A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To waste
“Welcome Gerrit for another session”
Says Janet as we see the shot open at the office of the personal psychiatrist of Goth, who has been treating him for the last few months since his visions and dreams had started to get the upper hand on him. He is laying on the sofa, while Janet has grabbed her pen and notebook to start making notes on their current session as well as going over some older stuff.
“How are you feeling today??”
She asks him, noticing that he is rather restless upon the leather sofa. She rises an eyebrow in curiosity before writing something down without asking him anything.
“I’m feeling like shit.”
Is his response, he had wanted so desperately to tell her that everything has gone great as of late. Only to realize that it was futile to lie upon his mental situation, everything upon the outside screams that he is a stressed individual. He leans upon one elbow, reaches over for the small table beside him as he grabs a glass of water and takes a sip from it.
“Tell me about it and please, take your time for what you want to share. It’s very important that we get to the essence of the problem.”
Goth places the glass back upon the table, drops back upon the sofa as he rolls his eyes before letting out a sigh. He takes a moment to think about everything that has happened the last week, trying to seek whether there is something that they could connect the dots upon in order to reach for a solution, if there is any.
“The first night after our last session me and Melissa went out for dinner, everything went great until…”
He takes a moment to think back at that moment, closing his eyes as he starts to relive the moment and shudders.
[color=limegreen “Until a waitress showed up that looked like a dead corpse while wearing my first wife’s necklace I once bought her.” [/color]
Janet writes down what he had told her before looking back up towards him as she responds.
“Can you tell me whether that specific restaurant holds a memory of significance between you and your first wife??”
Goth is silence for a moment, trying to think back whether he and his wife had been there before, only to shrug his shoulders in response.
“Not really, this restaurant has been only open for a year or so. So in my opinion that could not be it.”
Janet nods her head as she writes some more notes upon her notebook before addressing Goth once more without taking her eyes off the notebook.
“And that necklace you mentioned, was that the first time that you have noticed it?? Or is it possible that certain items keeps popping up??”
Again Goth is silent, taking in the suggestions and thinks back whether he could find a certain pattern that he could remember off.
“Well this particular item no, but I do remember that I have noticed either specific perfumes, but also clothing and jewellery.”
He gazes towards the psychiatrist with a questionable look on, waiting for her reaction in the hope of a possible breakthrough.
“I see…”
The response causes Goth to look puzzled, clearly he had not expected this response from her as he looks puzzled towards her.
“You see?? What does that mean??”
He leans upwards by using his elbows, allowing him to look at her more closely. She takes off her glasses as she looks back at him for a few moments before placing the notebook upon her lap.
“Well it is clearly a direction that we should investigate, but we should talk some more about this before I can give you a clear answer.”
Goth allows the answer to sink in, clearly realizing that he has reacted in a impulsive fashion. He leans back upon the sofa as he thinks about it for a few more seconds before turning his attention back towards the psychiatrist.
“Fair enough, I guess you are right. So what’s next??’
“Well first of all, can you tell me whether all of what you had mentioned hold a significant meaning for you or your first wife??”
He considers the question, thinks back at the necklace and it’s significance. Whether the other items or perfumes and realizes that all these memories do have a significant connection to important memories.
“They do, the necklace for instance was what she wanted to wear around her neck on the day of her burial….”
He says as he starts to choke between words, clearly the impact of the item has deeper roots to his past than what he could have imagined.
“Now this is interesting.”
She says as she writes more down upon the notebook before placing it down upon her office desk as she gets up from her seat, she walks around the office desk before sitting down upon the corner of the desk as she turns her attention towards him.
“Tell me about the conversation between you and her where she had made that request, is there anything that stands out for you that could explain why she was wearing that item in the presence of you and Melissa??”
“I….”
Goth wants to respond to her question, but ultimately he shuts down as he starts to think back at that moment. We see sweat pour from his face as his eyes are moving from left to right as if he was reading his own memoires concerning that specific moment. Trying to remember something that could connect the item towards him and his new wife Melissa.
“She always told me to follow my heart, to seek a special person in my life that could….”
He hesitates as he wipes a tear from his cheek, remaining silent for a few moments due to the intensity of the memory that he was reliving.
“That could??”
Asks Janet with a look of concern, reaching over behind her and grabs a napkin before handing it over towards Goth as he gladly accepts it.
“That could fill the void that she would leave in my life.”
He says after using the napkin to wipe the tears away before closing his fist around it due to shear emotion, taking a few deep breaths before he continues.
“But none of the other items that I could think off shares anything remotely into that direction as with that necklace.”
“Well that surely narrows the possibilities of having it all point towards you and Melissa, but tell me Gerrit. Are all these memories of items in a certain order??”
Goth looks puzzled towards her, clearly not understanding the direction that she is turning towards.
“What do you mean??”
“Well for instance, the first item that you can remember in those visions. Was that the first ever important memory that you and Chantal had shared together? Followed by the next item and so on?? Are all the memories in the same order as the visions?”
Again he starts to think back to every single memory and item, trying to connect the order of impact of the memories were in the same order as the visions.
“This may take a moment….”
He says towards the psychiatrist, who in response gives him a understanding smile as she gets off the desk. She grabs the glass next to Goth’s sofa as she has noticed that it was nearly empty. She walks over towards a refrigerator, pulls out a bottle of water and refills the glass before turning back towards him. Handing him the glass as she turns back to the refrigerator and fills a glass of her own before leaning against the wall besides it and takes a sip from the water.
“As far as I can remember there is a similar order to when the memories happened and the order of the visions. But…”
Janet smiles as she takes another sip before walking back towards her office desk and sits down upon the leather office chair. She grabs the notebook and looks back at previous notes as she nods her head.
“I cannot believe that I had not noticed this pattern from past visits Gerrit. In hindsight it is so obvious.”
“What is???”
Goth asks with a puzzled look on his face, obviously not able to connect the dots, staring at her with an insecure look.
“I have a feeling that Chantal is trying to show you that you should not be afraid to move on with your life with Melissa, but not having to worry about forgetting her.”
“I would never….”
Janet signals for him to be silent, causing him to close his mouth as the doubt is obviously visible upon his face.
“Look Gerrit, you need to learn to accept the fact that she has died. You have told me that you became an alcoholic in order to numb out the pain that you were going through.”
“I….”
“And then you met Melissa, fell in love with her without actually giving yourself time to accept the death of Chantal and move on.”
The words sink into his mind, allowing the tears to flow as he starts to realize what she is telling him is true. He lifts his hands towards his face, hiding the pain from his face as the tears start to flow rapidly. Finally coming to the conclusion that Janet could very well be right with her statement.
“I think you may be right, but what should I do next??”
She hands him his glass of water as he takes a sip after accepting it.
“We are going to discuss all the visions, dissect them and help you with the process with accepting the passing of Chantal in order for you to move on.
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For The Love Of Goth
Reads some writing on a chalk board behind a seated Goth, who is wearing a satin long sleeved shirt and pair of black leather pants. He is resting his elbows upon the table he is seated at while his hands rest underneath his chin, sporting a sinister grin upon his face. He slowly takes his left hand from underneath his chin, gesturing with index finger towards the camera to come closer.
“I thought it was time for me to educate you all in the psyche of the mad man.”
He lets both hands touch the table in front of him, spreading his arms to either side of the table as far as possible while lowering his head towards it. Letting the left side of his face touch the cold fabric of the table while still sporting that sinister smile.
“I am already guessing what your first thoughts must be, isn’t there any level I wouldn’t stoop to??”
He closes his eyes for a moment while rubbing the left side of his face up and down the table, letting out a sigh of relief before reopening them as he stares into the camera with that look of pure distain.
“But before I delve into my psyche, I first need to ask you all a simple question. What is your definition of madness?”
He pauses for a moment, slowly lifting his left hand towards his face and pushes some of the strings of long hair out of his face. He then digs the knuckles into the temple, gasping slightly as he feels the pressure digging into the sensitive part of his face.
“I know most of you would all agree that someone who acts, looks and behaves differently from the ordinary individual will fit the bill. Those who dare to stand out from a large crowd, merely because we dare to give you the middle finger against because of how boring you are?. I know we can have such a long discussion about this subject, yet the only thing we will agree upon is to disagree.”
“But that’s not what you have been waiting for to hear from me now is it?? Oh no, because your short term attention span won’t allow you to wait for the good part. Only because you need answers right now, but I guess you just need to be patient.”
He slowly lifts his face off the table, pushing his upper body from the table as he sits back up straight before looking over his shoulder to the board.
“Now of course you are pondering whether there is a hidden message behind these words, because who of you could truly LOVE the Messiah Of Pain?”
He lifts his hands towards his face, pushing his hair backwards before tying it in a pony tail as he spreads his arms into the air and leans his head backwards while letting out a groan.
“First of all, in order to receive love you ought to be able to give love. And to those who are incapable to understand the hidden message behind it already tells me that you are a hater, that you wish to deny people like me to be accepted in the realm of WHOM who giveth and taketh away. And I do not have to explain to you all at who I am referring to am I? Because none of you can be this ignorant.”
“But then again, I’ll gladly allow you to prove me wrong.”
He leans forwards before shaking his head in disbelief before turning his attention back towards the camera.
“For The Love Of Goth, a moment in my career that opened up so many different opportunities. It allowed me to grow, it allowed me to dig my psyche into that of my future opponents. Giving me the advantage what I needed to grow as a wrestler and a talker.”
“Yu see, there’s no hidden message. Nothing besdies the mere fact that I had a weekly moment in the Global Wrestling Alliance to sit down and talk to other wrestlers, allowing them to open up to me about the silliest things to very personal things. Without realizing that they all just walked into the trap that I had placed before their watchful eyes, yet always falling for it as the stupid individuals that they were.”
“But Goth, what does this got to do with your up and coming match against Helluva Bottom Carter? A question that is already starting to anger you all isn’t it??”
He grins as he nods his head as he digs his fingers into the table and starts to drag his fingers across the rough fabric of the table.
“I guess you have already forgotten that I wanted to educate you haven’t you? Education is a key word into this whole subject, educating myself as well as the man that I have been wanting to face ever since that Six Pack Challenge.”
“Or have you already forgotten that this was a thing??”
The look on his face has changed into a serious yet sinister stare, sinking his fingers deeper and deeper into the table.
“The man, yes I am referring you into the most respectful fashion that I could come up with Carter. The one single individual that managed to eliminate me from proceeding into the final three of the Six Pack Challenge, the one single individual that I had not crossed paths with since returning to Sin City Wrestling. And a man that I can honestly admit that I have underestimated during the Six Pack Challenge, a lesson well learned that I shouldn’t have.”
“A lesson that I have endured with inflicting punishment upon myself, not so much for being a masochistic individual though.”
The corner of his mouth rises slightly, winking at the camera for a few moments before letting out a sigh as his fingers finally relinquish its grip. He lifts his hands towards his face as he stares at the scars upon the palms of his hands before turning his attention towards the camera through the opening of his fingers.
“Punishment is a way to heal yourself through hurt, an art of self reflection that none of you have ever dared to consider. I guess weaker minds only prefer to showcase the positive over the negative. Yet Carter, does this make you uncomfortable with negativity??”
“BECAUSE I CANNOT ACCEPT WHAT HAPPENED!!!!”
He reacts with an aggressive fashion, balling his hands into fists as the colour of his hands turns pale white. His breathing increases through his nose before closing his eyes with authority in an attempt to calm down.
“It’s an education that I had to go through Carter, but it would be unfair towards you to say that all the blame is all upon me. It would not give the respect that you deserve, probably having to ignore the greatest moment in your young and talented career…. Yet, it was only short lived wasn’t it??”
“How things are so different, yet so similar. Both having to endure our very own momentum of eliminating another individual crushing down in front of our very eyes by a further elimination. Realizing that everything that we thought we had worked for has crumbled before our very own feet. And all we can do is blame ourselves isn’t it???”
“And yet, I cannot help myself for blaming you for what you have done.”
He digs his fingers against his face, grinding against his temple in an attempt to relieve some of his frustration.
“Selfish words oh I know!! It’s the weaker side to neglect your own mistakes and all blame another human being!! And yet I cannot help but wonder, what have you ever done to be included in that Six Pack Challenge?? Besides of getting the rub from our beloved World Champion J2H….”
He shakes his head before starting to scratch his fingers into the skin of his face.
“DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT THAT MAN??!!!”
He silences for a moment, trying to regain his composure before lifting his hands upwards in an apologetic fashion
“Forgive me, it’s been just so emotional as of late. I have prophesised to the world that I would redeem myself. And yet, there’s always SOMETHING that needs to get in front of me. But I know why, it’s the path I need to travel to finally get to look into his eyes and take what I desire to be MINE!!! And you just happen to be the next in line Carter, your name was mentioned. A name that I never cared about, I never even considered taking liberty of appreciating. And now? Now you have all my fucking attention!!”
“Was that what you wanted?? Was that all worth it?? Because quite honestly my talented friend, you will regret the day that you even dared to eliminate me. Oh I know, strong words that needs to be backed up inside those ropes. But I have to beat you Carter, I HAVE TO!! I gave up the one sacrificial lamb to face you, to be the first name upon a list of many to be dragged through the mud of the path of shame that I have travelled. Three long years Carter, three FUCKING Years before I finally had the opportunity to hold that belt up high. And yet, you dared to direct all the attention from me upon yourself…. I have yet to have a good night sleep, I have yet to have a moment where I have not had your name burned upon these lips.”
He slowly drags his fingers towards his lower lip, rubbing across the dry skin of that what clearly has not tasted any liquids in quite some time.
“You have ever wondered what it would be like to have held the world title Carter? Of course you do, it’s the only thing that matters to you!! NAH AH!!! You are distraught of always coming up short, never having had that leather strap wrapped around your waist. Giving you the sensations of importance that you have been dreaming off…. You should be thankful after I destroy you this coming weekend. You should get down upon your hands and knees, beg for the Love Of Goth to continue!! Because it’s my deprived nature of yearning for my loved one!!!”
He lets out a sadistic laughter, suddenly tipping the table over upon it’s side as he gets up and rips the clothing from his chest. Revealing his bare upper body as he pounds upon his chest without any mercy.
“I have endured unthinkable mental pains!! I have suffered physical shortcomings ever since I beat Mark “The Dragon” Cross!! Because it confirmed to me the one thing that I have been knowing all along!! I am the one upon everyone should be worshipping!! I am the champion, but yet I need that belt to have you all acknowledge it!! And to have you stand in my way, a helpless and weak soul is pitiful to me”
“And why would I need to have pity upon you?? Because you think you are pure?? You are clean of mind and soul??”
He bursts out in an even louder laughter as he scratches his hands upon his face, showing the intense markings from his nails upon his skin before slowly subsiding.
“Everyone is born in sin Carter!! Everyone is born with the hope of being taught how to live!! How to respect the fellow man!! How to live in the presence of the Almighty One!! And yet you fail me, like everyone else fails me!! That’s why I mentioned your name Carter, because it needs to stop!! I took it upon myself.. MYSELF!! To be the teacher that you have never had!! You can claim that you have learned all the lessons in your wonderful wrestling school, but they only teach you how to wrestle… Not to fight. Not to survive, not to be down before pulling yourself up again and again!! I have been a mortal man once, a mortal man that to this day still needs to drag himself through the shameful thoughts of EVERYONE!!”
“And all you can ask yourself is why? Why Goth?? Why don’t you just claim your title opportunity against the man that holds it. Because it’s not because I am inferior to him, oh no… I see my task at hand as a beautiful pie. You start by cutting a piece out of the pie, partially satisfying the need to clench the yearning of more. But because of the elements of sugar, chocolate and the final cherry on top makes it impossible to stop until you get what you want.”
“Do you understand me Carter??”
He shakes his head in disbelief, grabbing his hands as he crosses his arms across his chest and lets out a primal scream before turning his attention back towards the camera.
“Don’t bore me Carter, don’t tell me that you will go out there and fight me. To give it me your all, proving why you beating me wasn’t a fluke. Because that’s what they all do, whether it is Jack Washington trying to tell the world he does not want to face me anymore, or the mere reflected painful expressions upon Austin James Mercer’s face while telling the world that he does not fear me. BECAUSE I AM LOVE!! NOT HATRED!!!”
“I am going to enter that six sided ring with you Carter, I am going to take all you got to offer. I will not take my eyes off of yours, I will lock you in every single wrestling hold that you may have ever been taught. And then I will be the essence of Saint Nick, whispering all your inner secrets inside your head that you have tried to hide form everyone else. And why Carter?? Because I am all knowing!! I am all loving!! And I am the one that shall not judge, even though I am the only one that can cast judgment upont he world!!!”
“Don’t be confused though because of what I have already spoken of, because the truth is confronting!! Like these hands that needs to dig deep inside your heart and soul, ripping away every sinful intention hat you have ever had!! I hope you will take these words seriously Carter, I hope and pray to myself that you will learn the lesson of life. That I will forever be better than you!! Because even though I may embark upon a disappointed moment in my life, but it’s only because I love you”
“Love Carter, not the physical love that you all yearn for, but the love of laying my hand upon your head and tell you all that it hurts me more than it will ever hurt you. And then I will drop all of your Sinful Obsessions into the canvas before covering you for the count of three. Because three is the key isn’t it?? Whether it is three days of being announced officially dead… three years of not having had that world title shot… or three seconds that will last an eternity. Three seconds where you can think back of every decision you have made, every mistake that crossed your mind… and everything that has crossed your mind that was wrong. I will heal you, I will heal you by merely hurting you in a way that will make that of what Austin James Mercer has ever done to you look child’s play in comparison.”
“In the end I will redeem your soul, in the end I will clear you from every disappointing moment that you have ever had in your life. In the end I will take away every single painful thought and make it mine, because in the end it is ME that needs to be healed. In the end it is ME that needs to ask for forgiveness, because you did not know what you have done my son. And in the end, I will have to beat the respect back into you like the all loving Father that I am. And do not think that I will not dare to lower my barriers to what people aren’t used to anymore. I will go old school upon you, I will make you a man like my father did with me. I will teach you respect in the oldest and most painful way of purity that YOU can imagine Carter. And in the end, I will make you thank me. Because then and only then your suffering will end, only then you will understand what I have gone through.”
“I will ultimately forgive you after the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, I will make you forget about all the young kids who will look on in shock, because in the end the only thing that matters is my love. So in mere days Carter, your life will change for the better. And I will move on, take on another challenge until there is nobody else left for me to conquer than the false prophet.. but be thankful that I dragged you away from being nothing more than a mere wrestler, only to become a believer…. The first of many that has come in contact with The Love Of Goth…”
With that Goth drops his arms and stares into the camera before walking off as the shot slowly fades.