The man he was.
That motherfucker
Austin walked through the door of his home, it was the middle of the day, he wasn’t used to this. He should be at the gym, he should be training and preparing for Blaze of Glory. Instead, he was sent home. Suspended like a child from school. His hands balled into fists as he shook his head and leaned against the kitchen bench. His muscles flexed as his mind raced. How dare he? After everything they had been through. Sure, they have had issues lately. Austin and Alex had been butting heads almost daily. But for him to do that, to not only send him home but do it by pulling a power play.
Austin was almost impressed. Like he’d forgotten the size of the balls Alex possessed. And what if they were right? He closed his eyes and thought back to everything he’d done over the last few months. There was a moment, a singular moment where he knew there was a line and if he crossed it there might not be any coming back.
But, deep down there was a feeling of guilt and regret he couldn’t shake. It had always been there but over the last week, it had been getting louder.
It echoed in his ears. It drove every action and reaction. Part of him wanted to keep going. Wanted to prove a point. That he would have more success ignoring that side of him that wanted honor and to hold the moral high ground. That went against his nature. It went against his family’s creed and what they always stood for. He stared ahead, oblivious to all around him. He did even feel her enter the room, not until she reached out and grabbed his shoulder.
”Aus?” He snapped out of it turning to see Lisa. Her smile calmed him immediately. He reached forward pulling her into a hug, behind her in the next room his three-year-old son David and his eighteen-month-old daughter Mia played on the floor. His eyes lit up and all the anger melted away. Then, he felt guilty again.
Not for his actions.
Not for his words.
But because he had broken a self-imposed rule. Anything he did out there, anything he felt or did was not to be brought home. The second he crossed that door frame to enter his home, that was it. Austin James Mercer the professional wrestler was left outside. When he was here, he was Austin James Mercer. Husband. Father. Occasional cat owner. ”Hey, had a good day with the kids?” Lisa raised an eyebrow and turned looking at them both before looking back at Austin.
He could hear David yapping away. Since he had started talking it was hard to stop him, it was only a few words but it was a constant stream of pride and laughter for his parents. ”Your son keeps forgetting his strength, this will be a problem as he gets older..” He couldn’t help but laugh, David was going to follow in his fathers' footsteps, already much bigger than any of the other three-year-olds Lisa had seen in her mothers' group. ”You’re home very early…”
Lisa looked at the clock behind Austin, it had just gone midday, he had been gone just over three hours, he let out a sigh and a small nod leaning back against the bench. ”Yeah, I just thought i’d have an easy day. Rest a little.”
Lisa narrowed her eyes, she knew when Austin was lying.”....So, what really happened?” She stood back and folded her tattooed arms over her chest and tilted her head sideways pursing her lips together. Her long silver hair was tied back in a high ponytail.
Austin sighed and shook his head, he did not want to bring this into his home, but Lisa had a way of getting it all out of him. He clasped his hands together in front of him and swallowed hard. ”My attitude seems to have caused problems at the gym. The senior members, Sonya, Charlie, Alicia, Alex, they all seem to believe I have gone to far…” There was a pause, Lisa raised her eyebrows and gave a small nod to encourage the rest. ”And...they might be right.” He cleared his throat and looked down, his demeanor changing as he became upset.
Lisa reached out grabbing his hands pulling them up to also bring his eyes to hers. Her hands looked tiny compared to his. She gave him a small smile and reached up stroking his face. ”Do you see from their point of view? Or do you think they’re wrong?”
Austin didn’t know how to answer that. It was what he had been struggling with himself. He took a deep breath and threw his hands in the air and shook his head. It was a non-answer. Lisa sighed and leaned up kissing his cheek. ”Part of me thinks I have, but another part of me believes they’re wrong and I get angry. And you know me Lisa. I have never been an angry person.” His voice trailed off. Lisa gave a nod and sighed heavily.
”I understand. And I know you don’t like to bring this stuff home, but Aus…” She paused and put her forehead on his chest. ”We’re supposed to have each others backs, I can’t do that if everything I find out has to be on TV or rumors.”
He swallowed hard and kissed the top of her head, looking in the other room again at his two young children, the home he had built for them, knowing he had been supporting his sister and given her and his nephew a life they could be proud of. This is what he worked for, fought for. This is what was important to him. Wolfslair was a family, but this was his heart. He shook his head and smiled. ”I have a few things I need to do….but, I understand what you mean…” Lisa looked up and smiled kissing his lips before backing away into the other room talking to the kids. Austin picked up his phone, shooting off a quick text message.
We need to talk
Cowardice
His fingers slowly dance across the chainlink of a cage wall, feeling the cold steel and how the ridges reacted to his touch. Austin sighed and shook his head before coming into view. His long hair back in a bun, his body covered in workout gear bearing the Tapout logo.
”Here we go, I made my return to the ring after a forced layoff. I beat Lincoln Daniels in a match that should never have happened. See, it’s very suspect what SCW decides to do sometimes. They expect people like me to look good by kicking a garbage can. And while that might be bad for Lincoln, with getting destroyed and embarrassed, it was also terrible for me. Lowering myself to face someone like him when I should be facing the best of the best. I should be competing exclusively against people like Fenris, or Jack Washington and O’Malley. I should be competing for the goddamn SCW world title, not facing people like him…”
“And what happened to him is on SCW management's heads. Mark, Christian and Brooke should be ashamed of themselves. You do not put someone so talentless against a man like me. It’s almost as if people have forgotten what I’m capable of. And not to dwell on the past here but, do you all remember? Do you all remember what I have done since I came into this company?. What I had done before that?”
“Lincoln Daniels and others use the fact I bring up these things as a crutch, they get jealous of my career and it shows, but when you idiots don’t remember what I’ve done, then it becomes an issue.”
“I was the WWH Hellsgate champion, I won the Honor rumble, I came into SCW and became the Honor world champion and then the SCW world champion. Three world titles in the space of three years. And you p[eople want to write me off? Are you fucking kidding me? That is why I’ve done this. I smiled, I shook hands, I was about honor, respect and upholding the morality of professional wrestling as a legitimate sport. But, as with real life, nice guys finish last and only cheaters and disrespectful assholes get ahead. Case in point our world title main event...Jack and O’Malley are two of the biggest pieces of shit put in this business and they’re rewarded for it…”
“You see that in front of your face and then still dare to ask “Why Austin Why?”. Like I’m a fucking goddamn charity case.”
He hits the cage, it rattles and makes a wave going through it. Austin shakes his head and grits his teeth angry and in his mind, completely justified.
”This whole thing started because I took offence to something. I watched as a championship I made matter, a title that I won and reinstated to a point of greatness was now being given away like a toy at a carnival. So I went out and I did something about it. I punched Caleb Storms right in the goddamn face because he believed, BELIEVED he earned it. Caleb deserved the beating he was about to get, just like he now deserves one for running his mouth about myself and Fenris. Caleb, buddy, get it through your head, real men are talking. You wouldn’t know what a real man is, and neither would your wife.”
“The fact remains, I had my reasons and they were justified. So, then why did Fenris decide it was that moment he should comeback and stick his nose in my business. Not to mention, how many times has HE kicked Calebs ass because the shithead deserved it?. The hypocrisy of it all was maddening. Se, after Fenris decided I was public enemy number one for doing something that he himself used to do every two weeks, I took matters into my own hands.”
“I attacked Aron.”
“I did it, I did it because I wanted to and I did it to send a message but, I didn’t do it out of pure malice. And how can you tell that? Simple. I didn’t BREAK anything. If I wanted to Fenris I could have sent your brother to the hospital in a full body cast and he would still be recovering. But I didn’t, I had mercy on him because I always wanted to face YOU. This was never about him, it was never about what he was doing. It was you.”
He points his finger and gives a small nod.
”It was getting into your head and I did. You fell for it hook, line and sinker. Of course the damage you did to my arm wasn’t a part of it. But hey, I’m sure you’ll continue writing your little narrative about how I was hiding from you, using my arm injury to do so, or how about that I’m a woman beater?. Huh?. Because I grabbed Alicia’s wrist in the gym. Oh no. I grabbed a woman's wrist, a woman who wrestles for a living who has wrestled men in other promotions. What a monster I am. They’re all crutches, Kristjan. All crutches and excuses you will use to deflect the real points on this.”
“The fact is, this was never about Caleb, never about Aron or Alicia. This was always about you and your ego. This was about you walking away from Sin city wrestling with your tail between your legs only to want to come back l;ike a conquering hero and matter. So you chose your spot, you chose your reason and you came out to get in my face because you knew it would get you the precious attention you crave.”
“You were gone, you weren’t in the bright lights anymore, and you couldn’t handle that.”
“You are trying to use me to climb the ladder again and keep yourself relevant. And instead of coming at me like you should you’re just using excuses. And the thing is I could forgive all that, I could even sit back and be fine with you calling me a horrible person, an asshole, an opportunist, even a bully. But the one thing I cannot abide nor accept is you leaning in and calling me a coward.”
He falls silent for a moment, his anger taking over. The one thing that got under his skin.
”A coward. Me. That’s funny. And why is it? Because I played mind games with you? You know what they are right? You and your brother played them with me by slipping in that stipulation right under my nose. Thinking it would be in your advantage to have me in this cage. But, unfortunately for you Fenris, I don’t give a shit. In a cage, out of a cage, in the street, in a goddamn cornfield in Nebraska. It wouldn’t matter to me. It’s never mattered to me.”
“In fact, when I first came here, you were looked at as the best of the best, the big bad scary boogeyman of SCW. The dominant world champion who people like Caleb pissed themselves over. Did I run? Did I cower? Did I avoid you? Or, did I run straight at you?”
“I have never denied facing you, I have never said I wouldn’t. I have never run from a match with you. This is all just you making excuses and talking yourself up because you need the confidence. You need to make yourself feel better. But, it won’t work Fenris. At blaze of glory you will be locked in that cage with me, and you will believe that it is in your benefit and that it is indeed your advantage. But you will find out very very quickly, it’s not me that is locked in there with you….it’s you, who is locked in there with me…”
Forgiven Not Forgotten.
The sun hadn’t come close to coming up yet. The rain fell on a cold morning in New York outside Wolfslair. Austin James Mercer waited, he had been there for half an hour, hands in the pockets of his jeans, his backpack with his gear sitting next to him, not even sure if he would be welcomed. But that wasn’t his mission today. He could prepare and work out from home, he could do strength and conditioning, talk to his wife, be relaxed. But he needed to have this meeting. He needed to clear the air and get that out there.
His hand gripped his phone, he pulled it from his pocket as it buzzed and read the message.
2 Minutes
He sighed heavily under his breath and closed his eyes. He was nervous. A strange feeling especially after the last few months of living and thinking how he had been. He kept his hoodie zipped up leaning against the wooden door that led into the office. He could have gone inside if he still had a key. But in Austins mind, this was a sort of atonement. Freezing his balls off as the rain fell. A car turned, the lights shining bright as it came into the parking lot and came to a stop. The door opened and out she stepped.
Alicia Lukas.
She tilted her head, grabbing her gym bag from the back seat and motioning for her husband Michael to pull away, nodding in reassurance that it would be alright, that Alicia would be safe. Austin's heart hurt, shame started to rise up from the pit of his stomach and he couldn’t even bring himself to look at Michael sitting in the driver's seat before he pulled away. Alicia moved to the steps leading to the office and sighed before shaking her head. ”You’re going to catch a cold standing out here you meathead, or is that how you’re going to beat Fenris? Sneeze on him?”
She pulled a key from her pocket opening the door to walk inside before switching on the lights. She swallowed hard and kept her distance as Austin moved in and sat down on one of the hard steel folding chairs in the corner placing his bag in front of him. His eyes trailed up to her as he flipped his hood back. ”I…..owe you an apology” There was silence, Alicia was still keeping her distance, her arms folded over her upper body as she stayed silent, pursing her lips together and obviously uncomfortable but forcing herself to stay there. ”What I did was, uncalled for. And We’re family...no matter my motives or feelings, it was wrong. And I’m-”
”Sorry? You don’t think I’ve been hurt by someone I trusted before and then heard that same song and dance?” She spat back, her hands going up in a defensive stance. And she was right, what made this worse, all of this worse is that Austin knew of Alicia’s past. She had told him how close she came to ending it, the pain, the anguish, the guilt. Austin knew that, he knew that anything like this would set her down a dark path. And in his selfishness, triggers emotions and feelings laid dormant in someone he truly cared about.
He sighed heavily and leaned forward clasping his hands together. ”I know, and thats what makes it even worse. I was selfish and it hurt you. Some say I should be put in jail for putting my hands on a wo-”
Alicia shook her head stepping forward. ”Oh shut up. This shouldn’t be about my gender meathead. It’s about my experiences and about the fact we’re supposed to be fucking family. I know you Austin, atleast I thought I did. And I trusted you.” Her eyes told the story, Austin used to look at her and see a sister, and someone who felt like he was a brother. They looked out for one another, laughed, smiled, cried. Now, Alicia looked at him as if he was a stranger. Someone who had just walked into her life.
He looked away, unable to look her in the eye as he cleared his throat and sat back, not sure of what to say. ”All I can do is apologize. But, I also know you might not accept it. And, that’s ok. You may never want to accept it, and that’s something I have to live with. But, I can promise, I will never let my anger take over like that again…”
He looked up meeting Alicia’s gaze. She stared him down for a few moments, studying him. Before throwing her hands in the air and shaking her head. ”Fuck it.” Austin raised an eyebrow unsure of what it meant before Alicia stepped forward. ”Whenever Ronnie, my ex, did something, whenever Chris or Travis did, they would apologize...and I’d want to believe it so badly even though…” She trailed off and stared off into space, as if remembering the moments.
Austin interrupted the silence. ”Even though?”
Alicia snapped out of it and sighed. ”Even though...I’d look in their eyes and see it was bullshit. There was no sincerity, no truth. But you? I know you feel bad, I know you’re not a bad guy, most of the time….” She shot a small smile at him and put her hands in her pockets. ”I’ll never forget Austin, but I can forgive…”
He gave a slow nod, understanding where she was coming from before clearing his throat and stretching. ”I’ve never been good with emotions Ali, but...thank you. For seeing me like this and not...what everyone believes I’ve become.” She smiled and reached forward lightly punching him in the shoulder before grabbing her bag and turning towards the lockers to finish opening the gym. Austin cleared his throat and spoke up. ”And Ali?..I have something for you.” She turned, he reached in his pocket and pulled out a card handing it to her.”This doctor she...helped my sister work through stuff, she’s really good. So if you ever, ya know, need someone to talk to that isn’t one of us”
Alicia reached out taking the card between her thumb and forefinger. ”Thanks” Austin walked passed her and moved to the other side of the gym, still unsure of what will happen later. Alicia stayed behind, looking for at the card and reading the name.
Doctor Jane Whitlow
Delusion
”Shhh, can you hear that?”
Austin James Mercer, former world champion, six foot six wrecking ball and the man who is preparing for a match inside the Lions Den at Blaze of Glory puts his finger to his lips. He closes his eyes and listens to the silence. A small smile coming across his lips.
”All the jealousy, all the stupidity and the comments of people who in the long run do not matter. They’re all there Fenris, making their little comments because they know the match to watch is you and me. Blaze of Glory will be a great night for us both. But not a good one for most others. With the exception of Crystal and Amber getting ready to beat the crap out of each other and the “dream match” of Maki and Alicia, there is nothing that can touch us. And I include that joke of a world title match.”
“Oh how I miss Ben Jordan…”
“But, everyone wants to throw their two cents in with us. And while I understand your anger at me, attacking your brother, playing mind games and drawing you in, the fact you tricked me into a Lions Den, that is all foreplay for us Fenris. I don’t blame you for hating me, for losing respect for me as a man or whatever it is you believe. You have been smart though, see you haven’t believed the bullshit from everyone else. Issues like ours, and the threats you throw out, I know it’s just a matter of passion and anger. I get it, I do. But they don’t.”
“Everyone who makes comments about me, everyone who sit there and tell you and me that you are going to kill me, maim me, murder me or walk over me don’t get it.”
“But you do.”
“No matter how I feel about you and your ego walking back into SCW after being gone, I can still understand that. No matter how much pure blinding rage you have for me and hatred that you have when my name is mentioned, we have an understanding.
He can’t help but smile, obviously excited as he sits forward with a loud sigh, his hands lifting to his face as he balances his elbows on his knees and turns his fingers into a triangle, his chin resting on his thumbs that are pushed outward.
”There are very few people like us. People who dominate for so long they forget what it’s like to come off second best. You and I are maybe the last of a dying breed Fenris. Look at Jack and O’Malley, at Vinnie and Alex. Hell even Kris Ryans and Ben Jordan. As good as they are or they believe they are, they aren’t the same kind of people we are. And as much as you hate me for what I did to your brother, there is a small part of you deep down inside, below your heart and in your gut that understands why, that understands what I’m doing.”
“You don’t want to admit it to yourself and you would rather make excuses for me so you don’t look in the mirror and see that past of yourself and in that Fenris you are just as delusional as those who believe your victory over me is a sure thing.”
“But, you’re right about why I’m bitter and why I’m angry. Watching the mistakes I made and the people who I should have beaten move on passed me after all I have done in this goddamn company.”
“I am bitter, I am selfish, I am a different man than I was before and you asked the question, which is the real Austin? The guy who walked in here and was respectful and shook hands?. Or this Austin?”
“The answer is both.”
“Things are never clear cut and black and white, you of all people should know that. You even spun your little story about you and Alex, the misunderstanding, the posturing and then the acceptance that you were both wrong. That was back when Alex was similar to us. Back when he had balls. That situation was as grey as this one is. I tried to be liked and respected because that is what I believed. That’s what I thought this business was and needed. And when I beat you for the SCW world title, a fact that some of the people kissing your ass seem to either, forget or want to try and take away from me, I was happy, I was respectful. I came out of that match better than when I went in and I respected you for it. And thanked you.”
“When Vinnie beat me for both of my championships, the world and internet titles, I showed him respect, as angry as I was. That is who and what I was and in some ways am Fenris. But then, I watched things happen that turned my stomach.”
“I watched as Jack Washington pissed on my accomplishments, on Alex’ entire career, and got praised and cheered for it.”
“I watched as Alicia lost to someone who didn’t have half her talent, then watched as that same person made that bombshells championship worth nothing…”
“I watched as Royal Purple repeated points that Jack Washington and others did with Johanna and stole a title.”
“I watched as the internet title, a championship I worked so hard to build up and make matter, got handed off like a fucking toy…”
He scoffed and pushed up to his feet, his hands moving along the edge of a hardwood table before he placed his palms flat on it, his hair tied back in a bun, his body covered with a navy blue tailored suit and that gold wolf head ring.
”It wasn’t me that changed Fenris, it was everyone else. And you might think this is me making excuses for my behavior. But there is only so much I can take. There are only so many times I can save this goddamn company. And the thing is, you were gone for this. You didn’t see the mess this company had become and the pieces of shit that wormed their way in and infested it with cancer. You weren’t here. And when you did return di you go after O’Malley?, did you go after Jack Washington? Did you disagree with what they did to the Internet title or anything else?...”
“No...you disagreed with me punching Caleb Storms in his stupid face. That’s what you disagreed with, that’s what you decided to come back for?”
“That’s why I have done the things I’ve done Fenris. And, actually, no. Kristjan.”
“That is who I’m talking to. Not the guy I faced one on one for the SCW world title, not the guy we see week in and week out. I’m talking to the man behind that. I get you hate me, I get why and I get I may have lost your respect and to be honest, I don’t care. Respect is dead. And now your job is to prove me wrong. There is still this small spark down in my heart that hopes I’m wrong, that all the things I’ve done have had a point and that you can prove this is a place of Honor and Respect.. If you can, I will get down on my knees, I will beg for forgiveness, I will apologize to Aron, I will apologise to you and the entire fucking roster.”
“And I’ll say the words, you’re right.”
“We will be locked in that Lions Den Fenris, and while everyone else seems to believe you’re just going to blast through me like nothing you know I can win, you know what I’m capable of, and that I am actually looking forward to it.”