HOW MUCH FUN CAN A TWENTY FOOT CHAIN BETWEEN THE DOG COLLARS ON OUR NECKS BE?
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Bill: Hey, Alexander, do you have any clue how many Dog Collar matches I’ve had in my wrestling career? And to add to my comment a lot of those Dog Collar matches involved us wrestlers wearing a studded dog collar. I have to be honest with you that I’ve had so many Dog Collar matches over my career that I haven’t been able to keep track of the total number. Taking a guess I would say I’ve had around thirty to forty Dog Collar matches. I will be honest that I didn’t win every one of those matches but I damn sure won the majority of them. The reason I was assigned to so many Dog Collar matches is because I am Bill Barnhart, and my nickname if Bulldog due to me having an English Bulldog named Iris. The other wrestlers, and those in Management positions, felt it was appropriate to assign me to these matches to go along with my nickname. How about we play a little game eh?
Bill flashes a huge grin into the camera and we see Bea walk over and get into camera range.
Bill: For the sake of this game, Alexander, let me split my guess of wins I have obtained in all the Dog Collar matches I have been assigned to and make it thirty five. Of those thirty-five Dog Collar matches how many of them do you think I won by choking my opponent unconscious with the chain that was attached to the dog collars on our necks?
Bea: I don’t know all of your Dog Collar matches that ended in that manner but I would guess ten.
Bill: I believe ten would be about the right number of Dog Collar matches I have won in that manner. Now the next question for Alexander would be how many of my Dog Collar matches were ended when my opponent was still conscious but I busted them open with the chain attached to our dog collars and they quit the match due to major blood loss?
Bea: I would guess for that question that five would be a reasonable guess.
Bill: I also have not kept track of those specific numbers of wins by that manner but five sounds about right. So that gets fifteen of the thirty-five matches out of the way. Talking about submissions in my Dog Collar matches, that were not from knocking my opponents unconscious or busting them open to where they were bleeding profusely, of the remaining twenty matches how many of them were ended due to me getting my opponent to outright quit in the match, or made to submit by me, or they were pinned by me?
Bea: I would say of the remaining twenty Dog Collar matches you have had that as many as fifteen of them you had opponents just give up and quit the match, or made to submit by you, or you pinned them.
Bill: So that takes care of thirty of the thirty-five Dog Collar matches I have been involved in. Yes I estimate that thirty of those matches were wins for me and only five of those thirty-five matches did opponents get the win over me. I am damn proud of my record in Dog Collar matches.
Bea pulls out her cell phone and calls up the calculator app. She punches in that Bill had thirty-five Dog Collar matches and he won thirty of them. Bea shows her calculator to the camera and it shows that Bill has an eighty-five percent winning percentage when he is involved in Dog Collar matches. Bill and Bea HIGH FIVE each other before Bill launched into his closing comments.
CLOSING COMMENTS. . .THE NUMBERS DON’T LIE
Bill: Eighty-five percent winning in Dog Collar matches! Woo Hoo! That means Alexander Raven is coming into this match at a huge disadvantage! How does it feel, Alex, to walk into a match with an eighty-five percent disadvantage? I am sure it makes you feel like crap but I do not give a damn how you feel about that. And to add to what I just said remember that I have two inches of height over you and fifteen pounds of weight. Maybe you feel that my extra fifteen pounds of weight will not be a factor in wearing you down then when my added weight drains your energy and you cannot function any longer in our match remember to eat your words and tell everyone how well your words taste.
Bill flashes a smile.
Bill: Alexander we know that Management assigned us to the opening match, our Dog Collar match, to show the fans what Sin City Wrestling is about. They could have send a couple of Jobbers into a match to open Climax Control 359 but they decided to blow the minds of the fans with our Dog Collar match. I can see their reasoning in this decision. Many in this area where we are wrestling have never been to a live wrestling event and they knew that the two of us in our Dog Collar match. . .well ME anyway. . .would give the fans an amazing and brutal match. What you are likely to accomplish in our match will be, at best, about half what I am going to accomplish in our match.
Bill laughs loudly.
Bill: Our match is not about wrestling by the rules. Our match is not about not violating the rules. Our match is not about going easy on your opponent. I mean, come on, Alexander, I could walk into our match and go easy on you but where is the fun for me in doing that? I could hold back and not bust you open and make you bleed by beating you with the chain attached to our dog collars but that’s not as shocking as your blood dripping down your body, onto the mat, and when I slap you around the ring your blood will fly into the faces of the fans and they will damn sure remember that. I could come into our match and just go for a pin on you for the win but that is boring for me and the fans. No, Alex, I am not going to go easy on you as I plan on beating you down, making you bleed, and making you beg the Referee to stop the match to end your pain. All your attempts to get out of the beating I have planned for you will fail. But, Alexander, I assure you that as brutal and vicious and unrelenting I will be in our Dog Collar match, while I am hurting you and making you bleed, that after you lose to me in our Dog Collar match, for the rest of your life whenever you are in the park taking a walk and someone there is walking their dog on a leash or chain attached to the collar around the neck of the dog you will have flashbacks of what I did to you in our match. Be ready for anything and everything from me in our match as I am not holding back.
Bill bursts out in very loud laughter and at that Bea steps up and informs the camera person they are done with broadcasting their comments on Bill’s upcoming match so the camera person calls into the Network and the Network tells them to cut their camera feed and they do so and our screen goes dark.
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