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Roleplay Boards => Archived Roleplays => Climax Control Archives => Topic started by: Julianna DiMaria on November 08, 2024, 11:54:02 PM
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I was back in Sedona after my huge win over Song and I was in a celebratory mood with my lifelong best friend in Chelsea LeClair as we were having a great dinner at a bar and grill called Sundowner. We weren’t talking much while we were eating, but after we both finished up, Chelsea broke the ice and she did so being in a joyous mood.
“And you were nervous about being involved in the SCW Bombshells World title picture again…” Chelsea said with a jocular wink that lightened the mood for me.
“I was…” I admitted. “But, it was only a matter of time. I had to face the very situation that broke me four years ago to begin with and I am thrilled beyond words that I was able to get beyond Song and get myself into that triple threat with Alicia and Alexandra. It wasn’t easy facing that past because my history with the SCW Bombshells World Championship is not only tragic, but it severely altered the course of my career for a good couple of years after the fact…”
“It’s weird to say this now, but as soon as you did what you did to Crystal, I knew that you were going t spiral yourself out of the company eventually…” Chelsea admits with no hesitation. “But at the same time, I knew the moment that you left that you were going to go back. You’ve always been far too good of a wrestler in SCW to have only one world title reign to your name and I knew that deep down in your heart, you would realize just that. Plus, I know you too well. You have too much pride to leave things as they are especially when you know it should’ve been better.”
I could only smile at this as I drank some of my remaining tea.
“You DO know me well…”
“Like you were really going to leave behind an unfinished ‘legacy’ for lack of a better term all because some fucking piece of shit that was only relevant because of her then-husband to begin with broke your mental health… or more specifically, you allowed her to.”
“Chelsea, you have my word that under no circumstances will I EVER allow someone like Evie Jordan to EVER destroy me like that again.”
Chelsea saw the anger in my face when I brought up those old scars and she smiled knowing the fire within me that she snuffed out was back in full force.
“I’m ecstatic to see this from you right now…” Chelsea said with happiness, but I suddenly felt odd when I saw that happiness become a little worry on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just me being protective of you but I worry too. I can’t help it. If you were to lose, especially to Alicia, or to Kayla at the end…”
“What are you getting at here?”
“For starters, we know that the history between you and Alicia is nothing good at all, but I worry that for you, Kayla might be another Evie…”
I took a deep breath knowing that Chelsea might have a point. From what we both studied and learned about the champion, we both came to the conclusion that Kayla definitely had her tendencies to be cruel and nasty to others.
“I’m going to get by this triple threat match first before I even worry about Kayla…”
“Oh you’ve got this…” Chelsea said, being far more sure of this than I was.
“It’s not that easy…” I said, annoyed with Chelsea’s optimism. This suddenly caught her off guard.
“Andrea, it’s been four years now. You left SCW and you came back a better wrestler and a much stronger person. How can you say that?”
I thought back to essentially my entire history with Alicia and sighed.
“Alicia has ALWAYS been my road block…” I said with some bitter anger. “Almost every time I have competed for a world championship, she’s either done better than me or gotten the better of me and that’s not history that I can just sweep under the rug. It’s only fitting that she stands in my way again the moment I start to get anywhere close to world title contention for the first time in four years.”
“You’ve beaten her before, Andrea. The last High Stakes match that you wrestled in…”
“For the Internet Championship…” I said with a scoff. “Plus I didn’t pin her, I pinned Keira Fisher that night.”
“Don’t downplay that. That’s still a victory worth remembering…”
“Maybe so, but it’s not going to change the fact that if it wasn’t Evie that was in my way when it came to the world championship, it was Alicia.”
I could feel that anger boiling through my veins at this point and Chelsea was feeling that anger too.
“You’ve never gotten over that history with Alicia have you?”
I shook my head, causing Chelsea to sigh and grab my hands.
“Don’t forget that it was suffering my first loss to her that started that whole spiral to begin with…”
“I get it Andrea. But, you’re going to have to face this in a couple of weeks and let it go. If you want to go to High Stakes and if you want to finally squash that horrible past that mentally destroyed you for years, then you are going to have to get over that history and there is no other way around it. Think about the damage that she caused you and how it was slowly starting that snowball. What you went through with Evie would’ve never happened, or never been as bad as it was, if your experiences with Alicia hadn’t already cracked your confidence…”
That one hit right in the heart and I knew she was right. We left the diner at this point, but now? I really had to face that history and find a way to get over it…
Christmas Eve 2019
Months before I ever met Evie, I was already spiraling. My parents were definitely dispirited by the way i was behaving considering I wasn’t far removed from my first ever SCW Bombshells World Championship match, one that ended in utter failure. I was in the living room with them and they were already trying to talk me through what was breaking me beyond my own understanding.
“Fourth fucking place…” I told my parents. “I didn’t deserve to be in that match at all…”
My mother had a facepalm moment while my father was looking like he was swallowing air.
“I was completely overmatched by the old guard. Roxi, Alicia and Crystal had all the spotlight and Alicia eliminated me so now I’ve been beaten twice by that horrible woman…”
“We’ve had this conversation before Andrea so there’s nothing I can say that is going to change your tune…” my father said, causing me to feel guilt when I saw the shame in his eyes.
“Let me say something…” my mother added.
“You’re not going to be able to encourage her. You’re not the wrestler.”
“Encourage her to do what? Continue to go down this path that she is clearly miserable in? Andrea, I’m going to encourage you to be done with this whole thing…”
“Honey, really?” my father said with anger.
“Get another career, Andrea…”
My mother’s stinging words caused my jaw to drop. I was in total shock that my mother just sat there and encouraged me to give up the dream that I wanted ever since I was a child. My father was ticked off and I could tell how angry he was when he was digging into his own jeans. My mother picked up on this.
“...or at the very least consider moving on from SCW…”
“That’s ridiculous…” my father said.
“Mom, I just signed a few months ago. If I were to leave, especially after this, I’d look like a bitch and everyone would laugh at me and mock me for being a failure that couldn’t hack it and I am not going to put up with that!”
“But is feeling like THIS worth it?”
“It’s not a feeling… it’s the truth. I’m Alicia’s bitch…” I paused to notice my mother cringing at what I just said while I had never seen my father more tempted to smack me across the face in my entire life. “How can I have any confidence in myself when she’s always getting the better of me?”
“It’s only TWICE, Andrea. FUCK!” my father nearly yelled.
“STILL! The whole locker room hates me. Everyone is rooting against me even worse than ever. The hate toward me seems to be only growing and not getting any better and it’s just making me feel like I don’t belong in SCW at all. How can I have confidence when basically everyone in the company wants me to fail so bad?”
“I can’t listen to this anymore…” my mother says with an angry sigh as she stands up. “I did not raise my only daughter to be like this. Andrea, no line of work, in ANY work is even CLOSE to worth going through the horrendous mental health struggle you are going through right now. I can’t bear to see you beating yourself up and allowing other people to dictate your own worth. You are BETTER than this!”
My mother walks out of the room with an angry body language that was really making me wallow in guilt while my father could only sigh and shake his head. I could tell that he was very much exasperated. Considering that he was trying to get through to me previously, following my first loss in SCW and going into the elimination chamber not believing in myself and thinking that I didn’t deserve to be in the match at all, he really was at wits end.
“I guess I was always meant to be some second tier wrestler and never a world champion… always a bridesmaid but never the bride…”
My father was so exasperated with my self-loathing that he didn’t offer any reaction at all, not even an eye roll.
“Andrea, we both know that it’s not true. But we’ve reached a point where you need to see the truth about yourself on your own and that there’s nothing I can do to help you. If you really feel that way, then I won't try to convince you otherwise, but I fear where you'd be if I wasn't here…"
My father then left the room while I was left behind to absorb it all and struggle with myself on a psychological level with my failures against Alicia and my increased locker room hatred really manifesting themselves in a self-destructive way as time progressed.
I felt like my father gave up on me in that moment and that haunted me.
But the scary thing was that his last statement was an unfortunate harbinger of what was to come…
Present Day
“It feels like ‘Dad was right’ is the thing I keep saying…” I told my brother Eddie while we were sitting on that same couch where I had my post-Chamber meltdown.
“You’re in a way better spot now, psychologically…” he reminded me as he briefly wrapped an arm around me. “...things are only starting to get better for you again.”
“As it turns out, I had bungled my entire world title reign before I even started it… MONTHS before I started it. I was wrapped up in my own head about what was going on and how much everyone in the locker room hates me and all these other things that I didn’t need to have in my head to the point where I actually won the championship and I felt like it was little more than a miracle. The way to look at it is… had I believed in myself a lot more and not let all those negative, horrible feelings get to me the way I did, I would’ve had a far more fulfilling world championship reign.”
“Or… you can look at it like this…” Eddie began to counter. “...you won that championship when you weren’t at your best at that point and you especially won it when you were nowhere CLOSE to being your psychological best.”
“I’ve never seen it like that before. God, what was I thinking back then letting people like Alicia, Crystal and Evie get to me so fucking easily?”
“Easy, Andrea. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You weren’t prepared the first time around for how tough that environment could be, but it toughened you up so much that by the time you went back, you knew what you were in for. You always had it in you to be the SCW Bombshells World Champion but sadly, when you won it, you won it at a time where you weren’t even close to believing in yourself”
“True…” I said with a sigh.
“You’re okay, right? Having to face Alicia again isn’t getting to you at all?”
I shook my head.
“I’m beginning to realize that my biggest mistake with Alicia wasn’t that one ‘delay of the inevitable’ tweet after the match, it was never believing I could beat her BEFORE it even happened.”
We were interrupted by the sudden presence of my mother and Roddy, my formerly estranged brother, coming into the picture with bags packed.
“We’re all set to go to Flagstaff…” Roddy said, catching me by surprise.
“...what?” I said, stuck in shock that Roddy and my mother of all people would even go to Flagstaff at all for my match. “Mom’s never liked my career…”
“It’s not destroying you the way it used to, so I’ve eased up on that…” she explained. “You’re about to have your biggest match since you went back to SCW and not only am I going to be there for you, but we both know very well that this is what your father would’ve wanted.”
“I didn’t know you were all coming…”
“That’s up to you though…” Eddie reminded me. “Just say the word and we’ll go with you… or we won’t. But either way, we’re going to Flagstaff because of my daughter’s birthday. If you don’t want us to attend then…”
“Oh that’s right, the first time Andrea ever wrestled Alicia Lukas, she didn’t want us to go to Tucson at all..” my mother remembered.
Once she brought this up, I felt this pit of guilt in my stomach knowing damn well that in a situation where I was about to start spiraling, them being in Tucson with me on that terrible night five years ago would’ve done me so much good.
“That was a mistake…” I admitted.
“I was in prison getting wind of that match from some inmates that follow SCW and I remember being shocked when I found out that they weren’t there with you…” Roddy added.
“You actually want to go? Even with our past?” I asked Roddy.
“You’re my sister, it’s only right. That is, if you want this…”
I let out a sigh.
“Look, when I shunned you guys and told you to stay here the first time I wrestled Alicia and then ended up having that awful loss that sent me spiraling, it was dumb of me. I know it’s a different Arizona city and you have a third opponent in Alexandra and all, but I’m not making that mistake again. I’ll get you guys tickets…”
“Hell of a choice…” Eddie reassured me.
“You’ve got this and you’re going to be just fine…” my mother reassured me as she and Roddy grabbed their bags and began to head out the door and toward the car.
In that moment, not only was I feeling ‘just fine’, I was feeling great.
Hell, the bright feeling in me was FINALLY believing, for the first time, that I had any match with Alicia Lukas involved in the bag.
Friday
The camera was on me at this point and all I could do was ruminate about what was in front of me on Sunday. I thought back to 2020, when I largely scuffled in the world title picture and it wasn’t breaking me. In fact, it was motivating me. The crazy thing was, as I sat at a bench at the base of the Arizona Snowbowl, that my last world title match to date WAS a triple threat and one that I completely ate shit in at that. It did nothing but fire me up further as I began to speak…
“One win away from High Stakes. It’s easier said than done. It’d be my first world title match here in over four years and the last time I was in one, Evie Jordan basically finished me off and the summer of hell I lived effectively cratered. I remember not wanting anything to do with wrestling after that. I’m not even sure how I kept going as long as I did to be honest but even then? When I look back? I fucked that whole thing up. All I had to do was look past all the bullshit Evie was saying when it was nothing but smoke and mirrors that I was too weak to dismiss as such and maybe things would be different. So to be in a triple threat match for a chance to go to High Stakes for a world title considering that? Fitting. And while I’ve long been done with dealing with Evie, it’s only fitting that one of my opponents is indeed, smoke and mirrors and that’s YOU, Alexandra Calaway
On talent alone? Respectable. But I know why you’re not going to win on Sunday and it’s not just because you lost so much momentum when Julianna was beating your ass last week. It’s because you’re a living delusion of grandeur, someone that cannot and has not shown any capability of being consistent. Your match last week with Julianna is the perfect example of how wishy-washy and honestly full of crap you are. See, when Julianna was posting on Twitter about her title defense, you were right there singing her praises and respecting her but when you turned on the camera last week? WOW! It’s like you never respected her at all. You were saying she was a “fading star”. You and her ‘respected’ one another in that handicap match and then you’re judging her for her actions during that when you seemingly had no issues before? It’s nuts…
It’s like you learned NOTHING from our previous encounter… where you were so focused on what other people thought of you that you grouped me with the likes of Kayla and others that have actually SAID mean things to you and started throwing these mischaracterizations at me the same way that Evie Jordan did four years ago. You got all up in your feelings fresh off of a mixed tag team title match loss and you really threw away that match before we even wrestled it. You haven’t “evolved” as you claimed that you did. No, you’ve stagnated. You CLEARLY never learned how to know your opponent as evidenced by saying that JULIANNA of all people was “complacent”, calling HER a “stepping stone”... yet you’ve gone on the record HATING that people treat you that way all while you are STILL making the god damn mistake I called you out for which is giving too much of a fuck about what other people think of you talking about how you’re fighting for “every single person that has ever doubted you”.
I saw you get up in your feelings THAT bad when Finn Whelan was talking trash about you on Twitter.
You might have a career after wrestling as a politician considering how you were trying SO HARD at portraying Julianna as a fading has been who had nothing left, filling your fucking bullshit with a bunch of lies and yet, all you did was make yourself look REALLY fucking stupid when Julianna went into that ring last Sunday and she beat you straight up… yet you want to stand there and you want to act like you’re this big shot right? You want to stand there and criticize other people for their ego when you have the most delusional, grandiose one in the company. You want to whine and bitch about how other people treat you when you treat others the same way you claim the haters treat you. You fancy yourself as a contender and you talk a big game but without actually THINKING about what you’re saying, you just want to throw whatever the fuck you can create out of thin air at whoever you face and then just fit it based on the situation or the opponent with virtually NO truth to ANYTHING that you’re saying all of which looks inherently worse when that opponent ends up beating you.
It’s no fucking wonder that every time you have had an opportunity like this in SCW, you’ve always fallen short and you are going to fall short again. More than anyone in this division, you define the saying “do as I say, not as I do” and the sad thing is that should you win this match, you’re going to make that world title match all about beating Kayla and shoving her old words up her ass more than it is representing this company and if god forbid you ever win that championship, it’s going to be more about YOU, your supposed legacy and the fact that you silenced your haters more than it’s going to be about SCW and the championship you hold. Someone that thinks and acts like you could NEVER be ready to be a main event player and the damning thing is, as your words toward Julianna among other things prove, is that you never look in the mirror, never make adjustments and come back with the same old cycle thinking that you don’t have to actually GROW to get anywhere and someone like you that lives in their own delusional bubble is someone that I CAN’T and WON’T allow to impede my journey back to the SCW Bombshells World Championship.
I’ve dealt with girls like you ENOUGH for one career, Alexandra, and I am NOT going to let the trans fat version of Evie Jordan go to to the main event of High Stakes! Period!”
I calmed down for a bit before I focused on my other opponent.
“And then there’s Alicia…
Our history has been a burden on my soul for a long time. I know the last time we faced off, it was a triple threat for the Internet title that I won, but I look back at that and it’s a notch on my belt. Nothing more. You weren’t at your best in that match. As a matter of fact, you were fading and I think you knew it too which may have been a reason why you left for a while yourself. But as far as this match goes? I’m not treating you like the wrestler that was fading away at that time. I’m treating you like the wrestler that handed me my first loss in this company and who has always been a roadblock in front of me to the world championship…
My first loss in this company? Down in Tucson in fact? You.
The first time I ever wrestled a world title match in this company? You were the champion in an elimination chamber nearly five years ago. You didn’t win. But you eliminated me from that match.
When I got my rematch for the world title I lost on that horrid cruise ship experience in 2020? It wasn’t one on one against Evie. It was a triple threat that involved… YOU. I got pinned, then YOU got to face Evie again AND you ended up dethroning you.
It has always been YOU, Alicia, that has been in my way. YOU are the ONE opponent, more than anyone on this roster that I knew deep down I would have to beat to get to my goal here. It seems silly to hold onto that all these years, but I suppose it’s only fitting that you are in this match because you are associated with so much heartbreak and frustration that I’ve had here and the fact that we both came back around the same time isn’t something that surprises me at all. I don’t hate you, Alicia. As a matter of fact? I don’t think I dislike you. But for me? It’s personal with you because that snowball effect that sent me on a downward spiral four years ago? You know the one that caused me to decline psychologically and eventually led me to get away from this company for two years? Yeah, it STARTED with you… but it didn’t start BECAUSE of you…
I take the blame for that. I was new to SCW at the time, as you likely remember. But I went into that match in Tucson all those years ago intimidated as fuck by your reputation and I allowed myself to throw myself off of my game that night especially when I shunned my family and didn’t want them to make the trip to see the match. I was the one that took that loss to heart and that allowed it to affect my confidence and that rendered me feeling like I didn’t belong in that chamber. I was the one that decided to take that match between us and act like I didn’t deserve anything and that I didn’t deserve to be a world champion or to even be in that title picture, that I was the worst world champion ever… although that last one was more Evie than you I admit… and that I was just someone that deserved to be shit on and hated. Everything that I just described? That was all me and I acknowledge that I could’ve avoided ALL of that shit if I just went into that FIRST encounter that we had with FAR more confidence than I actually did.
So when you hear this and should you decide to think that this is about avenging that defeat that I had all those years ago, I want you to know that it’s NOT! This isn’t about avenging that. Hell, this isn’t even about getting my just desserts on you. The petty person that I was all those years ago would’ve been all about that, but in the two years that I was gone, I grew up and I got stronger. I don’t want revenge on you for the past. That’s fucking petty nonsense, but I do want to beat you on Sunday if not outright pin you to get to High Stakes not JUST because it would be REALLY fucking fitting if I did that to get a world title shot here, but because it would serve as THE proof that after all these years, I’ve truly grown and learned fro my mistakes the first time around. YOU are my dragon, Alicia. You understand that? You are the one obstacle in this company that I felt I’ve never truly overcome and I am going to come into this match with you with the confidence in myself that I SHOULD’VE had when we had that match in Tucson five years ago and you handed me my first loss. You want this just as bad as I do, I know this.
But with all due respect?
You’re not going to main event another HIgh Stakes…
At least not this year…
Because while you’ve never had any love lost for me?
I know that somewhere in your bitter soul I have earned SOME kind of respect for you and if I haven’t/ i’m going to fucking earn that on Sunday. I’m going to make sure that on Sunday, after all these years, I finally show this company the absolute BEST that I can be and PROVE that I am beyond better than just ONE world title reign that I SOMEHOW even had at all when I wasn’t even close to my psychological best! Time not only heals all wounds, Alicia, it also creates change and growth in most people and I’m sure it has in you like it has in me… and unlike Alexandra honestly…
I know now that I define my future, my destiny and my legacy…
I know now that I was never the worst Bombshells World Champion ever…
I know that the reign that I had was nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of just because it was nowhere close to what I wanted it to be and because I allowed myself to get beat by a vapid, empty shell of a human being that was beneath me the entire time…
Because honestly? Considering the rut I was in? I had no business winning that title at all… yet I DID…
So if I can win that world title while I’m in a rut as I was, Alicia, when I was NOWHERE close to okay, or to my best, then why be ashamed of that world title reign at all?
You won’t have to imagine what it’s like when I am fighting for that title at my very best and when I’ve got it all together as I do right now… because on Sunday? When I beat you and advance to High Stakes to face Kayla?
You and Alexandria both get to experience it for yourselves…”
With all that fire in me at this point, I shut off the camera and I exhale, feeling that self-validation that I had lacked many years ago… and knowing that some of my deepest and longest lasting battle scars when it came to Sin City Wrestling were truly and finally, starting to heal…