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Roleplay Boards => Archived Roleplays => Climax Control Archives => Topic started by: Smoot on April 06, 2012, 10:50:07 PM
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France is an amazing country, sometimes. One thing… something the NWA was only recently lucky enough to discover… is that there is a HUGE groundswell in wrestling fandom. “Le Catch” they call it. Local promoters have actually petitioned the government to not let American promotions ruin their standards by hogging the whole market.
This is before we even get to Gaetan LaValle. “Calling in LaValle to work” is an expression some die-hard fans who end up seeing US PPVs live at three AM have come up with. So, it’s not a country that’s ignorant of wrestling. News of SCW’s upcoming arrival in the City of Lights caused a minor sensation in the “Catch” community.
Of course, not everyone was familiar with the Vegas promotion. The rush for information on who these newcomers could be led to a surge of enthusiasm for everyone from Goth and Rage, right on through to the Fallen. People are even wondering how Convict Cage got past immigration, with a criminal record.
The mind of French fandom embraced the promotion with abandon. What it didn’t really wrap it’s head around was The Aristocrats. As we’re about to see.--
[What we’re seeing in this part is footage from the amateur web-series Spectateurs de Catch. It’s an old-style talk-show setup, with a desk and two seats. The hosts, a guy and a girl- both barely out of their teens, are seated at the desk. The Aristocrats are in the seats.
Hangman looks bored as a legally-declared-sane man can. He has his hands folded over his chest, and is staring at the ceiling. Next to him, Steve Scanlon is raring to go. The French in this next part is rendered in English…]
Jocyline (to viewer): Bonjour, and welcome to Spectateurs de Catch. I’m Jocyline Duford, and this is Henri Montcalme…
Henri: Hi!
Jocyline: And we’re here with the SCW’s up-and-coming tag team, The Nobles.
Henri: I think it’s “The Aristocrats”.
[Over to the side, it’s obvious that whatever language Steve speaks besides English, it’s NOT French. He’d normally jump all over something like that. As it is, he simply takes a slug off his coffee, and waits.]
JocylineTo my immediate right is Steve Scanlon, the “Steampresser”, and to my far right-
Henri: Is Nicholas Sarkozy?
Jocyline (laughs)
[Hangman has the idea that this bit might be about him, and perks up. The laughter doesn’t make him any friendlier. Steve looks at him and puts a ‘okay, big guy’ hand up.]
Jocyline…Is the “Hangman”, Chet Hawkins. This is the tag team that will be facing Caen and “Prime Time” Matthew Kennedie at the upcoming show at the Stade Pierre de Coubertin. Take it away, Henri.
Henri (who clearly speaks English better): “Big Steve! Yo!”
Scanlon (reluctantly): …Yo, kid.
Henri: First of all, you have wrestled, not just in Las Vegas, but in Chicago, Florida, Memphis, Texas, New York, Toronto…
[Steve’s perking up. This kid seems to have done some homework…]
Scanlon: Yeah, that’s right-
Henri: Even the maritimes, du Canada…
Scanlon: Yeah, and let me tell ya-
Henri: How well know Gaetan LaValle?
[Hearing the name in what was supposed to be THEIR interview, Hawkins starts up.]
Hawkins: Listen, punk- F~!
[Scanlon interrupts.]
Scanlon: I got this, Hawks. FUCK Gaetan LaValle!
You seriously didn’t bring us in here to talk about that scrawny nimrod, did you?!
[The two hosts are, frankly, aghast.]
Scanlon: Jesus! You’re looking at future World Tag Team champions, and you’re asking us about a guy who’s too short to get on the rides at EuroDisney?! Seriously?! I can’t believe this.
[The kid tries to get the interview back on track, but he’s been shook a bit. His partner tries her best.]
JocylineMonsieur Scanlon, perhaps you can tell us how you and… “Hangman”? How do you prepare for a match?
Scanlon (slightly mollified): Depends on the match. Listen, I could tell you more about it later… I saw this place...
[She really doesn’t seem to like this idea. At all]
Jocyline: … so, you would say you’re equipped to handle Kain and Kennedy?
[Hangman steps in.]
Hawkins: Look, Josie.
Henri: Jocyli-.
Scanlon (cutting him off): “Quiet, kid- grownups talkin’.”
Hawkins: If me and Steamroller, here… say we were gonna play the Bleus.
Scanlon: Who?
Hawkins (to Steve): French National Rugby team. Read about it on the in-flight.
(back to Jocyline): If we were gonna go up against them… do you like those odds? Would we win?
Jocyline: No.
Hawkins: Why?
Jocyline: There’s more than two of them. And you don’t know the game.
Hawkins: Good call. That’s why we’re gonna win. NOT because my partner’s a loose cannon with a screw loose… which he IS… Not because I’m the baddest thing walking on two legs… which I AM… but because this is a tag team match.
[He puts up a hand to stop the followup.]
Hawkins: Listen. You can have two tough guys in there, but if they’re not clicking, and the other team’s got their act together? That’s a perfect storm. A recipe for disaster.
[He can see she’s not getting it. And he’s lost patience. With an irritated hand-gesture, he hands the interview back over.]
Hawkins: You tell ‘em, Scanlon. Maybe they’ll get you.
Scanlon: Got it, Hawkman. LISTEN, Joyce-
Henri: …her name is-
Scanlon: Shut it, Hank.
Listen- you’ve got two singles wrestlers in against one tag team. Not two guys put together for the jollies of the promoter, but two guys who work day-in, day- out to Make The Magic Happen.
Now, you toss in that the two singles guys have no plan worked out, can’t stand eachother, and haven’t even met to hammer out who does what. Two guys who frankly, get nothin’ out of this if they DO win, and won’t be pairing off again, if they’ve got anything to say about it.
Now, over here…
[he points to Hawkins and himself.]
Scanlon: You’ve got Hangman Hawkins, who could beat Kain with one arm behind his back, and you’ve got Steve Scanlon, the Headlining, Streetfighting, Specimen of MANHOOD… who’s willing to go in there and HOLD Kain’s arm behind his bac-
Hawkins: That’s not what that expression means.
Scanlon: Oh.
Hawkins: Still gonna do it though?
Scanlon: Damn straight.
Because when that bell rings, we’re not “Scanlon” and “Hangman”… we’re The Aristocrats. You’re not fighting two men, you’re fighting a team. A team with one goal- and that goal is runnin’ roughshod all over anyone they put in front of us, and GETTING PAID.
Then, there’s Prime Cuts…
Jocyline: Matthew Kennedy? Prime Time?
Scanlon: “Cuts” I said. He’s dead meat, sure enough- He thinks it’s “unsafe” to fight against us. I have NO idea what the hell he’s on, because we’re as gentle as lambs. Hangman’s all business, and I never hurt a guy more than I've gotta- it’s not like we’re the Saints or something.
[The two hosts look at eachother in a “huh?” way.]
Scanlon: Don’t ask, I won’t explain it- the point is, he’s come up with all sorts of pre-set excuses why he lost, before he ever set foot in the ring. We’re too rough. He doesn’t like our names. He doesn’t like his partner. Well, you know what? I like a man who plans. He’s going down like a poleaxed steer, and he knows it. He faced up to reality, and he’s ready for what’s gonna happen.
What's gonna happen? We’re gonna make roasbif out of Prime Cuts, and he can go whine to his governess Supernanny or whatever, about how unfair it was, later.
[The kids kind of sputter here- “roasbif” being a French slur for the British for one thing, but even moreso that Scanlon seems to have heard of it somehow.]
Scanlon: And then, there’s Kain. For a guy who says he’s unspeakable, he sure speaks about it a lot, doesn’t he? Look, I know you think you’re a king, and the whole “I’m dark, I’m evil” thing is a popular act now, but you’re looking at the King of Providence and the original Bad Seed, “Hangman” Hawkins.
Kain may think he’s tough enough for either one of us? Well, that’s a LIE, flat out, but we sure as Hell won’t find out at Climax Control, because he won’t be FACING one of us.
He’s facing the finest precision-tooled engine of destruction this sport has ever seen, and when he reaches out his hand….
[He reaches out to the side not near Hangman…]
Scanlon: There’s no partner. There’s a guy there, but he’s no partner. They have no plan. They have no past. They have no future. They have no CHANCE.
Because, if it was me OR Hawks? We’d just beat the tar out of both of you shmendricks, until we got tired. Thing is? It's not Scanlon or Hawkins.
It's Scanlon AND Hawkins.
The Aristocrats.
The Aristocrats are united. The Aristocrats are organized.
...the Aristocrats NEVER gettired....
And the hits just KEEP ON COMIN’!
[He looks to Hangman, and points to the exit, before leaving. Hangman pauses, and then delivers a spot-on parody of Steve’s “Shooting for the moon/and Hittin’ like Apollo” bit. His accent's not great, but he's doing it...]
Hangman :
Vous allez à la tablette
Nous fermons votre livre.
Nous sommes faciles à trouver,
Après mais difficile à suivre!
[And walks off. As they leave the set, we hear them bantering. “The HELL?” “Google Translate.” “Oh…]
[We cut out as the two hosts try to regain control of their show.]