“I want you to be the best version of yourself.”
The Pains of Victory
Seattle, Washington
Hyatt Regency
Following Climax Control 310
It was a battle, one that she will not soon forget. She will more than likely be battered and bruised for a couple days following her war with Tempest, but she made it. She survived. For now she lays on the bed of their hotel suite at the Hyatt Regency in downtown Seattle, wishing that there was stronger pain meds made available over the counter.
She finished getting her medical check...the one that happened at the behest of Malachi, Mark Ward, Candy and her now opponent for Violent Conduct VII, the PWS Roulette Champion, Krystal Wolfe. There were so many mixed feelings running through her. Right now though, it was pain that made its appearance and feelings well known. She washed her face, brushed and braided her long hair into pigtails and all she wanted to do is curl up in the fetal position, but she’s couldn’t even bring herself to turn onto her side. Instead, her bright blue eyes stare at the bright white ceiling.
The same style white ceiling that is in practically every hotel....why is that? Anyone ever notice that before?
ANYWAY!
She just laid there, currently questioning every move she made tonight, scratching Luka between her fox like ears, gently. As a moment Bella groans and holds on to her stomach which leaves Luka to look at her owner and sigh.
“Anyone get the number of that bus? Ya know, the one that ran my ass over?”
Stated her husband, Malachi, who too had a pretty rough night and battle with Bill Barnhart. He just sat in the chair, that one chair they always give you, next to the bed (Again...WHY?) sipping from a glass, “You’re being dramatic again.”
“I really am not.” Bella grunts as she leans up on her elbows, glaring at her husband who is nursing a glass of the current alcoholic drink that they picked up after the show to take back with them to their hotel room, “I thought for a minute I was going to die.”
“But you didn’t, instead you stood up to her, you battled like the badass you are. She was out to make an example out of you. You could have just given up.”
She sighs, because she knows what he is trying to do. He also knows it was never an option for his wife, “But I couldn’t. I came too far and worked way too damn hard to just allow myself to be bullied like that. I will get my ass kicked all day if that means that I made my point.”
And with that he lifts his glass with his crystal blue eyes matching hers and with a smile simply says, “And you did just that.”
She gives her husband a genuine smile, knowing that he had a rough night too, and winks, “I just hope that all this hard work pays off. Krystal wanted t his. I wanted this. ....but was it worth it?” she forces herself to sit up, grabbing the bottle from the side table. She swirls it in her hand, “I have never felt this tired before after a match.”
Mal watches as she takes a deep slug of the brown liquid straight from the bottle, “Well when you think about it, Tempest has been legit your largest opponent to date. So not surprising that you feel like you have been run over by a metro bus. But are you actually feeling tired? Or just....sore?”
She thinks for a moment and smirks with a slight tilt to her head, “Both? ...both. Both is good.”
Grumbling like grumpy Oscar Mal does when his wife chooses to be all hot and nerdy, he stands and offers his hand, “Come on then.”
Bella tilts her head and raises her eyebrow, “What?”
“I want to help you and you can help me, we both had a really rough night and honestly, mo grá, I just want to just relax for the rest of the night with you and we will both plan our next steps from there.” with that she allows him her hand and he gently pulls her to her feet, “So, we’re going to wash this whole night off, we’re going to order food and not think about Violent Conduct and just rest for now. You’ve been busting your ass, as have I....let’s just take a break from it for a bit. Okay? Just so when it’s time, you can be the best version of yourself.”
She steps forward and stands on her tiptoes and kisses his nose, “You spoil me.”
“Yeah I know I do.” he says as he wraps his arms around her, “Now...shower or tub? Cause I’m pretty sure we have a jet whirlpool in there.”
“Ooo, that whirlpool sounds like the perfect start for us to just begin our relaxing and recreating.” she smiles brightly as they begin to walk towards the bathroom door, ”Are you sure you can?”
That devilish little smile comes across his face, as they enter the room, “OH I know I can. It’s you I’m worried about Ms. Obsessive-Complusive.”
“Really Mr. I’m up at 5am to run a 10K every other day?”
“God only knows the amount of cardio that is truly needed to really keep up with you.”
The door closes with a click and Luka fast asleep in the spot where Bella laid just a few moments ago.
After the Hurricane comes the cleanup.
Like I’m not kidding. We got back into town, and we didn’t even get a chance to really relax cause suddenly there was talk of the area getting hit with what was left of Hurricane Ida. Thankfully our home didn’t get clobbered too bad. But the fact remains that the both of us had to put our focuses on that instead of trying to bring it all together. Mal really really wants that Internet Title.
And I really really want that Bombshell Title.
This week though, it was all about catching my breath, I needed to. The 3 straight weeks of this and ending with Tempest put a dent on me and my soul.
The Great Gift
Camping in The Woods
Out in the middle of nowhere
5 days later
“Bella.” a woman with dark brown hair stood in a room that was very white washed. You could barely make out her features at first but after a bit, her kind gentle hazel green eyes came more into focus.
Bella was somehow on the ground of this room, as she starts to move she looks around and it’s like the white washed version of her and Mal’s place. “What the...”
“Good morning, sunshine.” the woman speaks, which catches the young woman’s attention.
“I- ...I know that voice.” Bella turns around and her eyes almost tear up instantly, “....m-mom?” ..but this woman looks nothing like Laura, Bella’s birthday mother. This woman looks a bit more ordinary. “This isn’t possible. You...you’ve been gone since I was a little girl! You...you died! Cancer took you from me and dad....David...HOW ARE YOU HERE?!”
“Shhhh...shhhh...” the woman steps towards Bella and kneels in front of her, holding her face, “It’s ok...I’m not real, I’m just...I’m in your head. I know you’ve been trying to see me. I know that’s why you kept letting yourself wander off into your Wonderland visions. I used to read that to you when you were a baby. Had your dad let me change your name, I would have called you Alice, ya know.”
Bella sniffs, wiping the tears from her eyes, “He told me, after...”
“You look so grown up,” the woman say swiping a fallen strand of hair from Bella’s face, “You have been through so much.”
“Yeah well you dying didn’t help. But...”
“But you wouldn’t have found your real mom if I didn’t. I’m...I’m sorry that we kept that from you and kept her from you. We should have never...but then, you wouldn’t be the beautiful and strong woman that is standing before me.”
A bright flash fills the room and the next thing you know, Bella is standing next to the woman as they overlook a beautiful lake. “Our vacation home. The one that we used to go to every year before you got sick.”
“You remember. Bella, I want you to dig so deep. So incredibly deep.” the woman says taking Bella’s hand. Bella looks down and you can tell that she feels it but doesn’t, “You have battled so much. But when you were here, you didn’t, you allowed yourself to relax, reminisce and then when we returned home, you always overcame whatever obstacle got in your particular way. I saw it every year. Amazed by it. This place is your sanctuary, and I think that’s why you came here.”
“I didn’t even pick it out. It was Mal’s idea....”
A soft smile comes across the woman’s face, “Bella, I am so proud of you. You have stood up to every single challenge that you have ever faced.”
“But I haven’t won a lot of it.”
“It doesn’t matter.” she says turning and grabbing ahold of Bella’s shoulders, “It’s the fact that you have tried, you haven’t given up, EVER. I want you to look back on it all. Remember every single step that you took. But don’t LIVE there. Your husband is quite right, you have a horrible habit of living in your own head sometimes when things don’t go your way.”
“I barely survived that gauntlet. It took 2 days and a boat load of painkillers.”
“And since then?”
“I...same as always. I wake up, I train, workout, eat...just like every other day. It feels like every other damn time that I have come up just short of getting that one moment.”
“So what was different with Mercy?”
“It was personal.”
“And this isn’t?”
“I don’t know what this was, is....will be.” motioning with her hands, Bella says with a sigh, “I like Krystal. She actually treats me with respect, which was something that I didn’t get with Mercedes. But where is the line drawn? When do I stop getting knocked down and forced to stay down? When do I say enough is enough? When do I finally stand up and say...” and Bella turns but the woman is gone....and all that is around her is the lake, the woods and the cabin behind her, “Enough.”
Bella breaks down almost immediately and drops to her knees, sobbing into her hands. She didn’t notice before but something in the back of her head went off when she looked at the date and noticed that today when the day that the woman that raised her for the first decade of her life’s birthday was today. She went to bed, something bugging her but she couldn’t quite place her finger on it.
Finally pulling herself together, she swiped at her eyes before noticing that something was in her hand. The hand that she held with her in the vision...opening it up, she stared at a pendant that had been given to her when she had passed away. The white rabbit etched in it. Helen “Betty” Miller, gave her her best chance, even if cancer took her away when she was still young.
“Thanks mom.” she said with a sniff. Closing her hand around it she stood up and glanced around.
“I always wondered what I look like through others' eyes. Does it completely drive people insane that I am so damn optimistic? That I keep pushing hard to a future that I damn near killed myself for? The gauntlet was more than just earning my way into Violent Conduct to get a one on one shot for the Roulette Championship. It was a proving point.”
“You see, people like Mercedes Vargas are so quick to write people off simply based on how many times they get knocked down. But that’s not Krystal Wolfe. She sees potential in what this can be. So many potential opportunities with that damned wheel.” She laughs out loud thinking about all the weird ass stipulations that she’s seen in the last few years, “I’ve seen it so many times come back and bite people in the ass. It’s a disadvantage to most....but maybe...perhaps, the disadvantages can be turned into advantages. We go in blind, the wheel spins, stops and then- well that’s the part where we are at a disadvantage. That then....where it all gets defined. So I take my lessons from the past and I apply them.”
“That’s why I’m here. I’m trying to not live in the past. But I can’t help it, I can’t help but wonder what if- What if I wasn’t knocked out by Mercy....” she shrugs and holds out her hand with the pendant in it, “It is what it is. And now thanks to all my hard work, the chance and what we both wanted, is almost here. A one on one shot, me and Krys for that damned Roulette Title. When this was brought to me, at first I was pissed, I felt shafted...but those battles against all of them in that gauntlet...watching Mercy SCREW ME in that triple threat....I want you to know that more than ever, I will NOT STAY DOWN!”
She glances off with a memory on her lips, the scene goes white again.
“Wonderful view, isn’t it?”
The Battles We Tried To Forget
Inside My Own Head?
Where are we?
I’m not sure. This is your little world.
I don’t- I don’t understand.
Don’t think Bella....Feel.
“YOU’RE JUST A GIRL!”
“GET OUT OF THE WAY!”
What are these?
Things that I rather forget.
These are stirring up something from deep inside you. Keep digging.
“You’re too slow. You’re never going to be as good as your mom.”
“You just keep falling short. You are a joke.” the vision was blurry, but the blue eyes and the blonde long hair was a dead giveaway.
Who was that?
....me.
So many times. I have come so close so many times and only just missed. How many times can one have their heart broken before she can’t take it anymore. Apparently for me....too many to count in the last three years.
Touted as the fastest rising star....without a championship.
So many times I hear mom, Alanah, Candy and others tell me, “Bella, you’ll get there. You just gotta stay positive.”
So when I was blind sided and knocked out by Mercedes Vargas, to find out WHY, I took that shit very very personally. I was finally on a roll and I was told by someone who had been there and done that that I wasn’t deemed “good enough”.
So when I took her on and showed her that I was indeed better than she was even giving me credit for, I thought maybe I’d get a clearer picture.
Instead someone, somewhere apparently had it out for me. That damn gauntlet almost killed me. Having to be saved by others....I should be past that but I’m not. I owe them because if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be able to walk into Anchorage. I’d be laid up in traction.
I have learned from my shortcomings. I have had no choice in that matter because in all honesty, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have had the Roulette Champion pulling MY number and telling Mark and Christian that it was ME that she wanted to face. So when the hell does it all come to that ending point of me finally capturing that first big one.
Roulette Championship means the wheel...lets add that in right now. No one knows what the hell could be on that and with Candy looming around, the chances of getting something with glitter only increases. God I hope not, that shit took me 3 months to get out of my hair the last time we did that.
Oh...another one that I came up just short.
Fucking awesome.
There have been so many. So how do I finally get that ONE from the many failures?
Coming to terms
The Cabin
Late Night
It had been a wonderful trip. Just the two of them, with Luka, just unplugging themselves from the world for a whole week in their cabin. They invited her mom and step-dad along for their anniversary trip, but they had their own cabin and occasionally they invited Bella’s sweet 2 year old little brother Aaron to spend time with them so her parents would have alone time. But tonight Aaron needed to be with them. So it was quiet, the majority of the time.
Too quiet.
Bella found herself sitting on the floor with a poker in her hand, fiddling with the logs that were currently ablaze in the fireplace. It had stormed that night and dropped the temperature outside to an almost fall-like feel to the air. It had been a wonderful mix of that every day of their trip.
Relaxing.
And yet here she found herself hypnotized by the dancing embers and flames, lost in her head. Her seeing her adopted mother had shaken her. She hadn’t told Mal because he had enough to worry about. But it kept happening.
She almost put herself back into it before the door creaked open loud enough to bring herself out of her hypnotic state only to turn her face and get licked over and over by Luka.
“GAH! LUKA!” she said after getting knocked over by her husky, “You’re all wet! What the hell did you get yourself into?”
“She decided to chase a rabbit through the bushes that still was holding onto the rain.” Mal said, as he grabbed the pup’s leash, “Come on you loon, let’s get ya dried off. Everyone asleep already?”
“Yup, called it a night shortly after you took her out. Just you and I.” she said giving him a sultry look over her shoulders, up over her glasses.
Which caught Mal’s attention, and him leading Luka to the bathroom a little faster, “Well, give me just a moment and I’ll pour us some wine.”
“I guess I'll throw another log on.” Bella said with a smirk. She’d never turn down a moment with him, especially because Aaron being around equaled the toddler monopolizing a lot of their time with both him and Luka together.
She stood up to grab the log but couldn’t help herself. She caught sight of him, goofing around with Luka as he was trying to dry her off just a little bit and she smiled. And almost in a flash every moment came flashing through her eyes, from their first date, their debut together in PWS, when he snuck Luka into their apartment for a surprise Christmas present in their first Christmas together. When he used her to run her up the stairs, when he proposed....and then suddenly another memory hit her.
The nightmare. The one where she failed and while it wasn’t real, he was so disappointed in her that he couldn’t stand the sight of her and left.
Bella closed her eyes tightly, pushing back the tears, whispering to herself, “It wasn’t fucking real.”
And it wasn’t, because despite her falling into that pool, he was there waiting for her with her ring and the biggest and warmest hug...even though she was completely soaked.
“Real.”
He was the realest thing in her life. He never wavered his love despite her crazy family. Her failures, he didn’t let her go into a shame spiral like she wanted to so many times. He kept pushing her to become better. She was better because of him.
And by the time she came out of that she felt his lips on hers, opening her blue eyes to his beautiful crystal blue eyes and two glasses of her favorite marlot in both hands.
Coming to terms, she may not have the titles except for one.
“Mrs. O’Connell.”
“Hmm?” she said lost in just that whole moment.
He smiled, handing her one glass, taking the log from her and dropping it in the fireplace. All he did from there was hold out his hand and help her back down onto the floor next to him and they simply curled into the other, watching the fire.
This would be enough.
But There’s More
Anchorage, Alaska
“The Last Frontier.”
The room was dark, except one lone spotlight in the middle of the room. You can hear the footsteps echo, but no one could be seen. But Bella’s voice is clear.
“That’s what this place is called. Sorta fitting if you a walking talking nerd like me but see, I see it as a starting point. There is ALWAYS more to discover about a place. Something deeper, to a person.”
Follow it Krys. Follow the whole damn story.
“You see, when I came to SCW, I was pretty much a naive young woman with stars in her eyes. Sin City was something where I didn’t have this legacy looming over what I should be. Instead, here I have been allowed to grow, I have become something more than the legacy because here I feel like there are people that actually want to see me succeed....and not fall on my face. Well...there are a few that don’t but they don’t matter in the here and now.”
Suddenly the light booms brightly through the room and a stream of memories over the last 3 years plays just like they were happening in that room. But these scenes are familiar....all of the matches where Bella came up short against everyone that had ever been the Roulette Champion during her time here.
“It had always felt like something was missing, Krys. I was hungry, yeah...but there was always that IT factor. I have always been touted as one of the best in SCW today that is just waiting for that moment. I have had to relive ALL these moments more than I care to admit without people throwing them back in my face but it still happened. You didn’t do that...”
Then suddenly like it was a recurring nightmare, the final match of the gauntlet was alive in front of us. The violence just like it happened in real time.
“But then you kept reminding me what I went through to get HERE to Alaska...to Violent Conduct VII. I KNOW I almost lost out on this chance again. I TOLD you to not interfere. I needed to do this for myself. I didn’t give a shit about the caveat of the gaunlet. I welcomed the challenge because it felt like something was holding me back. People constantly having to question if my heart was truly in it.”
“I PROVED THAT TO BE UNDOUBTEDLY TRUE AND ANY MOTHERFUCKER THAT SAYS OTHERWISE NEEDS TO BE PUNCHED IN THE TAINT!”
“My whole life, whenever I came up short I was laughed at. But I started to realize that those that laughed at me don’t matter. There will always be haters, there will always be the people that tell me that I should learn to control that part of me that lets that whole thing get to me. BUT what if I instead turn that into my strength?”
“I know you Krystal, have been the biggest cheerleader for this match for the longest time. I welcome that but....but why? You say it’s because you know that we can tear the house down but is that it? I have no doubt that this match is going to pretty much be us going back after fuck knows what that wheel will give us and we put each other through hell and we’ll step back through the curtain and say “TOP THAT BITCH!” but for me I am in this for so much more.”
“What will you do when you realize I no longer have my hands tied. That ALL my failures, they don’t defy me...you wanna know why?”
The scene shows what a lot of people don’t usually see, Bella pushing herself off the ground, struggling but standing.
“Despite how many times I got knocked down. I. GOT. BACK. UP! I will not stay down. You can bomb my ass through that ring. That wheel can try and kill us both. BUT I WILL GET BACK UP! Because that Championship is my future. I promised you the real me, well here it is. The woman that just will not die.”
Bella steps through breaking up the video, standing there with her blue eyes bright, her lips red and that smirk curled just right.
“I’m flawed. Helpless. But I’m also human. I’ve been fighting theoretically with one hand tied behind my back. But what will really happen when I’m finally set free? You’re about to find out.”