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Roleplay Boards => Archived Roleplays => Climax Control Archives => Topic started by: Julianna DiMaria on January 10, 2025, 11:55:56 PM
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January 5
I was in Miami at Myra Rivers’s wrestling school. We took some time to train together as it had been a while since we had done that. The training was going fine, but during a brief intermission, I was sitting at the side of the ring when I had just learned that I was going to have a rematch against Kayla Richards at Inception. This was followed by the announcement that I was going to be facing Crystal Hilton.
“Talk about a double shot…” I thought to myself and it was at this point that despite the vigor that I had shown after the fact leading into my previous match against Prudence in regards to facing Kayla again, suddenly, that whole match at High Stakes was starting to come back to me. I was beginning to feel it all over again from a psychological standpoint and unlike Thanksgiving not that long after the fact, it was from a negative standpoint. I already knew that the way I reacted in the short term was just a numbness reaction that had suppressed how I really felt.
But now that it’s been a bit of a longer time, that numbness was gone and I couldn’t hide it anymore.
I was feeling really sick to my stomach. I had that empty, garbage feeling all over again. I thought back to the way that the match ended and all the parallels between my first run and this current run that I was on and all of that cruelness that I had previously expressed to Chelsea LeClair about six weeks ago was coming back to haunt me again.
As a professional wrestler, there are few feelings worse than losing a match just because your body didn’t have enough fight in it.
I thought about that, and it stung.
“The only thing worse than that is quitting…” I reasoned with myself.
Then I remembered that the last time I faced Crystal in SCW, that’s exactly what I did.
Thankfully, Myra’s returning presence prevented me from even going down that rabbit hole. Even then, she glanced at me, saw that I was basically white as a ghost, and she knew something was wrong.
“What happened?” Myra asked me. “You’ve been training pretty good in there. You’re not thinking otherwise, are you?”
“No, it’s got nothing to do with that. I just found out I’ve got a rematch at Inception…”
“Great!” Myra said and she was clearly happy for me for that split second before she realized quickly that I wasn’t so thrilled about it. “I thought this was what you wanted right You were talking about being front of the line and going for it all over again…”
“I jumped the gun JUST a little bit on that…” I admitted with a sigh. “Look, I don’t want to talk about that right now. Let’s just get back in there and keep working on what needs to be worked on.”
Myra sighed, but she knew she wasn’t getting anything else out of me.
“Fine…” she said as she went back in the ring. I did as well trying to shut it off from my mind, but when we resumed wrestling against each other, she was completely squashing the hell out of me. She was countering everything I threw at her when I was really coming at her strong, fast and like a house of fire. The more she was beating the hell out of me, the more frustrated I got before I was completely off my game. She had me set up for one of her finishers, but she let out an angry sigh.
“It’s like you’re a completely worse wrestler right now. This isn’t you. We’ve got to talk about it, Andrea. You can’t avoid it. This is clearly bothering you. Why the hell is this bothering you?”
“I can’t say I’m over High Stakes honestly…”
“You better get over it quickly, Andrea.”
“It was the biggest stage of the year, world title match, literally in the best shape of my life, wrestling basically one of the best matches of my career, and it wasn’t enough. You’ve never been in that situation.”
“You remember that title for title match I had with Amber, right?”
I was swallowing that last sentence at this point.
“Touche. Myra, all I can think about is how it doesn’t seem fair that it went the way it did. I hate to think that. But what else could I have done in that match? What more was there left for me to do? I know that I hung onto the past too much and that weighed me down, but something like that isn’t just going to…”
“Sadly, it happens when the other wrestler is better somehow and there’s nothing you can do about it in the moment.”
Myra sat down in the corner and I was right there with her.
“It hurts… to lose on the biggest stage like that… in front of my FAMILY… to lose it like THAT… and I hid it for a while but I was just numb to it because I didn’t want to face that pain. It sucked to lie to Chelsea that I was ‘okay’ when I really wasn’t. Now, I don’t feel like I let anyone down… other than me of course. I puffed out my chest saying ‘front of the line’ to be strong when really, I was faking it. So yeah, finding out just now about Inception and I’m mixed between feeling like it was a pity grant and feeling like maybe I shouldn’t be having this so soon. I mean…”
“Stop it, Andrea…” Myra said with her eyes narrowing with a bitter anger that I’ve become all too familiar with. “I can’t take this from you anymore. This is triggering to me because I’m getting flashbacks right now to the last 12 months of my own SCW run. I’m glad that you’re getting these feelings out of your system but I really need you to get the fuck over yourself, get the fuck over these feelings and quit it with the guilt tripping and self-doubting. This is unacceptable!”
I was taken aback by what she just said.
“I’m not going to let you make the same mistake I did, so you better fucking listen to what I’ve got to say here.”
“The same mistake you made?”
“I mentioned that title for title match. Yeah, that was the most heartbreaking loss I had when I was there. I was devastated just like you are and just like you did, I wanted to be brave and jump right back in there without thinking about it rationally. And yes, I got that rematch against her… but rather than give it a rest for a cycle and try to run it back for High Stakes, I wanted that stupid, instant gratification coming out of a heartbreaker and it ended up being Violent Conduct, with that exploding barbwire thing, a match I CLEARLY had a massive disadvantage in, and I went into that honestly never believing I was going to win. I see the same patterns ith you and I’m not going to allow it. You’re going to beat Kayla. I believe it. Chelsea believes it. Your family believes it. I just need YOU to believe it! You don’t stand a chance if you go in with this attitude and I’m not going to allow you to do that.”
“I understand, Myra. I’m sorry. I just had to get it out because I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”
“I’m GLAD that you did! That’s growth! That’s showing that you can focus on what’s ahead and currently, from what I just learned myself during our intermission, that seems to be an old foe…”
I sighed, knowing Crystal was coming.
“Crazy… after that elimination chamber, she was my next major match. Stupid parallels… but wait, fuck that! FUCK the parallels! Fuck history repeating itself! In fact, FUCK history period!”
Myra smiled knowing that i was coming out of it.
“I know the last time you faced her in SCW… yeah, FUCK that! Don’t you fucking dare make the match about avenging that or settling your past with her. FUCK the redemption story, Andrea. You’ve completed that already! you’re so lucky you’re realizing this considering I didn’t when I was in your shoes during the Amber debacle…”
“It’s not going to be about that. I’m turning the page. I’m over it. I’ll do what I have to do to move forward. What happened with Crystal didn’t define me and neither will High Stakes…”
“Good!” Myra tells em as she stands up and helps me back up. “Now show me that fire, alright?”
I nodded before our session resumed and while I was able to get back on track for the moment, even the strongest piece of my psyche knew that said history with Crystal wasn’t necessarily something I could ignore…
January 8
…considering…
I was in front of the television in my mother’s living room watching back that High Stakes match at the moment. The good news is that I wasn’t watching it back with any bitterness, anger, depression or any other negative emotion.
It was definitely a sign that I was over it.
The bad news is that Roddy, my oldest brother, suddenly came in and unplugged the TV right before the ending of that match against Crystal.
“Excuse you? I was watching that!” I said with anger in my voice.
“You shouldn’t be watching that shit.”
‘“Who the fuck asked you? You were in prison at the time.”
“And HOW is watching back that match against Crystal productive?”
“You remember ‘tape study’ right? I’m seeing either where I went wrong or where she went right. There’s nothing more to it than that.”
“Yeah, because a match from 2020 still FUCKING MATTERS…”
I was getting annoyed with his aggressiveness, but noticeably, I felt this tingling sensation in my spine feeling like we were little kids bickering with each other again.
“You’ve gone way uphill since then, she’s gone the opposite. Simple. Do I need to remind you that you’ve never liked Crystal and that you’ll never be friends with her? That alone should be enough motivation for you if not trying to build momentum for Inception.”
I narrowed my eyes with anger. My father, of course, would get away with saying this. People like Myra and Chelsea, most likely. Eddie, my closest brother? Absolutely. But the brother that rooted against me at one point and beat the shit out of me in the closet and thought I’d never amount to anything at one point? I wasn’t going to take that crap from him.
“This is why you wanted to even talk to me again? So you can suddenly dictate my career and act like the same fucking dick that you were when we were kids? Fuck yourself! You don’t get to just waltz back into my life, put on this fake shitshow that you did, only to show your true colors! I’m not standing for it.”
Roddy was taken aback by my anger.
“Hey… let’s cool the jets. Fucking Christ, Andrea! I’m trying to be helpful. I just don’t think a match that has honestly become so irrelevant…”
“You go through that match yourself and tell me it’s irrelevant…”
“It’s not going to help you. I’m doing the one thing that I’ve never done as a brother and that’s look out for you. This is me trying to prove to you that I can be here for you because the truth is, I saw that match in prison. I saw you say ‘I Quit’ and the moment you said that, I saw the pain and hurt in your eyes and I saw all the abuse I put you through and from that moment forward, I felt horrible about how I treated you and I felt like I was partially responsible for you being at the rock bottom you were when that match happened. That’s why I don’t want you watching that shit. It hurt me to see you like that and I feared after High Stakes I was going to see that again. Thank fuck that’s not the case, but I’m not letting it happened again. You’ve suffered enough, Andrea… especially because of me…”
I suddenly felt some guilt go through me and then I realized that I was the one that was acting in the wrong.
“I’m sorry.”
“When you lost that match to her and I saw that pain in your eyes, I made it a mission that I was going to help you in any way that I could.”
“I don’t know how to feel about this. You mean to tell me that some GOOD actually came out of that match?”
“I’m not the horrible monster I used to be…”
“Forgive me. I’m still not exactly used to you being nice to me. I’m going through plenty as you know and I’m working past High Stakes. I’m so sorry that you had to see that…”
“Don’t be sorry, be better….” Roddy said with a sigh. “...I want to help you somehow. I know what you’re capable of. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I want to see you win that title and beat Kayla. I want you to grow. You’re the one carrying the torch for our family and I want to see that torch passed on to the next generation. I know you don’t know my daughter that well all things considered, but your journey in the ring has made you her favorite aunt, you realize this right?”
I could only chuckle at this for a bit as I sat down on the couch.
“So all three of my nieces see me as that, huh? Let me guess, she wants to be a wrestler too just like Eddie’s girls?”
“Exactly! You’re not only inspiring the 6th generation of our family legacy, you’re also inspiring what might be the second generation of women in our family doing this and that’s something I want to see through so help me, help you.”
It was a hell of a positive feeling hearing what I just heard. I was thrilled about it really. I was already imagining the possibility of all three of my nieces being wrestlers one day and if it’s because I inspired it to happen, then that was something I wanted to see through in my own right. Suddenly, I felt like I had a new purpose for doing what I do: not to overcome the past and seek the redemption, but to keep that torch in the family strong to pass it on to the next generation and keep pushing for the future. I was smiling at this point but I also knew that with my past with Roddy not being so great, that this could also be too good to be true.
“How can you help me? You’ve been out of practice with this for so long.”
“I’ve picked up training once I got out. I mean, I’m probably never going to be hired anywhere, but dad showed me and taught me some things that he never got to show you. I can contribute if you’re able to move past old times and let me. The fact that you didn’t at High Stakes is what cost you and even you know that.”
“You said it just like Dad would’ve…”
I sighed.
“If there’s any way you can, I’m all ears, okay?”
“I’m happy to see you can look past all the pain that I ever put you through and if you master just that in SCW, you’ll be world champion again.”
I got teary eyed in a happy way as we shared an embrace.
“I’m so glad that you’re finally wanting to be my brother!”
“It’s way overdue. I’m here for you for whatever you need. Keep turning that page and you’ll never have to worry about the past hurting you or weighing you down ever again.”
I composed myself and I turned the television on again. The I Quit match with Crystal was still on pause, but I suddenly clicked a “trash can” button to delete it off that television.
That’s when I realized I really knew how to let go…
January 10
The camera was on me as I had plenty to talk about and think about. As I thought back to High Stakes, I knew I’ve had to have a bit of a journey just to get back to the point where I a at and I still had a ways to go. But I knew that beating Crystal Hilton was what was going to keep the fight going and when I spoke my mind, I knew I couldn’t let up.
“Facing Crystal Hilton has never been easy for her even though I have beaten her more often than she has beaten me. We’ve got a very convoluted history with each other that started with my first run here and when she tried to be my friend from the jump even though I personally never wanted that and to rip the band-aid off right away, I still don’t Sorry Crystal, but it’s too hard to ignore the fact that my career has always been better without you in it. Yes, I know the parallels between my two runs here. In my first run, I had a world title match and I lost and then in the next supercard, who was my opponent? You were. So, I’m coming off of that loss at High Stakes and now I am facing you again. Wait, who was my other loss at that event years ago? You were. Who did I beat to get myself back on track before when it came to the world title? Right, that was you. So… UGH! Yeah, the de ja vu is starting to get really fucking annoying. So, as tempting as it may be for me to say “let’s repeat history all over again” or to say “time to avenge that High Stakes loss and overcome yet another piece of my past”, that’s NOT going to be the case. Yes, the history is there. Yes, the parallels are there, but I’m saying fuck that because like I preached before, it’s time for me to quit focusing on my fucking past here and all the pain and all the heartbreak and all of that shit and it’s time for me to turn the page and look a head to a new purpose and a new future…
That’s the kind of attitude that has been the difference between you and me before and it’s going to be that difference yet again…
That difference in attitude is why it only took me ONE redemption just to turn things around for me here and to regain the respect that I had flushed down the toilet around here before while you’ve had many redemption attempts in your time here and whether it’s because you give up so easily, end up coasting and relying on your reputation or because it’s too fucking easy for you to fall back into old attitudes and old habits all over again, you just can never be consistent and you can never complete that redemption. You’ve had that history of bitching about not being respected enough and you’ve even tries so hard to be my friend even NOW and it’s just the same repetitive pattern over and over and over again. Can you still be as good as you’ve been? I believe that you can. You’re only what? A couple of years removed from a Roulette Championship run here? Yet, for all your stops and starts, comings and goings and everything in between, you STILL can’t get ANY consistency going around here. You’ve reached a point where people are beginning to treat you the same way people used to treat Mercedes vargas and Jessie Salco. People aren’t seeing you as that big name Hall of Fame member like they used to. They see you and they think you’re someone trying too hard to hang on for too long.
What’s this whole thing that you’re doing going to amount to anyway, Crystal? I don’t wish evil on you. I am not openly rooting against you or anything, but up until this point, you’ve been in and out the door and you have struggled to really gain any traction here in so long because i truly, honestly, don’t think you want it in Sin City Wrestling nearly as much as you once did. I compare the Crystal that you are NOW compared to the one that I wrestled four years ago and it’s like night and day. Whether it’s because you’ve got your nose in other companies and focusing so hard on other places or whether you’re coasting here or whatever, that fire just isn’t there anymore. You seem to be far more fixated on your hotel or whatever it si you’re doing then you are about your time here as an SCW Bombshell. If you want to run your own business, you do you. But you can’t just go into this half hearted and if anyone in this company should know that, it’s you. Four years ago, when we were at each other’s throats for so long, you wanted my ass on a platter. You wanted to kill me. Hell, you even wanted to stab me in the eye at one point and you were one of the most fiery competitors there could be on the roster. You even, after you beat me at that one High Stakes a few years back, managed to regain the SCW Bombshells World Championship and everything.
What the hell happened to you, Crystal?
What happened to that wrestler that wanted to get revenge on me so bad?
What happened to the lights, camera, action chick that acted like she owned the spotlight?
Does she even exist anymore? Because your performances recently come nowhere close to what I just described. Your performances recently seem like they are coming from either someone that is just taking up roster space to collect a paycheck or someone that just hangs around and doesn’t care as much about that spotlight nearly as much as she once did. You were telling Young Justice that you’re no stepping stone or anything like that and you really SHOULDN’T be…
But you’ve been wrestling like it for the most part as of late.
You talk about how you don’t want to be made fun of by ‘women that couldn’t lace your boots’ and let me tell you one thing Crystal, when you’re dropping a mundane, Indy scene insult like that ‘lace your boots’ line, then that really shows me that you don’t care nearly as much about this as you once did. But back to the point, you complain about that, yet, with your lackluster performances lately, you INVITE being made fun of. I guess the one aspect of you that really didn’t change from four years ago until now is that you still seem to lack any sense of being able to take responsibility for your own actions or lack thereof?
I’ll be honest with you Crystal…
I hate to say what I am about to say because at heart, I really DON’T want to say it but at the same time, it’s a truth that shouldn’t be ignored.
We’ll never be friends.
We might be on good terms at some point, but we’ll never be friends.
And what’s even harsher?
Here’s what I REALLY don’t want to say by the way…
I’m GLAD we never became friends and I will gladly tell you why I feel that way. Because the truth is, had we ever been friends, your worst habits would’ve rubbed off on me. Had we been friends, I would’ve turned out to be very similar to you and when I first came to this company any years ago, I knew about you, I knew that your reputation wasn’t the greatest and that’s what made me skeptical of you. Yeah, that’s admittedly prejudice of me and that might come off as shallow to some, but how could I ignore that? I’m glad we never became friends because I would’ve picked up some of your behaviors that wouldn’t have been so wonderful.
What you saw out of me four years ago is basically a taste of what I would’ve been for the rest of my career had we ever been friends and THANK FUCK I snapped out of it. In a harsh, roundabout sort of way, I basically saved my career by not being friends with you and it hurts my soul to say that because that’s not the kind of person I am, generally but I’d feel even worse about sugar coating this or even worse, lying. I used to feel this hatred of you all those years ago. I used to feel this bitterness toward you for so long largely because you tried to force your way into my life at one point. I used to be heated about you because I knew if there was one woman around here that I could consider a heated rival, it was absolutely gong to be you…
But times have changed…
I’ve changed…
I’ve become a far better wrestler that I was back then and I’ve proven that with how I was able to come back here, do what I do, win the Belle of the Brawl tournament and go to High Stakes…
You? Well, you personally haven’t changed but in a Sin City Wrestling ring, you’ve gotten progressively worse and the worst part is, you’ve allowed it to happen.
Before? I looked at you and I felt what I felt as I described moments ago.
Now? I look at you and I don’t feel a fucking thing.
The Andrea of old would’ve come in here wanting to avenge that High Stakes loss from 2020 to make it part of her ‘facing and overcoming the past’ campaign that was going on leading up to High Stakes…
But after losing at High Stakes, I realize that I can’t be all about the past and that I have to just come to terms with it all… meaning that it’s not worth being angry at you for the past. It’s not worth being angry at Alicia Lukas, or Evie Jordan or Keira, or Roxi or anyone that I pissed off or that I was pissed off at from the last time I was here. It’s just not. I’m moving above and beyond that now. Maybe in a weird way, losing at High Stakes was probably the best thing that could’ve happened for my wrestling present and future. I can’t say that for sure, Crystal. Yet, despite being above the past, I know deep down that I still have to treat you like I did in 2020 as the serious threat that you were at the time to the world championship because even though you have struggled for the most part since you came back for this 50th go around or whatever number it is for you here in Sin City Wrestling, even though I’ve seen your matches and how you seem unmotivated at times, I KNOW in the back of my mind that if there’s ONE opponent and ONE match that can get you motivated, it’s me!
I’m not stupid to look right past you like that.
I’m the ONE opponent you’ll probably bring out your best for and I don’t know if I should take that as a show of respect for me in this weird, backhanded sort of way or if I should take that as an insult to the company. Actually, you know what?
I’ll take it for what it is, whatever it may be. I’m not going to worry about it. That’s something out of my control. Either way Crystal, this match for me isn’t about proving that I’ve overcome the past. This match for me isn’t about toppling a demon of mine from X amount of years ago. This match for me is to build momentum for Inception AND it’s also to show the world exactly how different our paths have been since four years ago and exactly why I’ve been able to grow and get better and continue to push toward the top of my game with all the passion in my heart while you’ve seemingly lost your heart for this and continue to spin in circles as you have in this company for the last good while now.
It’s a much different ballgame now, Crystal.
And as far as our history is concerned?
This is where I turn the page and move forward instead of being fueled by the past. Ironically? I don’t think any other match or opponent would have served as that bridge for me. I suppose in that sense it is fitting.
Godspeed with the rest of your career here and whatever live brings you…
I take a bit of a sigh knowing I basically said goodbye to one last piece of the past that I had here, yet when I shut off the camera? I was feeling very happy that I took the first step on the bridge that was finally going to get me to leave said past behind.