[Mark Ward]

 Post all roleplays for this match here.

Limits: 1 roleplay per week. 10,000 words maximum.

Good luck!

[Andrea Hernandez]

 “The demons of my early career… long overcome… but never forgotten. From the abuse that I took early on, to my rookie failures causing a rift between my family… the early part of my career felt like I was living in hell. Nothing could go right for me. I didn’t become a wrestler that beats number one contenders and hall of fame members overnight… I had to deal with tons of abuse… and tons of criticism… some of which still burns through me… even today…”

Flashback - March 2017

“You wanted to see me?” I asked my father as we met in his wrestling school, one which was really seeing long-term signs of decline. The facility hasn’t been upgraded in at least two decades largely because my father was extremely low on any sort of finances to maintain any sort of upkeep. Fading color painted the walls, old bleacher seats were collapsing and the ring itself had so much tape and glue on it I figured one giant superplex was going to destroy it beyond repair. At this moment though, I was nervous. My father didn’t seem so happy with me.

“I think it’s time you hear something that you may not want to hear”, my father told me which only furthered my nervous feeling.

“Dad, you’re scaring me.”

“Let’s take a few laps around the ring while we have our talk.”

We began our walk around the ring with my nervousness only heightening.

“Andrea, you’ve been part of the mainstream business for a year now. You’re no longer a rookie wrestler in definition” he began. “Let me ask you a question. In that rookie year, what is it that you’ve accomplished?”

“So… I became a tag team champion with Chelsea…” I was quick to respond. “And well… as a unit, all four of us…” I paused with some trepidation at the mention of a faction known as Utopia that I was a part of at that time “...Myra, Adrian, Chelsea, myself… we… did conquer the company.”

“That’s it?” my father asked with an unimpressed tone.

“That’s good, right?” I asked as I swallowed my pride.

“What have you accomplished for yourself?” As soon as he asked this, my eyes widened when I realized that I already knew the answer to that question and not in a good way at all. “Have you won a singles championship yet?”

“No…” I responded and sighed.

“What about our family? Four generations of success… and then there’s you.” I remember how scary my father’s facial expression was at that moment and how disappointed in me he was.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Andrea… this is going to sound very harsh of me but as your father, I need you to listen to the truth.” He paused and sighed for a split second giving me the vibe that what he needed to say to me was extremely difficult for him to put into words. “You’ve been a great disappointment to our family.”

Immediately, my nerves became frozen with shock. I was in denial that I had heard those words and my heart instantly sank. Considering how brittle I was to any sort of criticism and considering the difficult times I was dealing with at the time, it definitely felt like I had just been stabbed in the heart. Completely frozen by those words, I instantly felt the temptation to cry but at the same time I knew that would only make things worse on my father so I used every bit of strength that I had to hold any emotions back.

“When I first trained you, I was doing so with the expectation that you would continue what our family has built for over a hundred years. Of course, I should point out that I was breaking tradition by allowing you to be a wrestler at all.”

“We’re not going back to THAT, are we?”

“In this case, Andrea, we have to. It was never intended for a woman to carry on our tradition. You know how much my father hated the idea of you becoming a wrestler” my father paused and sighed. “He told me that it wouldn’t work out. He told me that his father and his grandfather would have turned in their graves if they knew that you were a wrestler… that they would have rather seen our family tradition die then to be carried on by a woman. Of course, you realize this is the early 20th century we’re talking about right? Women weren’t even allowed to vote when your great-great-grandfather in his prime.”

“What are you saying, dad? That I’ve embarrassed our family? That I’ve taken what our family has built and burned it to the ground?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying… yes…”

“Dad…”

“You betrayed our family to take a shortcut into the business. You decided to be mentored by that evil, vile, Myra woman knowing she was nothing but bad news. You’ve done practically nothing with your career and whatever dignity our family has left, you’ve flushed it completely down the toilet.”

I stopped walking at this point, letting my father walk ahead of me by a few feet. This didn’t stop him from continuing this harsh diatribe he was on, however.

“You’ve settled for being a tag team wrestler with someone who doesn’t even care about wrestling, you’ve allowed yourself to be abused by Myra on a constant basis and in UWA… Andrea?”

My father pauses and turns toward me realizing that I wasn’t following him anymore. The tears were extremely hard to hold back at this point as they were drowning my eyes. Sighing with a hint of annoyance, he turns toward me seeing that I had stopped walking with him.

“...this is exactly what I’m getting at. You can’t take the heat.” Pausing as he approached me, I was basically trying to do everything that I could to run away from the situation. “...what happened in UWA? You didn’t try to keep fighting after that loss to Cam Knowles. Instead, you just ran away. Is that how you’re going to move forward with your career? By running away?”

“I hate that place, Dad…”

“But that’s no excuse to just give up and run away when things aren’t going so well! You haven’t met any expectations at all and I hate to say this… but I’ve never been more ashamed to be your father than I am right now”

“Are you SERIOUS?”

“It PAINS me to say that, Andrea” my father said with a regretful sigh. “But in all honesty, I feel like I wasted my time training you when you’ve thrown away everything that’s been passed down from our family for five generations. I should have just… let it be… you know… when your brother wanted nothing to do with this business. I suppose this is how it goes when you were reluctant to train someone and only did so as a last gasp to keep a tradition alive…”

“Stop it…”

“Stop what?” my father responded. “Telling you the truth? You’ve got to turn this thing around, Andrea. I don’t know how you’re going to do it, but running away from all of your problems isn’t the answer. You’ve got to stand up to those demons of yours and face them constantly no matter how many times they beat you down and instead of doing that you just choose to stay down. Do whatever it is you want to do… but there’s really nothing more I can do for you. Figure it out yourself. Until then… it’s best if we don’t see each other for a while…”

My father coldly walked away from me, leaving me stunned and shocked. The weight of the expectations of my family really felt like a boulder at this point and right now, it felt like my career was closer to ending than it was to ever being close to any sort of prime that it would eventually become. Overall… it was just another chapter of the hardest part of my career so far…

October 10, 2019

“I really don’t think this is a good idea, Clarissa.” I told my best friend as we were at an outdoor restaurant in Hawaii.

“I think it’s time you move past it.” she responded with confidence. “I completely understand that those times were rough for you but you’ve got to forgive and let go. We both know that’s exactly what you did with your father with how harsh he was treating you.”

“Yeah, but that was my father” I retorted. “This is the devil woman we’re talking about… the person that made the early part of my career hell. She may be ‘reformed’ so she claims, but at the same time, that doesn’t take away any of the pain that she put me through.”

“You want to maintain your success in Sin City Wrestling, right?”

“Clarissa, of course I do.”

“Then you need to let that pain go”, she responded, almost in the same way that my parents probably would have. “All you ever did in OCW was wrestle with a chip on your shoulder just because of your past and all the bullshit that you went through there just compiled things even more and as a result, you were stuck on the glass ceiling more often than not. Look how it all turned out for you…”

“It turned out to be one of my most miserable career experiences even through all the success that I had there…”

“Exactly! Now, let me ask you this, Andrea. During any of your three matches in SCW so far, have you ever ONCE thought about OCW?”

I shook my head.

“My father helped me get past that” I reflected. “That company did nothing but beat me down again and again. They expected so little of me while my family was expecting the world of me. It didn’t matter to them that I wasn’t in the greatest situation ever over there. They wanted me to bounce back again and again and that’s what I did. I was successful DESPITE them not because of them.”

“That family of yours never stopped expecting the world out of you, did they?” Clarissa asked with a laugh.

“We don’t care if Mercedes is a hall of famer, you’re going to beat her” “I don’t care if Bobbie is a contender for a title and you’re not just yet, you’re going to beat her.” I chuckled through the current weight of expectations that my family had on me at this point.

“They expected me to be three and zero going into High Stakes, so that much hasn’t changed. They put me through so much pain with the expectations… my father especially… but I overcame that pain of my father telling me I had embarrassed the family, I overcame the pain of UWA and OCW…”

“But not… you know… her....” Clarissa said with a wince. “God, I remember how she would treat you when you failed to meet HER expectations. Your father and your family was one thing, but HER? She was so much worse. Of course… I didn’t need to tell you that part. Still, I know you have everything in you to be a world champion someday. That much you have shown and proven throughout the last couple of years. Still…”

Clarissa held my hands as she maintained her storn demeanor.

“...you’re not going to be that world champion until you move past this.”

I sighed, not exactly liking what I was hearing but deep down, I knew that she definitely had a point.

“It was never easy being a 5th generation wrestler… or the protege of one of the best women’s wrestlers in the world… with all those expectations beating me down on a constant basis.” I would only lament this for a moment before I continued. “You’re right though. I do need to let it go.”

“Well speak of the devil…” Clarissa said with her eyes slightly widening. I turned to see the aforementioned person that we were going to talk with today. Someone that I had long hoped I would never see again considering the past that we have and considering the torture she put me through as a rookie during my first year and a half in this business. I stood up from where we were sitting and I could only keep myself as under control as possible when I saw the face of Myra Lynwood who appeared to be just as nervous about the whole thing as I was. And when I looked at her… all I could think about was the abuse I had to endure because of her… from my career as a singles wrestler starting out so horribly wrong… to the relationship in my family falling apart.

“Andrea?” she said with a nervous tone in her voice. “How are you?”

It took me a while to formulate any sort of response knowing that this was about to get extremely interesting… in one fashion or another.

To be continued…

October 12, 2019

I sat down in my hotel room looking at a large picture of myself during my time as a tag team champion with Chelsea Leclair along with an equally sized picture of my father and I during that same time period. I would reflect on my rookie year and the first part of my solo career as brutal and as difficult as it was but while I reflect on those hard times, I remember the wrestler I would become by overcoming them. I instantly remember how those times made me what I am… the wrestler that stepped in against any opponent and either overcome some expectations or got beat down but was able to rise again and accomplish something greater than what my defeat was. Taking it all into perspective, I begin to express my thoughts.

“Expectations are a bitch, there’s no doubt about that. They’re either too low or too high. I have to admit, they’re great when they’re low. Nobody expects really much out of you, nobody really expects you to accomplish much of anything. I’m almost positive that when I went into my matches against Mercedes Vargas and Bobbie Dahl that the consensus was that I was going to lose both matches. They thought that Mercedes was going to just add me to her ever growing list of statistics and as it turned out, I proved her and I proved everyone that thought so wrong. Not like that did TOO much… considering they were calling it an “upset” when I knew deep down in my heart that it was no damn upset. So, going in there against Bobbie Dahl in my last match, they expected her to beat me because she was glowing as the number one contender to the Roulette Championship. They thought that maybe my win over Mercedes was a fluke. As it turns out, I exposed her weaknesses. She took what I said about her to heart too much and she allowed that to control her emotions and she allowed those same emotions to control how she fought that match against me and as it turns out, I proved that my win over Mercedes was no fluke. Oh the thrill of low expectations and surprising people, right?”

“Only… this next match… it’s the opposite. The expectations are higher. They aren’t expecting too much out of Bella Madison, but knowing what I know of her she doesn’t carry that same mindset. We have so much more in common than just being new to the bombshell scene, am I right, Bella? This isn’t just a battle of ‘new bombshells’, this is a battle of generational wrestlers. I of course, am a fifth generation wrestler with a family lineage that dates back to the early 20th century, that spans all the way down south to Mexico City and you? You’re also someone who has had family in this business. Your mother was a wrestler, was she not? I heard that she was quite a successful one at that. Your stepfather as well? I definitely know that on lineage and pedigree alone that I would be a fool to overlook you. I know that I’ve accomplished quite a bit in my own right and that most wrestlers in my situation facing someone like you would just see you as this green, young thing who hasn’t found her legs in this business yet and just write you off as an easy win. And honestly, who could blame me if I did? You’re just barely starting out and while I’m coming off waves of momentum with my two big victories, you on the other hand, you’re coming off of a harsh loss to Sam Marlowe with a massive opportunity to build up tons of momentum for our match. I have every reason to overlook you considering I had that same opportunity to deliver and unlike you, that’s exactly what I did. And yet, the problem for you when it comes to this match is the same exact problem you had against Sam Marlowe and that’s the fact that… well… let’s be honest…”

“Sam Marlowe isn’t most wrestlers, and neither am I. I am not the type of wrestler that would overlook you even if I had any reason to. Pedigree and lineage goes a long way and that’s why I can’t underestimate you but at the same time, the lesson you need to learn young lady, is that pedigree and lineage alone aren’t going to get it done. I was in your shoes once. I was that green, clean slate rookie who knew nothing about the business aside from whatever it is that my family taught me. I was that naive young lady who didn’t know that success goes far beyond from which wrestling family you come from. I thought that just because I came from such a long-time, prestigious family that I had it made and… well… let’s just say that I was absolutely wrong on that. Is that the same attitude that you carried with you into your match against Sam? I wouldn’t doubt it if it was but at the same time, I can’t say that I would blame you. I was that rookie that you are now learning the hard way and I hope you learned something from that humbling defeat to Sam because if you didn’t… if you go into this match against me with the same attitude and the same mindset that you had prior to that match against her, then High Stakes for you is going to be a massive disappointment for you but for a young lady like yourself… I can sense what you are going through at the moment… because again, I’ve been there.”

“I know that losing to Sam Marlowe… and not just losing to her… but tapping out to her… it really hurt your pride. I’ve seen the bravado and the confidence and the sass that you came into this company with… your mother having filled your head with expectations and with the attitude of having it made all at the same time… but is it there now? How are you going to respond to it? Are you going to act like it’s the worst deal in the world? Are you going to keep up the sass and act like it was nothing? Coming from experience in my own right… even if you push on ‘like nothing’... I know it all weighs on you… the loss… the reality that you failed… the reality that you let down your mother… the reality that those expectations that you’ve put on yourself due to your upbringing… that you failed to meet them. Trust me, I know how painful that is when you let family down. When I was at your stage of your career, that’s all I ever did… and it hurt… it really did. It weighed on me. It lived rent free in my head. It’s a very painful thing to go through Bella and I know that in some form or another, it’s going to be stuck somewhere in your subconscious when you wrestle against me. Ever have your mother tell you that you’re an embarrassment to the family? Ever have your mother tell you that you’ve failed her as a daughter? Ever have your mother say that you have disgraced your family’s tradition? Ever felt guilt from all of it? Now, I’m not going to pretend I know your whole family history, but I wouldn’t be shocked whatsoever if your mother was vastly disappointed in you the moment your hand hit the mat and you gave up part of your soul and spirit to Sam Marlowe in what I can almost guess was also a humiliating experience for you.”

“Are you going to wallow in pity the way I used to do, feeling that you failed your mother? Or are you going to do what I’ve done once I grew past the ‘woe is me’ phase of my career? Are you going to learn from your mistakes or are you just going to be the victim? That remains to be seen, of course but know this, I am not going to be taking this easy on you one way or another and I am damn sure not going to treat you as a rookie. Neither Mercedes or Bobbie overlooked me in that ring and I’m going to show you the same exact respect even if much of the bombshell locker room can make the case that you haven’t earned it yet. High Stakes is going to show the world what you are and what you can be… but also… when I beat you and move one step closer to proving why I’m a championship contender in this company… High Stakes is also going to show the world what I’ve become and what I’ve proven with my wins over Mercedes and Bobbie… the champion that I know I am destined to be today and for the foreseeable future.

For me? It’s another step up the ladder.

For you? It’s a lesson that I hope you won’t forget when you come falling back to earth again!”

Sitting back and reflecting on the early part of my career, I can sympathize with Bella Madison and what she’s going through. However, I also know that no amount of sympathy is going to hold me back from doing what I have to do at High Stakes and that against a mirror image of the wrestler I used to be, I can’t afford to let up now… not with the expectations of me all around.

[BellaMadison]

 ~*~Following Climax Control 250~*~

“.....shit.” chucking the ball of tape that came from my wrist.

My first real loss...I can’t even face anyone right now.

After my loss to Sam Marlowe, I came through the curtain to some applause, but I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I said my thank yous, Sam wasn’t far behind me and I shook her hand again before making my way out of gorilla and all I wanted to do was hide.

Instead Mal greets me outside, water bottle in one hand and arms open, I gave him a small smile grabbing the bottle and getting a hug.

“Sweaty...sorry”

“Don’t care, love. You did fantastic.” he said whispering in my ear.

“Don’t feel like it.” and he heard the sadness in my voice because he hugged me a little tighter but it just didn’t do any good. I slipped from his arms and gave him a small smile, “Gonna get changed, I’ll find you.” And I don’t let him get another word out as I walk away.

I didn’t even make it to the locker room....in my head is my own worst enemy.

Me.

With perfectionism comes the other side of the beast. The criticism inside the head of what you could have done differently, and that annoying fucking voice is louder than my baby brother when he screams. All I could do was find a dark corner, slide down the wall and sit there.

....that’s where you came in.

Me huddled up and frustrated in my own little bubble. I don’t want to dwell on it but my brain won’t stop and probably won’t until I pass out sometime tonight. And what is worse is that it’s no one else’s battle but mine.

I just bring up my other arm up and start picking at the tape, not to get it off but just to pick at something. I’ll pull it strand by strand just to try and get my head straight if I have too. Three strands in I can’t even stop myself, my anger gets the better of me and almost growling I just rip it the rest of the way off and end up fighting with the stickiness, “Get off! GET OFF! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!”

I finally win as it falls to the floor but not before I catch the attention of a few backstage hands that just stare at me and I just glare at them before they walk away and I just push myself up to my feet....this is why the vets drink.

After a while I just push myself off the wall and drag my feet down the hall into the locker room where I just slump into the closest chair and grab my phone. I tweet my disappointment and just drop my phone into my bag. I know I shouldn’t let this beat me up like this, I was taught better but I can’t help it. If you were in my head you’d be laughing at me right now because you’d hear what sounds like Eeyore and my mother....

“You have nothing to be ashamed of”

Exactly like that....I decided to give myself exactly til midnight to pity party....because after this, I need to focus ahead. Hawaii. High Stakes IX. Andrea Hernandez.

But that can wait til tomorrow.

For now, disappointment in myself. I’m gonna pull a Jim Carey in Liar Liar....I need to kick my own ass.

My phone beeps with a message “Where are you?!?” from Mal and I just sigh and text him back quickly.

“Be right there....moment of self-pity”

Doesn’t take him long to answer, “Well quit it! I’ll help you feel better....hurry up!” along with a sly smile emoji. I can’t help but laugh.

What can I say? The guy gets me and he’s not shy in the fact that he does. It’s refreshing... especially when I’m certain other people expected me to different.


~*~May of Last Year~*~

“One more final and I can focus where I actually want too” I say flipping through one of the many books. I was hanging out at my parents' house in the kitchen with my mom because my dorm by then felt Tom-thumb-tiny with my roommate and her boyfriend. I couldn’t take it anymore with them, “Thanks for letting me hang here to get this done. I didn’t think you wanted to bail me out of jail for attempted murder.”

“Were they really that bad?” mom looked over at me smiling.

“I have always had my way of studying. TV, Radio always on in the background, something I know I like but not enough to distract me from my goal. Well they come strutting in and fucking with everything, including harassing me about what was on MY TV” I say sighing “Ma, I shit you not, her exact words were “How the hell can you watch this shit? Don’t you know it’s fake?” because her reality shows are so much more real. I almost broke her heart ....or her neck. Then her boyfriend chimes in about watching a Jackass movie and they start arguing. I just slammed my books into my bag, grabbed what I knew I’d need and slammed the door on my way out.”

“Well before the fall, we’ll help you find your own place. But weren’t you planning on taking some summer courses?”

“I thought about it, there’s a difference. I took 17 credits this semester alone, I need a break. I’m already 5 classes ahead of the rest of my year. I rather focus on other things...”

Mom just drops the knife  she was using into the sink....she knows exactly what I’m talking about, “Bella....I mean I can’t stop you but I do wish you’d either wait or at least take an extra class over the summer. I’d rather you had something to fall back on, just to be safe.”

“I’ll think about it, maybe something easy for the extra credits but right now I need to do whole summer break thing. I need something that I know is going to come so second nature that once I finish this damn degree, there isn’t going to be a soul that is going to question my place. I owe it to myself for all the hard work I have been doing....at your request.” She just looks at me because she knows I have put things off for what she wants, which is only my best, which is more than what she did for her parents....after all I wouldn’t be here if she did. “BUT! I do have good news....”

“That being?” I just smile at her and she can’t help but sit in front of me with a look of wonder on her face.

“Well....I got a call from my advisor the other day asking for an appointment. I went in...and she told me that because of the workload I took on the last couple of years, technically I’m considered a junior. Which means....”

“You’re graduating a year earlier?”

I can’t help but smile, “Looks like that’s going to happen. But....there is more...”

“More?”

“Yeah, she told me that a spot opened up in the abroad program that I looked into before this whole year. Technically they wouldn’t have even looked in my general direction because I was just someone that got through her first year...” She just can’t help herself but laugh and clap almost in tears, “Mom....I could potentially go to Paris, in the fall.”

“Oh my God....that soon?”

“If I want to. But....I don’t know.”

“Don’t know? Bella are you kidding me? It’s Paris!”

“I know it’s Paris. But I was thinking maybe just kinda taking things easy for a bit, ya know? Hanging out with Jack and Christian....maybe another trip with them....” I have been a geeky student for so long that being a girl for once...hanging out with my best friends, training in the ring.

“I know what you are thinking sweetie....I’m going to leave this up to you. You are an adult but if you think staying behind is going to one, get you closer to Jack and two, get you closer to being in the ring....you can try. But I don’t want to see you hurt...your heartbroken.” she smiles sadly at me but gives me a kiss on my head, “I am however going to be calling everyone because as soon as this last final is done, you deserve to celebrate.” she stops for a moment and holds her stomach.

“Mom? You ok?” I say watching her but before she even answers she bolts for the bathroom.

.....we didn’t know it yet....but that was my little brother’s doing.

Ok so fast forward a bit....that summer, I did take an extra class but I also found myself in the ring every day....and I declined the original offer to Paris. I stayed a whole semester....and while it paid off for wrestling....for Jack...not so much. I was content being the friend, til someone kept questioning me and questioning me....and I think it made me question myself. When Alanah came into the picture, my heart was broken....and that right there was enough for me to realize that Paris needed to be a thing. Alanah is like a sister to me now, Jack is that annoying little brother.....and sometimes your second choices are indeed your best bets.


~*~ Current Day ~*~

Right now.....we’re in China. Some business on the other side of our lives but we are in Beijing and my focus is not here....it’s Hawaii.

I keep going back over my match with Sam, I keep going back over the 2 matches with Apply and Amy before that. What can I do differently? What did I do differently? ...and then I step back and I look at Andrea’s matches....one thing is for sure when I throw myself into studying, I am almost obsessive about....

“Almost?”

Mal plops down beside me on the couch and just looks at the massive amount of notes along with my laptop and my phone that is hooked up to the TV. “Don’t say it.”

“I don’t need too. I got my own to worry about but I was wondering if you’d like to join me in the gym”

“...I will. I just....” I say motioning towards the TV where I’m trying to dissect the match from Climax 250 again.

He just sighs and gives me a kiss on the side of my head, “I’ll see ya when I get back.”

I don’t even notice him leave...I’m too caught up in my own world. I hear the door shut before I even look up...”Mal?” I look around... “ *sigh* ....dammit. I need to stop this...I need to stop over-fucking-analyzing everything. It’s not going to do me any good, I overthink and all it does is get me into trouble. I don’t want to miss this chance, I don’t want to squander this match on my first huge show for Sin City and yet I am making myself NUTS.”

I close my laptop and I turn the TV off. That is followed up by me scooping up the massive pile of notes and just dumping them in the trash. “I know this story, I know this routine....I have worked to hard to put myself into a frenzy on something that comes so second-fucking-nature to me. And they all deserve better than me getting my ass kicked by my own fucking mind.”

I sling my bag open, “Second-generation....fifth generation....next generation....who gives a fuck.” I’m just tossing clothes out of my way, “Get out of your head Elizabeth. It’s not a good place to be when you want something bad enough. You don’t need to prove shit, just go out there and win. And possibly look at a chance to get a shot at that Roulette title. Mentally, you have prepped yourself better than you ever did for any final. I just need to stay out of that area in my head and beat Andrea”

I finally pull the workout clothes I was looking for and turn and I catch my view in a long mirror, I don’t look as crazy as I sound. I’m still me. I’m still Bella Madison. It was just a loss. One hiccup and I will bounce back and find myself back on track. “One stupid loss does not define me. One bump in the road only makes me that much stronger. I’ve done it before and I’m going to do it again. Just like before....new location....and me, learning from my own mistakes and doing shit my way. Nothing against ya Andrea, I just want this more than you.”

I look at myself in shock for a moment and I pull up my hair, smirk and make my way into the bathroom to change, I’m going to surprise him more than I surprised myself.

Because this is no one else’s battle....but my own.

[Andrea Hernandez]

 “The strength that I have developed as a professional wrestler all comes from the pain that I went through in the early part of my career. It’s not just the regular bumps and bruises that you suffer in the ring, but also the psychological pains. Early in my career, I was dealing with it two-fold: the reality of my father telling me that I was a disappointment to my family’s legacy and my mentor abusing me and treating me like a total piece of trash. So, seeing her in Hawaii again was definitely an awkward experience for me considering that a super majority of the growing pains I had early in my career were because of her. She may have reformed… but the memory of the monster she was… it’s still burned in my brain…”

February 2017 (Flashback)

“This is all YOUR FAULT!”

Hearing Myra Lynwood scream those words at me while I was in that locker room really sent a shiver down my spine.

“We had the WORLD in our hands, Andrea!”

I nervously looked toward Clarissa Vega and Chelsea LeClair who were looking just as nervous as I was at that point.

“We had the Global title! We had the tag team titles! And YOU fucked it all up!”

“HEY! I’m not the one that went out there and lost the Global Championship!” I snapped back at her without really thinking about it.

“Excuse me?” Myra was definitely giving me that killer look in her eyes now. “What did you just say to me?”

“You can’t blame me for a match YOU lost just because. I had nothing to do with that and you know it. You’re just looking for every excuse to blame me for everything because you never wanted me to be your protege in the first place!”

I wasn’t having it at this point. With the way things were going for me in UWA at that time and with my career as a tag team wrestler essentially being the definition of what I was, I was in no mood to deal with another episode of Myra’s abuse toward me.

“So I never wanted you as my protege. True. But that has nothing to do with the fact that we went from having everything to having NOTHING because of YOU!”

“I’m not the one that got pinned during that tag team title match, Myra!”

Chelsea’s eyes widened with guilt as she was the one that took that pin but Myra’s reaction was priceless. She really hated the fact that I pointed this out considering Chelsea was far and away her favorite at the time.

“So now you’re throwing your teammate under the bus?”

My heart sank as soon as I heard those words because at that moment, I knew that no matter what I did or no matter what facts I presented to Myra, she was never going to agree with me because she hated me so much.

“How dare you, Andrea! Chelsea… can you believe this? Your lifelong friend throwing you under the bus like that?”

Chelsea looks nervous as she says absolutely nothing.

“You’re such a selfish, ungrateful bitch, Andrea! I’m TIRED OF IT!”

“I’M THE SELFISH ONE?”

My temper was essentially gone at this point… months of abuse culminating with something inside of my brain snapping and causing me to scream at her with essentially every ounce of dignity that I had left.

“From day one, Myra… you’ve made this all about YOU! YOU ONLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOURSELF! You don’t even give a damn about your own fiance!”

“What?”

“You heard me!”

Myra bolted toward me but before she can do anything, I was quick enough to smack her right across the face.

“And don’t you dare interrupt me! For once, it’s my turn to talk! You’ve never given a crap about me, you’ve never given a crap about Chelsea! This whole entire thing is all some fucked up fantasy in your warped up head that you’re carrying out in real life! You need HELP, Myra! Seriously! Your behavior… honestly, I’m shocked you’re not in a mental institution by now.”

“Andrea…” Clarissa was doing her best to try to save me but at the time, we weren’t as close as we are now and I figured she was just playing Myra’s game as usual.

“I don’t want to hear from the puppet.”

Myra suddenly grabs me and pins me against the locker and I’m still not taking her shit as I spit right in her eye.

“I’m not done yet.”

Myra steps back stunned quite a bit by the fact that she wasn’t controlling me as she typically had for months.

“All of us are nothing but puppets doing YOUR bidding and the only reason why there hasn’t been an uprising against YOUR bullshit is because I’m only one person! Chelsea isn’t going to say anything because you’re giving her the world, Clarissa will never stand up to you because she’s nothing but a mere parrot to your bullshit and your fiance? He’s too STUPID in love with you to say anything to you so he enables this shit and you just stand there and use him and take advantage of the fact that he’s in love with you when you really don’t feel the same way about him! If you both get married, there’s no way that’s going to last. That’s the truth about “utopia”, Myra! It’s only YOUR utopia. I’m not taking it anymore. Chelsea and I can just walk out of this and never look back, right Chels?”

Chelsea looks completely confused and doe-eyed.

“I’m not getting involved…”

“CHELSEA!” I was stunned to hear her say this. “You’re my best friend! We don’t have to deal with this anymore! We can end this madness right now.”

“Are you done?” Myra asked me, leaving a hole in my spirit knowing that she was never going to care about how I felt.

“I’m done being your pushover, bitch!”

“The nerve…” she would tell me with a tone of voice that sent fear burning through me. “...and YOU think you can be a star in this business?” Myra took a pause to wipe away any remaining spit from her eye. “It’s time you learned your lesson. I’ve been too easy on you and you’ve taken full advantage of it. Give me your hands, Andrea.”

“What? Are you going to whip them with a belt?”

“NOW!”

Fearing for the worst, I reluctantly obliged and extended my hands in her direction. I watch her reach into her bag and pull out a pair of handcuffs and she has this sick smirk on her face as she clamps them on my wrists.

“What’s this?”

“Your lesson and if anyone interferes with this, they’ll learn that same lesson too… am I right, ladies?”

Chelsea and Clarissa say nothing and before I can react, I’m decked right to the floor from a right hand by my abusive mentor. With the handcuffs on me, there’s no way I can even stand under my own willpower.

“YOU WILL NEVER BE ON MY LEVEL!” she screamed at me as she pounced on me and started punching the daylights out of me. Being unable to defend myself and with nobody helping me, there was nothing I could do when those punches became kicks that were sending me rolling across the floor to the wall.

“Stop… please…” I pleaded with her.

“Stop? Oh no… I’m only getting started you ungrateful bitch!”

She kneels down next to me just to rip off my top to strangle me with it for a short time. “Are you sorry yet, Andrea?” she asked me as I struggled to breathe. Once the strangling stopped, she would drag me to a bench on the locker room. I was looking at the floor, face down, not knowing what was going to happen next and suddenly, I feel the crack of a Singapore cane right between the shoulders, then another one at the spine, then a third one at the back of my head, then a final one right below the waist.

“Chelsea… it’s YOUR turn!”

I was scared at this point for Chelsea worrying that she was going to be hit next. But the words I’d hear next shocked me to the core.

“HIT HER!” Myra screamed at her.

“But…”

“HIT HER!”

“Andi, I’m so sorry…”

There went another crack at the spine.

“HARDER!” I heard Myra scream and I was the one screaming louder with another crack at the spine. “HARDER!” she screamed again and this crack at the spine hurt so much that I saw half the cane flying past my line of vision. Myra shoved me off the bench leaving me on the floor face down, absolutely humiliated. Seeing cameras in the distance and realizing this was happening during a live broadcast that night just made that humiliation feel even worse. “Lesson’s over, Andrea! That will teach you to disrespect me! That will teach you to learn that your place will ALWAYS be BENEATH ME!”

Myra, Clarissa and Chelsea all left me a humiliated, broken mess on the floor with my pride basically stripped from me worse than ever during the brutally harsh times in the early part of my career, with this chapter being the harshest of them all. For a few moments, I didn’t move at all. I remember the cameramen walking out of the locker room and feeling the tragedy of suffering that abuse on live television in front of the world. But what I remembered was the surreal moment of Clarissa Vega coming back and kneeling down next to me.

“...leave me alone…” I told her with tears in my eyes.

“Is that how you talk to the person that’s about to let you free?” she asked as she revealed a key. I say nothing as she unlocks the handcuffs and gets them off of my wrists. She helps me up a little, leaving me seated on the floor. Pulling me in, my face is buried in her shoulder as she gives me a warm embrace.

“It’s okay…” she told me as I cried into her shoulders, the pain from this horrible memory finally over… at least for now…

Continued from last time…

Myra Lynwood was certainly expressing a different tone when we met in Hawaii. During our conversation, I vented about that horrible day when she humiliated and abused me in front of the entire world.

“I’m sorry…” she said with shock. “I really had no idea how much that affected you. You were right… I did make it all about me. It was stupid of me to underestimate your strength and your power. Even after I did that to you, you still came back and you still kept fighting. I honestly thought you were going to just retire after that… but you didn’t. You’ve certainly become one hell of a star… and I regret that I ever treated you that way.”

I took in Myra’s apology with part of me still wanting to be angry with her but at the same time, my heart felt so forgiving.

“You abused the hell out of me, Myra” I told her in a blunt tone of voice. “But at the same time, I learned a lot from it. I would never, ever condone what you did and I would never treat anyone the way you treated me but I would have never become the wrestler that I am today if I was never under your wing. In this weird, messed up sort of way, this did make me stronger in the long run.”

“It’s never going to take away the fact that you were hurt in so many ways” she told me with that guilt still lingering in her voice. “I was the reason why you were struggling early in your career.”

“You weren’t…” I said, bringing a surprised expression out of her. “...there were other factors… including factors that you and I BOTH suffered through. But it was getting through them all that built the phoenix that I am today. I may get beaten down, I may suffer the most heartbreaking of losses, but every time I’m left burning to ashes, sometimes even in the most cruel circumstances imaginable, the phoenix rises again, stronger than before. I can’t hold any hard feelings for you when you weren’t the only factor for my early struggles. You’re forgiven.”

Myra’s eyes light up with surprise.

“But don’t expect me to suddenly be your best friend.”

“I understand…” she said and nodded. “Thanks for this… and I know you’re going to do well. I’m way more proud of you than you could ever imagine.”

Myra and I would part ways with a handshake at the very least after that, leaving Clarissa and I by ourselves.

“How does it feel?” Clarissa would ask me.

“I feel like a painful weight has been finally lifted off my shoulders”, I said with a smile. With forgiveness having taken place, I was finally at peace with the early part of my career with all the struggles that I endured. Clarissa and I walked away together as my mind focused further on High Stakes ahead.

______________________________________________________________________________

“You really want this more than I do, Bella?”

Those were the first words that I said when I spoke into the camera as I prepared to say my final words before High Stakes.

“I don’t mean to say this in a way that would put you down or anything, but you’re just starting out in the mainstream. How could you even know what you actually WANT in this business let alone wanting something more than I do? How can you even know what you want when you’re too busy living in your own head, overanalyzing everything as you’ve admitted to doing? Listen, I can sympathize with you on that because when I was in your spot, I would do the same thing so freaking much and you know where that got me, Bella? Not where I wanted to be, I’ll tell you that much right now. Your words alone tell me how shaky your confidence is if you’re outright worrying about overanalyzing things, if you’re too worried about what is going on in your head. In this weird sort of way, it’s almost as if you’re psyching yourself out with some form of doubt telling you that you’re not good enough and yet, at this stage of your career, you haven’t suffered nearly as much as I did. You suffered your first loss. You tapped out. You felt humiliated. I was that rookie, I get that. But you don’t really know what true suffering really is in this business just yet. You still don’t have a psychological scar on you when it comes to professional wrestling. Me? I have PLENTY of them and I am not someone that is going to shy away from that. Do you know that when I was at your level of experience, all I ever heard was that I was never going to amount to anything in this business? Do you know the empty, sickening, discouraging feeling of being told that week after week? Do you know what it’s like to have someone taking you under your wing, telling you that you’re nothing? Have you ever been beaten down on live television while you have your dignity stripped from you piece by piece?

No! You haven’t and none of that is going to come from me… not intentionally anyway because I wouldn’t dare make someone else suffer the way I did, Bella, but at some point or another, you ARE going to deal with everything that I’ve just mentioned. It’s inevitable in this business that you are going to run into people that are going to get under your skin and if you’re turning on the camera and complaining about overanalyzing everything than I worry about your future in this business… I grow concerned for your psyche, Bella. It reminds me far too much of myself when I first started out… how I was so worried about everyone else, how I was so worried about failure… and you know what the bitch about failure is, Bella? Failure isn’t a weakness… failure isn’t something that keeps you from being what you want to be… no… failure, Bella… is a strength and the reason why I’m going to beat you at High Stakes is because that’s the lesson you need to learn. You need to stop being afraid of failure… that’s what sticks to your conscience… that’s what makes you overanalyze… because you’re afraid to fail and your conscience is freaking out after failure is exactly what you did against Sam Marlowe.

How can you want something more than me when you’re only scratching the surface? How can you want something more than I do when you’re afraid to fail, when you’re afraid to take risks?

All I ever was to my mentor was a failure… for so long.

Hell, even to my OWN FATHER… I was a failure at one point.

Not that it’s going to make a difference with how I am going to wrestle against you, but if you’re already driving yourself THIS nuts over the pressure of a big stage like High Stakes, then it’s quite possible you’ve already lost this match before you’ve even begin. The big stage… I’ve learned to succeed in it… I won’t deny that… but I didn’t learn how to succeed in it without failing time and time again when the stage is bigger and the lights are brighter.

Essentially, what I am telling you… and I’m not saying this to be a bitch to you by the way… is that… you don’t want this more than I do because you can’t want it more.

My failures, my early shortcomings, my rookie year, everything that I ever went through… it’s what drives me to be better.

All of the two-faced nonsense I dealt with in OCW… it’s what drives me to become better. Hearing the “old boys club” bring me down and being sexist toward me, telling me I don’t deserve to be a wrestler, telling me that I don’t belong with them even as I’m beating down their very best week after week, big match after big match… that’s what drove me to beat them. All the bullshit from there… knowing that I should have been a world champion but I never was… that’s what drives me to be here… to fulfill that promise that I was NEVER allowed to fulfill in that company. I can talk about the Bombshell Roulette title all I want and I will gladly take it if I just so happen to win it, but I came here, motivated by the abuse I’ve taken in my career, motivated by the heartbreaks that I’ve suffered throughout my career, motivated by OCW laughing in my face and telling me that I wasn’t good enough to be a world champion… going from rings made of sawdust and scotch tape to where I am today… to become a world champion and that’s what I am hoping to be. I want to be in a High Stakes main event next year challenging for or defending that bombshell world title and I want it so bad that you could never understand the hunger that I have for it.

I’m the girl that went from nothing to something… I didn’t even have the privilege of coming up in a wealthy family like you did… you were born with that silver spoon and you had it all, while I had to scratch and claw from nothing to get to where I am today… yet you want it more than I do? When you’ve never, ever had to endure what I had to endure growing up? When your mother most likely never expressed reluctance in you becoming a professional wrestler while my father only allowed me to wrestle to keep our family tradition alive and not because he really wanted me to be a wrestler myself? You want this more than I do… when you’ve never known what it’s like to have your parent, the person that raised you, tell you straight to your face that you’re a disappointment? When you’ve never felt that fire and desire to prove that wrong?

But you want this more than I do, right?

It doesn’t work that way, Bella. I know that you’ve said in the past that you don’t flaunt where you came from and I do respect that, but that doesn’t change where you came from and it sure as hell doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t struggle even half as much to get into this business like I did and it definitely doesn’t change the fact that you probably won’t even struggle nearly as much as I did to even get to where I am at in my career today. It’s as clear as day that for being a second generation wrestler, you still have far too much to learn. At High Stakes, what’s going to happen is… not only am I going to teach you what it means to want something more than your opponent, I am going to teach you what it’s like to fail and what you do after that, it’s all up to you but as much respect as I have for you as a wrestler, it’s obvious to me that you’re pretty damn shortsighted on how this business really works. Forgive me, this sort of thing gets me heated at times… and hell, it’s even possible that you said you want this more than I do out of desperation and your head being wonky after tapping out to Sam Marlowe and suffering your first loss in this mainstream business… but regardless, that’s not a rookie mistake that I am going to let go of that easily. I am by no means overlooking what you’re capable of in that ring… but I know deep down in my heart that you can’t match my passion for this… and that’s what’s going to make the difference at the end of the day… THAT…

Not my wins over Mercedes and Bobbie…

Not my career up to this point…

Not what I accomplished in OCW defying odds, defying the “old boys club” and their nonsense and defying their low expectations of me…

But the passion and the fire that my failures have brought me… because if I never learned from those failures, I’d never be what I am today and I’d never be ready to be a world champion in any promotion that I’m a part of.

THAT passion… that WANT… that FIRE… what I’ve learned and gained from those failures… that’s the difference in our match… that’s why I’ll beat you… that’s why you’ll learn lessons that are going to make you a better wrestler in the long run…

How’s that for wanting it more?”

With that aforementioned passion, want and fire burning within me, I shut off the cameras beginning my final preparations for High Stakes, the biggest stage yet in Sin City Wrestling.

[BellaMadison]

 “ALOHA!” ....picture that in Stiches’ voice. It works so much better.

Gonna say this right off the bat, China was...insane. Like Bat shit crazy...there were clowns, and contortionist, flame throwers, sword swallowers...only thing missing was a fucking kitchen sink and I’m sure it was somewhere under that ring.

For those playing the home game, my family has been in turmoil for months. I wanna try and Readers Digest this because my family goes beyond just my mom, my step-dad and my little brother. I even have a step-sister out there somewhere, I hope someday she finds us. BUT when you grow up in this world of wrestling, you gain yourself a whole different family. Uncles and Aunts that aren’t exactly related...at least at the moment. Those are the Russows and I know most of you know who they are. Levi and Jesse have been pretty much my uncles for like the last decade. Jesse actually will be here in just a few days time...but that’s a different story for a different time.

Levi has always been there for me, he’s basically been almost a 3rd father for me (AGAIN, it’s another story for another time). So we came at odds over several different reasons, I’m sure you guys can guess what was the biggest one.

Either way, I noticed something though, something I couldn’t quite figure out that was going on with him, it was dark and I took it upon myself to find out why the hell out of all the people in the world I couldn’t get through to him...and what was dubbed “The chairshot heard around the world” I took a shot in the dark....literally. That was my welcome into the world of wrestling. Clobbering one of the most influential individuals in my life, over the head with a steel chair.

I also dared him to call me a “whore” to my face....which he did....a week later. Before dousing me in gas and trying to light me on fire.

We’re a loving bunch.

But in all this, we have a common enemy, someone that had him under control. I don’t want to say his name because it’s like Beetlejuice....say his name enough and he pops up like a jack-n-the-box from hell. So that’s why we went to China this past week, we were out to free Levi....and oooooooooohhhhhhhhh boy did we. If you want to see it, just let me know...I will show you that shit over and over again because nothing brings the psycho out on me than a fucker that kidnapped me and tried to fuck with my head almost a decade ago. There is so much I need to explain but for now, things are peaceful....

Until this weekend....

I did say “for now”....


~*~ Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean ~*~

International Date Line flying is so much fun. I’ve lost track of what day is it by now....I think it’s Thursday...maybe Friday, but I don’t know. I’m just for the first time in a long time, completely relaxed, which is good considering what I was like beginning this week. I was so caught up in what happened at Climax 250 with my first loss, I was so worried going to China...I was convinced I was going to be straight out mad by the time we reached Hawaii.

But now, Mal and I are on a plane somewhere over the Ocean. He keeps glancing over at me as I am nose deep in a book.

“Quit it.” I say not even looking up.

“Quit what?”

“Quit checking on me. I’m fine Mal.” I say flipping the page.

He just sighs and grabs my hand, interlacing his fingers with mine, “After what happened last night, I can’t help it. I’m still looking over my shoulder even though we destroyed that son of a bitch.”

I close my book, keeping a finger indexing my spot, “Babe, I know. It’s gonna stick with us for a while what happened there. But we can’t be worried about him. We’re heading to Hawaii! I’ve never been there. Even then, it’s business. Always business. And you’re so wound tight that I could pin your shoulders to your ears and you wouldn’t feel any different.”

He just glares at me “Considering I don’t have holes in my ears...”

“People say you’re numb from the neck up anyways, so would you even be able to tell?” I say with a smirk on my face.

He just shakes his head trying to hold in his smirk, “Good lord, why do I put up with it?”

I just shrug my shoulders, “Either you have completely fallen head over heels for me or you are straight glutton for punishment. Either way, you asked for that one.”

“I just don’t understand how the hell you are so calm about what happened. Especially everything that lead up to it.”

“Because at the end of the day, I have other things I need to focus on. High Stakes is huge for both of us and I’d rather put my focus on what is coming, not what has past. One is being worried about you going into your match against your brother in a steel cage match and the other is my match with Andrea. I slipped hard against Sam and I drove you nuts for about a week after that. I can’t be doing that to myself or to you. I learn and I keep moving, it’s how I’ve always done things and it’s what I should have been doing from the moment I got beat at 250.” All that came out of my mouth without even taking a breath. I have had it with beating myself over one moment in time. I owe people an apology for how I reacted and I know this. “In fact, I’m sorry for the way I was after that. It’s not me, I just got shocked by it.”

“No apologies are needed, love. Everyone’s first loss sits hard with them for a while.” and with that he brings my hand up and kisses it, “And I don’t need you worrying about me and this match with Lach. It’s my thing.”

“Until the bell sounds and we transport you both to the local hospital.” I say with a smirk.

“Until it gets to that point, don’t you worry your sassy arse about it.” he says with a kiss on my head, “Go back to reading your book. I’ll stop disturbing you.”

“You are such a horrible liar,” he just sighs mumbling something about always needing to have the last word, as I open my book and continue on with my reading.

I knew what was coming and even he wouldn’t deny it. But we live by the sword and we die by the sword.

It’s just what we do.


~*~ Put yourself in the moment ~*~

“I cannot stress this enough....you put so much focus on your past and it’s going to keep you there.”

I’m sitting alone at the moment, I just found myself a corner and placed myself there. Needing a moment.

“Yes, your past is just a mold of what you were made from. You go through your life and you add, or you subtract. It’s not a finished product. You can blame yourself, you can blame your parents....hell some even blame society for you being a complete fuck up and it will never ever change the fact that you, YOURSELF, has free fucking will to make a moment stand out the most.”

I look up and just smirk, “A series of chances, I’ve talked about this many times, you take those chances and you make them yours. That is what High Stakes is for me. I took a chance bringing myself to Sin City. A place that, while my name was known, there was no legacy to stand on. Look, there is always talk about generations upon generations of the legacies around here. While I do tout myself as “Second Generation Not to be Fucked With” I don’t sit on that knowing that I am capable of so much more.”

I bring myself up to my feet and glance up and down the halls “Andrea Hernandez is not to be taken lightly and I know that. She also knows that I’m not someone that is just going to try and tell a sob story to garner sympathy. I’m FUBAR ok? And in case you didn’t know what that means, it stands up for “Fucked Up Beyond Repair”. But that is what made this lovely, sassy creature that stands before you. It’s what gives me the gumption to do the transcontinental back and forth insanity. It’s what makes me want to stand up to assholes that try and control me. It’s what gives me every reason to throw caution to the wind and do whatever it takes to win.”

“So it’s as simple as this Andrea, nothing fucking personal but you are in my fucking way and I really don’t like that. I’m not going to glance to my past to look for answers and live there. I’m going to push myself to be better than that day in and day out because I work too fucking hard to sink all my money in therapy sessions and while I don’t mind getting drunk, going there constantly is something I wouldn’t exactly call a life. I have an entire world to see and I have a list of shit I wanna do and one right now is to get a out-right chance to win the Roulette Championship.” I glare into the camera and I just smirk, “My legacy is honestly just showing the world that despite the look of what I came from, I am so much more than the sum of my parts. I’m sorry if that is a slap in the face of some people but there it is. I know I’m going to be constantly learning. I know my nerves are going to get me in trouble here and there. I know I’m a young ambitious...some would say impetitious pain in the ass...but I know that at the end of High Stakes IX, I will come high or hell water be the one standing with my hands raised. Past be damned....it’s my time to shine.”

And that’s all there is to it.