Broken

The light just wouldn’t come closer.

Running down the hallway, feeling her heart coming close to bursting as she chased it. The light at the end of the tunnel with darkness all around. She had been running for what felt like an eternity. As good as her cardio was she was close to a collapse.

Close to having to stop. But the drive inside her just refused to let go. It pushed her, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much she wanted it to stop.

It just wouldn’t let her.

Her chest heaved, her body felt heavy, her joints ached and sweat poured from every single part of her body. And no matter how hard or how fast she ran, she couldn’t catch the light, she couldn’t get to the end.

But she also couldn't stop chasing it.

She wanted it, she needed it. She felt like without the light she was nothing.

But it being out of her reach, constantly moving and going further without her being able to attain it. It drove her insane, it made her mad in ways that so many other people would never understand. She anted to scream. But running, being so tired and her heart feeling like it was going to explode. She couldn’t…she could scream, she couldn’t stop…all she could do was keep running…

Until she woke up.

Sitting right up in bed, drenched in sweat, was Alicia. Her hair stuck to her body, her hands shaking and her body feeling like she had just run a marathon. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm herself down, stop her heart from racing and to go back to normal. But, before she could lay down and go back to sleep, she heard a voice interrupting those plans.

”You are seriously fucked up, you know that right?”

Dr Whitlow, her gray hair in a bun, dressed in a orange suit and her glasses, sat at the base of Alicia's bed. Her eyes trailing up to the blond haired blue eyed  wrestler who is now sitting up straight and looking annoyed as she stares back at her apparition of a therapist. ”I’llbe even worse if someone doesn’t let me get my beauty sleep

She shot back in a very straight forward, annoying and somewhat sassy way. She was not putting up with this shit. Dr Whitlow scoffed and stood up, moving away from Alicias bed and folding her arms over her chest.”Awfully arrogant for someone with failure issues and nightmares aren’t you? It’s actually rather refreshing seeing how far you’ve fallen yet still seem to retain your brand of….personality.” Alicia groaned and lowered herself back

She closed her eyes, throwing her leg over a pillow next to her, letting out a deep sigh as she tried to get back to sleep. ”I’m going to sleep now, I have to leave early in the morning, so just leave whatever lesson you remembered from some textbook I made up in my psyche written on a napkin on the bedside table or something.”

Whitlow narrowed her eyes and turned kicking the end of Alicias bed. ”Look you arrogant little shit, I wouldn’t even need to be here if your psyche didn’t dream me up and spit me out whenever you’re having an existential crisis.” Alicia scoffed and rolled her eyes before rolling her whole body over amd facing away from Whitlow. ”So what is it this time? Hmm? Do you finally realise you’re falling behind?”

Alicia sighs and tries to ignore her. ”Whatever…just let me sleep…”

”Let you sleep? You’re awake because you want to be, hell if you want to get all technical about it, you’re talking to yourself right now…so you CLEARLY have issues.”

Alicia groans again and sits up, dragging herself up and to a sitting position. ”Clearly…so what?......what am I going to do?. If I want to sleep I have to..what?...talk to you?” She groans and shakes her head. ”I choose to sit up and ignore you instead….”

Whitlow scoffs and shakes her head. ”Stubborn…impressively so. But It will still play on your mind and you’ll fail…” She scoffed and turned away from Alicia as Alicia looked over to her. ”You need to learn to use me Alicia, use the fact you can talk to yourself and work out your issues…”

”Seriously?....well can we…not do it out here? Like can you just disappear back in my head or something?”

”.....No”

A cub

”The last time any of you saw me, three months ago, I was a failure…”

Her arms fold over her chest, she leans back against the brick wall and props one of her legs up against it.

”I had an opportunity, and I failed in pursuit of that win and opportunity. I got in that ring and for the most part I did what Alicia Lukas does. I was on the fast track to win. I was ready, willing and able. I stood above Krystal Wolfe and Sam Marlowe, I stood above Diamond Steele and when the dust of that contest settled I was seconds away from being declared the winner. Only to have it stolen away from me by a woman with a steal chair. And what was the end result hmm?”

“Krystal Wolfe forgot the match ever happened, moved on and shrugged it all off. Sam Marlowe has remained largely a mnon factor in SCW and has stayed as a name from the past and irrelevant to the past and future of this company.”

“And Diamond Steele?”

“The woman who stepped up and stole the win and who stopped me from being able to right the damn ship, what did she do? What did she use the win for? Hmmm? She faded away into nothing and now we stand at a point where she might not even be a part of SCW anymore. So I lost for nothing, I lost for a stupid reason to a person who is not even a part of the damn title picture.”

She can’t help but scoff and laugh under her breath moving across the room before turning and sitting down on a chair back to front, leaning her arms over the back as she leans forward.

”And what did I do huh? I had to sit back and watch it all happen, sit back and watch my inability to see Diamond Steele be a sneaky bitch cost me a win. So, I walked. I took time to myself and watched as Zoey continued to climb to higher heights even in a loss to Tempest. But I needed that time away, I needed to look after my sons, to enjoy my life at home, I needed it and I wanted it. But there comes a time for all that to end…”

“And a week ago, that time came. I realised I had to get back here, I had to give this whole company and division a shot in the arm.”

“I know what my goals are, they’re simple, get back to the winning side and try and get a shot at Masque De Lune.”

“Seee, everyone else seems to be getting their shots against her, whether it was before she won the title or after it. They all constantly tried to drag her down, to beat her. And no one seems to have the answer to her. But maybe, just maybe I do. Maybe I can solve the riddle. End her reign of terror…but to do that, well I have to get back to where I was, a place I haven’t been able to go for over two years….two years since I was at the top of this division in this company….”

“I need to change that…”

She smiles and laughs again.

”And Bella Madison can help me. That’s right, I said help me. See, she can help me remember who I am and what I’m about by simply doing one thing. Something I hope Bella is ready to do. She can help me by brining everything she has against me. And for her, that is one of the most simple things in the world. Cause that is what Bella does every single match. Every single fight. It’s something you should all pat attention too. Win or lose Bella Madison leaves it all in the ring and will always know she did her best.”

“And every single opponent knows they’ve been in a fight….whether they beat Bella or not.”

“And that’s what I need from you Bella. I need that level or determination and strength. I need you to get in the ring and test me. Test me in the Wolfslair way. See, you know what that means don’t you? You know that even in training we give it our all and do everything we can to push each other. And lately you have shown a dedication to those ideals that have been stronger than even mine. You have been on a roll and knocking out Crystal was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

“But now, I need you to try and do the same to me. The only problem is, you know damn well I am not like Crystal, you know who you are facing and what I am Bella…but still…I want all you have to offer…I want everything you can do…so please Bella….try and beat me…try and destroy me…it’s the least you can do…”

Cracks

Beep bop boop beep

The ringing tone of the Skype call sound echoes through the hotel room. Alicia blinks a few times, her long blond hair everywhere as she puts one of her legs up onto the chair, a long sleeved oversized Metallica shirt and a pair of small denim shorts on her body as a cup of fresh coffee sits in front of her. The noise keeps going, over and over again. But there is no pickup, Alicia tilts her head, the call ends.

Not Available

She lets out a sigh, pushing off the glass table moving around and running her hands through her head, she looked at her phone, nothing. The silence around her was deafening. The pressure of the room, the walls closing in. Alicia sat down on the end of the couch, her elbows on her knees, her phone in her hands. She opened it, flicking down the list of contacts, facebook messenger, whatsapp, a wolfslair group chat. But there was nothing she could say, even though she had so much she wanted to say. She hated this, all of it. Being away from home, away from her sons, away from her friends. She had her sister, she had the other few members of Wolfslair that had made the India trip. But Miles and Zoey were too busy at the various gyms in every hotel stop, trying to outwork each other before getting food and drink upon drink.

This was the first time in a long time she felt alone. Not just alone, lonely. For most of Alicias life she was around people. Her mother, her brother and sister, then various gyms and other wrestlers. Her relationships, from Chris Cane, to Kaden Kessler, Travis Blake….Michael….

They had always been around her. Even as her relationship ended she still had her sons, she still had Wolfslair.

But now, in a foreign land, without Alex, who was still injured, without Austin who had all but disappeared aside from a few disturbing social media posts following his wife’s tragic death. No Johanna, Alicia found herself even missing the angry German who had been a vicious piece of the puzzle. Out of the original four, the group of Wolfslair not just the gym, she was the final one. She was the one waving the flag, but it was a flag that had faded. Finn Whelan was a part of Wolfslair, Zoey, Miles, Lachlan. All members of the gym but none of them were part of the group.

That was dead and gone.

Buried.

And it had not gone out with a bang. No grand war, no final match where all four of them stood together. It just faded away. She felt it slip and disappear, and there was nothing she could do about it. No changes she could make, no great speech she could give. It was gone. But she hadn’t had time to grieve or mourn the end of it. Until now. Not until she had these quiet moments full of silence sitting alone in an Indian hotel room. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath until a voice startled her.

”Need to talk?”

Alicias eyes sprung open. She looked around, it was the familiar voice of Dr Whitlow. She shook her head, breathing fast as her heart beat started to raise up and move faster, the tempo only matched by the pressure. ”No…no no no no” Her hands started to shake, her body followed, she stood up and paced back and forth. She didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole again, she didn’t want her mind to break and fracture. She didn’t need this pressure. She didn’t need the pain and fear that came with it.

She looked back over at her ope laptop, the small red notification from skype popped up on the icon down near the task bar. She walked over, it was from Alex. She sighed and closed her eyes pressing the icon to call back. The familiar tone, followed by a pickup, on the other end was Alex. He sat in his home office, it was dark outside there, she swallowed hard, forgetting the time difference between them. ”Hey Kid, you ok?”

She swallowed hard, her voice was shaky with her breathing. ”Uh…I don’t know…” She looked down, Alex stayed quiet but he let out a small sigh, he knew something was wrong, he always did. But he always knew when to stay quiet or offer advice, when to push or when to sit back. Alicia shook her head and looked up. ”I just, I feel myself failing…like…failing…as in, I don’t know if I’m even meant to do this anymore.”

Alex just tilted his head and smirked. ”Why?”

Alicia shook her head again and threw her hands up. Almost not believing the question. She cleared her throat and laughed nervously. ”Why?” Alicia turned and [ushed up again pacing back and forth. Her hands fidgeting as she moved around. ”In the last few months I lost to Vargas, to Steele and to Angelos. An over the hill old woman who had never beaten me till that point, now she won’t shut up about it, a never was who spends more time playing rockstar than wrestling and a kid who couldn’t buy a win….and you ask Why?”

Alex shook his head and laughed, Alicia narrowed her eyes and looks right at him. But Alex’s voice raises.”Yeah, why? For years all I have heard out of you is how bad you wanted the Bombshells division to rise up to your level. So now Vargas finds her pride, Steele finds her balls and Angelos steps up and you’re upset about it?”

”Yeah I-”

”You what?...” Alex interrupted. His eyes burning right through Alicias laptop screen. ”You wanted this division to stand up and challenge you, you wanted this. And now here we are. Everyone has stepped up their game, everyone has gotten better. So, now it’s your turn…” He shakes his head and laughs to himself. ”Are you going to just walk away? Or are you going to do what you have been telling EVERY SINGLE OTHER WRESTLER to do the last four years and step up?”

Alicia went silent. The upset and fear she had seemed to melt away and what was left, was shame. Shame that she let a few losses do this to her, shame that she let herself get so petty, and shame for allowing it to spill over onto social media like she had. She closed her eyes and took a breath before nodding. ”Ok, you’re right. I just…I’m going stir crazy. Everything has been spiraling, everything has been just…failing…”

Her voice faded out, Alex swallowed hard and leaned forward with a heavy sigh as if he could feel the pressure of everything he said as well as realising how Alicia felt. ”This isn’t just about the matches is it?......” She stayed silent but shook her head. ”Ok….this is, hard, for everyone. The state of the gym as well as what is happening with some of our members…I get it…and I get you feel alone…but none of us abandoned you.” His voice broke, Alicia swallowed and looked up. ”I’m always here, no matter what….”

He smiled, Alicia took a deep breath and smiled back with a nod. ”Thanks Alex…I’ll see you…and everyone else..when I get back..”

Life is like a box of Candy

”First thing is first…congratulations to Ariana on beating me a few weeks ago.She earned it, she stepped up when I asked her to and she showed the world she is more than just a name on a list. Or a member of the Go gym. Ariana could have a future here. So, I hope after that win, that she can continue her upward swing….”

Alicia swallows and shakes her head trying to pull it all together.

”But, that is for her sake. Not mine. See, Vargas beat me and seemingly won’t let anyone forget about it through various means and ego stroking. And now she gets a little shot out of it. Good for her. Along with Seleana Zdunich. Hey, that’s great, I hope one of them wins it instead of both of them failing like Kate Steele did. And I get it, it’s rich coming from me but this is the issue and an indicative point of context that needs to be said. Women who have been able to beat me get opportunities. And I have been sitting around, thinking about this for a while and I suppose I should be honored right? Being looked at as some kind of semi final boss that stands in the way of others before they can take on the big bad of SCW…”

“I could sit back and enjoy the fact I am seen as the measuring stick of the bombshells division. Or, I can rebuild who I once was. And I get it, I do, I have had a career that so many others would envy. World titles, reigns that have become the stuff of legend. I dominated Honor, I dominated WWH and I dominated here. And after all that I am still looked at with respect and I appreciate that. I could just fade away and be happy with my “spot” But, I see others who have done that. Other women and men who once dominated their respective divisions and now just simply…exist…”

“I am not about that life.”

“I have often talked about Roxi Johnson, and some of it hasn’t been very positive. I have talked about how her whole happy, smiley “hero” character is nothing but a fake bullshit mask that hides the real selfish bitch behind it, and I will stand by my words there. However. She is a woman who could have done what I just suggested. She could have come back to SCW and played the role of respected veteran, having a nice paycheck, a nice spot. That isn’t what happened….”

Alicia smiles and shakes her head, adjusting her shirt as it sits under a black leather biker jacket.

”Roxi didn’t rest on her laurels, she returned, she dominated and is a world champion again. I respect that. I respect what she has done, I respect what she has been capable of. And it is something that I hope to emulate, I just don’t know how. See, in the past when I’ve lost, I’ve gone home, I’ve dissected it and thought about it, I have done everything I can to break down my mistakes and screw ups. And I have risen above it. But lately, lately it hasn’t worked. I have done everything I can to rise above my failures and…I’ve just failed more….”

“So maybe, just maybe I need to change my ideas, change my style, change my attitude. Get back to basics and start from the bottom, and work my way up.”

“And to be honest with all of you, there is no one closer to the bottom, than Candy.”

She laughs and moves her hand through her long blonde hair with a sigh.

”Oh little Candy. It seems as if we have both been sliding down the totem pole of relevancy isn’t it? Oddly enough the last time you and I mattered to this company and this division was when we faced each other. What fun that was eh Candy? You used the glitter, I pretended I was blind because, lets face it, the glitter is a brilliant but incredibly underhanded tactic. And I questioned whether or not you were a secret evil genius pretending to be a moron to get all the fans and management on your side. But, I believe I have the answer to that. I believe you’re an idiot. I believe you are a candy coated dip shit that rain mans her way through life.”

“You are, the wrestling Forrest Gump.”

“The wrestling I am Sam.”

“And whenever someone calls you out on it, you have your husband Marcus say evil mean things about them because you are to cowardly to say any of these things yourself. The worst thing I have ever heard you say is calling people a “meanie head”. You are a grown woman who spends her days with a man who spends more time on his body than he does on your marriage and a fluffball dog that has a higher IQ than you.”

“And now you are coming back to face me again. You are two and zero against me in the last year Candy. Twice this year you did everything you could to beat me and twice you failed.”

Alicia shrugs and paces back and forth.

”Of course, you could beat me. Somehow. But while Vargas, Steele and Angelos turned their wins over me into something you wouldn’t. See, aside from a few Roulette title wins you have had a career that can be described as mediocre. And that’s honestly all you are. Mediocre. Mediocre in the ring, on the mic and as a GM you sucked. You came up with the stupidest most mind numbing matches any of us had ever seen. And here’s the thing Candy, I don’t blame you. Getting angry at you for doing something mind numbingly dumb would be like getting angry at a dog pissing on your floor…”

“And I have already rubbed your nose in it twice and tossed you out the fucking door.”

“And I find myself needed to do it again. I find myself in need of a win, in need of a restart. And as I said, I’ve hit rock bottom Candy, and so have you. All we heard from management was “Candy is coming back” and after all the build and people talking, you arrived, you got in the ring and you failed. You failed miserably. Yeah just like I have over the last month or so, but Alicia Lukas is not a joke, I am not going to be the gatekeeper or the measuring stick of the SCW womens division. I am going to be the comeback story of 2022. The returning hero, the goddamn beast I used to be. I will scratch and claw my way back to the top and I will step on whoever I need to. And that starts with you…”

It’s a work

She’d been distant. Even more distant than normal. But with everything going on it seems as if Alicia had slipped through the cracks. The day to day operations at Wolfslair went on as they would normally. People arrived, they trained, they would go off to various events, they would return. Like clockwork everything went on as normal. And even though she was now mentally stronger, a better version of the woman she always wanted to be, she was disturbed.

For months she lied to herself. She went to a room and talked through her own issues in a delusion. She watched her marriage fall apart, she bent down and picked up the pieces. And as those pieces got put back together, as her life started to come back to where she needed it to be and she rose like a phoenix from the ashes, the delusion cracked, crumbled and became the lie she could now see clearly.

Ironic, now everything tasted sweeter, the air was clearer, everything seemed calm.

But now the real work was ready to begin. She was in contact with her family, being a daughter, sister and mother. But her career needed saving. She had been going through ther motions. Letting her emotions get the better of her. Every week it was the same thing, it was the same ride. And the problem with rides, is that eventually they get boring.

So now, she knew what needed to happen.

She swallowed hard looking over at Alex’s office. It had been so long since she had a one on one with the owner and head trainer of Wolfslair New York, so long since she had just sat down and shot the shit. She pushed the door open, Alex smiled and gave her a nod to let her know to come in. Alicia moved around sitting across his desk, sliding her hands into the pockets of her black and red Wolfslair hoodie. Alex looked over a piece of paper, sliding it into the pile on his right before moving the pile on his left to the edge of his desk.

He looked up with a smirk and shrugged. ”What can I do for you?”

”Well, I’m just wondering what the plan is for Wolfslair?”

There was a small silence, Alex raised his eyebrows. Almost surprised Alicia would ask him and be interested in this. ”Well, we are continuing to grow and show visibility. Orlando is growing too and soon Austin is going to take a trip out there to train with a few of the talents they have, some interesting prospects I might get Mark and Chris to have a look at too.”

Now it was Alicia that was surprised, she twisted her lips into a pout, moving her hands forward onto the desk with a laugh under her breath. ”Not the gym…the group?”

”The what?”

Alicia rolled her eyes before sitting back in the chair and throwing her hands in the air. ”The group, in SCW. You, Austin, Me, Johanna…” Alex just blinked a few times, Alicia sat forward getting closer. ”Ring a bell?”

Alex cleared his throat and shook his head. ”Alicia. The group is done…” Silence. Alex stared ahead, Alicia narrowed her eyes and laughed shaking her head in a dismissive way. ”I’m serious. I don’t know when I’ll be back competing. I’m hurt Ali.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes again. ”I know you’re working everyone Alex and I-”

”No I’m not…this is legit…” He paused again, Alicia shook her head almost refusing to believe it. Alex pushed to his feet, wincing as he did moving around the office nowhere near as freely as you’d expect. ”I haven’t even been training. Austin has been doing alot of it…but with…with what he’s been through I….look…my focus is the gym..”

Alicia looked away and let out a small sigh before moving next to him. ”Well, I guess I should talk to Johanna..she and I will work something out….I need backup to makesure Diamonds gem hoes don’t get in my way…”

Alex shook his head and looked out the window to Johanna, she was standing next to Kalisto Reznik, the two chatting away about a few things. ”Johanna didn’t sign a new contract….she’s no longer in SCW…”

”WHAT?...y’all mother fuckers have a team meeting without me to decide this shit?” Alex turned away and moved back to the desk, obviously done with Alicias shit, Alicia closed her fists and turned back to him. ”Look, I’ve been a little distracted lately, I can see that. But still, Austin is barely here, you’re hurt, Johanna bounced, suddenly I’m alone and I just picked a fight with a bitch who is going to bring her whole crew after me..” Alex looked unimpressed. ”I could take out one or two..but all of them at once?..I’m good Alex but I’m not that good.”

Alex laughed to himself and looked down with a sigh. ”Well…I suppose you better make ther plans…I’m sure you’ll think of something..”

Alicia growled and waved her hand lightly to signal she got it. She moved out from the office closing the door behind her. She moved along the mats and passed Johanna and Kallie giving them a small nod, she moved out into the locker room, grabbing her phone from her bag she stepped outside unlocking it, her thumb hovered over the call icon for what seemed like an eternity. ”Ahhh fuck it…”

RING RING

RING RING

”Hey…..I got an employment opportunity….I need you to be in Cali….Sunday morning…”

All according to plan

”I suppose some of you are expecting me to offer up some kind of apology for what I said on Climax Control right?”

Alicia shakes her head, a small smile on her lips as her bright blue eyes stare forward, unfeeling, uncaring, almost vacant of any emotion.

”You ain’t getting shit.”

“See, I wewnt out there and I said a whole bunch of shit I needed to get off my chest. Not everything, but just enough. For years I have had to deal with entitled weakling and morons who feel the need to tell us all how great they are when they don’t actually have any right being on the same card asd me, let alone the same company. I have heard Jessie Salco run her mouth for months and years about title shots and championships…”

“I’ve watched her go one and a hundred in title matches and still get opportunity after opportunity while then, in the same breath chastising me for taking an opportunity I earned.”

“I have been spat on and disrespected by everyone in this company, so when I heard what happened with Vargas and Steele, well I had to say something. And it speaks volumes that the men in charge of SCW not only allowed me to do it, actively encouraged me to.”

“I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.”

“So no, I’m not going to ap;ologise, in fact I’m going to double down. Everything I said was true. Everything I said was right, and I have a bigger issue with Diamond and her gemstones and at Climax control I will be confronting Diamond, and I will tell her to her goddamn face what I feel. But, before I can do what, well I have to get in the ring and face the other woman who got some of that verbal venom. And I hope to god that before she speaks she actually listens to what I said, and takes it into her head that the bosses are clearly as pissed off with her as I am..”

Alicia takes a moment, showing a little emotion now as she clears her throat and stands up straight.

”Oh Mercedes. What have you done huh? I’m going to sit here by the way and watch you try and explain away why you decided to dip on the company last week. I’m going to wait for you to try and justify it in any way that you can. I dunno, your aunt died? Youre neighbors cat needed a hysterectomy? You got your period?...oh..wait, that one you can’t yse. Menopause is a bitch huh?”

“But I will wait with baited breath for you to go through what I said on climax control and try asd pick it apart, maybe chastise me for making a comment about your age, I dunno. Truthfully, I hope I look as good as you when I’m sixty. But, Christian and Mark decided it would be a good idea to put us in the ring against each other. Possibly for me to teach you a lesson, I’m not sure.”

“Naybe, just maybe they’ll hope I can break your fingers.”

“Then we all wouldn’t have to watch you repost old SCW Climax controls on twitter as a way to relive your faded glory days and youth. Or to stop you from constantly retweeting shit about crappy New York sports teams. The rangers suck, the Giants suck, the jets suck and so sdo the fucking knocks and no one except you gives a shit about them, just stop.”

“But maybe I’m being too hard on you. I mean my mother hasn’t figured out how to use facebook yet, maybe that’s all this is, technology moving so fast can be scary Mercy..”

She chuckles and shakes her head.

”But here’s the thing, one criticism of me that I have taken to heart and I respect is that, maybe, just maybe I have been living in the past, reminding people what I’ve done constantly and you know, maybe they’re right. See, I don’t want to be like you Mercedes, where that is all I have. Where I am just sitting there and constantly retweeting old shows and mentioning history because that is all I have. I don’t want that, and I don;’t want to turn into you.”

“I have other names I need to get to but I have been placed in front of you fuirst and you have been named as a sacrifice to me. See, Chris and Mark are smart.”

“They know I am still money in professional wrestling. They know I am still a name and I can deliver. So they want me to go out there and beat the hell out of you, they want me to tear you down with everything from cheap jokes about age, to straight cuts about your living in the past, and if there is one person in this company who lives their glories more than me, it’s you.”

“But, that is the difference between us. I have recognised I need to look toward the future. You haven’t learned that lesson Mercy, you just keep going about the same shit over and over again. But, only the stuiff that suits you. See, I never hear you admitting to the factthat I have your number and always have.”

“I don’t hear you admitting to the fact I climbed the ladder in WWH when it meant something while you failed even as the company burned. I don’t hear you reminding people that in Honor wrestling I beat you in every way possible and I don’t hear you admitting to the fact in SCW I have been your fucking daddy since day one…”

Alicia gets animated now, filling herself with confidence and a smile.

”You need to learn Mercedes, without learning you don’t grow and you have been stagnant for years. You have been a great servant for this company and have done it all. And I told you last time we faced each other that you lacked passion, that you had become complacent. And I was right then and I’m right now because nothing has changed.”

“About the only nice thing I can say about you is that you’re still here..”

“No matter how much you lose, no matter how many times you fail to climb back to the top of the mountain you still stay in SCW out of loyalty. You don’t take your ball and go home like your name is Myra Rivers..no..Mercedes Vargas is SCW through and through. And that Vrgas, that I can respect…or atl;east I could…till ya pissed it all away..”

The Legal Problem

He had so much to do. He had friends to help, a house to renovate, children to raise, friendships to keep in focus, but all of it had to wait for this. There are some things in life that are just more important – times where you need to be there for certain people in need to do things and go above and beyond what you would for anyone else.

This was one of those times for Austin. It was a day that he and his sister had both been dreading. A day where they would have to justify their legal battle against the parents of Amy’s ex, the grandparents of her son.

Austin let out a deep sigh, his hands moving up to push the top of his tie towards his collar, pulling down on the shorter thinner part of it. He took a step back and looked at himself in the mirror. He wore a custom tailored black suit, a tie tucked into his suit blazer as he did the buttons at the front. His long hair tied back and kept in a mid level bun and his beard trimmed.

He gave himself a nod, trying to build up his confidence.

But the truth was he didn’t have any. He was going into a courtroom to support his sister, and while she was of a normal size and build, a beautiful girl but also normal looking, Austin was far from normal. Six foot six and a hulking build. Muscles upon muscles. Long hair and a beard with a look in his eye that made most people fear him.

But he made a promise. He turned and looked down at his shoes, the black leather shining as he gave a small smile. His father would’ve loved the shoes, and the suit. All the times that Christian had tried to get Austin to dress up and this was only the second time he could bring himself to do it. First time with his wedding, the day that he and Lisa were joined together as a family. And now this time. A time to support the only other person on earth that really knew what it was like to grow up the way he did. His sister who had gone through so much and made so much progress yet still had been dragged down to a level that was beneath them both.

That was a dark time in her life; a rebellion to reclaim adolescence that she felt she never truly had after being locked away. Amy had gone on her own pilgrimage of self-discovery. She fell in love with the wrong man, and the result of that was the birth of the child. The child that was not brought into the world because of love but a child who was now loved. He had a loving mother, a loving aunt, a loving uncle and cousins ready to grow up with him like they were siblings.

The bathroom door clicked and swung open. Lisa stepped in. Her hair done, wearing a beautiful dress and grabbing a jacket so she would cover up most of her tattoos. A small smile came across her lips as she tilted her head looking at her husband up and down before placing her finger on her bottom lip.

Austin just shook his head and folded his arms over his large chest. ”See something you like?” He couldn’t help but laugh, Lisa blushed and shook her head. A small smile coming across Austin slipped now as he was impressed with his ability to still make his wife look at him like a nervous teenager.

Lisa stepped forward reaching up to check Austin's tie. She stood just under his chin even in her six inch heels. Lisa was a tall woman, but when it came to her husband, she always seemed to be dwarfed by his large frame. Austin leaned forward, planting a kiss on Lisa‘s lips that was meant to be a small moment of affection. Lisa wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and pushed herself against him, kissing him deeply.

After a few moments Austin pulled back and smiled.“Unfortunately we have somewhere to be.”

Lisa chuckled and gave her husband a small nod. She turned and left the door before looking over her shoulder one last time. “I know you’re nervous. I get it . I can see it in your eyes. But...Amy needs you today…” Austin sighed hard and bowed his head. A second later, he looked in the mirror one last time as Lisa stepped out of the room.

She was right. He was nervous. He was going into a courtroom, with lawyers and a judge. The person, the people, who were going to hold the future of Amy and her child in their hands. And Austin was expected to be the star character witness when it came to Amy and who she was. He knew all the things that they could bring up, but didn’t know what they would choose to use. Amy’s past had always been something contentious, as it could have been with any massive family. Christian trying to hide what she had done, Austin finding the truth, but Amy not being able to accept it and wanting to grow in her life and have her own outlook.

The past was never the past. It could always come back and hurt you. And that is what Austin was worried about. Her past coming back to hurt her, Amy not being able to have that second chance that she had fought tooth and nail for. That is what Austin had to do. He had to stand there and be honest and tell every single person who would listen and convince them that Amy was not just a suitable mother, but she was an excellent one.

He felt pressure.

Austin closed his eyes taking a long deep breath. He held it in his lungs as his mind flashed backwards and forwards for everything he had done. His own life and his own struggles. Losing his mother, losing his father, fighting for his sister. The alcohol abuse, the abusive ex, everything he had gone through and grown through. He was strong enough to do this.

And he refused to let his sister down.

Godly

”Eenie meenie miney mo, Max Burke tried to beat me that was way too slow.”

Austin can’t help but chuckle to himself. He raises his right hand, moving his hair from his face and sliding it behind his ear before stepping forward and putting his hands in the front pocket of his jeans. A black and red Wolfslair shirt proudly on display.

”I told you all. I told you that as good as Max was, if he wanted to keep climbing that ladder and get back to a World Championship opportunity against Mac, he would have to go through me first. He would have to show me and all of you, as well as management that he was ready to shoulder the possibilities and pressure of being in the Main Event at this company. Not everyone can handle that kind of pressure. I can handle that kind of pressure, Ben Jordan can handle that kind of pressure. Alex can handle that pressure and so can Fenris. And as much as I hate to admit it, Mac has also proven himself as a champion worthy of being the one to hold the entire company on his shoulders.”

“Max Burke was not ready to stand in the spotlight. But the question is still hanging over me like a dark cloud. Where do I go from here? Where does my destiny lie in this company? I could turn my focus towards Mac and work my way up to a single one-on-one opportunity for that world championship. After all, the old adage is that if you are not in professional wrestling to be the champion and prove that you are the best thing…you should not be here.“

“However, I have already been to the top of the mountain. I stood there and watched as everyone was scrambling over themselves trying to get at me. That is another thing that so many people are not prepared for – they are not prepared for the target that you have painted on your back when you are a champion. As a world champion, a mixed tag team champion as well as the Internet champion of this company, I knew what it was to hold those championships and have everyone gunning for me.“

“It is the same everywhere you go. It is easier for you to win a championship that it often is to keep it and if you look at the championship history of Sin City Wrestling, with every single championship, there have been so many names on that list where they did not deserve to be the champion. They didn’t deserve to win it and they prove that by losing it in less than a month or in their first defense.”

Austin folds his arms over his chest with a small smile coming across his lips.

“That hasn’t been my problem. When I have held the championship I have made damn sure that I do that title proud. I did it with the honor championship before I came to this company. When I became the world champion I did everything I could to uphold the quality that those before me had set. I did it with the Internet Championship and I made that championship with something and every single champion who has been held since has failed miserably to live up to my standard. Tempest and I held those mixed tag team championships of pride and tried to face and beat everyone who stepped in front of us.”

“I am what you would call…a beast.“

“Six-six, two-sixty-five. I can move like someone a hundred pounds lighter than me, I can throw anyone in this company around the ring. I am not someone to be taken lightly and I’d like to think that my opponent this week isn’t stupid enough to make that kind of mistake. Ken Davison.”

“A Man who exemplifies the term ‘veteran’.”

“I know you can. I know that you have been a huge name in so many of the companies that you’ve been in. Hell, you were even a very brief tag team partner for Alex.. to say that you have been everywhere and done everything is an understatement. Championships and huge matches and pay-per-view numbers. The whole wrestling world had to you want to play because of how good you are.”

He flashes a smile and a respectful nod. His head tilted to the side as he contemplated what to say next.

”And all the respect that you are given in this company and anywhere else you go is definitely earned. I’m not oblivious to the fact that I cannot and will not take you lightly. I know you could beat me, I might be a lot bigger than you, stronger than younger than you and in this company had more success than you, but I am not going to fall into the same trap that so many others do and discount your past and who you are as a human being and a person. Despite anything you have said and your actions, you are most definitely someone who should be respected.”

“You could be the World Champion here. You are definitely good enough but I don’t think that some of the people in this company give you enough credit. From aligning yourself with Mac to winning the Internet Championship, you have shown your work. However, you are also one of the people who failed to take the Internet Championship and bring it to the heights that I did when I held it.”

“I can’t say I’m not disappointed.”

“That championship holds a special place in my heart. This company announced that it was coming back active and I was the first man to hold it since it was reinstated. I knew that that championship needed a strong champion to push it forward and to make it as our prize and that’s exactly what I did. I had that target on my back and I defended it through anyone and everyone only to watch that championship that was handed to people and get passed around. Then, you won it.”

Austin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath calming himself.
 
”And for a brief shining moment I thought that the championship was going to be held by someone who would take it on a long run and restore the prestige that I have tried to give it. But, two months later you lost it to Jack Washington. There is no love lost between myself and Jack, despite the fact that he has been the World Champion at this company twice. The truth is he is still the same snot-nosed little disrespectful piece of shit that he’s always been.”

“He doesn’t know the meaning of respect.”

“But I do Ken...”

“I plan on showing you. You see, I’m going to give you the respect that you deserve by walking down to that room punching you in the mouth as hard as I can. I’m going to give you the respect you deserve by treating you exactly the same as I treat everyone else I face. I am coming for the win,I am coming to kick you right in the head, pick you up and powerbomb you to the mat, drive the air from your body so you can’t breathee. And being a veteran I’m going to guess that you felt that before.”

“The feeling of all the air being pushed out of your lungs. Staring up at those lights not being able to breathe in and not being able to feel like you can live. It is a horrible feeling. And it’s one we all have to live with, one being a professional in this business. As good as you are, I need this. And I like you. I do. I like your outlook on the business, I like your ruthless determination and pursuit of greatness. But I like winning more. So at Climax Control, you are gonna see what it’s like to face someone who was one of the most dominant champions this company has ever had. And I hope you’re ready, because you will need to be.”

Session 18: The beginning of the end

”So, we haven’t talked about Michael”

”There’s a reason for that”

She delivered the line bluntly. No emotion, no hesitation. Just a flat delivery with a raised eyebrow. Dr Whitlow huffed under her breath and scribbled on the paper. Alicia just shook her head and turned looking toward the door. Her hands clasped together as she let out an indignant grunt. Something felt off, different. Something in Alicia had changed. The last few months, seeing her Doctor, they had helped.

Confronting things from her past, all the ghosts and demons, it made her realise who she was. Not a victim of her mistakes, but a product of them. It had given her a fresh outlook, but this was one road she didn’t feel the need to walk down. One that she didn’t want to. The wound was still open and fresh, still bleeding. And it made her uneasy, uncomfortable. And it was in a way that she didn’t want to controint. But, that never stopped Whitlow.

”Violet” Her name. It inflamed her anger. Her fists clenched as she folded her arms over her chest. A few deep breaths and she was able to calm herself down. ”Michael is the last barrier. The last moment in your life that is causing you regret. If you face it…you’ll be able to move on..”

”From what?”

Her bright blue eyes trailed up to look the aging woman in the face. Dr Whitlow. Someone who Alicia had looked up to for the last few months, someone she had grown close to now seemed to look like what she was. A frail old woman. ”If you examine what happened, maybe you can mend the rift.” Her voice trailed off. Alicia pushed herself up from the chair moving around the office.

She refused to lay down, refused to revisit this as deeply as Dr Whitlow wanted. Infact she was holding it back,m pushing it down into the pit of her stomach. She ground her teeth together and growled. Whitlow shook her head and took her glasses off, putting them on the desk next to her. ”I thought I was supposed to confront my failures…this wasn’t MY failure. And there it was, the reason why she refused to walk down that path, to confront this one. In her mind she hadn’t done anything wrong.

Dr Whitlow stayed calm, her hands sitting in her lap as she tilted her head, her long salt and pepper hair tied back and clipped high. Her eyes, a similar shade of blue to Alicias seemed to glow as she sighed. ”It was still a pivotal moment…and one you havn’t talked about. Michael was the reason you came here….and three months ago your marriage all but ended…” She sat higher in her chair, relaxing her shoulders. ”So let’s examine why…”

There was a tense moment of silence between them. Alicia looked away and shook her head. After some time, she turned and gave a nod to the old woman. Still not happy about this, but understanding why, she sat down, leaning forward on her own knees, balancing her elbows as she clasped her hands together again, her golden locks dangling down as she took in a long deep breath. ”He….always wanted another child…maybe even a girl…”

His touch was soft and tender, his strong jaw lines framing a youthful face that betrayed his age and wisdom. His fingertips danced along her cheekbone, sliding her hair behind her ear as he leaned in to kiss her. The laughter of her sons stopped the moment. Rory and Ryan ran passed with a few other children they had made friends with. The park was full, families were out enjoying the sunshine. Alicia smiled watching them, Michael sat up and grabbed a bottle of water twisting the top and handing it to Alicia. She raised it and winced before switching from her right arm to the left.

”How long until you see the orthopedic surgeon?” Alicia shrugged as she took a sip, Michael shook his head and pulled his knees to his chest. ”Are you even going to? Or are you just going to rehab it and hope for the best?” Alicia shot him a look and sighed, Michael shook his head back and put his hand on top of hers to get her attention. Frustrated by her unwillingness to answer his questions. ”Are you afraid? Afraid that they’ll tell you it’s time to retire?...would that be so bad Ali?”

”No…I mean, yes. I’d be sad but….if I had to give it up I could.” She was lying. Michael knew it. He could see it in her eyes.

He looked over at the boys and smiled calmly, his demeanor changing as he squeezed her hand again. ”If you couldn’t, or if surgery would limit your movement and do more damage….would retiring be that bad?. We could..try for a baby.” And there it was. Michael and Alicia had talked about this before. When they got married he asked if she wanted more children, at the time she said yes, but as the months moved on to years Alicia realised that she had so much more to do, to accomplish.

Things she couldn’t do if she took two years off to have another child.

Michael stared, his eyes asking the same question over andf over. Alicia closed her eyes, she wanted to tell him, she needed to tell him. She got the courage up into her chest and turned to him. But the second she looked into her eyes, she faltered. ”I….” He tilted his head, squeezing her hand again as she looked down at their wedding rings, sitting on top of one another as their hands stayed locked. She moved back up to his face, leaning in for a small kiss on his lips, pulling back with a tender smile. ”I’ll talk to them Monday. And I’ll see what my options are. Maybe it is time. But I just don’t know…”

She smiled weakly, it was her trying to pass off how she felt. Michael swallowed hard, his smile faded, his shoulders dropped and his back arched. He was clearly upset. But, he hid it. He pushed it down and gave Alicia a small smile and a njod before leaning forward and placing his forehead against hers with a laugh. ”If you and I are meant to have a child then..I guess it’s in fates hands right?” Alicia smiled and gave another nod. Rory and Ryan laughed. Alicia looked over at them, the other children laughing and smiling.

Part of her wanted it.

But, another part of her didn’t…

”You could have told him then…”

Dr Whitlow sighed heavily, Alicia cleared her throat and shrugged turning toward her. ”Yeah, I could have. But part of me didn’t really know, or didn’t want accept it.” She looked away again, closing her eyes as she remembered the pain, the pain in her shoulder, the pain in her heart. That moment, where she could of broken Michzaels heart but maybe saved her marriage. ”I love…loved him. I did…but sometimes that just isn’t enough.”

She paused, that was a moment in time, but not the moment. Dr Whitlow finished her note, put the pad down and sighed with a shake of her head, removing her glasses and rubbing her tired o0ld eyes. ”Next time…I need you to tell me what ended it…can you do that?...it’s the only way you can know if you really want to be a wife in the future..or a mother.”

Alicia ground her teeth and turned, a switch had been flipped and she stepped toward Dr Whitlow, leaning down to get to the old woman face. ”I am going to make one thing, ONE FUCKING THING perfectly clear. I was happy as a wife, and I am a great mother. I love my sons, I would DIE for them. But nobody, not my mother, my father, my ex boyfriends or husbands, or my kids…or YOU…can tell me what I am supposed to do with my goddamn life…”

The situation seemed out of control, Alicia felt rhe anger in her build up, her head ached and felt as if someone was squeezing her temples. She stepped back, her hands were shaking. Dr Whitlow stood up and smiled with a small nod raising her hands up/ ”It’s alright Alicie…it’s alright…..go home..get some rest…we can pick this up next time…” Alicia swallowed hard again and gave a nod, moving passed D rWhitlow, she was so tired, so tired of all of it.

She just wanted to sleep….

A melted Candy

”You’re all blind….which is ironic isn’t it?”

Alicia sighs heavily, her hands moving up through her long blond hair as she grunts and pushes herself up to her feet.

”I have told you all that she is evil. That she is someone who cannot and must not be trusted. But do any of you listen to me? Do any of you take what I say as truth? See the last few months I have been dedicated to eradicating not just stupidity but undue arrogance from Sin City Wrestling. Now, I know there are questions about Wolfslair and our future. Let me be very clear about this. Wolfslair as an idea, as a gym, as a movement will always be there. But, as group? Well that is different.”

“Thing is, I have never needed that side of it. Alicia Lukas is a star, a bright shining star and one of the best professional wrestlers on this goddamn planet. And when I am done wiping Candy off the bottom of my boot I will turn my attention back to what I deserve. What I need.”

“The Sin City Wrestling Bombshells title.”

“See, for the last few months I have been lost. Wandering around in a haze of not remembering who and what I am while also allowing myself to just simply, exist. Think about that, one of the most dominant women in this company and I was happy to just exist. See that’s what this business does to you. It chews you up, it spits you out. It forces you to no longer be special. And that’s the thing, there are only a handful of women in this company that feel special.”

She laughs to herself. Shaking her head as the realisation hits her.

”Amber, Roci, Myself, Andrea, Myra. We all feel special. Like we have accomplished things that so many others have struggled to do. But Andrea is fading, Roxi has had to pull herself back up in resurrection after getting her tenth or eleventh shot at Amber. And AMber herself. A woman who broke my records. What does she do now? Where does she go? Everyone else in this company who has felt special, Mikah, Dani even Crystal at one point, they have all fallen into mediocrity. And I was letting it happen to me…”

“And I will be really honest with all of you. I was not okay with that. Not at all. So, as I stood and watched a woman who has nothing special about her get handed the fucking keys to SCW my stomach tuened. Candy got to make decisions that impacted people who were infinitely more talented than her. She got to make stupid matches with stupid stimpulations that made a fool of mpeople like myself. Real wrestlers, real women who live and breathe for the combat. Candy got to try and make us all look foolish.”

“And we all had to sit there and eat it.”

“Learn to love the taste of shit indeed.”

“And I have had to watch this idiotic piece of shit stumble through her career and somehow stay employed, stay popular and in some cases succeed. All while doing things that if others did, they’d get vilified for. Straight up made into pariahs and destroyed. Yet, she does what she wants. Little miss Candy is so innocent and so amazing right? The glitter is nothing but a fun little gimmick that is just so fucking pretty and doesn’t hurt anybody…”

She rolls her eyes and throws her hands in the air. Alicia’s look, demeanor and attitude in stark contrast to Candy. Alicia's long blond hair flowing down her back and shoulders, down her leather biker jacket and black T-shirt with the logo of the Swedish rock band Ghost.

”Until it does. And not only does the glitter present a danger to your eyes but, it is a cheat. It’s a cheap cheating move that everyone turns a blind eye to. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind right? Well Candy is not going to get revenge on me. She is not going to get her pound of flesh and walk away with a win. And why? Because Candy is simply not good enough. However, the fact that this has to take place with us both blindfolded is fitting but also a joke.I would love to see what I am going to do to Candy…cause everything I am prepared to do…is well worth it…”

“She’s a joke, and not even a funny joke that can be passed off as fun or charming. She is the type of joke your aging Aunt tells you when you’re five years old that you cackle like a lunatic at. Only to still be her go to joke when you’re 12 years old…that you now roll your eyes and and just want to stop hearing.”

“She’s such a bad joke, Will Smith is warming up his pimp hand as we speak…”

“Is that topical enough for y’all? But the fact remains, Candy is someone who so many of us can’t stand. From the happy go lucky attitude, to the stupid glitter, to her ugly fucking dog, the truth with Candy is that she isn’t talented so she has to use this stupid shit to stay relevant in a world that has moved on from rainbows and unicorn farts.”

She speaks through gritted teeth, her bright blue eyes flash with fire and anger. She slams her fist on the table, it causes the can of Monster energy on the table to shake.

”And the worst part about you Candy? You can’t even stand up for yourself. You were in a match in the blast from the past and your focus was on me. Well, Marcus' focus was on me. And he was the one who unleashed a tirade on me. You left lame traps ansd smiled and did you usual idiot behavior. Meanwhile your husband decided to run his mouth. And the truth is Candy, there is a small amount of truth in what he said.”

“I am jealous of you.”

“I am jealous of the fact that you can be such a huge joke, do stupid things that would get others thrown out and somehow get handed opportunities week in and week out. I am jealous of the fact you are universally loved when all you do is make a fool of yourself and a mockery of the wrestling business. Everything you do is a offense to me and people like me. Women who bleed and sweat and dedicate themselves to the purity of professional fucking wrestling.”

She shakes her head and looks away, growling under her breath before looking up, her nostrils flare as she tilts her head.

”I hate you…I hate you with everything I am.”

She pauses again letting her words sink in before standing up straight and folding her arms over her chest.

”Blindfold or not, joke or not I am going to get in that ring and do everything I can to hurt you, to break you and to put my mark on this business again. Because you Candy are nothing but a stepping stone back to where I need to be, where I deserve to be. This isn’t about the internet title, the mixed tag team titles or the roulette titles. No, not at all. This is all to bring me back up to that one title that really matters, the championship that everyone wants to hold yet so few people are capable of.”

“The Sin City Wrestling bombshells title. A championship that will never, ever be in Candys possession. A title she can’t even get a shot at because she will never be good enough to pull herself to that level, to become the star that I am.”

“Honestly, Candy you should be thanking me. You should get on your knees and hand me all your goddamn skittles and junior mints and milk duds and whatever else you have because I am dragging you, kicking and screaming up the card to a higher level than you would ever. EVER. Reach on your own. Or with your idiot husband talking for you.”

“And trust me on this. If he utters my name again, I will drag his titred, broken down, needs viagra to compensate ass down to the ring and I’ll make him my bitch.”

“But, in Greece, you and I will have our eyes hidden, we will get in the ring and I will break you in half. Because that is what you deserve, that is what you need and that is what I want. Good luck Candy, you’ll need it against me.”

Session 13: Empty Mirrors

”You never talked about the boys…”

There is a reason for that

Alicia thought it to herself. At this point, she knew better than to say something like that. All it would do is set the Doctor off on a path of probing and prodding. And in the end, Alicia would break down, she would tell Dr. Whitlow exactly what was on her mind, how she felt, what she thought and they would try and see something positive in it. But Alicia had enough of the song and dance. All of this was weighing on her. Her career, her personal life. So much had changed since she started therapy.

Talking through her past and all the issues she had and everything that weighed on her heart seemed like such a positive. But in the end the more she found out about herself and her choices the more her heart hurt.

And this was something she wasn’t looking forward to sharing.

Every failure in her life, whether it was as a wrestler, a daughter, a sister, a wife, or human being. None of it came close to the p[ain, guilt, and sadness she felt as she confronted her shortcomings and mistakes as a mother. Failures that she knew she had to confront, that she had to be honest about. Her hands clasped together as she took a deep breath in, Dr Whitlow giving Alicia a moment to compose herself.

While Alicia had learned about her Doctors process, Dr Whitlow had also learned when to push Alicia and when to give her space. ”It took alot of work…”

Dr Whitlow gave a small nod of understanding, her eyes showing her usual patience and compassion, she had been able to prove to Alicia over the last several months that she had empathy for her situation and history. She never judged her, she never made Alicia feel like a bad person, despite everything, all her mistakes and decisions throughout her life from a teenager to a young adult, Dr. Whitloe had never made her feel like there was no forgiveness or redemption. Or that she had made the same mistake multiple times.

”What was it like? Seeing them for the first time when you returned?”

Normally Alicia could hold the tears back, at least till she got back to her car, or back home. But this time she just couldn’t. She couldn’t hold them back or stop them. She felt one roll down her cheek, followed by a second. And before she knew it they flowed. ”They didn’t…” She couldn’t get the words out. She sat forward her head in her hands as she heard her own heavy, staggered breathing.

She didn’t recognize them. They had grown so much. From the toddler and baby, they had been to the small children, looking so much like her. Heads full of blond hair, blue eyes, and sweet smiles. Alicia’s heart fluttered and beat so fast. She couldn’t believe it. It had been almost three years. She had seen pictures of them, sent ones in return for them to see. But they had not done the boys justice. Rory and Ryan could walk and in Rory’s case talk. He was almost five years old. Ryan, his younger brother was three and a half. He had been just six months old when Alicia said goodbye.

Leaving in the dead of night to escape their father. But here she was, a court-mandated visit.

The judge giving her time to get to know them before a final decision was made. But the last few minutes had seemed like hours. Then, she heard them. Children’s laughter, voices. Alicia‘s ears picked up, her eyes move right to the door she anticipated than coming in. She remembered being so nervous that her hands were shaking, her entire body started to tingle as she wanted to get up and run towards the door. But she needed to stay calm, she needed to keep in mind that they were still children. The door clicked, her mother stepped in followed by Rory And Ryan.

Alicia took a sharp breath in as her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She stood up, putting her right hand over her heart keeping her left at her side. She took a few breaths trying to calm herself down smiling at her mother who smiled when we back. One of the few times that Alicia had seen her mother smile at her and actually mean it. The boys looked up at her, she smiled even wider.

Alicia stepped forward and reached out, Rory moving across and standing in between Alicia and his little brother. He looked confused. Scared. Intimidated.

Alicia’s heart sank to her stomach. The weight of the situation weighed heavily on her shoulders and her heart. They didn’t remember her, they didn’t recognise her. To her children, her sons, she was a stranger. Even though she had sent photos back they didn’t know who she was or why they were there. She swallowed hard and looked up at her mother, Barbara shook her head and stepped back giving them space. Alicia to stepped back and slowly lowered herself down to their level looking at both of them.

She smiled as warmly as she could. Her voice lowered to almost a whisper staying soft and kind. ”Hi. I’m…I’m Violet.”

Her birth name felt horrible coming out of her mouth. But it is what she needed. She bit her bottom lip, Rory stayed in between her and his younger brother but he stepped forward, tilting his head and slowly reaching out. He was thinking, studying her. Assessing her body language and trying to understand who she was. He was a smart boy, bright blue eyes just like hers.

She closed her eyes and took a sharp breath in. ”I’m your mother…”

There was silence, Apollo is in anything that Alicia wanted to say. She does not want to overwhelm the boys, and Rory, his face remained blank. His eyes moved up and down before finally saying something. ”Our mom is dead…” he turned and walked away, taking his younger brother by the hands they want to go and play with some of the toys that Alicia‘s mother had bought for them.

She took a deep breath, holding in tears. Her mother moved closer coming to her side. ”If I wanted to see them…their father made me promise to go along with it….I’ll talk to them.”

Alicia had no idea what to say. She understood why her mother did it, she understood the risks that were involved. But that didn’t make it any easier. Her mother went over to talk to the boys, Alicia keeping her distance as she sat in a chair in the corner of the room. Watching them play while she tried to explain what had happened. Alicia wanted to walk over, she wanted to hold them, she wanted to tell them how sorry she wasn’t how much she loved them and how much they meant to her. But she couldn’t.

That would have to wait.

”I can’t imagine how much that would’ve hurt. It must’ve been very painful for you.” Her voice was empathetic, Dr Whitlow reached over and put her hand on Alicia’s. Alicia gave a slow nod taking another deep breath in. This time she had nothing else to say, nothing to wrap up in a little bar, nothing to make herself feel better or open the door for the doctor to make her feel better. This time it was just a painful memory. One that has etched itself in her mind and stayed fresh.

Fueling her determination.

Earn it.

”Does Anyone believe that I’m happy with my place in the company right now? But I’m happy with my performance as in what I’ve been able to accomplish over the last couple of months?”

Alicia step forward, the arms folded over her chest as she looked straight down at the ground. The long blonde hair flowing down her back and shoulders.

”I am still one of the best in this company and I still have a record that reflects that. Am I as dominant as I have been in the past? No of course not. I have not been able to re-discover that file I had. I have not been able to step in this ring and mow through opponents like a hot knife through butter like I did for the first two years of my career in sin city wrestling.”

“The question is, have I lost some of what made me special? Or, have others in this company stepped up and finally become the challenges that I wanted them to be?”

“Truth is, I just don’t know. I don’t know if I’ve lost a step or if they’ve gained a step. I don’t know if this is all in my head or if it is genuinely true. I don’t know if there is a reason. All I know is that I wanted to earn my way to a championship match. Earning things, you are going to notice a running theme while I stand here and talk to all of you about earning things. Because there seems to be a serious lack of respect for the pecking order and actually earning what you deserve.”

She is clearly angry. Her body language, her tone that she has in her voice with every comment she makes. The fact that the last few lines were spoken through gritted teeth

”I wanted to earn that shot at Amber and the bombshells world championship. I wanted to get in the ring with Amber again and see if I could in fact beat her. You see she is the measuring stick of this company in the women’s division. She is the bombshell of bombshells. I have no problems admitting that and I’m not going to sit here and say that I am the best. One of the best? Of course that’s never going to change. But the only person in this company who has the right to say they are the best in the world is Amber fucking Ryan.”

“And now, well now she has a pair of challengers in front of her that she is going to be able to run over the top of. You see Amber is most likely going to have to face both Roxi and Crystal. You see I had Mercedes Vargas beaten. I picked her up I dropped her across my knee and shoved that knee right through her face. I was with in seconds of earning a championship match against Amber Ryan. High-stakes, the biggest show of the year, the best in the world the current bombshell champion against the woman who set the standard for what a bombshells champion should be right now.”

“That is the match that should be happening. But instead we get a challenger who won’t be much of a challenge and another one who Amber spent the better part of three months beating the shit out of.”

“Wow” Alicia slowly applauds. ”In-fucking-credible

She shakes her head obviously still furious of the situation that is standing in front of her.

”I have to standby and watch Amber go ahead to break all of my records and I’m robbed of an opportunity to attempt to stop her as well as get that championship back and prove that I am the best. Don’t get me wrong there is no hate towards Amber Ryan if anyone is going to break my records then I’m glad it will be her.”

“But, after watching two others rob me of that chance I turn up to find that Kiera Fisher-Johnson is getting handed…fucking HANDED an opportunity.”

“I don’t know why I’m surprised.”

“That family gets handed everything. I handed her wife a championship match, and she failed. Only for both of them to stick around since city wrestling like a bad smell for the next couple of years. And because of that they’ve both been champions. Both of them taking that championship off of me at various points. I’ve given them a better life, I’ve given their son a better life. And what is the thanks that I get for making them stars. For agreeing to face them despite the fact that they never earned a goddamn thing? My prize is to have to sit back as not only one of them goes onto challenge for a championship, but the other gets one handed to her.”

There is an exasperated sigh followed by Alicia throwing her hands in the air. A shake of her head, it’s hot coming from her lips. She chuckles to herself before turning back towards the camera pointing her finger with an arrogant smirk

”Now, I don’t want you people to get confused into thinking that I don’t think people should get championship matches. I just want people to earn that. Now, a match against me would definitely go far in earning something. But the problem is that if I win, I get added to the match. Kiera doesn’t need to worry because if she loses she still has her opportunity. She won’t be taken away from her.”

“But this match isn’t just about me getting an opportunity by earning it and showing Kiera that she needs to earn it to. No that’s not all. There is this myth that she is better than me. This myth that Kiera, in one on one matches just for some reason has my number. This myth needs to end.”

“Because, The fact that she has beaten me twice one on one makes me sick to my stomach. And normally I can absolutely respect it. I can respect those who have gotten in that ring with me and shown that they are better. I respect Amber Ryan, I respect Dani Weston, I respect those who could get in the ring and go to war with me and prove that on that night they would be better. But the problem I have is that Kiera Fisher-Johnson is not better than me.”

“She never has been.”

“Yet there is all this evidence to the contrary. And it is very slowly driving me insane. Some might think that it is a weakness to admit that she’s in my head. That I sit there and obsess over this and it’s eating me alive from the inside out. And sure you can go right ahead and use that Kiera.. You can sit there and comment on it and you can act like everything I say and do is a slight towards you and I’m not going to lie some of it is”

She offers another shrug. Completely unfazed by this.

”The problem you have Kiera, Is that it just makes me more dangerous and more determined to destroy you. And you have also shown your hand. I know I’m in your head. See you showed me your hand for a second that you took offence to things that I was saying and straightaway went on social media to throw a tantrum about it and start talking about how I was never going to have another match with you. You ran from me, you hid from me, you complained and whined and cried like a fucking child.”

“Did Nate give you pointers?”

“I got angry and upset because you beat me when I knew I was the better woman on that night. I got angry and I wanted to face you again and instead of getting that opportunity right then and there, you ran like a bitch. Some hero. But now, you don’t have a choice. Because you do not call the shots, you are not in charge and you, well, you just don’t have a big enough name that allows you to call your own shots. Christian and Mark know who makes them money. And the name of that person is Alicia Lukas.”

“So get ready, get prepared. Cause when this is over Andrea Hernandez will have a bigger problem on her hands than you…”

Session Nine: Over the line.

”Last time...you mentioned something interesting. You seemed like you wanted to say something but then pulled away.”

Dr Whitlow had set the mood already, no small talk. No questions about the family, the husband and the children. No questions about the travel back and forth and the career that Alicia seemed to hold in such a high regard and position. This time, as she walked in and sat down in the dimly lit office there was a conversation that turned right to business. She knew what the good doctor was talking about, the comments at the end of the last session, and where it was going.

Alicia cleared her throat and went over to the pictures that Dr Whitlow had out. Of her as a young girl, learning at university to set up her future. ”This was your first moments of real freedom right?” Whitlow gave a small nod, Alicia sighed and shook her head turning back. ”That, right there, is a fallacy.”

There was an uneasy silence in the air, Whitlow sat down in her chair and crossed one leg over the other placing her notepad onto her thigh as Alicia turned away to look back at the wall staring right into the younger doctors eyes in a certain picture. One that seemed to be more candid than the others. She was not posed or ready for it. This was the doctor being pure, a moment of true personality. ”Why do you say that?” She scoffed and shook her head picking up the picture turning it to the doctor.

”The eyes….your eyes.”

She tilted her head back at Alicia, her eyebrows furrowing. Straining to understand her points. ”My eyes? I don’t follow Violet”

She winced hearing her name. She always did. It was a name that brought back so many memories. Ones that were never enjoyable or pleasant. She looked down at the picture again, her thumb moving around the bottom and back up before placing it back on the shelf. ”In that moment, you were just you. No care in the world, nothing holding you back. And that, well, that isn’t something you are born with that sticks around unless you have been nurtured in a free way.” She sighs heavily and goes back to the couch sitting down on the end, leaning forward with her hands clasped together.

”Hmm, I suppose I see what you mean. My parents were supportive, but never controlling. They gave me the freedom and love to choose the profession I wanted, then..” She trails off for a moment looking over at her diplomas with a small smile, back to Alicia who stared right ahead. ”They gave me the tools, emotionally and financially to chase it, tro succeed..”

Alicia gave her a small wink and laughed under her breath before leaning back. ”Those moments of freedom you had, you had prepared for them, you might have gone a little crazy, maybe had a few too many drinks a night or two. Maybe even kissed a boy” She shrugged and squeezed her hands together. ”But, you already had a taste and knew your limits.”

Dr Whitlow cleared her throat, took out her pen and shook her head with a grin. ”And her I thought it was my job to analyse you..”

They both laughed, Alicia put her hands over her head and sighed, it was a deep one, as if she had weight on her shoulders. Ready to let it go. ”I didn’t have that….I didn’t know my limits. I didn’t have that taste of it before hand to know when I should stop.”

”Oh?....so...what happened?”

Alicia leaned forward again and stared at the floor with a heavy heart. ”I overindulged…I went to far”

She hated techno music. In fact she hated it with a passion. Alicia had always been more of a rock and roll girl. Even some country, rap and heavy metal. But never techno. Dance music seemed so, soulless. It was just electronic noise arranged in a way to make beats and pulses. But, the last few weeks she had become a fan. Not that she really knew if it was the music itself, or the alcohol, or the drugs. But whatever it was made her feel open. It made her happy and lifted her above into the clouds.

This is what her life in Japan had become.

She would wake up, she would train, work hard, get ready for the weekend shows, do her best and then it was time to party. She and the other students, ones that she had become close to, they would go out, they would drink, and dance. The time off from training was a blessing, and a curse. She should have been using this time to heal, to let herself reflect on her dreams, her goals and how she was achieving them.

This isn’t what was happening. The music pulsed, the beats dances, the lights flashed and dimmed as she looked around. Her friends, training partners and assorted youth of Tokyo filled the dancefloor. Neon lights made everyone's white clothes glow on the dark, they all wore plastic tubes filed with fluorescent paint.

She danced like no one was watching. Moving her body without a care in the world. Many stopped to watch. There weren’t many girls like her in Tokyo, blond, tanned Americans. She had also shed the skinny little girl image putting on toned muscle in her time, her body becoming strong and athletic. She looked over at Takeshi, a smile on his face as he watched her dance, she smiled and slowly bit her bottom lip moving her hips to the side.

He moved up to Alicia and the girl dancing next to her, sliding a small plastic bag into her hand.

She looked down and smirked, it was a few pills. Colored green with a smiley face imprint. She slipped one between her lips and swallowed, the minutes started to blur as her body moved and felt free. She continued dancing, Takeshi moved around taking Alicia and the other girl by the hips. She smiled as he slowly put a pill against the other girls lips, he pushed Alicia towards her and their lips met as the lights continued to dance.

As she pulled away from the other girl she noticed it. The attention. The entire dancefloor staring, smiling, cheering over the music. Alicia smiled, threw her hands in the air and let out a scream as the next song started. But her scream echoed out and now it was just her….

”Thing is, I didn’t see the damage I was doing.”

Dr Whitlow scribbled a few things down, her glasses sitting on the end of her nose as she looked up. ”Damage?”

Alicia swallowed hard and cleared her throat before pushing up to her feet walking around the office. She shook her head and threw her hands in the air. ”That kind of attention feels great, at first.” She raised her eyebrows and gave a shrug. ”But soon, when you realise that, it’s all they see. That they can’t see passed that and who you really are?...well...that’s just the start of a bad reputation”


A blemish on the record.

”I can’t help but feel I’m being set up to fail.”

Alicia growls, she shakes her head, she does everything she can to keep her anger in check as she paces back and forth in her backyard in New York.

”It’s no secret that Ruby Steel and I have our issues. See, before I get into why I’m being set up and why I’m about to fuck up your precious little plans, let me remind you all what has been going on around here. See, a month and a bit ago, I lost to Keira Fischer Johnson. A match I shouldn’t have lost, a matchy that every single metric says I should have won. And I got so angry about it, so frustrated that I was considering walking away from the sport and profession I love.”

“Think about that for a moment. Let that thought linger in your mind. I was going to walk away, not just from the SCW Bombshells title hunt, not just from Sin City Wrestling. But from professional wrestling. Period.”

“Me. One of the most accomplished, decorated and respected women in this business.”

“I was going to walk away and toss it all and flush it because of a loss to someone who, lets face it, can’t even lace my fucking boots. And, did I get anything from any of you? Did I get a message asking me if I was alright? From anyone? From Christian? From Mark? From any of the other so called talking heads in charge of this place? Nah, nah of course not. You know what I got? I got kicked while I was down. I got Keira, Jessie Salco and Mercedes Vargas talkin shit.”

She can’t help but scoff and roll her eyes. Pacing even more as she seems to lose control of the anger that had been building and building.

”So then, well then I decided to stick around, before I could make the announcement Courtney pops her head in, so I repaid that disrespect with a little justice. Meanwhile, I challenge Jeira. She dips, she says I’ll never face her again cause she’s scared. Jessie Salco runs her mouth, I challenge Jessie to a match where she would actually have to put up or shut the fuck up, and she folds. Fast. The only person in this company who said she wants a piece of me is Ruby Steele and she wants it for revenge, not for any other reason.”

“I returned to the ring against Seleana Zdunich. Someone I have faced, and beaten almost as many times than I successfully defended MY bombshells title, which for those of you keeping score at home, is a lot.”

“So, it seems the stage is set right. I get to roll on into a show and put Ruby Steele down. I get to end her miserable career and send her home to Courtney so they can both nurse broken bones and dreams together. So I could clear out a few other pieces of dead weight from this division that has become overgrown with useless weeds”

“Out of the goodness of my heart I was going to help SCW and make the Bombshells division somewhere to be proud of again. And how am I repaid? Hmm?”

She pauses a moment and raises her eyebrows.

”I am made to be a fucking obstacle for someone elses dreams of glory. I’m being placed in front of Myra Rivers and forced to face her where she is the only one with a clear goal and a reward. I mean, what, I should want to beat her to stop her from getting a title shot when I don’t get it if I win? Are you kidding me? This division is so devoid of talent that here I am, busy trying to get myself a damn right with someone who actually wants it, to get pulled out of that and thrown against Myra as a fucking afterthought…”

“And the worst part is, that any other time, any other place and in any other situation I would be looking forward to this match.”

“See, I know what people say about me, that Alicia hasn’t changed, that she is just showing who she has always been. But, they just don’t want to admit that they changed me. And even though I am angry, even though I am done giving unearned respect I can still recognise talent. Whether I personally like the individual or not. That doesn’t matter. And it’s obvious I have a debt against Myra Rivers.”

“See, Myra has beaten me, one on one.”

Alicia becomes visibly angry as she growls under her breath.

”I would be lying if I said that didn’t bother me. That Myra has the right to say she’s better than me. And trust me, I am keenly aware that she along with Amber Ryan has that right. I’m not blind to your talent Myra. I’m not. It might seem that way if you believe what everyone says about me. I’m smart enough to know how good you are. Take out the fact you beat me, take out the anger I have with that and the frustration. And I’d still be excited about this match if things were different.”

“I’d be facing a woman who broke records, who held that Internet title longer than anyone who racked up defence after defence after defence. Admittedly it wasn’t always against the top competition but you still did it against some real talent. And I applaud that.”

“Shit the only way you were able to have that title taken from you is by getting beaten by Amber Ryan and we all know how good she is.”

“But, this match Myra. It’s insulting. And not because it’s against you. But because of what it represents”

Alicia stops pacing and turns on her heels facing forward.

”Apparently I have fallen so far that I’m being used as a pawn in a stupid little show. You said you wanted to earn your shot at Amber Ryan despite the fact that you, in most peoples minds, are the number one contender. So, to “prove” that you get matched up with me. And some people would believe this is a test for you, that they are putting you through ba trial by fire. But you know what I see Myra?”

“I see Mark and Christian losing faith in me.”

“I see the management of this company thinking that I am such a fucking pushover that you are going to turn up, prattle on 3one of your long winded promos, repeat yourself fifty times on the show, then waltz your way down to the ring and steamroll over me like I was Violet Holt or Bea Barnhart.”

“That is what I see.”

“That is how I feel.”

“Thing is Myra. That isn’t what is about to happen. See, I might not be getting the title shot if I beat you, but, I do, I get to avenge a loss, I get to prove to you, to Amber, to Christian and to Mark that I am still the head of the goddamn food chain. That I am still the best of the best. That I can still go toe to toe with Amber Ryan, and trust me, as much as I would love to beat the hell out of Ruby Steele on a big stage, I would forgo that for another shot at gold and instead smash the shit out of that little twit on a indy show in front of ten people and a disabled assistance dog…”

“So get down to that ring Myra, try and prove you belong in the ring with Amber again. And realise that sometimes, it’s better to shut the fuck up and not look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Session Seven: Life of Adjustments

She closed her eyes and smiled. This session was going to be different, happier. All of them leading up to this dealt with pain, sadness, loss, anger and guilt. But, this one? This one made Alicia smile. This one held memories that uplifted her, made her proud of herself and the road that she had taken. Her hand reached out and picked up a picture. She looked over it, studying it as the memories flooded back. Dr Whitlow smiled as well, happy to see the difference in Alicia’s eyes and body language.

She handed the picture over and kicked up her legs laying back on the couch. Whitlow looked at it, she smiled even wider and gave a nod before placing the picture down on her desk. It was the gym. The “Lair of the dragon”. Alicia took a deep breath in and out closing her eyes. Whitlow clicked her pen, leaning to her left propping up her head with her hand as her elbow bent and leaned on the arm of her chair.

”It’s good when you find somewhere that you feel comfortable.” Alicia laughed and shook her head, opening her eyes, turning her head to look at her doctor. Her bright blue eyes shining as she looked right at her.

She clicked her tongue and gave a small wink. ”That’s just it Doc, I wasn’t comfortable. At all.”

”No?”

Alicia chuckled and moved her head back, clasping her hands together on her lap. ”Nope. And that’s what made it great.”

Summer in Japan was alot hotter than Alicia thought it would be, temperature wise it wasn’t much different than home. But the amount of people, the cramped spaces in the city. It made it suffocating.. The sweat dripped from her body as she held the pose. Her eyes straight ahead as she tries to control her breathing. Her head was aching, her neck was on fire, her back screamed in pain. But she was determined. She had been in Japan for two months. And every day she had learned a new lesson. Every day she got better, stronger.

But still, she had earned no respect from anyone. Not the other students, the trainers, the owner. They allowed her to train, to clean the gym and sleep on the floor in a small room out the back, her savings being used to buy tuna and rice and some bottled water. Enough to survive on. She could feel her legs shaking, she could feel her back giving way. Neck bridges were something new to her a few weeks ago, now they were a part of her daily ritual, like the others. As your body gave out, you would go and sit in a line in order of when you gave up. Or quit.

When this first started, the first time Alicia had done this, she lasted two minutes, and fell. She was laughed at, told to go home. Again and again she joined the line of students, day after day. But, her body became stronger, her neck flexible and slowly, through determination and a will to no longer be a victim, Alicia held on longer and longer. This time was different, sher could feel it, it was down to the final three. It was her, another student, a large man with neck muscles like a tree trunk and the instructor. Gyo. Alicia breathed deep, She heard it, a body drop. It was the other student. It was down to her and Gyo. But Alicia had no idea how long she could hold on. All the other students stared quietly. Sitting on their knees, backs straight, hands on their thighs.

She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, the blood flowing through her body, she could feel the sweat pour down and pooling under her.

She was shaking, she was hurt and she couldn’t take it anymore, her body falling and hitting the training mats, she took a few breaths and shook her head before sitting up, she knew the routine, it was time to move back with the rest of the students. But, as she looked up she saw him. Gyo. He was kneeling to the side staring at her. He looked shocked, surprised, and confused. The other students had a similar look. But why?

Gyo stood up, he moved up and passed Alicia, taking his place, at the end of the line. He had fallen before her.

She took a deep breath in, moving around to face them all, sitting on her knees like them. They all got ready and bowed in unison, as they sat back up Alicia returned the respect. She could feel it in her stomach and her heart, the tears welled up in her eyes, but she buried it, held it in. Sitting up and swallowing hard and keeping her composure. Gyo gave her a small nod before dismissing them ”クラス解雇”

”You earned their respect.”

Alicia smiled again before sitting up, she pulled her knees back towards her chest and nodded slowly. ”Things started changing after that. She laughed to herself and shrugged. ”I was at least treated as one of them. The other female wrestlers welcomed me, the male ones started to treat me with respect. They realised I wasn’t there for some romantic idea….I wanted it.”

”You should feel proud of that moment. Hold onto it.”

Alicia laughed to herself and turned to face Dr Whitlow. ”The thing is….they weren’t wrong at the start, when I first got there...it was a romantic ideal, it was just...a lie…”

Dr Whitlow put her pen down and moved the clipboard. ”What do you mean?”

”I was doing the right thing for the wrong reasons….but I fell in love with it...it’s too bad I had to leave…” She trailed off and cleared her throat before standing up. ”But that’s for next time...I have a plane to catch…” She smiled at Dr Whitlow who gave her a kind nod in return. Alicia had a job to do...and nothing was going to stop her.

The Great Pretender

”This should be very tiring for all of you. Every single one of you should be sick and tired of hearing my voice. My accent, my arrogance. It should anger you. It should give you this insatiable drive and need to shut me up. It should make you all form a line and be coming for me, challenging me. But, I hear crickets. I went out and I earned a shot at Amber Ryan, I took her to the limit then gave her the respect she was duie and she had earned from me...but that doesn’t mean I won’t challenge her again. Shit, if I could I’d get in the ring with her at the next Climax Control..”

“Maybe then I’d actually be more excited about this match.”

She shakes her head. Alicia’s long blonde hair tied away from her face as her red painted lips twist into a snarl. Her arms folded over her chest.

”Back to my original point. Week after week, month after month I have matches and record promos for these matches, and I go over what I’ve done and what I’m going to do and I beg and plead for someone to step up and try and stop me. And the truth is, the last year or so I have softened on all of you. I looked at the roster and saw names of women who I knew could hang with me and I became complacent. I sat back, I took a rest but continued to do what it is I do. I kept going about my work, winning matches and being one of the best. I still have one of the best winning percentages in this company, and that is with the stiffer competition and the losses I’ve had.”

“And all it does is show that there is still a wide gap and margin between the best in this company, and everyone else. Now, that doesn’t mean there isn’t talent there or potential. Courtney Pierce has potential, but it’s potential she struggles to realise. Maki has potential, but she lets her personal demons cloud that. We have the list of former champions who have faded away like shrinking violets  A list of women that Courtney had tried to say I was on. Despite all evidence to the contrary.”

“See, Roxi, Mercedes, Christina, they all pop back up and make an annoyance of themselves without staying at the same level they were at, and reclaiming the same glory. I have, I haven’t slowed down. But these so called legends haven’t been able to claw their way back to the top and stay there but instead just hang around and we’re unable to get rid of them. Kind of like a flare up of herpes.”

“With that being said, atleast they had their time in the sun and at one point made it count. I win matches and titles and make them matter, I win opportunities and make them matter. Keira Fischer-Johnson, she pisses away opportunities and still gets handed more and more of them and none of us can figure out why. I sit here and I rack my brain back and forth wondering how she continued to get opportunity after opportunity, time and time again to fail and every single one...except...against me…”

Alicia pauses and snarls, her top lip curling as she tries to keep it together.

”One good night Keira. That’s what you had. One good night. And at the time, I praised you for it, I gave you the respect you deserved because you finally climbed the ladder and got your hands on the title that had been oh so elusive to you through your whole career. You beat me. One on one. Think about that. It is still something very rare in this company and in this business to hold a one on one win over me. But, you have. So, I applauded it. I applauded it and you and celebrated you becoming the goddamn champion.”

“I did that because I was happy for you. I thought maybe you had turned that corner away from being the joke who was never able to win “the big one” I thought maybe you’d be able to step out of Roxi’s shadow. I even stepped back, I declined to have my rematch against you because I wanted the spotlight for you and showed you that respect. And how did you repay it Keira? A win over me, a title victory, all that momentum and feel good moment, everything in the pal of your fucking hand delivere dto you by me and how the fuck did you repay that?”

She pauses, snarling again, clearly becoming angry.

”By losing the title to Christina Zdunich-Hilton-Millar-Lite-Rose”

She throws her hands in the air.

”You took a championship from me that I had made mean something, that I loved, that I needed, you took that from me in an act of defiant glory and when you had the chance to be the champion you promised you would be, you fucking failed. You.Fucking.Failed. And hey, I could forgive that, I could look passed that Keira, I could move on if you hadn’t have done two things that got under my skin and pissed me off. First one, was call me a hypocrite and call my integrity into question.”

“Really?”

“The queen of posting insta-thot pics and caring more about telling us all about her relationship instead of her wrestling career wants to talk about my integrity? Because I called you out for failing and spitting on my legacy and the GIFT I fucking let you have?” A gift you squandered…”

“Wow.”

“That was the first one Keira. The first thing that makes me want to kick the shit out of you while your beanhead wife watches, but the second one?. The second reason is simple.”

She pauses and builds tension, good trick right?”

”You didn’t get back up…”

“You didn’t dust yourself off, stand up and get that title back. The fire you had when you faced me, the fire I saw in your eyes and that determination to shut everyone up who ever doubted you or tore you down was gone Keira. It vanished. And all that was left?....the woman you are now? I have no respect for. I have no time for. And I am being forced to face in a match, and that, well that should insult you.”

“I want to face the best of the best, I want to get back in the ring with Amber Ryan, I want to get back in the ring with Evie Jordan or Dani Weston, I want to face other women who have beaten me one on one, but...not you. Because this match doesn’t excite me, it doesn’t inspire me. And normally, I’d be begging you to prove me wrong, to get in that ring and beat me, to prove it to me and to yourself that you do belong...the only problem is…”

“I have no faith in you…..and never will..”

Session five: The Escape.

“It was the same night? The night of the party”

“Yes.”

Silence then the sound of a pencil scribbling across the paper. The pencil being placed against the pad and it moving to Dr. Whitlows' lap. She leaned forward, her thin wire-framed glasses slid down her nose. “Tell me what happened.”

Alicia took a deep breath in and closed her eyes. She knew how painful this was about to be. She knew how she was about to feel. But sometimes to heal, we need to feel pain first.

She could smell beer. The cheap kind that had no weight to it. The kind that had been watered down at the brewery. It was on Ronnies breath, as he snored the smell hit Alicia in the face, it made her feel sick to her stomach, even now Ronnies arm was over her like he owned her even in her sleep. Her eyes moved across to the small digital clock on his side of the bed. The red lights ticked over, she wanted out, she needed out. She carefully moved her leg off the bed, sliding her lower body away.

She was able to slip down to the hardwood floor.

It creaked, a shot of fear went up to her spine, to her heart, and down again. Ronnie groaned and rolled over in the opposite direction. A snore escaped him and Alicia felt relief. For the first time, she was happy and relieved he had been drinking. It meant a quick moment of sadness then he’d be out for the night.

Her hand moved to the small handle grasping it hard, it made her realize she was shaking. Her hand and arm vibrated as she pulled down and back, sliding through the door and down the hall into the bathroom where she had hidden clothes. She slipped on the jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt, and a hoodie.

She looked in the mirror taking a long deep breath trying to calm herself down. Her heart was going insane, her hands were shaking. She didn’t like this. But for what she had to do next, she needed a clear head and needed to be calm for this. Alicia swallowed deep and face a small nod to herself whispering as she looked down at the sink. “Come on, grow some balls Violet.” Seg spat the words like venom to herself before clearing her throat and standing up straight. It was time.

She turned and moved back out to the hallway toward the stairs. She stopped at the landing, she couldn’t move. Her boys. Their room was right there. She had told herself not to look. It would be too hard and would break her heart, and stop her from leaving. Jennifer had warned her too. But she wanted to see them one last time. To see their faces. To hear them breathing. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. She took a long, deep, breath. She held it in for what seemed like an eternity before pushing it out and turning on her heels to move towards the door.

Alicia stepped in, being careful not to wake them and move the door too fast. She moved to the half bed and the crib. The emotions came straight up from her stomach as she burst into tears. Looking at both of her sons laying there asleep, realizing what she was giving up. Realizing what she was forcing them to give up. She could feel herself doubting it all. Was this the right decision? Could she stay and power through it and survive?

She was deep in thought, she failed to hear the door open. But she felt a hand on her arm and froze before spinning and coming face-to-face with Jennifer. “Vi, what are you doing? We have to go. Now!”

She snapped out of it, nodding slowly and following Jennifer out of the boys' bedroom and down the stairs towards the kitchen and the side door. Jennifer stopped at the base of the stairs pushing Alicia back against the wall. She swallowed hard and shook her head looking around. “It’s my dad….shit” She shook her head and looked down. “Stay here. I’ll get him out of the way.”

Alicia gave an understanding nod. She watched as Jennifer moved around the corner faking a yawn. “Fuck…” Alicia whispered under her breath and hugged the wall hard.

“Hey daddy” Jennifer used her best daddy’s little girl voice. She moved around pulling her father's attention from the door. Alicia moved around and behind the kitchen bench to the door, she reached up sliding out and down the stairs hiding in the bushes. She was outside, she was free. The door opened. Jennifer stepped out and looked around. “Vi?”

“I’m here” She stood up Jennifer moved down the stairs grabbing Alicia’s wrist, she opened her hand shoving a large rolled-up wad of cash inside. “What’s th-“

“Go...get away from this fucked up family. Come back when you can fight for them…” Her voice was breaking, she was upset, Alicia smiled and gave her a nod as a few tears started to form in her eyes.

She turned and moved towards the road, but stopped suddenly. She turned and threw her arms around Jennifer's neck hugging her. “Thank you, thank you so much” She pulled back and sighed heavily. “Take care of them...please” Jennifer smiled and gave a nod, Alicia moved back and turned, this time there would be no looking back. She looked down at the cash, all hundreds. She had enough to start a life, to start the fight back.

“Where did you go?”

Alicia snapped out of it, back to Whitlow's office, tears still fresh on her cheeks. “What?”

“After you left, where did you go?” Alicia swallowed and sat up with a groan and a shake of her head. She looked around the office and clasped her hands together.

A small smile, a sigh, and her bright blue eyes staring ahead. “Jennifer gave me over thirty thousand dollars. You know, when you think about that much, you’d like it looks like alot. But, really it was deceptive.” She trailed off and shook her head. “It was stupid. I thought about my dad, What my mom told me, where he went and what he did…”

Whitlow tilted her head, showing patience as Alicia skirted around the question. “And, what did you find out?”

“I found my home away from home….” Alicia's face lit up, she laughed to herself and smiled wide. “I went to Japan…”

Queen…

”Hail to the queen”

Alicia’s southern accent burns through the screen, her bright blue eyes sparkle as she smirks with an arrogant turn of her ruby red lips.

”I’d hate to say I told you so, but, I told you so. Seems to be something I do alot in my career isn’t it? I came to SCW, I told you all I would become the SCW Bombshells champion, everyone talked shit. They said I couldn’t go on the same run of dominance I did in WWH and Honor wrestling. But then, I won it, I won that championship and held it in both hands and I was able to say those sweet words. I.TOLD.You.So. I lost the title to Sereana after her wife interfered and handed it to her, I promise I would have it back within a month. ANd again, I succeeded after everyone said I wouldn’t.”

“I got injured, said I’d come back and get revenge on Bibbie Dahl, she and everyone else told me I wouldn’t, that I was done. I came back, I beat her and I got to say...I told you so.”

“This is a running theme, time and time again I have had people underestimate me and tell me that I can’t or won’t do something and time and time again I prove them wrong and get to say those words. And the same thing happened with the Queen for a day match. Char Kwan, Mercedes Vargas, a bunch of yahoos who weren’t even in the match. They said I wouldn’t or couldn’t do it. And I’ll admit, the vocal minority who keep telling me what I can’t do is getting to become a smaller group, but they are still there. But when that match ended I held the briefcase and all the power.”

“And at that moment I was presented with a choice. What championship do I set my sights on?”

She smiles and shakes her head, at this point, we notice Alicia is wearing a red crown, a red cape, and a red shirt with her name in cursive writing and a picture of her with a crown. The limited-edition Alicia “Strong style Queen” T-shirt available from SCWShop.com.

”See, the easy answer would just be, the SCW Bombshells title. It’s the biggest, the best, the earmark of this professional wrestling world and the measuring stick for womens wrestling. But, I have held it before. It’s a path I’ve travelled. So, I could have gone for the mixed tag team titles but, well, I figured Autin might want a run there and I didn’t feel like teaming with him. But, what about the roulette? I could go into a random match with Krystal Wolfe, beat the crap out of her and snatch up that title….easily…”

“But, I never wanted easy. I have never wanted to take things or win them without a challenge. So that left two championships, and this decision was actually alot harder than most realise.”

“On the one hand, as I said, is the world title. On the other is the Internet championship. Myra Rivers has made that a prize worth chasing and wanting. And not only is the Internet title a prize, it’s something I have never held and it is held by someone I don’t particularly like. I don’t like her face, her attitude or who she is as a person. So, the desire was strong. But then, why didn’t I go for that title? Why didn’t I pull the trigger and step out of my comfort zone? Well, the answer is simple and it was the tipping point.”

“Amber Ryan”

She nods and raises her eyebrows with a shrug stepping back and taking the cape and crown off ruffling her long blonde hair flipping it all over one side as she folds her arms back over her chest and snarls.

”This is a  match I wanted, regardless of it being for a championship. It just seems to be some kind of happenstance that you and I are in the positions we are right now. From the moment you stepped into SCW I wanted a match with you. But it seems like we have been two ships passing in the night. I was the champion when you came in, I then lost the title and got injured as you started to rise up the card in SCW at a fantastic rate. I watched as you and Roxi beat the hell out of each other for a few months and had an amazing rivalry that made me excited about pro wrestling again.”

“You were still occupied with Roxi and also took some time off when I returned, I was focused on Bibbie and then the Bombshells title again, and when I lost it and stepped back, well, that’s when you made your run. And now here you are, the incumbent champion, a woman who has been a star not only in this company but others too. It’s almost like looking into a red headed mirror.”

“Winning the queen for a day match gave me the means and opportunity to have a match with you. The match so many people wanted. A match you and I both wanted.”

“We’re like two pitbulls, staring at each other through a chainlink fence for the longest time, now free to go. And go we will. See, I told you before I didn’t want to take an easy match. I liked challenges. And that is something that no one can say I do. No one can sit there and say I run from challenges or that nI’m a coward. When I was the champion I called out everyone, the best of the best and I beat them. Shit the truth is Amber...you’re here because of me…”

She sneers again and laughs to herself.

”See, I was the reason Roxi came back to SCW. She was happy living her life with Keira and their kid, she was happy making sporadic appearances and kicking trash cans around in that bullshit Lucha company. It was my challenge, my temptation that brought her back. And it was Roxi, that brought you in. So the entire reason why you came here, why you’re holding that championship right now. Is me. So how fitting is it that you and I are about to go one on one for that championship in the main event?”

“My only regret is that it isn’t happening at a supercard. But, I suppose the first Climax Control of a new era will do.”

“And I want everyone, not just you Amber, to feel the weight of this match. The heavy gravity of it. See, you have been one of the most dominant forces in wrestling and now, SCW. People respect you or fear you. Or, in some cases. Both. Make no mistake Amber, I do respect you, but I don’t fear you. I look at you in the ring and I smile, because I see a kindred spirit. Someone who is willing to put everything on the line, never step back from a fucking challenge and never back down. I see someone who will leave little pieces of themselves on that canvas. Who will sweat and bleed for their craft and for all the titles and accolades that come with it.”

Her eyes burn, her body seems to become more pumped up and excited as she paces back and forth.

”You and I will step in that ring and we will give the fans and management a fight they will never forget, we will scrap, we will claw and we will do it all not just for a title or a championship but because we both want to beat the other. I love SCW, I love wrestling, I love that title that you hold and I would love to become a four time SCW Bombshells champion. But what I want even more, what will be put up high as a trophy mounted on my fucking wall...and I mean this, with all due respect.”

“Is your fucking head.”

Session Two: Two Steps forward, one step back

She wanted out of the car.

From the second her mother explained what was about to happen Violet had an uneasy feeling. The last few years had been awkward for her, living with her mother and siblings in a middle class life that was fine for her but hell for her mother had been stressful. Violet Alicia Maxwell, years before she would become Alicia Lukas, had grown up without caring about accumulated wealth or the apparent advantages it had. But her mother, well, her mother had been used to the life.

Barbera Marie Lukas. A woman born into old money of the south, who had given it all up because she fell in love with the wrong man, and was cut off by her family. A proper southern belle who wanted to marry a dirty, loud professional wrestler named Jason. It had ended her way of life, it had destroyed the world she had become accustomed. And that put them in a way that caused so much anger and resentment that Violet never knew what happiness was. That was until Barbera discovered a way to guarantee their social standing.

Arranged marriage.

Something that had rarely been talked about and assumed to have been abolished in the western world was actually still alive and well. Barbera had increased the families lives by marrying a man who had been successful, in a modest way. But to really push their standing up, to get the family name back where it needed to be, well, Violet was the sacrificial lamb. And this drive felt like a lamb being led to slaughter. Dressed in a tight fitting pink and white dress, her hair done in curls with ribbons and forced to wear uncomfortable shoes, Violet had already dealt with the attitude from her younger sister Rose, who would later be known as Zoey Lukas in her own brief wrestling career, until Violet pointed out that after she had been handed off, she would be next.

The streets whipped by, the road changed from something that looked like the suburbs to a more country feeling. Rolling hills and forest cover with plains and large plantations. Violets heart sank, she felt like she was about to throw up, her bright blue eyes moving from the window to her sister who was snoring next to her in the back seta, her stepfather hummed a tune as he drove and her mother...well her mother was the picture of a southern lady. Her hair being worn above her shoulders, curled with black sunglasses on and a dark blue dress. She smiled and sighed happily as Violet shook her head, the sixteen year old debutant that wanted nothing to do with this and she was getting tired of hiding it.

They turned into a large estate, a few men stood at the gate, black suits and sunglasses as some form of uniform as they gave a nod waving the old white rolls royce through ansd to the main house. They circled around a large stone angel with water coming from a small clay pot in it’s hands into the waterfall feature below.

They all got out of the car, Rose looked around, her hands in her pockets, their brother Josh, the middle child had been able to get out of this, being sent away to camp while Rose wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Her step father took Rose to the side moving over to talk to an older man near the door who smiled and greeted him with a firm handshake. Violet growled and turned her nose up as Barbera sighed and turned front on to her oldest child. ”Oh stop sneering. You should be happy. This will set you up for life Violet. You’ll be married and be a woman of leisure.” Violet tried not to show her feelings, but a groan escaped her lips causing Barbera to flare her nostrils and grab her by the arm. ”The Andrews family own some of the biggest sugar refineries in the country. They are worth hundreds of millions. You’ll never have to worry again.”

Like Violet cared about that.

”So? I don’t need any of that. I want to find something I’m passionate about, I don’t want to be some vapid stay at home and smile socialite, trotted out like a fuckin show pony-”

”ENOUGH!” Her mother spat angrily, her eyes widened, her teeth grinding together as she tightened her hand around Violet's wrist pulling her close. ”You are doing this not just for yourself but your family. Now, I am going to take you over there to meet Ronald and his father Derek, and you will be delightful and the picture of a sweet young lady.” She turned and instantly the act was put on, Barbera smiled and waved her hand in the air with a grin taking Violet over to the group. ”Hello!...Derek, Ronald, I would like to introduce you to Violet..my oldest…”

”Hello young Lady, pleasure to meet you...say hello Ronald.”

The younger man stepped forward, his hair swept back, he was handsome, atleast he had that going for him. He had blue eyes, dark hair and was well built, standing about six foot three and looked to be seventeen or eighteen years old. He had a strong jawline and reached out taking Violets hand and bending down to kiss the top of it. ”Pleasure to meet you, Violet’

Violet bit her lip lightly, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. ”Nice to meet you to...Ronald.”

”So you let your guard down?”

She was back in the office, laying on the couch. She nodded slowly as Dr Whitlow jotted a few lines down in her notebook. Alicia sighed heavily and kept her hands clasped together as she looked up. Remembering how she felt almost fourteen years ago as she looked at a man who would be the father of her young children and also her biggest mistake. But at the time, at the moment she first met him, she was filled with something else. Hope

Alicia sat up and pulled her knees to her chest letting oput a deep breath giving a small shrug. ”I was a kid. Sheltered too. I was against it at first but, I don’t know. Rich, good looking and at first he was…” She trailed off and swallowed hard.

”Sweet? Kind? A dream?” Alicia slowly nodded, Dr Whitlow gave a half smile and put her pen down before leaning against her knees. ”Men with predatory personalities often act that way in the beginning, it draws people in. It’s a hunting skill..”

”And I fell for it...completely….how fucking pathetic and stupid was I?”

Dr Whitlow sighed and picked her pen back up writing a few more things down before clearing her throat. ”You were sixteen years old. We were all stupid at sixteen dear. Even me. Not that I can remember that far back.” She shot Alicia a reassuring grin, Alicia laughed to herself and sighed again. ”Focus on that, your age, your future...but, thats all for today….thank you...you opened up...it’s progress.” Alicia goit to her feet grabbing her back, she moved out of the office closing the door behind her and making her way down the hallway to the elevator. As the doors closed and she felt it move down to the parking garage she took a deep breath in before feeling the tears roll down her cheeks.

Progress, as it turns out. Is painful

A dull edge

Being honest with yourself is deceptively hard. Forcing yourself to look in the mirror and admit that maybe you’ve lost a step. That maybe you’re not as good as you once thought you were. This is where Alicia Lukas was in her life. The truth she had to look in the mirror and tell herself.

”I failed. Again. Something that again, I’m not used to. And the last few months that’s all it’s been for me. Failure after failure after failure. And sure, people can point to certain things I’ve done and applaud. Beating Maki one on one in a match of the year contender is something to be proud of. But, after coming back and beating Bobbie Dahl, the woman who put me on the shelf, regaining my bombshells title and getting back to the apex of SCW, as quickly as I ascended, I fell.”

“I watched Keira Fischer Johnson rise up with her own little dream narrative. A story that I believed and got fooled by hook, line and sinker. Her story and her actions made me feel back for wanting to win., to retain the title. And when she beat me I smiled looking at her holding that championship. I applauded, I smiled and I was proud of her and I was happy I lost.”

“Happy I fucking lost. Can you believe that shit?”

“At that moment I should have realised something was wrong with me. I should have stepped back and re-evaluated right then and there. But I didn’t. Shit I didn;’t even take a rematch for the title, I wanted Keira to have that moment in the sun because I believed she earned it. And as quickly as the feeling of pride in her and her accomplishment came, it flew out the fucking window when I saw her make thew title mean nothing. See, I held it and it was the biggest title in the world, I lose that thing and no one can actually keep it at that level. Evie came damn close, then the run of champions we had since then?...

She shakes her head, her heart sinking to the pit of her stomach while anger rises up in its place. Alicia tuts and folds her arms over her chest.

”Hopefully with Amber Ryan we have one that’s worth it. And before I get into my match this week, let me just say something about the match a lot of people seem to want. Amber Ryan versus Alicia Lukas. Believe me, I’m sure it’ll happen. We’ve had other dream matches involving me lately. Maki and Mercedes for instance. Amber and I will step in the ring one day, and the entire wrestling world will stop and watch. But, until then I have other matches and moments to look forward to…”

Alicia turns and slowly sits down crossing one leg over the other. Her hands moving down to grab her leg as it crosses over the other.

”You know, the reason why I decided to give everyone a refresher in what happened with Keira, and the feelings I went through there is because of a situation that happened with Seleana. See, Seleana doesn’t get the respect she deserves. While Roxzi and Keira get to much respect for the kind of people they are Seleana gets overlooked and forgotten. Keira and Roxi are all about themselves and hide it behind the team Hero bullshit. They’re both just as self serving and as bad as one another. But Seleana is someone who overcomes that kind of selfish bullshit”

“Seleana is married to one of the most arrogant bitches I have ever met in my life but instead of feeding into it and trying to hide it like the Johnsons do Seleana goes about her business being herself. And that deserves to be admired. She is a respectful stand up woman who always does her best in that ring and never, never makes excuses.”

“Two years ago, I came into this company and I destroyed EVERYONE. I went against the best this company had to offer and week after week I had my hand raised high.”

She shrugs and laughs to herself shaking her head. The good old days.

”But. In that time and the matches I had there was a a blip in that run. Aside from being beaten by Dani Weston I had also lost to Selena Zdunich. And it was a hard loss. Not because I was beaten by the better woman but because the decision and destiny of the match was taken from my hands. And I looked Seleana in the eye and I told her that she had a responsibility to her own legacy and family to go one on one with me again and put the title that her wife stole for her on the line. And one thing that I will never forget is that Seleana agreed.”

“She didn’t hide, she didn’t make excuses or tell the world I had to earn it or that she was the rightful champion. Seleana looked at me, told me I was right and told the world that she wasn’t the real champion unless she could beat me without Crystals help. That right there told me all I needed to know about Seleana. And you can look back at my history with anyone in this company and you can pinpoint exact moments when my opinion of them changed. You can see it with Roxi, when she refused to congratulate me or acknowledge I was the better woman, you can see it with Keira or Mercedes.”

“But with Seleana it never changed from then on.”

“And it’s for one reason. Seleana is real”

“The Seleana Zdunich you meet on day one, face to face is the same woman you’ll see two years later. And since I came into this company I have smiled every single time I have seen Seleana succeed. Shew wins a  big match, becomes a champion and does herself and her family proud and I will be one of the first to shake her hand backstage. So, while I felt bad for wanting to beat Keira, I do actually feel bad when I face Seleana. Because, with the exception of when Crystal interfered….I’ve had her number.”

Alicia sighs heavily and stares off into space as she sits back, uncrosses her legs and pushes her fingertips together in a pyramid, her fingertips touching her chin.

”And it’s not because Seleana can’t beat me. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. She had all the tools to get me. She had all the skills and the drive to get in there and get a win over me. She just doesn’t. And who knows, maybe this time it’ll be different. Maybe this time Seleana will get in the ring and show the world what she is capable of and walk out the winner. But, then again.,Maybe she won’t. Maybe Seleana is destined to never have that big win over me. Maybe she is destined to be like the rest of her family and never get to say they’re better than me.”

“Maybe Seleana will have to go back home, look her daughter in the eye and explain how and why she failed to beat Alicia Lukas again.”

“And while part of me will feel bad, part of me will regret what I have to do, well, I still have to do it. We’re all in this together, all fighting for position and fighting for a spot. And I know how good you are Seleana, I know what you want and how to get there. But to get what you want you have to go through me and for me to get what I want?..well. I have to go through you and based off our history Sel...well...I know who i’d I have money on…”