I need your advice
The grass around her was lush and green. The sun beating down across her long golden hair making it shine. The gentle rays above hit her soft, pale skin accentuating her features and making her bright blue eyes shine as it hit them. Her feet carried her across the ground, her hand drifting into the front pockets of her jeans as she nervously fidgeted inside them. She had no idea what she was going to say, no idea what she was going to do. It was just one of those days.
Alicia questioned exactly what she needed to do this time around. In her life, and in her career. The balance between being a good woman for the man that she loved as well as a good mother to her sons mixed with trying to get her career back on track was becoming an albatross around her neck. Dragging her down. She was being pulled in four different ways and she had no idea how to balance them out. No idea how to live a life that she was both proud of but also made her happy.
Each step took her toward a place where she was going to be able to ask those questions. To form the questions in her own voice and put them out into the universe. But whether or not she was going to get any answers that would help her wearing an entirely different prospect and question.
She was torn, pulled in the different ways that she knew she put herself in. She wanted to be there for Austin, to be the woman that he deserved after he lost his wife, to be his partner, and to push him forward and support him in every way that she knew she could. She was also mother to 2 growing boys, one of them close to becoming a teenager. Being so young when she had her sons gave her a unique opportunity to remember what it was like being their age whilst still being closer to what they would experience in the modern zeitgeist of growing up.
But she also had her career. Representing a gym that had forged so many champions that was currently in turmoil due to the selfish actions of one member, she needs to be a leader to all of the young ones there. She was also looking forward to her own wants and needs as a professional wrestler.
She came to a stop shaking her head as her voice started, there was a nervous twang in it. Mixing with the southern accent that she had tried to hide in her earlier career, when she was ashamed of being from the American South, but not anymore. Now Alicia Lucas was proud to be a representative of Georgia, She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before beginning. ”I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want to burden you with this. And trust me, I know how stupid that sounds.”
She posted for a moment swallowing hard as she looked away, Alicia was clearly upset. Her face twisted as she tried to push down the tears and her sadness. Her heart was filled with regret, regret for the things that she should’ve said and could’ve said but never got around to. ”You know, for the longest time I never understood it. I never understood how you were able to so easily walk away from your family and do what you needed to do. I blamed you. I blamed you for everything that went wrong in my life. I blamed you for walking away and me ending up in an abusive relationship, I blamed you for all of the hardship that I went through in Japan because everyone knew I was your kid”
She sighed heavily shaking her head ”I even blamed you for wanting to come back and being a part of my life. And the more I think about it the more I realise that maybe I was being cruel. You came back and you’re making a real effort, you wanted to get to know me you wanted to spend time with Justin and Zoey. And I even blamed you for the rift that formed between me and my sister because she wanted to give you a chance and I didn’t. And then right when I was about to give you a chance, you went and died on me and took that away from me too”
Her nostrils flared as her heart sank into the pits of her stomach. For the first time, we realize that she is standing in a cemetery, standing over her father‘s grave shaking her head as she stares at it. It was the fourth anniversary of his death. ”But, now I kind of get it. I get what it meant every single time you walked out the door and why you had to leave. You didn’t think you could properly be there for myself my siblings or my mother if your heart was still in professional wrestling. And now I’m faced with the same thing. But the thing is, I’m strong enough to do it. But you weren’t. And you tried to apologize to me and I didn’t accept it.”
She moves forward slowly lowering herself to one knee and reaching out lightly touching the cold granite of her father‘s tombstone. Her fingertips slightly dancing along his name tracing the outline of the M in Maxwell. She takes a deep breath shaking her head wanting to do the one thing that she was never able to do while he was still alive. The words are only a whisper only meant to be heard by herself and the dead. ”I forgive you”
She closed her eyes taking a deep breath as she got back to her feet. There was nothing else left to say, at this conversation didn’t make her feel any better. There was no sparkling moment of clarity that was going to clear her mind and give her all the answers for her problems. It’s something that Alicia knew, something that she felt in the pit of her stomach all the way through her heart was that she was going to be a better partner and Parent.
But she was also not going to let anything stop her.
Alicia had always been someone who respected and loved the professional wrestling business. Someone who could never be taken down or stopped. Someone who would never look down upon herself or what she knew she needed to do. This resurgence in her career went hand-in-hand with a resurgence in Love for the professional wrestling business. She walked slowly from the cemetery, her hands in the pockets of her jeans as she looked up at the sun coming down. Winter was coming. And she knew that it was going to start getting colder. Especially when she traveled back to New York.
But, in the gym, in the ring, and at home. Alicia was going to be everything that she knew she could be. The best partner, the best mother, the best trainer, and the best professional wrestler. Reclaiming that crown. Reclaiming her position as one of the best. And being the one person on this planet who could always be counted on to stand up and be the one.
The greatest of all time.
One of these things is not like the others
”When I returned to professional wrestling I wanted to start at the bottom and work my way back up. And slowly but surely I’ve done that. I haven’t won every match but I have put on a good showing every single time I’ve been out in that ring in front of the great fans that have always loved this company. Who has always loved professional wrestling. And I want to make this perfectly clear to each and every one of you, professional wrestling is something that is in my blood. It is something that I love. It is something that I need. It is something that saved my fucking life.”
Alicia took a deep breath, closing her bright blue eyes and slowly exhaling she calmed herself down, not wanting to blow her emotional load just yet she decided she needed to steady her heartbeat while still being honest and speaking from the heart she couldn’t let her emotions overtake her. Not yet, not like this.
”And now, it seems like I’ve been able to earn my way to a match where if I win I could possibly get a shot at Kayla Richards and her championship. A championship that I held three times. For a while, I was the longest reigning Sin City wrestling world bombshells champion. I was able to look at the books and see my name sitting there until I got overtaken by Amber Ryan. Now a lot of people are gonna sit there and roll their eyes and think that I’m just living in the past again but the truth is that if you had this kind of accolade, if you were able to reach that height where you held the championship for so long that you had one of the longest reigns of all time in a single reign you would shout it from the goddamn rooftops.”
“I had that. I had that in my hands. No matter what anyone says I am still a three-time world bombshell champion. I have still beaten some of the best that this company has ever had. And people have to remember, I was a star before I stepped foot in wrestling. I was a star before I even thought about coming here and when on a wrestling was bought out and emerged into this company. I could have looked at that contract and said no.”
“I could have walked away.”
“But I didn’t. And you know why? Because I wanted to prove myself here. I was the best of the best in WWH and honour wrestling. For two years I was a champion whether it was in WWH or whether it was in honor wrestling, I was a champion. For two years of my life, I held gold. Now some people with over 20-year careers can’t say that for two of those years straight they held a championship in some way shape or form but I did and then I came into this company and I did the same thing.”
Alicia shakes her head taking a deep breath before she gets up and paces back and forth in her hotel room, her long blonde hair tied back in a tight bun as her eyes scan the room. She closes her eyes taking a deep breath trying to calm herself down while rolling her shoulders feeling a few cracks and pops as she tries to calm herself down and refocus on what she needs to do and say.
”Now, as I became burned out with professional wrestling and decided I needed to go home. My heart started to hurt because it dropped into my stomach. I had to look at myself in the mirror and I had to ask myself if I was good enough to still be here and if I wasn’t good enough, I was going to walk away. Because I don’t want to be like my contemporary. I don’t want to be like Mercedes Vargas, I don’t want to be like people like her. And this isn’t a knock on Mercedes I actually respect the fact that she still wants to do what she loves despite the fact that she’s clearly not the woman that she used to be.”
“I just don’t wanna be like her. I don’t wanna be a nostalgia act, I don’t want to just live on what I’ve done in the past. And I know that might sound ironic considering I just talked about what I did in the past but you people need to realise something. I love what I’ve been able to accomplish in this company, I love what I’ve been able to accomplish in my entire career. But I want more. I don’t want to be just a three-time bombshell champion. I don’t want to be someone who went to war with stars of the past. I want to be a woman who can stand up to the current stars of today.”
“Even if they don’t shine as bright as they wish…”
Alicia chuckles and shakes her head, sliding her hands across her body hugging herself as she folds her arms over her chest.
”Now, my verbal blowing of my professional wrestling career is out of the way and I feel like it’s time to focus on what I’m ready to do now. See it’s all well and good to look at your past and appreciate it but if you’re ready to go on with the future time to look towards that. And my future right now is embroiled in a triple threat match with two other women. The winner goes on to either get a shot at Kayla Richards and her championship or maybe something else depending on what goes on with certain votes and things of that nature”
“When I look at this match, when I look at the two other women that I have to face it makes me chuckle because one of us is not like the others. And the one that stands out to me is Alexandra Callaway..”
Alicia pauses for a moment getting ready to speak on one of her opponents. She tries to send to herself as she knows the line that she’s about to cross. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before cracking her knuckles and getting to work.
”Now, I’m not saying that Alexandra couldn’t become a bombshells champion and make a name for herself. Everyone who has the balls to step foot in a SCW ring has that inside them. But if you look at her history and her past compared to myself and Andrea Hernandez, you get a clear picture that she is the standout. And not in a good way. You look at the kind of things that myself and Andrea have accomplished and then you look at Alexandra and she is the odd one out. She is a woman who many people look at as a punch line of a joke. And within good reason. You see Alexandra as much as you want to envision yourself as one of the elite of the bombshell division. The truth is you’ve never been able to reach that spot.”
“And I get it, I do. You want to be a member of that elite group of women. You want to be able to consider yourself a main event player and someone who could be the bombshell champion. But that championship is something that people aspire to and to hold that championship you need to be viewed as one of the best of the best. And you’ve never been able to reach those heights. And part of me feels bad for you. I really do. I listen to your promos and I look at what you do in the ring and I know that you want to do better. To be better. I know that you want to put your body on the line and be one of the best of the best.”
“It is rather admirable. And there is a small part of me that respects you for that. Because not everyone does that Alexandra. Not everyone turns around and looks at themselves and puts everything on the line in pursuit of their goals and dreams. It’s something that you do with reckless abandon. You throw yourself at challenges and you expect things to change but in the end, you fail. You fail because while your heart and your soul are in this business to be the best your body just simply can’t live up to it.”
“You will try, I know that”
“I don’t question that. You are one of the few people on this roster that when I see your name I know that you are going to put 100% effort in even if it kills you. And as I said, I respect that. But not everyone can be the best. Not everyone can climb that ladder and call themselves the best in the world and not everyone can be the bombshells champion and you are simply not someone who can reach those heights. You are not someone who can be like me or Andrea. You are not someone who can be like Kayla. You are a great professional wrestler but you are not one of the best. And I understand if my words are going to hurt you. And I don’t feel bad. I really don’t.”
Alicia offered a small shrug before continuing.
”The sad truth is that everything that we love and everything that we want to be good at sometimes doesn’t give us the returns that we want. You put in so much effort to be better than you really are and at the end of the day when we look back on you and we look at what you’ve accomplished you just don’t measure up to the lofty expectations that you hope to have. You are simply not as good as you believe yourself to be. And that’s okay. You need to realize that for people like myself and others who have reached the heights that you hope to get to, we find it natural to be that good. But people like you? You have to work at it every day and some people are good enough to reach that level.”
“But you aren’t…”
“And you never will be…”
“You confide against my assessment. You can tell Me that I’m wrong. You can tell me that I’m out of touch or that I’m living in the past and you will become everything that you have said that you are going to. Every single time I see you cut a promo is the same thing. You talk about the potential that you have and where you want to be. You act like your past doesn’t matter and that every single failure that you have has simply been a small bump in the road of your greater plan, but the truth is Alexandra that you’re just not good enough to stand with people like me, and Andrea and everyone else who is at the top of the division.”
“And the only way that you will ever be able to beat myself or Andrea and go onto face Kayla is a fluke. If you jump in the ring and you’re able to pin one of us after the other one has hit some kind of huge move and we’re not looking you might be able to flick a wind and when you get in The ring someone like Kayla Richard you will do what you have always done and you will get destroyed. Because you simply cannot be the wrestler that you believe yourself to be because you are not good enough. and I don’t say this out of hatred or disrespect. I say this because I want you to realize it and I want you to look at the fact that you have a place in this company. You just need to realize and accept it. Being a world champion and facing the best isn’t it for you, you are simply not good enough.”
Alicia‘s face and Zomba, like she’s regretting her words in having to let someone down and tell her the truth. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head before entering on the problems at hand and the opponent at hand Miss Andrea Hernandez.
”You know, when I first signed a contract to come to this company I said a few things that really got under the skin of so many of the women who are already here. I looked at the roster when I came to Sun City wrestling and I rolled my eyes because so many women were content with just being a sideshow. I didn’t have aspirations to be the main event. They didn’t want to be the best this company had to offer and I wanted that for all of us. So when I first came here, I grabbed a microphone. I looked at the roster and I completely ran everyone down. And because of that, I made enemies out of the second that I opened my mouth.”
“But upon reflection, I think most people would find that I was right. I was right in the fact that I wanted the bombshells division to be a centerpiece of why this company was great instead of being an afterthought. I did everything I could to make sure that the women were represented in the right way. And in that representation, I looked everyone dead in the eye through this camera and I told them that I wanted them to do better. I wanted every woman on the roster to pull their weight and I wanted them to be the best of the best and didn’t want them to fall into old habits and simply be something nice to look at in between the men’s matches.”
“All I ever wanted was for the women in this company to stand up and matter just as much as The men and so many of you fought back against that but when I talk about wanting women who would stand up and be the best of the best I was talking about women like Andrea Hernandez”
“Even if part of Me greatly dislikes her”
“See, my ego has always been tied to the success of the entire division just myself. When I look back at my legacy it isn’t just about the championships. I’ve won. It’s about the rise in prominence when it comes to the bombshells division. When I first came here the division was an afterthought, it wasn’t looked at as an equal it was looked at as just a sideshow. Playing second fiddle to the men. Now? The entire division is looked at as an equal and has looked at as just as important. My ego was tied to that. My legacy is tied to that. And women like Andrea Hernandez have helped that legacy grow.”
Alicia chuckles and gives a small shrug, a smile forming on her lips as her bright blue eyes stare forward.
”I don’t want this entire part of my promo to be me verbally blowing Andrea. I’m not going to lie you are definitely head and shoulders above someone like Alexandra but you also aren’t someone who I want to see as the champion of this fucking company. You and I are both legends when it comes to this company. I don’t think many people would disagree with that. We’ve both been to the top of the mountain, we’ve both been the bombshells champion and we’ve both beaten some of the best that this company has had to offer. Shit, you and I have gone to war plenty of times including going to war over that championship.”
“And that is the difference. You and I go into this match as equals, two women who have been to the top who have earned the respect of our peers who deserve to be in the Hall of Fame, and who deserve to be looked at as some of the greatest of all time. Alexandra hasn’t earned that right and while she will fight tooth and nail to be a part of that conversation you and I have already earned that right. You and I have crossed that line and you and I will be in this match for the better of this company and the bombshells division while Alexandra simply can’t measure up to you or me”
“However, the respect I have for you doesn’t mean that I’m going to take a step back and let you walk over me”
“Andrea as much as I want to hate you I can’t. As much as I want to look into this camera and tell the world that I’m better than you I simply can’t. You are someone who has every right to look at me and tell me that you are better than me. You have a history in this company where you can make the argument that you are one of the greatest of all time just like I can. It's up to you and is up to me to prove the other person wrong. But in light of our battle, I don’t want someone like Alexandra to sneak in a win and go on to face someone like Kayla for the bombshell championship when you or I deserve a position and a win in this match.”
“I’m going to do everything I can to win just like I know you are just like I know Alexandra is. The difference is Andrea that I know if you win you are going to do everything in your power to become the bombshell champion, and I know you will have a good shot at doing it just like I know I would have a good shot doing it or I would be able to take that shot at any other championship and make it count. But Alexandra? Her winning this match be a waste of an opportunity and that is something I simply cannot abide by. So I will do everything I can to win and in that case, you should all be fucking scared because you should all know that Alicia Lukas is still one of the best fucking professional wrestles on this planet.”