Momento Mori
How did we get here?
That is a very complicated question. I suppose, we’d have to go back to the beginning.
Silence
Of all the things to fear in this life, there is one above all else, much more horrifying than your conventional phobias. And that is the loss of fear itself, and the ability to simply feel Living through a circumstance or chain of events and finding no catharsis or no meaning in anything or any place that you are in.
Now that, is something to fear
A person with no fear, well, that is just ignorance. Everyone is afraid of something. Every single person on this planet should have a calling. And most people do, they just don’t know how to listen. It takes a certain type of event to spark something. A pursuit of progress, a goal, a purpose.
Is my only purpose to conduct violence, as a means of provoking suffering?
The answer to these questions began to elude me.My abilities to feel are fading. They needed to be re-engaged. And distance was necessary to find perspective. And it works in all facets of life. But the greater questions became distance from where? From whom? To What? This was not a journey to destinations. This was a journey introspectively. To feel, to know, to find.
The answers certainly reinforced philosophies, always showing new weapons.
But your mind is the greatest weapon of all.
Then they say the mind needs peace.. And with the mind, the body follows. But, what does a woman do, when peace isn’t an option? When it’s not in her nature?
Now you’re beginning to understand the dilemma. I never lived in the same world as everybody else. Never did, never could. When a womans mind can find no peace, that woman will surely go mad in due time. And I have to tell you…
…I’m not very comfortable with that notion.
Because I personally feel I have a very good grasp on reality. But I’m trying, I’m trying real hard to find it.
Peace
Just for those emergency situations. But then again, I am what I am. And a woman who wishes for inner peace, who is incapable or unwilling to fight for it, is a woman undeserving to find what she seeks. This is the plight of the human race, our great paradox. And how very tragic, every so often, we exceed our own step walking, over a line that no one should ever cross….
Some women, they just don’t come back. Not because they can’t. But because deep down, they don’t really want to….
Part One: Violence-
Have you ever been so angry that it makes you uncomfortable?
Not the regular angry, where you can let it out and people may agree that you have a right to be angry. But that irrational anger. That anger where you feel it boiling through your entire being. It courses through your veins turning your blood to lava. It makes your head ache and your joints and muscles feel stiff as ever step you take feels like a barrier of rage.That is the type of anger she felt.
And anger was not an unfamiliar feeling, an emotion that was almost always present in the heart and mind of Johanna Krieger.
But this anger was one she felt deep down in the pit of her soul, her stomach, her very being. Everything made it worse, everything and everyone she looked at, talked to, stood near. Every word, every moment. Every breath. She tried to go about her life, her day to day routine. Wake up, go for a run, work hard. Go to the gym. But she could feel herself slipping., She could feel it rising and she was losing control.
Her arms folded over her chest as she scanned the room. Her jaw clenched as her bright blue eyes that had faded to a dull grey centered on Bella Madison. A woman who a few weeks ago she had felt bad for. A woman who she supported and helped. But now, well now all she felt was anger and pity. Frustration that Bella had failed. And now here she was, preparing for her next match with a nobody. From challenging for a world title, having a chance to shock the world to having a match with a wet behind the ears rookie that Johanna had destroyed.
Oh the mighty fallen and squandered chances.
It wasn’t true, but its how Johanna felt in this moment. Sick to her stomach looking at her fellow member of Wolfslair. Steel was supposed to sharpen steel. But right now, Johanna felt she was being sharpened against a feather pillow. And she couldn’t hide it. Her stare heating up as her lip sneered. Bella looking away as Johanna heard a voice.
Kallie.
Kalisto Keznik was one of the only people who could get passed Johannas hardened exterior and see something resembling the woman Johanna once was before the world beat her down. She laughed, she smiled, she was being her regular self. And normally this would be a comfort to Johanna. But not today. Not right now. She swallowed, her anger turning inward as she hated the fact she was finding her best friend, someone she thought of as a baby sister, annoying. Her hands, hidden under her arms clenched as hard as her jaw, her knuckles and joints popping as she stiffened her back. She needed to do something…anything.
”Hey…come on…let’s get you ready…” The southern drawl of Alicia Lukas snapped Jo out of it. The former world champion paced back and forth on the grappling mats. Alicia has come back from the christmas break refocused and rejuvenated. But insulted that she was being forced to face Candy of all people. But that wasn’t Johanna's story to tell. She swallowed hard and stepped onto the mats, the two women staring at each other as the rest oif the gym seemed to quiet down and watch.
Johanna tilted her head and gave a small nod. It was on. Johanna slid on one knee, grabbing Alicia by the legs, but Johanna was angry, wreckless. She was trying to use her anger and her brute strength. Alicia turned her hips, pushing her knee under Johannas stomach and threw her own leg up flipping Johanna over her and scrambling to her feet. Johanna growled and charged in again, sliding in lower, Alicia pushed her hips forward, catching Johanna as she came in and dropped down sprawling across her back, Alicia then hooked her arm around Johanna and slid over her back hooking her legs around Johannas hips.
They flipped to the side, Alicia put her arm under Johannas neck and her other arm over her head moving for a choke. Johanna tilted her head putting her chin against her own shoulder to block it. ”Nice Jo, but you’re still better than this…” Her heart beat faster, she felt the anger rise up in her chest from her stomach. Johanna turned and got out of it, her body moving to be parallel with Alicias. But Alicia stayed calm, a smile came on her face.
And it was over.
Before Johanna knew it Alicia had grabbed Johanna by the arm, pulling it behind her own back and yanking it upward. Johanna growled in pain, she refused to give up. But, Alicia knew. She let go of the hold and moved her hips sliding from under Johanna to get to her feet.
It was only a moment but time seemed to slow down. Alicia was up, Johanna was on all fours as it played through her head. And that damn smile. Her hands pressed against the grappling mats and it all came back. Johannas failures, her losses, Bellas loss, the fact she was being thrown at Amber and no one was giving her a chance in hell. Her father, her past, the betrayals. All of it rose up in her stomach.
Before Johanna could stop herself she was on her feet, and a right hand was thrown. It connected with Alicia flush on the jaw, hitting the right spot as Johanna threw it like a MLB pitcher would throw a fast ball. Alicia took it, Johannas fist cracking against her jaw as that sound of bone and skin hitting bone and skin echoed through the gym, Alicia dropped to the mats. The gym was silent. Johanna knew what she had done as the red that blinded her started to fade and slip away. She wasn’t blind with anger now. But it was still there. Her chest heaved, her breathing laboured and she could feel everyone's eyes on her.
Bella, Sierra, Aiden, Austin, Lachlan, Miles. They all looked on, shocked. Their jaws on the floor. Kallie however had a different reaction. She looked sad….
Jo looked away, her hand trembling as Sonya came out to tend to Alicia. Everyone went muted. Every sound, ever motion. It all felt like Johanna was surrounded by quicksand and was feeling resistance. It hurt, the anger. It had progressed to a point where she felt physical pain. It surged through her body, through her veins, her heart, her mind. All she felt was a blinding anger that was causing her entire body to burn and twist from the inside out. She clenched her jaw again and felt tears well up in her eyes.
Tears
”I didn’t-”
She lost her voice, her way of communicating, her head turning as Alex looked over at her, a look of concern and disappointment on his face. Jo swallowed hard, and before she could try and say anything Alex just shook his head, his eyes turning and looking toward the door. ”Just go…take a break…..we’ll talk later…but now you can’t be here….” Johanna swallowed again, moving forward toward Alicia, she was still angry but she wanted to help. Alex snapped and shook his head. ”NO!...just go Jo…”
The walls were closing in, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think. She couldn’t talk. She slowly backed up toward the wall as the entire gym, her friends, her family stood and stared, judging, whispering. Her hand moved down gripping her backpack as she moved toward the door. As she hit the outside, the cold air smacked her in the face, she felt the tears, she got to the corner before stopping, her hands finding her knees as she felt it all come out, but it wasn’t sadness, it was still anger. It was that blinding rage that was still causing pain.
And she just wanted it to be over.
Then, it broke. It all faded away. The anger, the frustration. The pain. It was all gone. But….all of it was.
Every feeling.
She was now numb. Void. Empty. And maybe this is how it was always meant to be…
Si vis pacem, para bellum
The Ideology of Mayhem
[color=yellow}”Well now, look at the situation we’ve found ourselves in…”[/color]
Johanna steps forward, her hands wrapping around the top of an old wooden chair. Her fingers move and interlace across the back and slide in between the wooden dowels and ornamental back. She steps forward, moving around and sitting down before leaning forward. Her arms resting against her knees as she smiles, an unnerving smile showing her teeth, baring them in a threatening manner.
”You’re a disappointment. You know that right? You’ve lost who you are, what you were about. You have forsaken it all in an effort to be accepted. In an effort to be looked at as “one of them” And why? You’re not one of them, you’ve never been. You have always been different and in an effort to be accepted and successful you changed what made you special. And the worst part, it worked. Look at you now. Look at the opportunities that have been handed to you. A shot at greatness. A shot at something everyone craves and wants. And not because you were dominant, not because you were the best but simply because you were a face in the crowd.”
“A new face that had never been challenged before. You got rewarded for mediocrity. Congratulations.”
She takes a deep breath in, relaxing her upper body as she stares to the side, tilting her head as if trying to understand something. Trying to come to terms with it. Then, she laughs. Shaking her head and sitting back in a more relaxed pose.
”I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. I just, I’ve never seen you look this pathetic before. And we have been through alot together. Haven’t we? But being picked out for simply being there is one of the worst things to happen and I can’t say I like to see it. Because I don’t. And when you turned your back non me, well…I had alot of time to think…while you were out pretending…”
Her eyes narrow, her legs sit wide as she leans her arm over the back of the chair, nodding slowly as her eyes widen again and as wry smile comes across her lips. Her black painted lips.
”I think this….laughing is like a self defence mechanism. A way for you to come to terms with failures and my own disappointment and apathy. The smile, the attitude, the “just happy to be here” pageantry. Despite the venom that you occasionally spit when you let me poke through a window. But, I will say that you know I love the pageantry. The theatrics. But the difference is that I’m…a little more myself about it. And I’m not criticizing. I get it, I understand. Even in spite of the whole thing you found some form of success, just not what was expected. Not that was needed….”
“And believe it or not, I didn’t come here to fight. I didn’t come here to say “I told you so” I came here to help you. Because…you really need it.”
“You need the focus, you need the anger and you need to remember what you have always been capable of in the face of adversity and the pain you are able to cause and manipulate. And I feel like maybe we need to approach the subject of closure. Something that most people never get. The idea of closure, the idea of putting a story to bed and an end to a moment in time and moving on.”
“You need to move on….it’s the best thing for all of us. For you, for your career. And for the people you have let yourself care about and trust me…you can’t hide the fact you care about them…and if you want that feeling to return and the promises you made to be lept then you need to do what comes naturally and just be the fucking catalyst for pain and siffering you know you can be….”
“So, while you think about that. While you let it play out…I have things I need to take care of…things more important than this little…parlay…”
She leans forward and laughs again, shaking her head before pushing up to her feet and moving around the chair.
”Amber Ryan. Just the name evokes a reaction. The name of a champion. Actually, let me rephrase to give you the proper respect. Not a champion, no. THE champion. You have become a name that is held in high esteem and regard along with Mikah and Alicia Lukas. You and them are what I would like to call, the champion collective. Three women who have done so much for the bombshells championship and the division as well as the company that you will forever be known as the best. No one can take that away from you, and why should they? Why would they even try? Why would people attack you on social media or try and belittle what you’ve done and accomplished?”
“Hell Amber, you have cleaned out the division to the point where you are now looking outside the sphere of the Sin city wrestling main event scene to find your next opponent. Which has settled on me. But, how did I get here? How did I end up stepping up aside from simply being there and meeting you backstage? You see I have never been one to try and take what is unearned. I have never been one like Jessie Salco, or Ruby Steele. I have never been the type to stomp my feet and ask for title opportunities. I have always wanted to earn them and this…well this feels…unearned…”
“It feels…..random…”
“It feels like chaos, mayhem. And I like that aspect of it. Don’t misconstrued this, I will be taking the opportunity with both hands. And while I have been successful in SCW, and don’t think I am disregarding my own accomplishments. I know I am going into this match as the underdog. Which is strange to me. See, most matches I go in as an even odds type of gal or a favorite. It’s just the nature of who I am really. Everyone can admit, win or lose, against me they know they have been in a fight. But against you…everyone is the underdog. You’re a fucking dynasty Amber…”
She pauses, looking over in the direction of the last conversation she had. Letting out a deep sigh, a disappointed, almost forlorn look in her eye.
”I got here and destroyed Chloe Benton on the way and so many of you jumped on me for it. You being the most vocal. And why? Because I beat the hell out of her? Because I treated her the same way I will treat you? Cause, that’s funny. I was being chastised for showing her the same respect I will show you. The respect of not backing down and giving you my best. And you? You turned back the challenge of someone I train with. And trust me when I say this, my feelings on the Bella situation are…complicated.”
“To say the least”
“But yuou gave Bella everything, you made damn sure at the end of that match she knew just who the fuck she was messing with. And that is all I ask of you. Ms Ryan. Mrs Bane. Whatever people wish to call you. That is all I have ever asked from anyone. No matter what I’m doing. Whether that is being in the mixed tag team division, or the Roulette. All I have ever wanted is the respect of people to come at me with everything they have. To not back down. To not give me any type of opening.”
“And against you? Well. I can see that is what I’ll be getting. I’m that new blood you wanted so desperately to face but, my goal, my ultimate goal. Isn’t just about shocking the world and becoming the champion, it’s also about showing you that you made the wrong choice. With everyone else back there who you could have faced you and SCW chose me. You allowed me to have this championship match at Inception. And every single other woman back their, with thewir fragile fucking egos refuse to admit the simple truth.”
Johanna pauses and smiles, shaking her head as she pushes out a deep sigh, her shoulders relax as she puts her hand in her front pockets.
”You are as good as you say you are. And that is so rare of so many people. Everyone has weaknesses but yours are hard to find, hard to see. And I have watched women I respect and admire, women that I know are talented and touch throw themselves at you in some vain attempt to beat you and “expose” you. Hell, you’ve even started getting comments from those who have started calling your title reign astale. Thinking that somehow that will make it easier to beat you or to get your attention. But that, well Amber, that is just jealousy. And people should be jealous of you.”
“I am…and I admit it. You’re the champion, you have the eyes of the wrestling world on you and with you comes a certain amount of legitimacy that very few people can match. However all of this, every single moment and part of it cycles back around to one simple moment in time. One simple explanation.”
“I will give you everything I have and I will take time off your career.”
“You have faced amazing wrestlers and fighters. You have beaten some handedly, you have gone to war with others and shown the world what you can do and how tough you are. No one can deny it, no one can take it away. But with me you will get a war. You will get someone willing to go to great violent lengths to beat you that very few others will. And that is my lot in life, my great skill. I know ways to hurt people and I know ways to make sure those who face me hate life and hate what they will have to go through. At Inception, you will be celebrated as a champion, and rightly so. But I will do all OI can to take that title from you, to shock the world and the system and give everyone the new champion they so badly want….”
“But, not for them, not because I think they’re right or I want to discredit you as a competitor or champion. Not to0 add to the gym or the stables joint accomplishments. Not even to avenge Bella and Alicia…. No sweet Amber no. I want to take that championship for one reason…”
She turns, revealing behind her, the direction she was talking earlier. To reveal…no one…Johanna is alone…
“For me…”
The left turn on life.
I walk for miles and miles and miles.
Searching for something, anything.
Something more than what goes through my head on a day to day basis. Hoping that there’s something else to figure out about myself. The world. And my place in it. But, the result is the same every time. I find broken pieces.
And I try to put them back together.
I try to attach them to things
And no matter how hard I try they just don’t feel good. Nothing fits. The result is always the same, in the end I find out there is nothing new to figure out about myself. I know everything I need to know.
How to hurt people….better than anybody else.
The problem with humanity in general is that everyone wants a little more. Everyone wants to be something else and the difference between me and you is that I have seen those broken pieces and understood their meaning. I have looked into the face and the eye of what is chasing me and I know I have been devoured by it. But the rest of you?
The rest of you run from who you are.
Acceptance doesn’t mean submission. Acceptance doesn’t mean failure. Not when you can mold it, take it in your hands and fit it to your needs, your wants and your future.
Stop fighting what you are. And instead……
Accept that you are broken….
Part 2: Acceptance
It was quiet.
Too quiet for someone like Johanna. The problem with her being who she was is a simple one. When the silence falls and she has moments of solitude. The silence becomes a deafening roar. But therein lies the great paradox. How can someone who craves silence, solitude and generally dislikes most people and the thought of human contact also despise being alone with her thoughts?
It had been days since the incident at Wolfslair. Days since Johanna felt that rage overcome everything inside her. But the moment played over in her mind, a memory that was so vivid that each time she thought of it she could almost feel Alicia's skin and bone connecting with her fist. She could see Alicia’s eyes roll in the back of her head as her limp, lifeless body hit the mat with a thud. And she could hear the audible gasp of those watching, she could see the look in everyone's eyes. The shock, the awe. And the disappointment.
Most of whom Johanna didn’t care about. Save for two people. Alex and Kallie.
Alex because of what he represented: the leader of the gym and the group. The man who had come into her life and gave her a focus and direction for her hatred, her anger and her life. The guy who had helped her become a force in this business, who had held her hand into SCW and had taken her from a talented ball of violence to a focused, concentrated killer. She let Alex down…
And then there was Kallie. Her best friend, someone who Johanna had let in. The look in her eyes is what killed Johanna most of all. The look of disappointment was bad enough, but there was something else. A spark in the corner that made Johanna’s heart explode and break to pieces right to the pit of her stomach.
The look of fear.
That is what Johanna hated the most. Knowing that someone she considered a friend – her only friend – was scared of her. Scared of what she was. Not what she has become, this was Johanna. This was always Johanna. She stepped through her apartment, passed the workout gear left on the floor and toward the balcony. She had no idea where she was at when it came to the gym. She had ignored calls, texts and any form of communication.
I’m such an idiot.
It ran through her mind over and over. She had finally found a place she belonged. A place she could call home. A feeling of brotherhood and respect she had not felt since her early days in the police force back home in Germany. Things were so simple then, Johanna was a bright eyed bushy tailed kid, excited and eager to do her job. It was all a lie, it was all a facade that broke her heart. That wasn’t Wolfslair. Wolfslair was home, it was a shining beacon that she had now ruined for herself. She felt the walls closing in, she needed to get out.
The glass door slid sideways and she stepped into the cold air, covering up in a large black hoodie. One that Kallie had actually got her for her birthday. She swallowed hard and looked at the small cardboard box in her hand. Johanna had given up smoking when she joined Wolfslair in an effort to be healthier, to be the best she could be. It was a filthy habit she picked up from her days in the force. A time when she needed to destress herself. Smoking, drinking. It was all just distractions.
But right now, Johanna needed a distraction.
”Fuck it.” She tore the plastic wrapping, opening the end of it and taking out a cigarette. The second she lit the end and took a breath in it all felt so familiar. The taste of the tobacco, the heat and burn of the smoke sliding passed her tongue and down into her lungs. She didn’t let it out, keeping it there. She didn’t let anything out. Maybe the burning was similar to the fire that destroyed the gym Mac and Amber had. The gym they put so much love and effort into. Just like Alex had with Wolfslair. Those two were so similar it was a shame they hated one another.
Johanna had lit a fire in Wolfslair her own way. It wasn’t a physical one that destroyed Amber and Mac’s place, but it was just as destructive, just as damaging. And it was her rash actions that allowed it to happen. And now, in a twisted sense of ironic stupidity. She was filling her lungs with fire. Full circle stupidity at its finest.
She closed her eyes, allowing herself to exhale. For a moment she was able to breathe. The smoke cleared from her lungs so a new appreciation for fresh air could manifest. But, a knock disturbed the momentary tranquility. Her head turned sideways as she stareed at the door; another knock. She turned to ignore it. A third knock – whoever it was clearly was stubborn and not going to go away. She let out an annoyed and frustrated growl, putting out the cigarette and flicking the butt down onto the street.
Johanna got to the door and unlocked it, pulling it open slightly to see Alex standing there. She shook her head, this was it. She closed the door, undoing the chain and letting him in, turning to walk back into the apartment as Alex followed and closed the door behind him. ”You haven’t been returning my calls or replying to my messages, you just left them on “read”; not cool, Jo.”
A joke
She just turned and sat down shaking her head, Alex sat across from her, clasping his hands together and staring across the glass coffee table. ”So….you know why I’m here right?” She did. Her heart sank as Alex continued. ”Your actions at the gym…we-”
”I know….and I understand.” Alex paused as Johanna interrupted. She looked down and her hands closed into fists as she felt the tips of her nails dig into her palms and shake. ”I’ll clean out my locker and get my things tomorrow before everyone arrives…that way it won’t cause a scene…”
There was silence between them, Johanna guessed that Alex understood and nothing else would need to be said between them.
A laugh broke the silence, Alex shook his head and sat back . ”You think I came here to kick you out?” Johanna looked up, confused as Alex sighed heavily. ”You have to keep your anger in check, and I want you to talk to me every single day after training…..but we’re not kicking you out, Jo…” Alex pushed up to his feet looking down at her, Johanna had no idea what to say. “Just be back at 6am tomorrow, you’ve wasted enough time sitting on your ass with such a huge match coming up. And we don’t turn our backs on family…” Johanna swallowed and looked down before giving him a small nod. Alex shook his head with a lighthearted laugh as he moved to the door. Johanna swallowed hard and was able to mutter out a few words, loud enough for Alex to hear but quiet enough that he could get away with not responding. For her sake.
”Thank you…”
Filters
“Stories from our past make us who we are. It’s a defining statement, isn’t it? Others have been so generous to grace us with stories as a way to reason their attitudes and try to expose some sort of weakness in my framework. Or weakness in my way of thinking and philosophies. The truth is that what I think and feel and what I do are never too far removed from each other. The truth is that no one really knows what anyone else is thinking or what their motives are. And it is all just...mindless guesswork.”
Her voice is deep, deep for a woman. Her accent cuts through any doubt as to who it is. The familiar German-tinged English of Johanna Krieger.
“I could sit here and tell you all a story of myself in my youth to justify how I think or what I’ve done. I could even tell you one that would counteract the reasons that other people have for spewing stupidity against me. Anyone can twist facts and moments to explain their own narrative. I have always tried to be honest when it comes to my motives and my emotions. If I don’t like somebody – and let’s be honest here, I dislike almost everybody – I give my reasons. Now, whether or not you agree with those reasons is beyond me. That isn’t my job.”
“My job is to hurt and beat other competitors for the morbid amusement of others. And I am very, very good at my job.”
“It seems that Amber Ryan took issue with how well I do my job. Poking me on Twitter, chastising me and wagging her finger like some kind of angry mother figure. A pattern that continued in her promo against me last week. It seems as if Amber has taken issue with my treatment of ‘rookies’ in this business and my hard nosed attitude when it comes to how they can learn and better themselves. And, that is her opinion. She seems to have a lot of those and I need to make myself very clear.”
“I am under no illusions as to who and what I am. I know I’m a monster, I know I’m a horrible person and I know I should be ashamed of some of the things I’ve done…”
“I also know we are more similar than others would care to admit…I even said as much, so I suppose you and I are on similar thought patterns, eh Amber? Not shocking.”
Her lips twist upward into a smirk, chuckling at the thought of it and the revelations that aren’t really surprising or new.
”It’s clear to me where I stand here. As I said, I’m the underdog no matter how many ways you cut this cake. I’m the smaller piece. And I’m ok with that. I understand it and I know you won’t see it that way or underestimate me and that makes you a great champion. I’m not going to try and tear you down. That has never been my goal. It has never been my style either. I’m not going to sit here and show respect to everyone though. Some people do not deserve to be looked at as a threat, but you and I do, don’t we? For three hundred days you have faced and beaten the best and, in some cases, worst of this company and this division.”
“Legends, rookies, present day stars. They have all felt your wrath, your skills, and your amazing title reign rolled on. Now, I previously said something on Twitter that might get some people riled up and angry. I said that if I beat you, it creates a new star; yet if I lose, it just adds brightness to an existing one.”
“Some already consider me a star.”
“A Mixed Tag Team Title reign with Alex, two Roulette Title reigns and wins over some of the best to ever step foot in SCW. How could I not be considered up there, huh? And I get that way of thinking. But being a World Champion is the ultimate moment. The ultimate goal. If you’re not in this business to be able to call yourself the best, then why are you even here? So, until I can break through that barrier and hold that title, well – I don’t consider myself to be on that level. And shit, that’s what professional wrestling is right? You can forget the crazy stipulations, the multi-person madness. The mixed tag tournaments to crown contenders. You can have it all but the biggest matches…the best matches…the most meaningful ones are like this.”
She smiles wider, Johanna clearly loving the feeling of speaking directly to a peer who she doesn’t know she can best and step over. This is what she lives for.
”Two women, one title. We have you, the damn near unstoppable, unbeatable champion who has run through everybody on the roster to the point where management has no idea who to throw at her. And the challenger. A talented, yet flawed woman who certainly has the drive and ability to be champion but still has to overcome someone who is essentially a legend. And that might be the truth, or it might be a facade parading around to hide something you feel about yourself. That is what the general public believes though, Amber. Hell, you said it yourself. New blood rising, right? I hate that so much.”
“I have been here longer than you. For two years, I have been flying SCW’s flag and have been standing proud with my Wolfslair brothers and sisters. I have dragged myself up through the ranks and I have gone to war with everyone that Christian and Mark have put me in the ring against. And through it all, I have never complained. I have never whined or begged for championship opportunities. You came along months after I did, you destroyed everyone and took that championship because NO ONE was able to stop you. I respect that. But this myth that I am somehow a “new” challenge?”
“I have been here. The whole time.”
“It isn’t my fault it has taken them this long to see it. And the worst part is I don’t need to prove anything I have said to you, cause the most infuriating part of who you are, aside from the dominance and just how good you are is the simple fact that you aren’t stupid. Stupid is something I can deal with, take advantage of and use to my advantage. But that is a weakness I can’t exploit, I can’t beat and use. You’re not going to look at me as a nobody, you’re not going to think you can walk over me because I have failed to reach the same heights as you and others have.”
“Shit, you haven’t even made the mistake of comparing me to Alicia….”
Johanna throws her arms in the air, almost disappointed that Amber hasn’t fallen into the same trap others have.
”However. The mistakes you have made are glaring, sweetheart. Thinking that somehow, I have been insulting you, or that I look down on you when everything, EVERYTHING I have said and done shows something to the contrary. I respect those who have earned it and I hold people to a higher standard. I respect you. I respect Krystal Wolfe, I respect Andrea Hernandez and Myra Rivers. I don’t particularly LIKE any of you, but I respect you. I respect Tempest and Kat Jones….I don’t look at everyone like they’re beneath me. Just the ones that are.”
“And that is a mistake on your part in thinking my disdain for them is rooted in some kind of arrogance for myself. I want SCW’s Bombshells division to be a division of Killers. I want it to be a place where every single match is a fifty-fifty on who will win instead of it being predictable as the sunrise.”
“I am not going to get drawn into an insult fest with you. I am not going to pick on your hubris, Amber. Because it is arrogance that is earned. You have beaten everyone of note, except me, and have been the shining light of this division and instead of getting thanked for it, you have had jealous little girls stomping their feet and throwing their little tantrums because you won’t let them play with your toy.”
“But, as you have pointed out, I’m a monster and a bully. So if anyone can walk up to you, and just take your toy. It’s me. And Amber, if it makes it easier…I’ll be damn sure to give you a bloody nose that leaks all over your pretty summer dress…”