The Five Stages of Grief
Part 1
Tuesday February 16th
DENIAL
Today is the day that O’Malley and Darcy have been waiting a month and a half for. Well, one of the days. Given the fact that they were granted full custody of Owen recently and he was now living with them where he should be, this is the second day they’ve been looking forward to. Ever since Darcy had revealed the news to O’Malley that she was pregnant, they simply couldn’t wait to find out if they were giving Owen a baby brother or sister.
They were tempted to wait until the baby was born to find out the gender, but coupled with their own excitement was Owen’s as well. He didn’t seem to care either way, but he begged them to find out. And far be it from them to turn him down for anything he asked for right now. So today is finally the day of her twenty week ultrasound where they will hopefully find out what they are having. Of course, there’s always the slight possibility that the baby would refuse to cooperate, but they were hoping that wouldn't be the case.
They had arrived at the doctor’s office with plenty of time to spare before their appointment, but as can be the case with any OB visits, their appointment is now running behind while they wait for Darcy’s doctor. O’Malley’s leg is bouncing up and down as he looks around the waiting room. Darcy is flipping through a magazine trying to ignore her husband’s anxious behavior, but it becomes too much and she has to say something.
Darcy: Sweetie, would you please stop bouncing your leg like that? It’s driving me crazy.
O’Malley: Oh. Sorry, love. I didn’t realize I was doin’ that.
His leg finally goes still and Darcy cracks a smile. She glances at him from the corner of her eye and shakes her head.
Darcy: It’s a wonder how that is even possible. Why are you so anxious?
O’Malley: I can’t help it. I’ve never been to one of these appointments. Ye know I never had the chance before Owen was born. I dunno what to expect.
Darcy chuckles. She closes the magazine and returns it to the pile on the table next to her before turning to face O’Malley.
Darcy: They are fairly simple appointments. It’s nothing too invasive or that is going to cause me or the baby any harm. So just relax.
She takes his hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. He smiles and takes in a deep breath and then moves his other hand to her belly, which had a slight baby bump just beginning to form.
O’Malley: Still haven’t felt any kicks yet?
Darcy shakes her head, and for a moment she looks slightly concerned but shrugs it off.
Darcy: Not that I can tell, no. But I’ve heard that some women don’t feel anything until after twenty weeks, so I’d imagine I’ll feel something soon. Maybe placing your hand on my belly will entice the baby a bit to get kicking.
A strange look crosses O’Malley’s face, but before he has a chance to question anything, the door leading to the back examination rooms opens and a nurse appears with a chart in her hand.
Nurse: Darcy O’Malley?
At the sound of her name, she and O’Malley stand up and follow the nurse to the exam room. The nurse hands her a gown to change into and informs them the ultrasound tech will be in shortly, and the doctor shortly there after. They remain relatively quiet as Darcy changes into the gown then gets on to the exam table, pulling the drape over her legs. She looks to O’Malley and laughs when notices his leg is bouncing up and down again.
Darcy: O’Malley…
He looks up at her and her tilted head before looking down to his anxiously bouncing leg. He immediately stops and when he’s about to speak again, the door opens and the ultrasound tech, a strawberry blonde woman in her thirties, walks through the door.
Tech: Darcy? My name is Sarah and I’m going to perform your ultrasound today. Is this your first pregnancy?
Darcy: Technically, no. But I miscarried my first pregnancy about six years ago before I even had my first appointment.
Darcy leans back on the exam table as Sarah the tech prepares the equipment. Unsure of what else to do, O’Malley stays seated and just watches.
Tech: I’m very sorry to hear that. Your chart says you’re twenty weeks which is great. Anything concerns you have so far?
Darcy: I don’t think so. It seems to be advancing pretty well.
O’Malley: We haven’t felt the baby kick yet, though. Don’t other women feel movement sooner?
Tech: They can, yes. But each pregnancy is different. Once I do the ultrasound, the doctor will review everything and have a better idea. Alright, are you ready?
Darcy turns her head and looks at O’Malley. They each nod and Darcy smiles before turning back to face the tech as well as the ultrasound monitor. The tech squeezes some gel onto Darcy’s belly then places the ultrasound probe just over it. Everything goes quiet as she moves it around and they can see a clear image of the baby on the monitor. Darcy and O’Malley smile as they look at the image of their child, but what they don’t see is the now blank expression on the tech’s face. She moves the probe around a little more and then pulls it away, setting it down on a tray next to the monitor. Her silence immediately bothers O’Malley.
O’Malley: Is...is that it? Why are ye so quiet?
Darcy: Relax, sweetie. Let the woman do her job.
Tech: As I said earlier, I perform the ultrasound and then the doctor will come in to review everything and speak to you. He should be a few minutes.
She offers them a polite smile then turns and heads out of the room. O’Malley stands up and finally moves to Darcy’s side, still clearly bothered by how everything has gone so far. But he does his best to shake it off.
Darcy: I know this whole process is new to you. This stage of the pregnancy is even newer to me, too, but you have to relax. You’re really starting to make me anxious and I don’t need that right now.
O’Malley: Sorry, love. It just seems strange how that all went. Ye’d think she’d be able to say something.
Darcy: She’s just a technician. She’s not supposed to actually reveal any results or anything.
O’Malley scratches his head and does his best to believe her. Just as he is about to say something in response, the door opens again and the doctor walks in. He’s a middle aged gentleman with distinguished salt and pepper hair.
Doctor: Lovely to see you again, Darcy. I assume this is your husband?
O’Malley: Husband and father of the little one she’s carrying. Nice to meet ye, doc.
Darcy: You’ll have to forgive him in advance, Dr. Monroe. He was a little baffled that Sarah didn’t say anything a few minutes ago.
Dr. Monroe smiles and grabs the ultrasound probe. He squeezes a little bit more of the gel onto Darcy’s belly.
Dr. Monroe: Expectant fathers usually are. But let’s take a look at everything.
All eyes turn to the monitor as once again they are given a clear view of the baby. Dr. Monroe moves the probe around much in the same manner that the tech had done and this time, O’Malley looks at him and notices the look on his face.
O’Malley: What? What is it?
Darcy now looks towards Dr. Monroe, also noticing his expression. Dr. Monroe sighs but keeps his eyes focused on the monitor.
Dr. Monroe: Darcy, you said you hadn’t felt any movement from the baby yet, correct?
Darcy: No. Not yet, but Sarah said it wasn’t too concerning. Is something wrong?
Dr. Monroe: I’m afraid so. We both have studied every angle we could, but there’s no heartbeat. I’m very sorry.
Darcy and O’Malley quickly look at one another and then look to the monitor. O’Malley’s jaw drops and Darcy just stares, hoping to see something the doctor didn’t.
Darcy: What? Are...are you sure?
O’Malley: There’s gotta be some sort of mistake. Look again. Ye’ll find it. Ye have to find it.
Dr. Monroe puts the probe back down on the tray and shakes his head. Darcy is quickly becoming distraught as O’Malley shakes his head and Dr. Monroe looks at the both of them.
Dr. Monroe: I’m very sorry, Mr. O’Malley. But we’ve looked. Your baby has died. Due to the stage of pregnancy, we’ll need to schedule an induction for tomorrow to deliver—
O’Malley: Deliver?! Ye said the baby died! Why the—
Darcy squeezes his hand and he looks down at her. She shakes her head with tears in her eyes and just weeps and all O’Malley can do is lean down and comfort her as best he can. But it doesn’t feel like enough, as the confusion over the entire situation has his head spinning. None of it makes sense..
The Following Day…
The past twenty-four hours have been anything but easy on O’Malley and Darcy. What should have been a happy time in their lives has now turned to heartbreak as they are dealing with the loss of their unborn child. They had hoped to find out the gender, but ultimately found out the baby had no heartbeat and had died. And what made matters worse, at least for O’Malley, was that this wasn’t a situation where Darcy’s body would just lose the pregnancy naturally any longer. She was past that point and now had to go through labor and delivery.
Before leaving for the hospital, they had taken Owen to his grandparents for the next couple of days. He was curious as to what was going on, but they weren’t prepared to try and explain the situation just yet, so they put it off for a little while. Darcy would only be in the hospital overnight at least so they had some time to figure it out.
As for right now, they are currently in the process of waiting for the labor to progress. Darcy had been admitted and prepared and the medications were now being given through and IV to get the labor going. Darcy was anxious to get it over with, but judging by the look on O’Malley’s face, his mind was off in its own world. After a long silence, Darcy turns her attention to him.
Darcy: I can’t stand this silence anymore. Say something, please.
He quickly shakes his head and looks at her. Thankfully, she doesn’t look too uncomfortable yet.~/i>
O’Malley: None of this makes sense, Darc. They shouldn’t be inducin’ ye like this.
Darcy: It’s not supposed to make sense. Dr. Monroe said that this happens sometimes and they don’t have an answer for it. Our baby died and we’ll honestly never know why.
He shakes his head, stands up and walks over to her bedside. He places a hand on her belly, and continues shaking his head.
O’Malley: We need to get a second opinion. Our baby...she’s not dead, Darc. They need to stop yer labor.
Darcy: Please, stop. We’re not getting a second opinion because we don’t need to. I know I wanted to have a baby, but this just wasn’t meant to be. She’s gone, O’Malley. Our daughter is gone.
She sniffles and tears roll down her cheek. As difficult a situation as this is for her to face, she’s clearly doing a much better job at handling it than O’Malley. He refuses to take his hand away from her belly as he leans down and buries his head into her chest and sobs. She places her hand on his head and consoles him as best as she can.
Darcy: We’ll try again. It’ll take time, but we’ll give Owen a brother or sister. We’ll get through this…
He can’t even hear the words. He just weeps and fights through the denial in his mind.
ANGER
One Week Ago
It’s been a whole month now since the loss of O’Malley and Darcy’s unborn daughter. And they were doing the best that they could to move on from their tragedy and heartache. What made it easier, perhaps, was the fact that they had Owen to think about, and he has truly been the light in such a dark time for their family. Even though he was only going on six years old, he had managed to comfort them more than they thought possible.
After they had returned home from the hospital and O’Malley had picked Owen up from his grandparents’ house, then came the difficult task of breaking the news to Owen. He had been so excited about becoming a big brother, O’Malley just couldn’t figure out how to tell him what had happened. Amazingly though, Darcy knew just what to say and although Owen was sad and even slightly confused on the situation, he was familiar with loss and understood it to a degree. What shocked O’Malley was when his son had promised them that his mother would look after his baby sister in heaven, even if she was not the baby’s mother.
Those words have stuck with O’Malley since Owen had spoken them. As comforting as they should be, it had sent him down a path he hadn’t been in in quite some time. He could no longer deny that his daughter was gone; never given a chance at a life on earth. But his denial had quickly transitioned to anger that day. And not at Owen. Never at him. No, he was angry at the entire situation, and at the world. It simply wasn’t fair.
Everything was setting him off after that. People could see it on the episodes of Climax Control in the weeks following. But nobody, except Christian Underwood, knew why, because O’Malley couldn’t get himself to tell anyone what was going on in his personal life. Not now, anyway. He had been working so hard to get a World Heavyweight Championship shot against Kris Ryans, before he lost to Jack Washington of course, and he didn’t want those who hated him to use this against him. As awful as that sounds, he knew there would be those who would.
He needed to let off some steam. And right now, leading into the most important one-on-one match of his career, the only way he knew how was to train as much and as hard as possible. If anyone had questioned his aggression, he had the perfect excuse to use. He wouldn’t allow himself to fail again. Not this time. Not against Jack Washington.
Gabriel currently has him sparring in the ring against a fighter much like Jack’s build and fighting style. The younger fighter is giving O’Malley a run for his money, but as he starts to get O’Malley backed into a corner, refusing to let up, O’Malley’s blood starts to boil. And he has had enough. He quickly gets in one good shot against his opponent, enough to send him stumbling back and giving O’Malley the chance to take control. But what O’Malley does is completely lose it.
He grabs the kid by his head, spins him around and throws him into the corner turnbuckles. He begins unleashed a fury of powerful strikes and knee kicks and when the kid gets his hands up, signalling for a break, O’Malley refuses. He just keeps hitting him over and over, and harder and harder. He’s lost all control and Gabriel has to intervene.
Gabriel: O’Malley! He signalled for a break! Back off!
But O’Malley doesn’t respond. It’s like he hasn’t even heard Gabriel. Gabriel tries again, but O’Malley is just going nuts, and finally Gabriel and one of the others had to jump into the ring to pull O’Malley away. O’Malley lets out a furious growl, but his young opponent quickly darts through the ropes and Gabriel holds him back.
Gabriel: What the hell is wrong with you?! You were told to back off!
O’Malley: Oh c’mon! I wasn’t goin’ that hard on him!
Gabriel: It doesn’t matter if you think that. He put up the signal and I told you to back off. What is going on with you lately?
O’Malley doesn’t answer. He can’t. He just drops down to the mat and takes in a few deep breaths. Gabriel knows there is more going on than O’Malley is willing to tell, but he has to get to the bottom of it. If O’Malley wants to stand a chance at becoming the World Heavyweight Champion, he needs to work through whatever is going on.
Gabriel: Alright, everyone else go take a break. O’Malley you stay here. We’re gonna have a little chat.
O’Malley: Gabriel, I’m—
Gabriel: Don’t say you’re fine, because you’re not. Take a breather and once everyone clears out, we’re gonna talk.
O’Malley sighs but he stays put right where he is and does as he is told. It takes several moments but everyone else clears out of the training center and heads outside for some fresh air. Once everyone is out, Gabriel turns back around to face O’Malley. He folds his arms and leans back into the corner.
Gabriel: Alright, I haven’t said anything up until now, because I didn’t think much of it, but something is clearly going on.
O’Malley: Nothing is going on. I just let me determination get the best of me is all. Ye know how bad I want to win this.
Gabriel nods for a moment but he takes a step forward and drops his hands.
Gabriel: Yeah, I do. And I want you to win this one just as much, but doing stuff like you just did won’t do you any favors. All it will do is end up getting you disqualified and Jack keeps that belt. Trust me when I say that’s not something you want to deal with the fallout from.
O’Malley: I’m not gonna get disqualified. I’m not that stupid to do somethin’ like that in a match like this. I just got carried away.
Gabriel shakes his head as he stares down at O’Malley. O’Malley is trying so hard to keep it together, and no matter how much he denies it or tries to hide it, Gabriel can see right through it.
Gabriel: Seriously. What is it? Are you and Darcy fighting again or something? Is this about Owen?
O’Malley closes his eyes and shakes his head.
O’Malley: No, we’re not fightin’ again and this isn’t about Owen. This is about life constantly throwin’ shite at the both of us and me tryna figure out why.
Gabriel: Ok. You’ve lost me. Care to elaborate?
Gabriel raises an eyebrow and O’Malley looks up at him. He’a still fighting it, because he knew the kind of attention he would start getting from people.
Gabriel: If you don’t get it off your chest and talk about it, it’s only going to keep festering. You need to work—
O’Malley: Darcy lost the baby. A little girl. Our daughter.
He just blurted it out and felt the emotions building up yet again. Gabriel’s jaw nearly hit the floor and he took a step back, completely shocked at the news. And not only shocked, but heartbroken for him.
Gabriel: Damn. I…I don’t even know what to say.
O’Malley: Ye and me both, Gabriel. The past few weeks have been pure hell. At least for me.
Gabriel: Well now I know why. Why didn’t you take time off when all of this happened? No one would have blamed you.
O’Malley lets out a frustrated laugh and shakes his head.
O’Malley: I need to fight. And Darcy told me to keep fighting. Would ye believe she’s been stronger during all of this than I have? And she’s been amazing with Owen. All while I’m goin’ day to day pissed off at the world and questioning why this shite happened.
Gabriel: I honestly can’t even imagine being in your shoes right now, O’Malley. There’s no words. Which is why now I’m thinking this match is not a good idea. Even if Darcy told you to keep going, you need to grieve.
O’Malley looks up at Gabriel and again shakes his head. As rough as things are right now, he can’t walk away from this match. He needs to probe that even in the worst of times, he can rise above it all.
O’Malley: It’s too late to walk away from this match, Gabriel. And trust me, as fecked up as things are right now, when it all comes down to it, I’ll walk away as the new champ. I’m not gonna lose another match. I’m not gonna lose anything else right now.
Gabriel: I’m gonna be honest with ya, I’m not sure this is a good idea. You’re in a vulnerable place right now and if Jack Washington finds out about this, he might very well rip you apart.
O’Malley: Let him. It’ll just make him look like a dick anyway.
Gabriel shakes his head.
Gabriel: I don’t think you understand what I meant. I meant that if he finds out that you’re pushing forward with this instead of being at home with your wife and son at a time like this, he’ll use that against you. A lot of people might. It’s ultimately your decision, but you’ve gotta think about this.
O’Malley finally jumps back to his feet, gathering himself and taking in a few deep breaths.
O’Malley: Let them. The fact is that it’s no one’s business anyway. I’m dealing with this in me own way in me own time. I don’t give a shite what anyone thinks.
Gabriel: Well clearly there is no changing your mind. You know O and I will always have your back and if you and Darcy need anything, you let us know. As for right now, you’re done for the day. And actually, the rest of the week.
O’Malley’s eyes widen and he shakes his head.
O’Malley: What? Ye can’t be serious. I can’t take the rest of the week off. I need to be ready…
Gabriel: And you will be. You have all of next week to get ready before Blaze of Glory. We’ll figure out a game plan next week. No arguments. Go spend time with your family.
O’Malley gives Gabriel a pleading look, but Gabriel does not budge. He knows O’Malley needs a break, and while it should be longer under the circumstances, the rest of the week would have to do for now. O’Malley finally nods with a reluctant sigh.
O’Malley: Alright. Fine. Maybe yer right.
Gabriel: Of course I’m right. Now go take a shower and get out of here. And let Darcy know O and I will be thinking about her.
O’Malley: I will. But do me a favor. Don’t tell anyone else but Odette. I’ll let everyone else know when I’m ready.
Gabriel nods.
Gabriel: Of course. It’s not my business to tell.
O’Malley: Thanks.
O’Malley lets out one final sigh before he walks past Gabriel and exits the ring. He grabs his personal towel from off the bench before making his way to the men’s locker room to take a hot shower and then leave. While he was still angry over his grief, he now somehow felt better, if only for the moment. He would take the rest of the week as Gabriel suggested and prayed that he would somehow find clarity in all of this.
Prayed...that gave him an idea, and he knew what he had to do next. Where he had to go…
O’Malley has taken a few days and tried to take Gabriel’s advice. He returned home after his training session and spent time with Darcy and Owen, trying to keep his mind off of what they lost. There were times where he felt like it was working and that his anger just might ease up and he’ll make it through this, but all it took was him walking past what would have been his daughter’s nursery. The door was open just enough and he couldn’t avoid looking inside at the work he and Darcy had already begun in putting it together. And the anger started to build all over again.
It was at that moment that he knew he had to go to the place he thought of the other day. He had taken some time to think it over before committing to that decision but it had to be done. So he found a moment to step out of the house and make the drive. Owen was taking a nap, and O’Malley had told Darcy to take the opportunity to rest as well and he would be back by the time they were awake. She was curious as to where he was going, but chose not to question him given how hard she knew he was taking this latest loss.
He had been here once before. Several months ago, in fact. Inspiration had hit before his match against Brother David that led him to the Guardian Angel Cathedral then. He hadn’t returned since, but maybe now was the time to do so, he thought. He’d never been overly religious, but under the circumstances, maybe everything going on was a sign that this was what he needed.
He didn’t know for sure, but he had to give it a shot. Anything to help. Anything to try and dull the constant growing roar in the pit of his stomach that was quickly leading to him crashing and burning. After making the drive to the cathedral, he slowly walked inside, trying to calm his nerves before walking through the doors. His ever changing emotions were making him dizzy recently, and he closes his eyes as he steps through the door.
It was quiet, and the energy felt much like it had before. It was strange at first, but as he walked up the aisle, he felt like he made the right choice. Like this was exactly where he needed to be right now. He passed the confessional booth, because there was nothing he felt he needed to confess at the moment, so he made his way closer to the front of the cathedral and took a seat in the second row of pews.
It was strange being in this place all alone, but the quiet gave him time to reflect. He looked up at the statue of Jesus on the Cross hanging on the wall and just...stared at it. He studied it and waited for what seemed like an eternity for some sort of sign, or some kind of message. He finally closed his eyes and slowed his breathing as he sat in silence.
Until he heard the door open.
He tried not to let it distract him. It could be anyone walking through those doors, visiting the church for similar reasons he was. But the footsteps were getting closer, and whoever was there was walking up the aisle much like he had. They came to a stop near him, and O’Malley quietly hoped whoever it was would go away and leave him in peace.
Alistair: Fancy finding you here, Shane. I never knew you were the type to visit a church like this.
O’Malley’s eyes quickly shot open when his brother spoke to him. He turned his head and looked at him, cracking an amused smile and laughing. Of course he was here. What a coincidence that Alistair would be in the same church he was at this moment.
O’Malley: Of course. Of course yer here. I dunno how ye found me, but—
Alistair: Whoa, hold on a second. I had no idea you were here when I walked through those doors. I didn’t even come here looking for you, if I’m honest.
Alistair takes it upon himself to sit next to his brother without even being asked. O’Malley scoots over just a bit, putting some space between them and he stares at Alistair with a raised eyebrow.
O’Malley: Ye expect me to believe that? Shouldn’t yer skin be burning or something in here. Are ye even allowed in his church?
Alistair chuckles.
Alistair: What do you take me for? The devil? You’ll be happy to know my skin is not burning, and I’ve been here before. I was coming here for my confession, but when I saw you sitting up here all alone, something told me you needed some company.
O’Malley now laughs. He’s fairly sure they shouldn’t be talking in the church, but given there was no one else around, he saw no harm in it. But he still chose to keep his voice hushed if only out of respect.
O’Malley: Must be a long list of sins to confess. The priest must have a field day with what ye confess.
Alistair: I know I don’t exactly lead an orthodox lifestyle, Shane. I enjoy the company of both men and women, as well as various other so called sins. You might not have pegged me for the type of man to step foot in a church, but to each their own, right?
O’Malley: I suppose. I just find it...unusual. But what ye do with yer time is not my business anyway.
Alistair grins and looks forward. He folds his arms and he, too, studies Jesus on the Cross.
Alistair: Now isn’t exactly the time to talk about me, or my lifestyle, Shane. I wasn’t expecting you to be here, and considering you look like absolute hell, I’d say there is a very good reason for you being here.
O’Malley: No offense, but I don’t really want to sit here and talk about it. I was enjoying the silence before ye got here anyway.
Alistair: I thought we were past the hostility towards me? At least...I hoped we would be given I helped you get your son back.
O’Malley wanted to be angry at Alistair just then, but something stopped him. As quickly as the anger came, it disappeared just as fast but he still stared at Alistair curiously.
O’Malley: Ye know, I’ve been meaning to ask ye about that. What did ye say to him?
Alistair: That isn’t why you’re here, so quit avoiding. I know you haven’t been my biggest fan since we reunited, but I’m not so terrible that I can’t see when something is going on. You can talk to me. If not, I could always give Darcy a call…
That was enough to get a reaction from O’Malley. He narrowed his eyes quickly before turning his head away and letting himself calm down once again.
O’Malley: Just leave Darcy alone right now. She might be dealing with this better than I am, but—
Alistair: Dealing with what, exactly? Is Owen not taking to her?
O’Malley laughs and shakes his head.
O’Malley: Of course that is the first thought that crossed your mind, but no that’s not it. Owen has been great, and the two of them together have been wonderful.
Alistair: Then what is the problem?
O’Malley: I guess people are gonna have to find out sooner rather than later. I can’t put off the inevitable anymore. She lost the baby, Alistair. That’s why I’m here. Because the anger has been too much recently and I thought I’d find some answers here.
Much like Gabriel had, Alistair goes speechless. O’Malley looks forward again, still feeling at ease in the church, even though he had now told another person about his and Darcy’s loss. And not just any person, but his brother.
Alistair: I’m sorry to hear that, Shane.
O’Malley: I didn’t tell Gabriel this, but ye want to know what Owen said when we told him? Well...when Darcy told him, because I was a complete mess and didn’t know what the hell to say.
Alistair just looked at him, waiting for an answer without even speaking a word.
O’Malley: He said that Misty would take care of the baby in Heaven, even though she’s not her mommy. Seriously. My five and a half year old son had comforting words for us...How messed up is that?
Alistair: Sounds like an amazing kid. How did Darcy react to that?
O’Malley: Some people wouldn’t believe me if I told them but she actually told Owen she was hoping for exactly that. And that she wouldn’t trust anyone else to watch over our baby girl. How did I get so lucky to have a wife and son as amazing as them?
Alistair smiles and then pats O’Malley on the back.
Alistair: That’s the spirit, Shane. I’d say being here has helped you out, then?
O’Malley doesn’t respond. At least not right away. He closes his eyes, takes in a few slow breaths and then nods.
O’Malley: Ye know, I think it has.
Alistair: Good. Now, I think what ye need next is a drink. Alcoholic or non. Your choice, but it’s on me. What do you say? We can talk about anything at all you want or need to talk about.
O’Malley turns and looks at Alistair. Before today, he would have quickly shot down Alistair and refused to spend even another second with him. But he needed this. Alistair was family after all, and he needed to lean on family now more than ever, so something was telling him to accept his brother’s offer.
O’Malley: Alright. Ye’ve got a deal. I just need to call Darcy and let her know so she doesn’t worry.
Alistair: Fantastic.
The two then stand up and leave the pew. As they are walking back down the aisle and heading out of the church, a group of nuns is walking inside. One in particular, the youngest and perhaps newest member of the group, spots Alistair and stops in her tracks. She drops the bible in her hands and an audible thud echoes throughout the church. She hurries to pick it up, avoiding eye contact with Alistair as he and O'Malley pass her on their way out.
O’Malley: Oh for the love of...A nun, Alistair?! REALLY?!
Alistair: Oh if only you knew, Shane. If only you knew.
O’Malley: I don’t want to know. I really don’t.
Alistair chuckles some more as the two finally make their way out of the church and to their cars. They plan out a meeting spot, agreeing they’d meet each other there to continue their chat, before each gets into their cars and heads on their way.
Grief. The one part of life that no one wants to experience, but ultimately we all do at some point or another. Usually, grief is our response to the loss of someone close to us in our lives. Someone we had formed a bond with either throughout the span of years, or even a short amount of time. A family member. A friend. Hell even a beloved family member. We all grieve. I’m no stranger to that.
I’ve experienced more loss in recent years than perhaps anyone else watching can say they have. The amount of tears I’ve shed over the losses I’ve been dealt is immeasurable. But we all rate our grief on a different scale no matter what the circumstance is. Am I right? I can sit here and say that because I lost a wife and a child in the last six years that I know more about grief than anyone else, but who would I be to say that? What gives me the right?
We go through different stages, don’t we? When we lose someone we love that meant so much to us, we go through so many different emotions and it’s all a part of the process. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. There’s probably more, but those are the main ones. Ye know what I’m talkin’ about, Jack. Don’t ye? Ye’ve gone through yer own grieving process recently, and while we’re goin’ up against each other on Sunday at Blaze of Glory, I’m here to help ye.
Ye see, ye might not have lost someone that meant so much to ye, but ye’ve definitely lost something that did. And that something is the thing ye just won back a few weeks ago. The World Heavyweight Championship. Ye see, grief doesn’t just happen over the loss of a person. It can be anything. Anything at all. Even an inanimate object like a title belt. I didn’t realize it before, but after thinkin’ back on the past few months that Kris Ryans held the title, it became clearer and clearer.
First there was yer denial, Jack. It was probably the quickest phase, but it was there. Ye couldn’t believe that Kris actually defeated ye and took what ye thought was yer’s. It had to be a mistake, because ye were better than Kris and there was just no way that he could beat ye and become the new champion. Ye might not have spoken the words, but the look on yer face said enough. Ye just couldn’t believe that your time as champion was up. I get it, Jack. I really do.
And then...there was anger. Not at yerself, though. That anger shot out of ye and was directed at anyone ye could think of to blame fer losing the title. Mainly, that person was me. And yer still angry with me. Ye think that my involvement cost ye the title, even though Kris won fair and square. Ye were disqualified. I never laid a hand on ye, but the anger part of yer grief told ye it was me fault. Again, I understand. I don’t blame ye, Jack. The World Heavyweight Championship was a shining light in yer otherwise quiet life. Losing it wasn’t part of yer plan. Ye simply weren’t ready fer it.
Anger is probably the stage that lasts the longest. Trust me, I know all too well. And it comes in waves. Actually, now that I think about it, all the stages do. But the anger...it can be the most dangerous. Think about it, Jack. And as much as I’m willin’ to take the blame if that’s what ye really want, ye need to take a long look in the mirror and realize ye need to be angry with yerself.
Bargaining. Now there’s a phase that takes a lot out of ye. Ye were no longer denyin’ that ye lost the title, Jack. Ye knew it was gone and while yer anger was gone fer a moment, ye were beggin’ fer it to not be real. Ye were pleadin’ with whatever higher power ye look to fer it all to have been just a terrible nightmare that ye’ll wake up from. Almost like denial now that I think of it, but not quite the same. And perhaps in yer case, ye were beggin’ fer it to return to ye. To get back what ye lost. And ye made it a mission to do just that, right? I certainly would have.
But then came the depression. I’m sure ye won’t admit to goin’ through a depression, but deep down, I know ye did. Why else would ye have disappeared from SCW fer the time that ye did? Why else not say a word on social media and show the attitude ye’ve always had? So ye lost it. Big deal. It didn’t mean ye’d never get it back, obviously. That...that was the depression, Jack. The loss was just too much to handle at the time. The one thing that meant the most to ye, it was now gone. Of course ye’d fall into a dark place and mourn the loss of somethin’ so important to ye. There’s no shame in it, Jack. Really.
Like anger, depression can last a while. It can also be a dangerous phase to be in, Jack. Because if we don’t snap out of it, it can destroy us completely. It can be the hardest to overcome, but ye did it, Jack. Ye fought through it and finally moved on to beacon of hope in grief. Acceptance.
When we finally accept our loss, Jack, only then can we move on with our lives instead of dwelling on what could have been. What should have been. What we lost. That’s what ye did, Jack. Ye were stuck in such a dark place over losing what ye thought was what made ye who ye are or what made ye so great that ye started to lose yerself, Jack. But kudos to ye fer snappin’ out of it a lot quicker than I expected ye to. Ye got over the hurdles and accepted that it was gone, then set yer mind to gettin’ it back. Because at least with a title ye can get it back. It wasn’t as if ye lost a human being that once they’re gone, they ain’t ever comin’ back.
But I hate to break it to ye, Jack. Despite doin’ what ye set yer mind out to do and becomin’ a two time World Heavyweight champ, that accomplishment is gonna be very short lived, because on Sunday, I plan on takin’ me place at the top of the SCW mountain and bein’ what no one thinks I’ll ever do, or even thinks I deserve at all. Yer second reign is only as a placeholder, because me time as World Heavyweight Champion is quickly approaching, and there isn’t a damn thing ye can do about it.
I didn’t want to face ye, Jack. Maybe months ago I did, but this was supposed to be my chance at Kris Ryans. This was supposed to be when I finally got me hands on him one-on-one and proved that when I pinned him at Inception, it definitely counted. And if it was only a one pinfall match, well...he woulda lost that title a lot sooner. Don’t try and deny that, Jack, because it’s just a fact. And ye wanna know what else is a fact? That night...I was better than ye. And that is always gonna eat ye up inside.
But don’t worry, Jack. Losin’ one title doesn’t mean yer time is over. There are two other singles titles ye can go after, and maybe if ye find yerself a decent Bombshell to team with there’s always those mixed tag belts. Ye can still have your place in SCW greatness. Just not at the top. Ye’ll have to accept it bein’ beneath me, because I’m not acceptin’ another loss on Sunday. Victory is solely on me mind.
Just like ye before winnin’ the title back, Jack, I’ve had enough of losin’. At least the losses that I can prevent, and the losses in the ring? Those I can absolutely prevent so I’m doin’ everythin’ in me power to stay on the winnin’ track. Ye might not like it or even believe it, but I’ll make a believer out of ye on Sunday. Just like I’m gonna make believers out of everyone and anyone who doubts me now or has ever doubted me.
It’s me time, Jack. It’s me moment to shine, and the fight yer gonna experience from me will be like nothin’ ye’ve ever seen, Jack. And just know that when the final bell rings after all is said and done...the referee will be raisin’ me hand, Jack. And that title will be handed over to be as yer walkin’ backstage defeated again.
I hope yer ready to go through that grieving process all over again, Jack, because after Blaze of Glory it all begins again. At least I’m givin’ ye a fair warning, though.
See ye Sunday, fella! Oh, and shine up that belt fer me, will ye?
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