more capable than you are. When our team eliminates you in this first round of the Blast From The Past Tournament you will, in the end, thank us for ending your pathetic attempt to participate in the Tournament because your team getting eliminated early in the Tournament saves you from continuously being humiliated in the remainder of the Tournament.
Bill lets out a loud roaring laugh.
CLOSING COMMENTS
Bill: Well, Caleb, I have reached the part of my air time to present my closing comments concerning our match on Sunday. Do you think your team can defeat our team? Nope! Even a snowball has a better chance of surviving in Hell than you and Nakita have in defeating us. Our team eliminating your team in the first round is actually doing you a favor so you will not have to endure taunts and teasing from the other wrestlers and fans. Will Bea be at ringside serving as my Manager. Of course she will be there! What is her job as my Manager? To make sure that you and Nakita do not violate the rules, or cheat, or use weapons, during the match to try to screw me and Roux out of our win.
Bill gives a thumbs up into the camera.
Bill: Caleb I need to tell you how our father taught us to be tougher than everyone else. As you probably know, but probably forgot, that there were three kids in our family. Me, my half-brother Chris Shipman, and our sister. Father taught the three of us to be tough as he did not raise wimpy whining little brats. Father served in the United States Navy during World War II and it was damn hard work. When we three kids were playing, or riding our bikes, or playing sports, and we got hurt or injured, Father would get on us to get up and keep going. He told is there will always be hard times in our lifetimes but laying down and crying about the hurt and the pain only makes you weaker. That is why, Caleb, when you have watched me wrestle over the years you never see me lay down and stop fighting in a wrestling match. No matter what an opponent dishes out I dished out more back to them. Of course I lost wrestling matches and every wrestler has. But I did not roll on my back and give them a cheap win. I fought all the way until the Referee made their official decision on the match.
Bill stares a deep stare into the camera.
Bill: Why did I tell you that information Caleb? Do you think I did it to intimidate you? Do you think I did it as a lie to get you to believe what I am saying? No, Caleb, I told you that information to enlighten you to the fact that you are not facing the regular type of wrestlers you used to face. I told you that information to enlighten you to the fact that you are facing me as an opponent who will not back down no matter what. That you are facing an opponent who will send you back into retirement.
Bill growls into the camera.
Bill: Caleb I am happy you decided to return out of retirement to participate in the Blast From The Past Tournament. It had to take a lot of courage for you to come out of retirement and attempt to wrestle in the tournament. After me and Roux defeat your team you will be overjoyed to return into retirement. Me and Roux will not have any compassion or pity on you two. You two are a joke team from a comedy skit while me and Roux are superstars in the sport of wrestling. Enjoy your time leading up to our match because the instant the bell rings to officially start our match we will be on you two, and destroying you two, and we are likely to defeat you in record time.
Bill gives a mean look into the camera.
Bill: Caleb you remind me of weather forecasts. The Meteorologist will present their forecast for the weather and tell everyone there is a vicious storm coming. A storm that will out-do a storm like Hurricane Katrina. Then when the storm arrives it ends up being little more than a quick rain shower that does nothing except to make people laugh at the moronic weather prediction the Meteorologist made.
. . .
Bill: Yep, Caleb, that is you in a nutshell. You brag how great you are but you are also coming off a several year absence from Wrestling. While you were away from Sin City Wrestling doing. . .well whatever the hell it was you supposedly were doing. . .I was still here in Sin City Wrestling and firing up the crowd with my wrestling.
. . .
Bill: In my eyes you are like an uninformed Meteorologist who makes a grand prediction for the pending disastrous storm, calling it the storm of the century, only to have nothing more than a drizzle of rain. So I say to you Caleb that you are a weak rain drizzle while I am a Category Five Hurricane. Welcome to your worst nightmare.
Bill grins a huge grin and then he laughs loudly. He then informs the camera person that he is done with his comments and the camera person cuts their camera feed and our screen goes dark.
