June 20th 2021
Father’s day
It’s 4 am in the morning, Goth is in his bed cuddling with his girlfriend who with his son had been given the green light to visit him this weekend to celebrate Father’s Day. Goth has her head draped across his chest as he feels her soft breathing while her hair has sprawled across his chest. He had to admit that he had missed these moments with her and was thankful that she was able to visit him with his son Gerrit Jr. He brushes his fingers through her long black hair as she is softly snoring, making him smile as he watches her intently. He turns his head towards the alarm clock and sighs
“4 am?? I will be a wreck in the morning”
He turns his gaze back to Melissa, who is still sleeping. He thinks back to them arriving to the hotel, his son immediately jumping into his arms after final checks. He smiles as he thinks back to the phone call he had with Melissa the day prior, telling him that Gerrit could not wait to be with his father and hand him his special father’s day gift. A day that meant more to his son than to him for a very long time, feeling ashamed for the years that he has been dealing with alcohol addiction after Sapphira had died. The thought caused his heart to miss a beat as he cringes for a moment before letting out a sigh.
“How long has it been??”
He asks himself in a soft whisper, not even realizing that he talked out loud. He refers to the moment that he decided to throw away the bottle and sober up, realizing that if it wasn’t for his son and his girlfriend that he would have been dead by now. Something that he sometimes wondered whether he deserved a second chance or not, since he had been an emotional mess and had hurt so many people. Mostly his own son, remembering the excuses he came up to leave the house so he could drink. It’s how he had met his girlfriend, who he had hired to babysit his son. Something he had felt ashamed for a very long time, ashamed that he would ever have feelings for someone else but his deceased wife, the fact that Melissa was so much younger than him. But mostly because he was afraid of how his son would feel about it. This had caused him to lock himself up into his own room, convincing himself that these feelings that he was experiencing would go away eventually as he was ashamed of himself.
“Sweetie??”
He curses to himself, wondering what he had done that caused her to wake up. But it’s like as if she had a seventh sense, she somehow always knew when something was wrong.
“It’s nothing Melissa, I…”
I mentally sighed, I could sense her eyes protruding towards me, she doesn’t believe a word that I was saying. I feel her hand touching my chest as her head slowly rises up towards mine as she leans upon her other arm. I stare at her as I can clearly see the outlines of her figure even without any light shining upon her.
“You don’t want me to kick your ass do you??”
I can tell she is grinning, but there’s a sign of concern. For a moment I am quiet, staring into the darkness as I finally speak.
“It’s just….,”
I swallow for a few moments, inhaling deeply as I am desperately attempting not to cry. I don’t even know why, she has seen me in even more vulnerable states of my existence for me to be embarrassed for anything. And yet here I am, fighting to let out the words that are so easily spoken back when I confronted numerous opponents. But with me opening up to the one I love, for some reason it’s the hardest thing I have ever done.
“I was worried you two wouldn’t show up this weekend, I…”
She slowly extends her arm towards the bedstand next to her, turning on the light switch next to her before turning her gaze back to me.
“Why were you so worried?? We both wanted to spent time with you so much”
Her smile warms my heart, I exhale with relief. I knew that this was so true, yet for some reason after resigning with SCW and being on the road for a couple of shows trembled me. It caused fear to overwhelm me, being alone on the road for the first time in many years…. Worried I would fall back into old habits.
“I have had some moments that I was tempted to fall back to old habits and seeing everything is almost being taped these days. I……”
She places a finger upon my lip and shakes her head, this causes me to be silent for a moment as she follows it up with a kiss to my cheek.
“I know you have been tempted Gerrit, but I also know you have resisted the urges. And let’s be honest, you will have to fight these demons every single day for the rest of your life. But if there’s anyone that I know that will never back down from a fight it sure as hell is you”
I smile, her gaze is upon me with so much love and tenderness that it melts my heart. I lean in to kiss her as I close my eyes, the kiss only lasts for a few seconds but to me it lasts an eternity before I pull back and look back at her with a look of relief. When I suddenly pull back in disbelief.
“What’s the matter hun??”
I’m in shock, as my eyes either deceive me or allow me to stare into the beautiful face of my deceased wife. This causes my body to react with so many different emotions, emotions of love, desire, fear and disbelief. Sweat is pouring from my face as I am incapable of saying or doing anything but stare in amazement. After a few seconds I close and reopen my eyes as I see Melissa once more with a concern look on her face.
“Gerrit???”
I look around, not sure what has happened. This was the first time that I could remember of having the face of my dead wife stare me in the eyes as of she was here, it caused me to get upset. I quickly sit up and place my hands upon my face as I lower it to hide the shock, realizing that it was foolish as Melissa had been staring at it for seemingly an eternity.
“Gerrit?? What’s wrong??”
This can’t be happening to me I hear myself think, thoughts racing through my head as I wonder whether I have drank something that I shouldn’t have, because this can’t be happening to me.
“Gerrit?? You start to scare me”
I snap out of my thoughts, realizing that I am not alone and my girlfriend who I love is next to me worried. I stare at her, I feel her fingers touch my shoulder as that normally would have relaxed me in the past. But now it is a cause of me reminding all of those lovely moments that I had spent with Sapphira…. Feeling a sensation of guilt and shame come over me because I am with Melissa now. I inhale a few more times before slowly feel ready to speak.
“I saw Sapphira after I reopened my eyes.. It…. it startled me”
I turn away my gaze as I look down to the bedsheets and my arms that are now seemingly lifeless on top of it. I feel as if my life essence has been sucked out of me and every possible sound that had been around us has been drowned into a void.
“It’s ok sweetie, I am sure that you are just very tired”.
I can tell that she was looking for an answer, not believing her own words as much as I am. But it sounds explainable as I shake my head in agreement. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me as we both lay on the bed while listening to our own breathing.
“She must have been a wonderful person”
Tears are now flowing from my eyes, unable to resist the pain that I have not felt for quite some time. Causing me to think whether I did wrong to neglect all of those memories from her. Wondering whether it would be fair to Melissa.
“Yes, she was”
There’s a moment of silence between us, as if we are both looking for something to say.
“In so many ways, so are you”
She looks up at me with a smile on her face, I can tell she needed to hear this from me.
“Did you know that both of you have saved my life when I was at the lowest of low??”
She raises an eyebrow.
She shakes her head no, of course she hadn’t as I had never told anyone about this…. Except for my mother, but she had died many years ago.
“I was a problem child when I was young, my parents couldn’t contain me. And back then I hated them for it, but I realize now that it was the only thing that they could have done”
I stare at the ceiling for a few seconds, allowing some dark memories pass across my eyes before I start to talk again.
“I was a stupid kid, I wanted to show the world and mostly my parents that I didn’t need anyone… I sure as hell convinced myself every single day that I didn’t needed them. Ultimately I got kicked out of several foster families, ended up on the streets and me the wrong people. Ultimately the ones that I thought were my friends caused me to end up in jail”
Her eyes are staring at me as I allow her to a side of me that not even my old friends from GWA or even before that even knew. The time and era I was ashamed off, something that I have hidden from the world for at least 20 years.
“And of course I believed that I could take on the entire world, started fights as I wanted to start a reputation. A reputation that I would kick your ass by just looking funny at me. All I wanted to establish was a reputation so people would leave me alone, where in reality I was afraid. Especially in the beginning”
I get chills thinking back at the day where I was attacked by gangs, used by others. I spent almost as much time in the prison hospital than I spend in my own cell from all the beatings that I took.
“It got so bad that in the end I didn’t cared anymore, I started to fight every single day and if I made it through the day then I had a good day. I caught the attention of one of the gang leaders and, well let’s say they gave me an offer I could not refuse.”
I smile hesitantly, I never liked to be in a gang. But I realized that at least I had people watch my back as I watched theirs.
“It was also where I met her”
She raised an eyebrow in surprise.
“I thought they sperated men from women in prisons??”
I smile and nod
“They did, but she wasn’t an inmate”
This caused her interest to be raised even more
“Was she one of the prison guards??”
I laugh at the question she asked me, causing her to poke my arm.
“Meanie”
I put up my hands in a mock attempt to protect myself from the “beating” she gave me.
She was one of the nurses that took care of me at the last time I was there. She told me I was either very stupid to be stuck there for the millionth time, or that I was very desperate to make an impression on one of the nurses who worked there”
I smile, remembering how much I loved her attitude, straight to the point and a confidence that attracted my attention early on.
“And did you???”
She winks at me, clearly enjoying to hear from me and Sapphira.
“Oh sure, I just told every single bully to beat me up so I could spend time with the nurse with he attitude. But no, we just started to talk and we got to know each other a bit better and ultimately we fell in love”
“Aww…., such a beautiful love story”
She mocks me as she knows how much I hate those romantic movies that she forces me to watch when there’s nothing else on television. I start to tickle her as that causes her to giggle out loud.
“Please stop!!!”
I tickle her a bit more before we kiss
“Are you going to tell me more???”
I smile as I kiss her on the lips and turn off the light on her end
“Soon sweetheart, or else I would be needing several weeks to tell you everything”
She growls at me playfully, but in the end she nods her head as we both fall asleep. At least that’s what I know she did, because after an hour or so I woke up and found myself staring at the ceiling once more as memories came back to me.
Memory lapse part one,
June 5th 2000
Utrecht, Netherlands
It was the day that the man that would later become Goth was freed from his final stay in prison. A man that many had told him that he would be back within weeks, some would even joke that he would be back in 24 hours. Something that Gerrit van der Krift would have agreed upon in the past as his life had no purpose, but things have changed.
“Going somewhere handsome??”
His eyes turn towards the sound, where we see a beautiful young woman stand in front of her car. She has long blonde hair, wearing tight blue jeans and a low cut shirt that fit perfectly around her curves. The two grin as he walks over towards her and the two kiss. Wrapping his hands around her waist as they hug for a few moments.
“What took you so long?”
He asked as he winks towards her, causing her to punch his chest playfully. She grabs his bag from his shoulder and places it in the backseat of the car as he walks over to the passenger’s side of the car. The two enter the car as she turns the key and stares at him.
“So where do you want to go??”
The words are being processed inside his brain for a few seconds, causing him to think back to the long talks they have had back in the prison. About building a future together where he wouldn’t fall back upon his past mistakes of crime. He raises his hands towards his hair and pushes it back as he lets out a long sigh.
“Even though I have always wanted to stay here in the Netherlands, I know I must leave. If I stay here I am positive I will either be back in jail or….”
He closes his eyes as he does not want to mention the fact that he would not survive his past life for much longer.
“I want to start over in the US Sapphy”
He says as he mentions her nickname he had given her after a few days getting to know her, he knew she wasn’t a big fan of it but she allowed him to use it as she had a few of her own for him.
“Okay, the US it is… and what do you….”
“I want to fight Sapphy”
This causes her to be quiet for a few moments as she stares at him in disbelief.
“You want to fight?? Doing exactly what you have been doing to survive on the streets or even over there??”
She says while pointing at the prison that he exited from a few moments, he gazes towards the walls of his hell that he had endured for he cannot remember for how many years.
“I don’t mean fighting to the death, I…”
“Oh and what do you mean with fighting?? Because last time I checked, with fighting you can get hurt!!!”
He turns his face towards hers, staring at her angered face that also shows a sign of concern. This was clearly not the conversation she had expected to have moments after him being freed from his imprisonment.
“Look, if I was the type of guy that would have an office job to work 9 to 5, then I would have bought an outfit with a tie and go for a job interview. But we both know that I am not that type of man that would last long at a job like that don’t we???”
She stares at him, letting his words sink in for a few moments as she slowly comes to the conclusion that he was right.
“Maybe, but isn’t there anything else that you want to do than to go boxing? Or any other type of sports where you get beat up???”
She says with love in her eyes, the love that had made me drown into over and over again every time she had put that gaze upon me. I shake my head as I chuckle, causing her to raise an eyebrow.
“What’s so funny??”
I let out a sigh, looking down at my hands for a few moments before turning my gaze back at her once more.
“You must know that I have been through this talk a million times over the past weeks leading up to this day, trying to convince you that my idea is nothing you need to worry about”
She remains silent for a few seconds before answering
“And how did that go hot shot??’
“And how did those talks go??”
“…..”
“Well Gerrit??”
He knew she wouldn’t like what he was going to suggest, she hated to see him beaten up by others in jail. She often had confessed to him that he needed to get out and start all over again and do something that would not get him killed. He had promised her that he would think about his future and had tried his best to find something that he felt comfortable with. He knew that if he would tell her this that she would not believe him, at least not after his revelation that she had to endure a few moments ago. But his interest had caught him to pro wrestling when a television aired a wrestling match from Japan. It made him realize that he was good at fighting and if he had learned to master the art of pro wrestling, that he would be able to make a name for himself. He never backed off from a confrontation, he had to admit to himself that he welcomed it.
“WELL??!!!!”
That caused me to snap out of my thoughts, inwardly smirking that there is one confrontation that he preferred to avoid… but now he has no choice and go on with it to convince her differently.
“Ever heard of pro wrestling??”
She raises an eyebrow.
“You mean those big guys in a boxing ring and entertain crowds??? Is that what you want to do???”
I can tell that this wasn’t the answer that she was expecting me to give her, clearly she had assumed that I wanted to start boxing, kickboxing, perhaps some illegal street fights that you can earn a lot of money with. But not this.
“Do you want to turn yourself into a steroid freak, put on pink tights and kiss babies?? YOU HATE BABIES!!!”
Inwardly I am laughing, to see her change herself from assuming that I would become a respectable man with a 9 to 5 job to assuming that I would be turning into someone that fights with a clown like persona that children would adore.
“You know what?? This talk is going to be much easier than I have expected it would have been”
To be continued.
“June 20th 2021”
“Happy Valentine dad!!!”
Screams out my son as he had ran into the bedroom, causing me to wake up.
“Ugh…, thanks Gerrit…, but how late is it??”
“7 am handsome”
Says Melissa as she stands in the door opening of our bedroom, clearly she had gotten out without me knowing it. Giving me a smirk that tells me that she and my son had this planned all along.
“You two are evil”
I say laughing as Gerrit jr, was starting to jump around the bed as Melissa is using her cell phone to taping me and my son having a moment of fun.
“Yes people on Facebook this is the dreadful Goth with his son in a battle of the ages!! We want to wish you all a happy fathers day!!!”
All three of us are laughing as I allow my son to get the upper hand on me, even locking his own version of the Gothic Dream one me as I am willingly to tap out while having it being aired live on social media.
“I hope this didn’t ruined your chances to have a successful wrestling return dear”
This causes me to laugh as I toss my son over on his back and put him in a tickle fight that he had submitted to rather quickly.
A few hours later we see the threesome eating at a breakfast table that Melissa had prepared for them. Goth had received a new cell phone from them as he had been complaining about the lack of updates of his old Iphone would no longer be downloaded. He had been often teased by his son that he was clearly an example of being an old timer. Deeply Goth had to admit that he sometimes wished back to the days of classic Nokia phones that had ruled the cell phone market back in the good old days as he had always liked to say. It made him also realize how old he has become as neither his son or his girlfriend were even born back in that era.
“So dad, what was that gift you had promised me the last time that we talked??”
I smile, I knew that Gerrit Jr, would ask about what I had promised him. Hell in the weeks between the first show that I was on and the next that I will be at soon he had been asking me nearly every single day.
“I thought it was father’s day today?? Not how to spoil my son day”
All three laugh for a moment before Goth looks over towards Melissa as she nods her head, he grabs a bag and hands it over towards his son who grabs it with excitement in his eyes. He quickly opens the bag and pulls out…
“Oh wow!!! An Amber Ryan shirt!!!”
Goth chuckles while staring at the look on his sons face.
“Even better son, she even signed the shirt”
He looks at his son’s eyes widen beyond imagination as he sees a signature from the Bombshell champion in classic Amber Ryan fashion. This causes him to put it on with a look of pride on his face.
“I think I will have to throw him under the shower if I want to have an opportunity to wash that shirt”
Says Melissa, causing all three to laugh out loud as Goth receives a call
“Hello??”
He listens to the voice on the other end of the phone, his eyes suddenly widen as he clearly has gotten some interesting news.
“Thank you Chris, appreciate it. I will see you next week”
He places the new phone on the table as he has four eyes stare at him.
“What??”
Melissa rolls her eyes in clear annoyance
“What was the news Einstein??”
Goth chuckles as he wipes his mouth with a napkin before staring at them as they look back at him.
“I am booked in the Main Event next week on Climax Control”
“Awesome!! Against whom dad??”
Says his son, Goth stares at him before turning his gaze towards his girlfriend.
“I am facing the SCW world heavyweight champion Mark Cross”
His son jumps out of his seat in excitement, clearly not believing that he will be facing the world champion.
“In a non-title match son”
This causes his son to suddenly stop jumping and his look is a bit less excited, but still happy for him facing the top star in the company.
“Now I know they like a nostalgia pop Gerrit, but this is your second match after returning. Isn’t it a bit early to book you against someone like him??”
Goth takes a bite from his sandwich and nods his head to what his girlfriend
“I want to compete Melissa, it’s all that I have ever wanted since the first time that I set foot inside that wrestling ring. And whether it is Caleb Storms like last time or whether it is the world champion doesn’t matter to me. But I cannot deny the fact that I am going to enjoy this one”
“I bet mom would have wanted to be at ringside with you dad”
This causes Goth to smile and nod in silence.
Memory lapse part two
New York City, New York
May fifth, 2006
We see Goth on the phone with his mother after winning his first ever match in a top wrestling company that closed a few years later. He is sweating like crazy while leaning his back against the wall as tears of happiness is pouring from his face.
“I have made it mother, I finally have arrived in a company that has got faith in me…”
He listens to his mother reacting to him, causing him to nod his head in agreement forgetting that she cannot see him react to her that way.
“Mom, I…”
He sighs for a moment, struggling to find the correct words that he wants to say to the woman that gave birth to him. But also the woman that he had given so many painful memories to the point that she and his father kicked him out of their house.
“I know that you and dad have endured a lot when I was young to the point that you didn’t wanted to talk to me anymore….”
He says crying, but not out of sadness but out of joy
“But when Sapphy told me she had a surprise for me, I had not assumed that I would be able to hear your voice once again after all these years.”
The man is clearly overjoyed, already forgotten the match that he had won against someone whose name he has already forgotten. He had dropped to his knees in the corner of his locker room, clutching the phone tightly in his hands as if it is a gift that is truly priceless.
“How is dad??”
He closes his eyes and becomes silent for a few moment as he gets to hear the news for the very first time that his father had died a few months ago. Remembering every wonderful moment that he and his father had shared when he was a child, all the way to the moments that they could not stand each other when he was out of control.
“I’m sorry mom, I…”
So many things that he wanted to say right then and right there, but he is unable to say anything because of the pain and sadness that he is feeling. He stares at his left shoulder, where a picture of his parents is tattooed upon it and sighs. It was something he had done on the first day that he and Sapphira had come to the States. He wanted to have his parents close to him while being separated not only by an ocean, causing a stab in his heart to nearly break it.
“How??”
Is the word that he barely managed to whisper into the phone, hoping that his mother could have heard what he had asked. He slowly grabs a towel next to him as he places it in front of his face, trying to catch his tears into it while pretending to wipe off the sweat from his brow from the other wrestlers that were nobodies just like him. Not wanting to show emotions that he was experiencing right now, because he assumed that they would not understand. Telling himself that in the sports of wrestling that emotions would make you weak in the eyes of others, something that he had forgotten what it was back in the days of being locked up in jail took away his innocence. He bites his lower lip, cursing to himself inwardly for all the mistakes he had made. Blaming himself for all the suffering that his parents had endured and for the death of his father.
“Mom, if you ever need something from me.., anything. Just ask okay??”
He holds in his breath, fearing the rejection that he had endured in the past. Fearing that he would lose both of his parents and he knew he could not overcome such a great loss.
“Thanks mom”
A smile reveals the relief that had come over him after his mother responded to him in a positive fashion. Causing him to rest his head against the wall and let her talk for a moment. The two exchange words of how much they loved each other before his mother told him that she was going to sleep. He turns off the phone as he looks down at the battered hands holding the phone as he thinks back. Not to the past when he was young, but to the match he had won. Facing Brandon Idol in a singles match, he had known then that if he had lost that match that there would not have been any way back. His first match was against someone that was a veteran, he had butterflies in his stomach and tried too hard to showcase his ability. The next match was an imprompt tag team match, where he and someone he didn’t knew faced off former multi tag team champions in their prime. Clearly he knew that he was doomed, but he still went out and fought for all that he was worth. And then Brandon Idol.
“We have made it Sapphy, all because you believed in me”
He knew that he was talking to himself as his wife had already left the locker room as she was not allowed to be inside of it as other male superstars were in there as well. He knew that he had to work himself out of this predicament to earn himself his very own private locker room. Something that he knew that he would be achieving sooner than later. His breathing becomes slower and more constant as he has flashes of his match come before his eyes. Hitting Brandon with the Chaos ADDT. His finishing move a DDT that he had watched his hero Jake “The Snake” Roberts perform a million times when he was still in the Netherlands. He had celebrated his victory as if he had won the world title, yet only a handful of fans even gave him an applause. He knew that one day they will have to respect his work ethic and his drive to compete inside the ring. But beating Brandon Idol wasn’t the level of competition that he wanted to compete against.
“Fuck!!!”
He was angry, he remembered when he had made a rookie mistake by lowering his head too soon for a Back Body Drop. Giving his opponent the opening to deliver a swinging neck breaker as that caused him to fight through a few painful moments before getting the opportunity to mount a comeback. He knew that he could not make that same mistake against big time calibre wrestlers that dictated the landscape in the organization that he was in.
“I know I am better than this, I just need to prove it. I just don’t know how…”
Goth’s frustrations is growing, he had built up a reasonable name in the Indy Leagues that he assumed that some of his following would have followed over here in the big leagues. But he was wrong, he had to win their hearts all over again and do it quickly. None of these fans had ever seen him compete in the hardcore divisions where he had established the nickname of Bringer of Chaos, mostly because he had seen a level of violence in this organization that made his legacy look pale in comparison.
“I guess that’s what they meant for me to stop being childish, but I will show them next year when I enter the Psycho Circus”
The weeks prior to his signing he was invited to watch their show where 12 names competed inside an Elimination Hell in a Cell match. A match where two men wrestlers entered and every few minutes someone would enter with a weapon of its choosing until everyone is locked in…. only to have the match really get started and the last one standing becoming the world champion. That was the match where he would know that his legacy would have been cemented forever.
“I know I came to the right place, I know there won’t be any hand outs to help others out. Just the way I have always liked it”
His eyes slowly roam the locker room, where he see men walk around. Men in the same predicament like him, trying to establish their careers or others that wanted to revive something that was forgotten a long time ago. The stench of sweat caught his nose, making him realize that he had to get out of here, no matter what. He slowly grabs his stuff and leaves the locker room to go back to his cheap ass car that he and Sapphira had bought of the money that they had saved and drove off to the hotel where he would be able to shower.
Moments later
We see Goth resting on their hotel room bed, together with his wife Sapphira. Both are re-watching his match against Brandon Idol for seemingly the millionth time.
“I didn’t realized that the match wats this bad Sapphy”
His eyes are showing disappointment, worried about whether they would book him soon for a next card. He has always been critical about his matches, not often would he be proud of a match that he was in.
“I literally carried his ass for way too long, I should just have finished it then and there right after the bell.”
She smiles at him as his anger is boiling up
“What???”
She gently places a kiss upon his cheek
“You are cute when angry silly, you just have to realize that this was YOUR moment to shine and not everyone can have a grant entrance. But you need to kick ass and take names before any of these arrogant idiots will ever take you seriously. You want respect?? Earn it”
He smiles as he kisses his wife, he knew that she was right and that is exactly what he was intending to do.
Present day
Las Vegas, Nevada.
Goth can be seen sitting on a rooftop of a building somewhere on the edge of Las Vegas. Watching the outstretched desert to find some peace and quiet. Back in the days he couldn’t get enough from the attention of the spotlights as he was addicted to it. But now? So many years later, so many things has changed in his life. Priorities has changed and even though he still love the business, he sure enjoyed a moment for himself and a bottle of water.
“I know what you people must be thinking, where’s the liquor Goth??”
He chuckles, taking a sip from the bottle of water in front of him. He adjusts the cowboy hat that he is wearing as the camera zooms out, showing him wearing a sleeveless shirt and black denim tights and matching black boots.
“Some of you old folks remember me wearing black and white face paint that would have resembled a skull. Oh gosh, the good old days. How often people confused me with someone that is actually a goth, having some of them even call me an emo as I was fake. I guess people are entitled to make some mistakes in their lives don’t they?? I sure as hell know I have made plenty of them… and yet, here I am”
He slowly tips the hat a bit more over his eyes as the sun is slowly falling down in the west, causing the lights to shine into his eyes.
“People assumed that I wanted one more match, wake up the next day and then realized that I should have stayed retired and never come back again”
He chuckles
“And I have to admit, the thought had slipped my mind for a few days after feeling the effect my body was having after the match. But I knew I had made the right decision to come back, but not to be a nostalgia pop….. I want to make things right”
He closes his eyes for a few moments and sighs, taking out a picture of his dead wife out of his wallet as he stares at it with a look of sadness.
“My last stay in this company was the darkest page in my entire life, hell I just wanted to escape my anger and had a reason to be angry to everyone but myself. Just grab a bottle of alcohol every single night until I had to compete in that six sided ring. And boy did I fucked up big time huh??”
He grinds his teeth while his gaze remains focused upon the picture of the woman that he had professed his love for so many years, only to have lost her in such a painful way.
“I wanted to run away from my responsibilities, I wanted to run away from the fact that I was a father to my son. I wanted to run away from the responsibilities of providing for a future for him and the only thing I cared about was drinking away my life. Because I did not wanted to feel anything but my own damn sorrow”
“I was selfish, hell I even started to do things I am ashamed off. All because I didn’t cared about anything else but my misery and where did it let me?? Having to relive all my past experiences in my life when I was young. Blaming everyone but me for the abandonment that I had felt…, but the only one that abandoned anyone was me. Hell I had a shot to get a title shot in the Blast From The Past tournament with one of the top women from London Underground…. And I even managed to blow that when Mackenzie Page walked off during a match because I was a mess. Resorting me to have a match where I just wanting nothing more than merely be reunited with you”
He rubs his fingers across the fabric of the picture of the smiling woman he had called his wife for so many years. The mother of their only son, causing a tear to slowly fall down his cheek.
“I was ashamed, ashamed of how I allowed my demons to take over as I blamed others for not stopping me to travel further that deep and ugly road of misery. I even blamed you Sapphy, because you weren’t there anymore”
“Something I feel ashamed for to this very day, I take this with me everywhere I go. Reminding myself after every AA meeting that I go to, solely to remind myself of how much I have changed…. But also what one moment of weakness can do to me. I am just grateful for having the love of those who do care and those who will guide me to the direction that I should be going forward for from now on. To enjoy life as well as meeting new people. Like you Mark”
He stares at the picture for a few more moments before putting it back inside his wallet next to a picture of his son and his girlfriend Melissa.
“I wonder if you know me merely by name as I am a former multi champion or a hall of famer, or have you actually been around to witness me when I was still an active wrestler?? Things happen don’t they when there’s an age difference more than a few years…, but I guess that’s part of life isn’t it?? To hand down a passing of the torch to a new crop of wrestlers that want to do the things you have done, but only better”
“Just like my son has been on my case for years to finally buy a new phone after wasting too much time on my Iphone 6s.”
He chuckles, realizing that his son was right. But he just liked to hang on to that what he knew and loved before ever replacing it with something else.
“I must admit, quite impressive how you have risen to the top of the game Mark, world champion. Facing those with who oppose you with a flair that makes me realize that you are one confident son of a gun aren’t you?? To do something that everyone dreams off, to do something so impressive that others can only dream off. I guess only the best can make a run like that isn’t it?? The question alone is, when will it end??”
“Oh I know this is the part where others will boast their ego, mentally beat their chests and tell the world that they will be the one that will stop you from dong the unthinkable. Just like Vinnie did a few weeks ago, quite an impressive speech he had about only to have to do something once. Whereas you MUST repeat the same feat every single time to hang on to the prestige of being the very best. I must make a mental note of that and remember never to repeat what a lunatic tells you what to do”
He turns his gaze towards the camera for a few moments, there is a smile emerging upon his face as he is relaxed. He takes a sip from the bottle of water before placing it back upon the ground next to him.
“Not quite the spot for wrestlers to do their promo’s I reckon, but then again what is?? Is it the repetitive interviews?? The training in the gym?? The walking down a mall and bump into someone and then ramble on like a mad man?? Ugh, if I had a dollar every time I was in a bar talking smack about my opponent while drinking myself to waste… I would have been a freaking millionaire. But you do not want to hear about yesterday’s past do you?? Oh no, I assume you want to hear about how I am going to defeat you. Wishing it was for the world title, because of how I am confident that I would take it away from you”
“Quite honestly, I only asked for a fight last week on social media. Never expecting to be confronted by a man that is being held in such high regard. In the past I would have been all over you, questioning whether you indeed are so great as you proclaim to be and equal to the greatness that was me…. The man that was addicted to be the very best, THE VERY BEST. And more often than not I succeeded where others may have failed. I wonder whether Mark and Chris were hoping to see my addiction resurface once more. Have me nearly taste the sweet taste of success and yearn for more. I sometimes put on an old promo of mine and admire how often I came away with all the things that I have said. Admiring my bravery and sometimes wonder whether I was daring or merely stupid to have gone that far.”
“And yet now that I get the opportunity to stare into the eyes of the man that holds THE championship belt around his waist, it makes me want to wonder…. How far I need to go to relive what I have done my entire life. And get a final farewell when I decide to step away one day, knowing that I have made an impact on a generation of those like yourself, Caleb Storms, hell even names like Austin James Mercer, Fenris and so many others. Because I am aware that the youth has the future, but one mistake and the future can turn into nothing more than a mere memory.. a whisper that fades into the nothingness like that”
He snaps his fingers to emphasize his words even more as he stares into the camera
“I knew that Caleb was a talented young prospect, a kid that one day can break through and obtain glory that he desires so much. But I could tell that he is just that, a talented prospect that is still wet behind the ears. A prospect that in his enthusiasm makes mistakes, something that I knew I would capitalize upon and strike when the moment comes to strike. But you? You are so much further than him, and that is a welcoming challenge. The fact that I am face to face with he very BEST that this company has got to offer. And knowing that I will walk away from that match a better man, a better wrestler than I have been in comparison to Caleb Storms. So ultimately, I will walk out that match a winner Mark… the question will be, will it be a winner with a chip on his shoulder that others have been unable to do so far?? Makes me wonder Mark, would that say more about you or about me???”
His eyes remain locked upon the camera, gone is the smile that he had earlier as he is concentrated to get his point across.
“I do not intend to lay down and play dead after five minutes so I can tell the world that I have stood toe to toe with Mark “The Dragon” Cross. Because if that were the case, I would have been off staying at home and be nothing more than a forgotten memory. A memory that has tarnished my career for way too long and I need to at least know that I am once again the man that they know as Goth”
“And who knows I may turn once more into the addict when I stand eye to eye with you, a man that will walk away still champion after this match no matter what the result will be. But we both know that you aren’t looking for a draw or a loss are you?? Oh no, you want to beat up a man that does not deserve to be in this spotlight. That does not belong in the main event after just one match against a kid that is far from the calibre that is the world heavyweight champion. The only problem is Mark, you have to accept the fact that I am that man that you will be facing in this non-title match. That I am that man that has forgotten more main event matches than you have ever been in period. But at least you will know and realize that I am far beyond the nostalgia that may just haunt you for the remainder of your career”
“I bet you have never been haunted by anything in your life haven’t you? Oh sure perhaps the simple thought of ever losing your first match in your impressive run may have ran across your mind once or twice. But you just shrug it off and move on don’t you?? I guess you never had to endure the pain and suffering that I have gone through and I am thankful that you have not Mark…. It changes you, it makes you become that you have dreaded. And the worst part of it Mark?? You have to carry it with you for the rest of your entire life. Because it’s not a light switch that you can turn on and off whenever it pleases you… it’s something I wake up with and go to sleep with. And every time I take a look at myself it makes me wonder, what I could have done to change everything. And all I could do is to take it all one step at a time to redeem myself”
“I am going to be honest Mark, I do not expect me to win like I did against Caleb. Is it wrong to be a realistic human being?? Nonetheless Mark, I intend to enter our match with the knowledge that you are just a human being Mark and human beings do make mistakes eventually. And I am not going to recite some words that a Mexican burrito with extra sauce constantly hammered you down your throat. But if you assume that I am going to be an easy victory on your record book… then you are sadly mistaken my friend.”
“Because I live to be inside that six sided ring, I live for the moment that I could show my son what he only has seen on old tapes or heard from stories of yesterday’s past. I am a living wrestling machine, that has perfected his craft throughout the years, all the way back to when I was just a simple fool who had gotten himself into trouble once more. Fighting to feed himself every single day, fighting to keep a dream alive of ever vanishing from the sad existence that was an excuse of his life. At a point where I could take care of my own mother in a way that I should have done all those years ago. And then to realize that there’s one more demon left that I need to overcome.”
“That demon is you Mark, oh no don’t get me wrong. It’s not you personally, because hell. I don’t even know you, oh no Mark. It’s YOU as memory of what I once was…. YOU that remind me of the filth that I had become, the filth that still to this very day tempt me to go back to the ways that I was. It’s YOU that personifies me to give up and just accept the fact that I am not that man anymore Mark…. That I should just grab for another bottle and walk away from that what I love the most.”
“And that wouldn’t be right now would it Mark?? A man event of two era’s of greatness, two era’s of men that have been on the top of the world either here or elsewhere. Two men that perform at the very best when the pressure is on and oh by God, I know the pressure is upon you since you have won that championship belt now has it not?? And if I do succeed by taking home a victory, be assured that one day I will collect on a debt that I need to collect to clench my existence Mark… who knows, I may even put back on the makeup that I did over a decade ago…. Not for the nostalgia, but to wipe off a memory from my brain and drown you with merely a percentage of the misery that I have gone through.”
“Because if fate grants me a victory over you by either pinfall, submission, disqualification or any other form of defeat upon your part. Be assured that I will gladly put back on that has granted success after success… and force you to relive exactly THAT what I have always known that I am still capable off. And all because Mark and Chris were hoping for a mere Nostalgia pop… I just hope that they can live with what they asked for, because they may just get that and more than that any of you could ever wish for… “
With that Goth turns his head back to the desert as the shot slowly fades to darkness.