Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
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The very badly shot music video of the Queen hit song, "We Are The Champions" ends but the entertainment does not that's the close-up shot of the Troll sitting back in his worn out desk chairs, arms flapping about as he's in full celebratory mode…
The Troll: We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World!
The Troll falls back against his chair and is about to speak when all of the sudden…
Mom: (upstairs) OH MY GOD!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? IS THE CAT DYING!?!? GABRIEL! I THINK THE CAT'S CHOKING ON ANOTHER FUR BALL!!!
The Troll pulls off his headphones and calls out…
The Troll: It wasn't the cat, Ma! It was me!
A brief silence followed by….
Mom: You were choking on a fur ball?
The Troll: No, Ma…
Mom: What have I told you about safe sex!?
The Troll: Ma…!
Mom: You know we had this talk! You boys are supposed to use something called a dental dam!
The Troll: Ma.. !
Mom: I bought three gross of those suckers at Costco! I even shipped a case to that cute gay boy Carter!
The Troll: For God's sake, Ma!!!
Mom: I know, it was a little extravagant but nothing is too good for my little champion's friends!
The Troll runs a hand down his face and struggles to resume his show.
The Troll: Hey yo, it’s your boy The Troll! And I'm willing to bet you heard THAT…!
He jets a thumb upstairs to indicate his mom. He then looks around to ensure there are no witnesses or hidden cameras and then he leaves closer to his own camera and cups a hand around his mouth to stage whisper.
The Troll: How could you not? But you heard what she called me, right?
The Troll reaches off the camera, grunting, then sits back and is holding the gold and jewel encrusted Troll Championship belt close to his upper body. He jets a thumb toward himself RVD style
The Troll: That's right! Your boy The Troll is what so many of these other pretenders wish they were! A champion! S fighting champion! A defending champion! You know, UNLIKE that joke of a so-called World Heavyweight Champion, J2H! Who does he defend his title against? Little Miss Priss aka Helluva Bottom Carter!
The Troll rolls his eyes.
The Troll: And in my first match as champion, who do they have me up against? Some clown named … wait… this can't be right.
The Troll picks up an SCW contract for a closer look, then types furiously on his keyboard. He adjusts his glasses and leans in for a better look see. He finally sits back, flabbergasted.
The Troll: Rodrigo Afonso???
He frowns and looks confused.
The Troll: The guy from the Fresh Prince is my opponent!? When did HE start wrestling!?
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**THUD! THUD! THUD!**
Mom: GABRIEL!!
That unmistakable sound. The unforgettable voice. The Troll pulls aside the earphone once again.
The Troll: Yes, Ma!?
Mom: Are you talking to your little friends!? Make sure you say hello for me!
The Troll: They're not my friends, Ma! They're my followers!
Mom: Oh well la dee dah Mister Big Shot! Your followers! Who are you? The second coming of Moses!?
The Troll: I told them you said hello!
Mom: Aww! That's my good boy! Did you tell them the good news?
The Troll: WHAT good news??
Mom: That I'm going to Mexico with my little boy! I just can't wait to see my little champion win!
The Troll: Oh THAT good news! I…
He does a double take.
The Troll: Wait, Ma! You can't go to Mexico!
Mom: Why not!? Are you embarrassed of your mother!?
The Troll: Of course not Ma! But you know how bad your IBS is! You can't even eat at Taco Bell without spending the night on the John!
Mom: Now don't you worry about me! That nice gay boy Miles sent me a big bottle of those Stop You Up tablets! Mommy will be alright!
The Troll: Ohhh! Swell! That's just…
He looks back down and right into the camera and gives it (Miles) the bird!