“Looney Tunes With A Capital CUCKOO!!”
Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
(https://c.tenor.com/jLaQYWDjuSYAAAAC/get-him-to-the-greek-jonah-hill.gif)
The camera angle opens with a large form front and center. which is explained altogether too easily as the form recedes to reveal a Robert Pattinson printed T, but not for his new megahit, The Batman. No, THIS particular brand of printed media was of Pattinson's much earlier hit, the one that made him a household name, with his image bearing the likeness of Edward Cullen from Twilight fame. It was then revealed to being none other than the hefty girth of SCW's resident conspiracy theorist and expert player of the "victim card"....
The Troll: Hey yo yo yo! It's yours truly, your boy The Troll! Here to give each and every one of my peeps a healthy dose of what you need the most; the TRUTH!
He picks up a small hammer and gives a set of chimes on his computer desk aka a folding card table, sending the chimes' melodies ringing.
The Troll: And what better example to lead by than by the travesty that happened just this past Sunday when yours truly was the victim of a brutal and unprovoked attack by not this one person, but two! If you can actually count that little psychopath Despayre as a person that is. And as for his little partner in crime, the most overrated wrestler in the history of Sin City Wrestling, Mikah? Well here. S the fact. I would have put up more of a fuss with the higher ups and I was tempted to even file a lawsuit against her for her attacking !e DESPITE the mandates SCW has an effect against intergender competition, but the truth is that I just felt so bad for the poor thing. That's probably the first time she's ever felt the touch of a real man and what has to be years! But here is the good news as PROMISED!
He brings a closed fist down onto the surface of his "desk" - promptly knocking over his large strawberry Dr Pepper from Wendy's.
The Troll: Shit! Aw DAMN it!
Sending him scrambling to pick up his now wasted drink and attempting to pick up his keyboard with one hand while trying to salvage the mess with a dirty paper towel. But just as he is making some progress..
*Thud! Thud! Thud!*
Mom: GABRIEL! THOMAS! WANK!
The Troll winces and pulls the headphones away from his right ear and looks upward to the first floor level of his family house.
The Troll: What, Ma!?
Mom: Was that YOU using the blue language!?
The Troll looks left, then right, and casually glances back up…
The Troll: Er, NO – Ma!
Mom: Well who was it then!? Was it one of your little friends? Do you have someone over and you didn’t even THINK to introduce them to your mother!?
The Troll: No Ma!
Mom: That just figures! You probably got that nice Miles Kasey boy to visit and didn’t even bring him up for tea! Just wham, bam, thank you…
The Troll: NO MA! I DON’T HAVE THAT GUY HERE! I DON’T HAVE ANYONE DOWN HERE IN MY BEDROOM! I’M B Y MYSELF! I’M ALL ALONE!!!
Crickets chirp just long enough until…
Mom: Big surprise….
The Troll returns to his broadcast when he blinks, then looks back up and mouths “What the fu-fudge!?” He then looks back into the camera and shakes his head.
The Troll: Now where was I? Oh YEAH! You wanted justice for your boy, the Troll? You wanted the SCW bosses to do what’s right? Well I am here to tell you here and now that “Hot Stuff” Mark Ward PERSONALLY sent me a fax from his offices in Las Vegas…
He holds up a paper, but keeps it short and sweet before he slaps it back down onto the surface of his “desk.”
The Troll: And he decided to do what was right and he offered to CANCEL this match against that walking Looney Tune character Despayre and suspend him indefinitely for his unprovoked attack! But, you know me…
He holds his arms out in a gesture of self presentation.
The Troll: I know I have a lot of people out there supporting me, and the Troll appreciates his peeps! So I told Mark Ward absolutely NOT! I want to keep this match as is because I want to show the world just how overrated that nutcase Despayre really is! Although – don’t be surprised if Mark Ward, my close and personal friend, decides to make this match the Main Event because we all know that is where the Troll belongs! And Despayre? He’s a one trick pony with that teddy bear of his. Without that toy, he’s nothing and when - not if - when I climb that pole and grab that dumb bear ….
The Troll slices his thumb across his throat in a universally recognized gesture.
The Troll: I am going to tear that dumb bear’s head clean off and shove that stuffing right down Despayre’s throat! And that - my peeps - is THE TRUTH!
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