What is this? Two losses in a row?
Maybe I should just pack it in.
This isn’t as fun as it used to be.
But this week just feels wrong. It feels sad. I don’t feel like this is a week for a rebound, I feel like I’m being thrown a bone while other people just get random championship matches. This needs to stop. That is why I’m not packing it in and quitting. I could have, but I realize now this place needs me more than ever! I cannot sit idly by while this place continues its nonsense and the directionless float along longer.
I promise you, Sin City Wrestling, I’m going to change you. Obviously the fast track part didn’t succeed, but more and more this place becomes orderless and our champion, our leader, the captain, just goes about her business. This is just unacceptable.
Sometimes, you have to make some drastic changes.
I know from experience.
Trust me.
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We had been gone for a week.
Eddie and I had a little bit of money between us, but without a plan and no real direction, the money was only going to last so long. We ate at little diners and only stopped for gas. We had no idea where we were even going. We just knew that so long as we were headed in a direction, it was the correct one. We drove through Wisconsin, into Iowa. Gas was still expensive, as was food, water and other essentials. We had to get off the highway and use truck stops and their showers to bathe ourselves. We clearly didn’t plan this properly.
We continued to drive through Iowa and eventually hit Nebraska. We were certainly in the rural area of the country. Just long stretches of road. Also Eddie’s Camaro wasn’t the best travel vehicle when it came to gas mileage. It became increasingly desperate that we find somewhere to stop and actually figure things out.
We made the choice to finally get a motel room since we hadn’t slept in a bed since we ran away. It felt strange to be sleeping in a bed that wasn’t mine, but at the same time, I just loved having a bed period. Sleeping in a car was awkward and clunky. But as nice as this was, it was only temporary. We had to have that conversation.
“What do we do now, Eddie?”
Eddie was looking outside, lost in thought, presumably trying to answer that very question himself.
“We can’t keep going like this forever.” I added, which was a useless statement, I’m sure Eddie was well aware of that. I felt stupid for saying that as soon as it left my mouth. “I.. I’m sorry.”
Eddie didn’t saying anything and then finally turned back to me and hugged me.
“I got it figured out.” He said with a sly grin.
“You do?”
“Yup. You stay here and relax. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
Eddie kissed me and then, just like that, before my brain could form the next sentence, he was out of the room, down the hall and getting into his car. I watched him from the window just… speed off and into the night.
He was gone for over an hour and I had no clue where he was. I played on my phone for a little while to pass the time, but as the time kept going, I began to worry, What in the world could he be doing at this point?
Finally, I saw the headlights turn into the motel again and he pulled into the same spot. He got out and moved his seat and came out with a big grocery bag. My initial thought was, there wasn’t a need for the dramatic exit if he was just going to a local supermarket or something. I then noticed his walk in a way I hadn’t before. He looked like he was walking on his tip toes. A very pronounced lean. I kind of noticed it before, but didn’t really pay attention to it. He walked with a hurried pace and came in the room. He was sweating and still breathing heavier than normal.
“What was that about? Where did you go?”
“I got us some stuff.”
He emptied the bag and there was food, some charging cables, air fresheners, body wash and other odds and ends, and at the bottom, money which was loose fluttered out.
“Where did you get this stuff?”
“Gas station.”
I figured as much, but that didn’t explain the cash. Then I noticed there was something on the money, and the bag itself.
Little red splotches.
Drying but still moist.
Blood. Clearly blood.
“Did… did you rob the gas station?” I said in a whisper as I had put two and two together.
He looked at me and his eyes then darted all over the room, looking for an answer, or to find the words.
“I didn’t have a choice.” He finally admitted.
“Eddie, there was probably security cameras all over that place!” I scolded.
He shook his head.
“Took care of them, and the backup tapes.” He nodded with an accomplished grin.
“Shit. We’ve gotta get out of here.” I whispered and began to pack up my things.
“We’ll be fine.” Eddie said, now coming down off his adrenaline rush. “Nobody’s gonna know.”
I looked at Eddie when it hit me as to what that statement actually meant.
“Did you kill the guy?” I needed confirmation.
“Like I said, didn’t have a choice.” He said, very matter of factly.
I sat down in the bed to try and compute all this and what the risks now were. I had never seen this side of Eddie. He now had this… aura of bad ass about him. And maybe I’m a little sick in the head for feeling the way I did, but it turned me on. Eddie would do anything to ensure we got what we needed. It was re-assuring and for at least a little bit, we would not need to worry about money. We were desperate, we needed drastic action and Eddie had provided it.
Eddie was staring at me as I was going over everything in my head. His unwavering gaze finally broke my concentration.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re not… freaking out.”
‘Not externally.”
“But I’m saying, you don’t seem too.. Messed up about it. Like you’re kinda chill.”
“One of us has to keep a clear head, Eddie. Especially since you probably killed a dude just now.”
“But like… you’re not… mad at me?”
“I’m fucking furious at you, Eddie! You could have been spotted, noticed or hell, the dude may have even killed you! The cops may be on their way here! That’s why I think we need to go! I just have to keep my head before this gets out of hand."
“We’re good. I promise. At least for a little while. Let’s just sleep on it and then tomorrow, we’ll get outta here. We should be good for that long.” He said, comforting me as he sat down on the bed, rubbing my shoulders and kissing my head.
“We have to keep going though. We can’t stop now.” He said, whispering it in my ear, but it was not a comforting tone.
In fact, it really even wasn’t a suggestion, more like a command.
I understood how he meant it though. We had crossed a line. I was an accomplice at this point. My hands had blood on them. But we needed it. And now, we had it.
“I know. Just do me a favor next time.” I said, looking up at him.
“Yeah?”
“Take me with you.”
We lusted after each other and that was a great fuck. There’s many I’m not proud of for one reason or another, but that one was fucking great.
The next day, I woke up early and peeked out of the window, just to make sure cops weren’t surrounding the motel. Perhaps Eddie did get away with it. I walked over to where Eddie was and knocked over his boots. A rattle from the boots woke Eddie up. I looked down at the boots and there were crushed soda cans on the floor. They spilled out of the boot along with some tissues.
You see, Eddie wasn’t the tallest guy in the world, he was only like 5’11” or something. So he used the tissues and crushed cans to make himself appear taller. I didn’t understand it at first, but it was… something.
We packed up, and left, heading further west into Nebraska and really just thinking about the next time we would need to rob somebody or someplace, and what we could do to make it easier.
But Eddie began to change even more. He drove recklessly at times, I never knew he had a pistol in his car, but he did. He kept it under his seat and would often pull it out and stare at it if I drove. He would get very defensive and almost paranoid if I brought up that first job. He became demanding of me and it began to rub me the wrong way. I realized that we needed to do another job soon, because that seemed to mellow him out.
We came up with a strategy. Eddie would drop me off across the road or further down in the parking area if there was a plaza or something. I would walk in first, act like a normal customer, and bring things we needed, like a first aid kid, and other stuff up front and if there was a line, I stood in it, texting him to come in in 30 seconds or so, if not, we would have it timed. If there was a camera, I made sure to crouch, kneel, and generally keep out of the sight of the lens if I could.
Eddie would burst into the storm, ski mask and hoodie and demand money. If it was just me, I would dash out of the store “panicked” and run off with items. I’d wait in a nearby alley or maybe run a block away and hide, or since Eddie had a second key, I would run to the car and drive off.. Eddie would get the money, since a 7-11 cashier isn’t about to die for their job. And Eddie would run out, and I’d pick him up and we’d get out of there.
It was a great team effort. Our own little crime spree.
But the team was quickly falling apart…
Really?
Do you really want me to do this again?
More importantly, why are you subjecting poor Seleana to this level of abuse? She gets enough of that from her own relationships. This just seems cruel at this point. It’s a waste of my time and really her time for me to subject her to more spoonfuls of the truth. They are all things she already knows and cannot change.
Seleana is a sad, pathetic soul trapped in this never ending cycle of fear and failure. No matter what you do, no matter how many times you let her step up the plate, she’s going to strike out, and most of the time, she’s going to strike out looking. Won’t even take the bat off her fucking shoulder. She is resigned to the fact that her peak was with someone else helping her. And now that person, also saw her as dead weight and moved on. I would feel bad for her, but at this point, I think she’s just comfortable wallowing in self-pity and misery.
She is going to lay back and take the abuse that anyone, myself included will hurl in her direction. Fuck guys, everybody knows this by now. She will never achieve success on her own. When was the last time any of you were impressed by anything done by Seleana? When she smacked Christian Underwood? Again, that was in defense of a person who later left her for dead and put her in the state she’s in now. That’s where we have stood for… how many years at this point? She continues to assume that Crystal will come back and be a part of her life again. She holds out hope that Crystal will see the error of her ways and have this massive epiphany and go “I threw away something special with Seleana. Let me get back with her!”
That’s just never going to happen. Unless for some reason Crystal sees another way to try and manipulate and abuse Seleana before doing it yet again. Which would be just as hilarious as it is sad.
And given the state that Seleana is in, why would Crystal come back to her? Crystal needs someone to prop her up so she looks better than she is. Seleana is not going to provide that, since she cannot even provide for herself. Seleana can’t even make Seleana look presentable at this point. She cries and has pity parties for herself, hoping against hope that it will change things, when deep down, she knows it won’t.
Seleana is a victim. Now and for all intents and purposes… forever.
There isn’t a match, or an opponent that appears able to snap her out of this, though you can create quite the list of people that have tried. I am already on that list. I just didn’t pussyfoot around the issue. And now the exact same thing is happening to Diamond Caldwell, and nobody gives a shit about that either.
And now, you want to parade Seleana out here again? What do you expect to be different this time? What do you think she’s going to do? You think that because I’ve lost a couple of matches that Seleana will pounce on that fact and beat me? Just so… what? You grant her another opportunity and she strikes out again? So she marches to a championship match and fails and starts all over again?
Let me make this perfectly clear so that everyone understands this: Seleana is a lost cause. It is over for her. Stop doing this to her. You are doing her more harm than good.
Seleana, listen to me.
You’re going to walk out to the ring on Sunday, and I’m going to beat you. I’ve already done it once, the only difference will be, there won’t be anyone for you to tag out to, to also get their ass kicked. I will do my best to make this quick. Not painless, but very quick. You and I both know this is not your game anymore, not that it ever was. But this should, hopefully, spell it out for you in a way that even you can understand.
You are stuck on this hamster wheel, and everybody and their mother has tried to get you to see this, some have encouraged you, some have scolded you. At this point, you have chosen to be like this. You have chosen to be the victim and lament your past. I don’t have the time or the patience to explain this shit to you any further. I, much like Crystal, will be leaving you behind and moving forward.
You have many opportunities, more than you deserve to change your status. You have made the most out of none of these chances. You will continue to flounder and be a stepping stone for people like me who are far more important to the future than you are. You are just… here. Like I told you before. You don’t live, you exist. You simply consume oxygen and get paid to do a job that you aren’t good enough to succeed in. That’s who you are. You are perpetually trapped and I for one, no longer care to see you in chains, because no one is holding you in those chains but you. I refuse to help someone who cannot help themselves.
You will carry my message that we stop giving chances to people who do not deserve them. We stop catering to people who do one thing one time and get rewarded while the rest suffer. Those who are unworthy will no longer get such chances after this. Times are changing around this company and in the end, it will be for the betterment of it. We need to cut dead weight. We need to move you to your proper place. I’ve done this already multiple times, and I can assure you, I am quite efficient at it.
Therefore, destroying you and moving on, is the most humane thing I can do. And it is what I will do. And then with any luck, Sin City Wrestling will stop giving you chances and understand that it’s not worth it.
You just aren’t worth it. This, for the last time, will be for your own good.
Trust me.